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Once again, Rainbow Dash enjoyed telling a story during Nightmare Night, spooking her friends. Now, everypony hope it was the last. Yet, Luna invites herself into the celebration and decides to narrate a tale about something utterly frightening...
Something that everypony shall fear forever.
[The Writing Lab - Contest]
[Nightmare Night Challenge]
[One-Shot]
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'Darkness
We live the Happiness in Darkness
This is the future and there's no return
To the land of Damnation'
Gothminister - Happiness in Darkness
3308215
So beautiful!
3308220 (NSFW)
operatorchan.org/vg/src/136543989268.gif
Helen Keller
Ragdoll Out
3308824
thanks for the comment
and for the fav', all my readers make my days!
3308825
Hey you're welcome. And thanks for the story it gave me a scare a little
3308837
Really?
Yay!
There's to sides to everything. Even comfort in the darkness and terror of the light...
3309358
eeyup!
My mind has been completely and utterly blown up, the ashes desintigrated.
THAT STORY WAS AWESOME!
3310336
Thanks for the kind comment!
3308222loooooooool
Definitely got the creepy factor, but I wasn't too scared. Maybe it needs to read to me.
and I'm not an editor.
Grammar mistakes? A few but I won't point them out since this isn't EQD
It was good! I like this Luna. She gets drunk off of candy and acts like a cheesy vampire.
3315929
Thank you for taking the time to read my OS.
I was fearing that Luna's behavior was not up to her "royal standards". The fact that she, yes you got exactly the word, got drunk off of sugar was the reason. But I was scared that people would judge me on that.
3315948
Thank you for pointing it out for me. I am going to enter!
3315952
You're welcome!
3310340anytime, bro. Anytime.
(read the reply button if you dont understand)
Well, not a bad story. It's certainly an interesting concept.
The only serious critique I have would be that your word choice is awkward in places, and your grammar needs some editing.
Good luck with your contest.
3318244
Thanks for the advice!
And now im going to become a Eosophob. (Eosophobia is a fear of dawn or daylight)
3319145
you're weeeelcome!
3319154
Sigh well at least i have a medical excuse now......
Enjoy your like and fave.
3319170
Thanks!
Review: Where would you hide?
I like the quirky intro.
I think, I would have like to seen some body language during Luna’s story. I’m curious: what is she doing, how are the others reacting to the story. with the second person narration, I feel like she would be rather animated. (Good use of second person here. Probably the only good use of it I have ever seen.)
[I’m at the halfway mark as I write this: I suspect Luna is recounting her first moments on the moon. Being a drama writer myself, I feel you’re missing moments to reflect on “present Luna” as she recants these memories. That said, I see the function of keeping us strictly in the story too; making us keep reading in order to find answers that might be given away otherwise.]
I like it. I like the idea you’re working with. I feel a little Lovecraft and Poe in your style. I’d encourage you to go read (or re-read them as I suspect you have read some already) something from each of them.
You have a solid style. I can find very little to pick at in your prose. Pacing and tension was your weak spot. I think if you focus on those you could be a very good horror writer.
You get the interesting idea award. I would really like to see you take the story Luna told, and really make a horror out of it.
3353041
Hi,
First, thanks for reading my work. I hope you’ll just read it completely before issuing a last review and grade for the contest.
Technically, it’s not a story about the first moment of Luna on the moon. If I shall sum up my “one-shot” idea, because it is not meant to be a longer story (It would be useless and unpleasant to read), it would be this:
This is the basic idea. It’s cocky I know and I may have failed my attempt to do so.
Pacing and tense are indeed among my weaknesses and I tend to blame it on not being a native speaker. However it’s just that I’m a bit lazy to take care of smoothing them.
I indeed read a lot Lovecraft but my intent was not summoning some Eldritch horrors to scare the reader. The goal is trying to give some chills to the reader while talking about the light. It’s an ordeal.
3355308
Having read all the stories and slept on it. I'm giving you second place. I also want to say how impressed I am that English is not your native language.
You have an interesting idea, and you present it poetically. I'm sorely tempted to use some of the imagery and concepts in a story of my own. (Art always gives me ideas for stories, and that's really the best compliment I can give anything.)
You mentioned that you didn't want to
, and I give you props for that. Real monsters are our own daemons. Not to mention that anticipation of a thing, is more powerful than the thing itself. Why do we fear the dark? Because we anticipate what is hiding from us. Why do we fear the light? Because we anticipate what other may see in us. (that's my take anyway)
You prose are solid, nothing I can comment on there. I feel like you are aware of your week spots in the narrative. Keep writing, keep reading. You'll get even better.
This was awesome! I'm glad I gave it a read, it was well worth it.
3371587
Thank you, and thanks for the fav'!
Now that is what I call a scary story.
3749258
Thanks!
I keep coming back to this story and re-reading it. It's just that awesome.
3929210
Thanks! :3
Is it wrong that her story makes me chuckle?
4050999
No, of course.
This story is a test and a project more than an attempt to fright the reader ;)
Now they'll be afraid of the darkness and the light. Hope you don't need them for any Equestria-saving stuff anytime soon.
I had to downvote this, pal. This "Luna" of yours is too OOC for my taste. Try another time.