• Member Since 6th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen September 5th



Two ponies walked across the equestrian wasteland. A mysterious mare behind a mask and an oversized stallion. They aren't there to be heroes, they don't want to make new friends, and they aren't trying to make the wasteland a better place. But just how easy is it to remain neutral in the wasteland?

(My first attempt at any form of pony fiction, and my first FoE sidestory, and the first bit of writing I've ever published. Here goes nothin'. Cover art credit to Sw1tchbl4de on deviantart, and a super awesome job it was!)

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 148 )

Keep it up:twilightsmile: The story is very good.

Just finished reading this and thought it was great. It was funny and pretty interesting. I can't wait for more of it. I think you got a good story here, just keep writing and you'll get even better.
Good luck with things.:twilightsmile:

I bet you I know what song she's gonna sing. Good so far :yay:


Thank ya very much, I hope I can keep up a good writing pace.


Thanks! And you're welcome to take a guess


That is entirely too catchy, maybe I will have to use that at some point!

Oh great it's Pinkie Pie and she is going to annoy Lumi so much. Good chapter again :yay:

Very good. :twilightsmile:

You better keep on this story, it's that good.:raritywink:


Thank yah, I don't plan to stop until I'm finished!

So they sold them to slavers? No better than slavers themselves. And she isn't a she? Weird. Good chapter again :yay:


If by 'they' you mean the raiders, then sort've. They didn't sell them to the slavers, it's a teamwork kinda thing. They don't know how to deal in ponies, they deal in firepower. They got the suits, and the slavers get the ponies, and everyone is happy. Except the ponies.

Huh. Wasn't particularlly thrilled going into the story as I'm not much for mercs. (That, and I'm kinda fringe audience for Fallout Equestria stories to begin with.)

Towards the end, I was amused by the dancing, praincing, seemingly-broken mare, and I feel the way the outro echos the intro is fitting. I'll gie another chapter or two a try. I'm kinda curious as to where the story goes.


Thank ya very much, I like to think I can weave interesting and amusing together without them clashing, and I do hope you enjoy the further chapters :twilightsmile:

Huh. o.o A curse. Interesting.

"Whatchoo doin' here, buyin' some new friends?"
Lawl. I (still) like her. She's loco in the coco.


Hehe, I'm so glad it's not just me who likes Abattoir, I get the feeling some of her quotes will be the most memorable.

Had been holding off on commenting on this chapter for about a week, wondering if I'd come up with something more interesting to say. Lumi is an obnoxious jerk. Which seems to be a recurring thing with merc protags in my experience. Deadshot Cherry Pie of New Pegas comes to mind, and I'm pretty sure I read at least one other, but I can't think of the character's name off of the top of my head. Maybe being forced to deal with more companions will eventually make her warm up and chill out. Or maybe not. Either way, at this point, I like pretty much all of her companions more than her, and see more of them / find out more about them.

Also, it helps that Abby and Girlybuck are equal parts fetish-fuel to making-me-laugh. Even if that's not exactly what they were designed for. But well, I kinda love to laugh.

I didn't really like Air Heart much at first either, but that's mainly because (s)he reminds me of Fluttershy thusfar, who I also don't care much for. Or maybe it's just the stuttering thing, which in turn reminds me of a brief appearance of a particularlly nervous guard character in Heroes who I didn't like for their stuttering. Dunno. Though I tend to like Fluttershy at her most unfluttershy-ist, so maybe I'll grow to like Air Heart in the same way. Or maybe I'll just grow to like them more in general once (s)he's had more time to do more things and settle in a bit.

I mean, like I said, I still kinda like Air Heart a bit. XD Party for how my mental imagery of the girlybuck looks, and partly because they also make a conveient catalyst for some silly/funny moments at this point.

Though, all of my preferences and favorings in stories aren't usually those that make much sense for FoE. XB So take all of my rambling feedback with a pinch of salt.


My first extra large reply, I'm so pleased :heart:

Lumi's jerkiness is very intentional at this point, she's perfectly happy being the least likable person in the room. Her new friends will have their work cut out for them if they want to warm her up.

I'm glad Air Heart is going over well, I wasn't sure how he'd be received, but I did know some parallels to Fluttershy would be drawn right away. You'll be happy to know his stuttering can probably be chalked up to 'first-week-on-the-ground' jitters.

Thanks again for reading, and for taking the time to comment so thoughtfully!

Oops. Almost missed that this chapter was posted. I'll have to come back to it in a day or two. Yay, Fic!

Woot, there we go. All read up.

The Crass Part that may or may not cause at least one WTF:
Not sure if I'd rather have Airhot or Abby bounce on my lap. Might be easier to convince Abby that it's a bizarre alien-world party game, but she'd also have a much easier time of murdering me if she wanted to, so uh... Though that whole strawberry syrup fetishism could totally be worked into something needlessly messy, sticky, tasty, and fun.
Hrm. Just add balloons everywhere, then it would legit be a party game. But then would be the question of justifying the destructive use of toys that are apparently uncommon in the wasteland for the sake of a game. I guess there's always cheater unicorn magic to work ways around that. But then Airheat would be like AAAA LOUD NOISES and then hide and probably not even play. Or be completely flipflop on that stance and be all about destroying them all because it's a harmless and fun relative display of power over something in his life that can neither attack back nor be considered an inequine crime against all living beings.

... My mind went some weird places during my lunch break today. Anyway, the best solution is clearly to just have both of them take one leg each and make stabbing or limb-ripping against the rules. And play catchy music.

Or something.

The usual Revel Retl Romp Silliness:
Also, yay, dress! PERPETUAL UPSKIRT. Or something. Well I guess if it's armored, it's gotta be protecting the haunches too, so I dunno. Still. Yay, ponyclothes!

The Skill note gave me a good chuckle, I was amused at the song bit with the pool table (which I suspected was a reference to something else, but didn't realize to what until after I Googled it just before writing this aside), the sheriff's spittake did get a snerking-smirk out of me, and generally Abattoir held my interest the most in this chapter. I was entertained, and probably wouldn't mind reading it again sometime.

Small typo?: "when sputtering" -> "went sputtering"


Typo noted and fix'd thanks!

The human brain does go strange places when you're hungry |3

What kind of armor Air Heart would get was something I had trouble figuring out, went through a lot of other ideas in that scene. Most of the protection is on the front though, so feel free to imagine back as upskirty as you want. The pool table bit was indeed a little reference to one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite musicals. And I feel proud that I was able to pull off such a seamless spittake. This chapter mainly was meant to be some entertaining interlude before the first actual job, so I'm glad it accomplished that.

3584880 I'm about to start a final, but here's some quick doodles I did between finals. ( Wasn't sure on manestyles.) http://sta.sh/0141snaa9zmj


Oh, that's awesome, thanks! The coat color on the top most Abattoir is closest to what I imagined, that neon chartreuse, and the mane on the bottom left is the most magenta, I think. As for the manestyle, they way I pictured it was a bit like a bowl cut, but with half of her head shaved away, a bit like this style from the game:

As for Air Heart, he's a bit more dark turquoise but otherwise great, and his mane can be any suitably long and swishy girly style.

Was re-reading the chapter. " I'm not going to tell you what it said though, because I don't feel like it." This still makes me snerk, though I'm not sure how well it would work as a joke if it happened again. Might make a convenient way to dodge having to repeat-narrate things which the reader only needs the newest details of, though. Or. Something.

I love that line too, but it's less about repeating something that's already been narrated, because it hadn't, it's more about how even if she wanted to tell you what the sign said, she couldn't.


I actually just came back to the page to note that I only just noticed the deflection of all written text throughout the chapter.(Currently at timestamp 42:40 / 54:29 of a Text to Speech mp3. Just a bit before the line "Looking for the home of a pony named Fiddlesticks".)

Anywho, now that I've actually read more than one chapter more than twice for the sake of entertainment and not analysis or information digging, I think I can safely file this fic under 'like it more than most' category.

Mission accomplished then! I'm glad it's still so well received, I'm about one third done with the next chapter.

Also speaking of text to speech, it could just be coincidentally similar icons, but you wouldn't possibly be the fellow behind that EquestriaTTS youtube, would ya?

Yay, future chapter! ^.^

And yes, I was doing EquestriaTtS on Youtube for a while, because it made it much easier for me to stream whatever TtS reading I was interested in to whichever computer I was at at the time. And then I posted the "Royal Pains" chapter of PH and was hit with a Copyright Claim from some TV company thing. Youtube killed my ability to upload over 20 minute videos, and pretty much made the channel unfeasible to keep going in its original form.

For a while I experimented with Tumblr... http://equestriatts.tumblr.com/ But it wasn't nearly as convenient. I still haven't really figured out how I plan to deal with it, but I can't take any kind of a legal battle in court, so there's no way I'm going to counter-claim on fanfiction.

Huh, small world, I stumbled on that channel a few months back, neat.

Anyway, I have heard that youtubes copyright reporting thingy is somewhat automated. I'd never heard of "Royal Pains" until a quick google just now, looks like some tv show, so you probably got automatically hit. I've never had to deal with any youtube silliness but I'm pretty sure a quick message would explain that your roboticly read fanfiction files about small horses has nothing to do with their tv show about a doctor in the hamptons.

Hiiiii there~ I'm mainly just checking in to ask how things are going and to say thanks for sharing your creative labor.

3808484 Yo yo, thanks for bein' interested in it in the first place. The new chapter is already officially the longest, and I'd say about halfway done. It's comin' along nicely, just gota keep focused and work on it every chance I can.

3808893 Okie doki loki! I'm looking forward to it. :D

More fleshed out comment coming later. Small tyop:

"Wow..." Air Hear was still catching his breath as he leaned to peer down the hole we'd made. "How do we open it?"

So, wasn't sure what I expected going into this, but I can say I was pleasantly surprised by what I found. Small party, rough and tumble mercs with mysterious backgrounds and personalities? How can you go wrong! So far, I'm loving it, but the crazy mare? She stole the chapter for me. :pinkiegasp:

"Her coat was an irritatingly vibrant yellowgreen, like the color a grape would be if it decided it wanted to be the sun." That is about the most delightfull description of a bad pallet I have ever read. Thank you for that! :pinkiehappy:

Also, I love ridiculous characters, so you get a ton of points in my book. :pinkiecrazy: I look forward to reading more of this

Lumi strikes me a being a ghoul, or at least something akin to it. Why else would she cover her face?

Abbey is by far the most entertaining character I've read in quite some time. Like, seriously. Putting the pipbuck on upside down, who does that?! Sad thing is I could still see her trying to pull off the heroic look like that. But cursed as well? Now I know she's going to be my favorite character.

Overall, I really like the concept of the story so far. Nice use of plot hooks and having to think back on past events in a different light always makes me enjoy a story. I think I'll stick with this story, so keep it up! :pinkiecrazy::heart:

Why is it that I think Crunch has a bit of a Crush on Abbey? :pinkiecrazy:

So! Everypony in the party is their own great enigma! So far it's fantastic, and I can't wait to read more. :pinkiehappy:

3862887 3863128 3863343

I do so love to hear people's thoughts on my work~ I like to think the first chapter starts off a bit misleading then curveballs right at the end, showing that Lumi's badass image is not as rock steady as she might think. And yes, I didn't think Lumi would know of the color chartreuse by name, so I had do think of a simpler way to convey that.

As to Lumi's condition, all I can say is "No comment"

I do think Abbey is my most favorite character to write too, I get to flex my comedy muscles, which I take great pride in. And I don't think it'd be that hard to make that mistake, PipBucks are pretty symmetrical

And Crunch is just entirely more laid back than Lumi, at least when the situation calls for it.

So, in closing, thanks for reading and leaving your comments! Also enigmas, enigmas everywhere!

Lumi is one hell of a mystery. Her thoughts make her out to not be a pony, but she is a unicorn. She heals by radiation, but doesn't follow normal ghoul physiology. Color me intrigued.

As for Air Heart, dancing? I guess he can dance if he wants to, his friends left him behind... (I killed the rest of the safety dance joke because nopony deserves to read that.) But as a character, a blank slate in an interesting way to go! It should be fun reading how he develops through the story. And as always, Abbey's antics were just a blast to read. Can't wait to read more! :pinkiehappy:

Well! Abbey's solution to prove Lumi is the same mare as from the radio was brilliant. That whole time I was thinking 'why would she ever believe two random ponies' then lightswitch! :pinkiecrazy:

"If you could find a dictionary that still had all its pages, and look up 'withering glare', you might find an image of the look I was giving him across the table." It's a funny reference to make for somepony who can't read! Though, I know people who make references to phrases they have no idea what they mean, so it fits for me.

Oooo! More foreboding talk about Lumi's condition! :pinkiecrazy: The speculation grows...

And yes, MoP dress for Air Heart, that's just perfect! :pinkiehappy::heart:

So much stuff happened this chapter! Not even sure what to think about. I guess I can do my best try at a off-of-the-top-of-my-head synapsis?
Once upon a time JOB TO DO! And then Abby was the best character on the show and Airheat nearly gets plowed but then Abby was so hot that she stole his lay, but then the guy with the twitchywants didn't get consent first so he got eated all up dead. hot. i mean the abby not the dying-horribly part. And then Airheart read lotsa lotsa books and then Crunch's Friend went and got shot but was OK somehow. So they must be a cyberpony. Or some other sciencemagicmysterycritter. OR A DIGITAL SIMULATION OF A PONY BORE BY A DUAL TALISMAN SPELLMATRIX CREATED IN CALIDONIA WITH HOOFINGTON IMPORTED GOODS TAINTED BY THE DEADMARE PROJECT OF whereverSecondWindtakesplace. And uh. Oh! And then Crunch was all chill and stuff and Airheat read a book and took the Lack of Fucks perk to help with his fear! And then HAPPY END.

Oh and there was a song at some point.

Seriously though, that's about the length of a Project Horizons chapter. XD 1h 57m 31s via Text to Speech. Lotsa neat things here and there, but I can't remember them all! Either way, was fun to see a new chapter. Thanks for sharing!

"Air Heart had been elected by majority vote (Me, Abattoir, Crunch, and Sword)" I'm betting Sword's vote carries more weigth then any of them...

Woo! Air Heart leaps into action... only to fall on his face! He'll get it one of these time, I'm sure! Oh, and at least he finally stood up to Lumi!

Lotta fun lore and stuff in this chapter, I liked it! Can't wait for the next chapter to find out just what grabbed Lumi, though I'm sure it's going to be a hell of a fight seeing as she dropped her sword. :pinkiegasp:


Abbey is secretly a genius, obviously! And I went through several other ideas of what to dress Air Heart in, but that one won out.

And of course, Sword is on the board of directors! And yes, it takes lots of practice to learn how to properly leap into action. And it looks like everyone is all around pleased with Air Heart's new found balls. (I know what I said)

This was my first major attempt at worldbuilding and lore and history so I was worried some of it wouldn't work or whatever, but I guess it's not too bad.


Lumi is obviously a dream created by The Matrix, and powered by hatred and socks! Or not.

I do not plan to make chapters that big in the future though, I foolishly thought this job would be a simple one and only take one chapter, so I kept it going. Around the time I hit 20k I realized that wasn't going to work, so now you get a long ass chapter and my first cliffhanger, huzza :yay:


Lumi is obviously a dream created by The Matrix, and powered by hatred and socks! Or not.

I kinda like assuming that was part of a game of Two Truths and a Lie.
- Scenario A: The Matrix Dream is a lie.
-- Lumi is powered by hatred and socks, an usual but entertaining combo that probably had more to do with an accident during creation. Maybe an attempt to create an artificial Windigo to fight on behalf of ponies during the war.

- Scenario B: The Hatred is a lie.
-- I suppose that would put project Windigo right out. The Matrix must have had some fast-food right before bed to have a dream like this. But the fiber content of the socks might assist with the auto-repair functionaty of the platform.

- Scenario C: The socks are a lie!
-- Batteries not included! I mean, I guess a Matrix dream powered by hate actually sorta-kinda makes sense, sorta. But then I start imagining Lumi is Xemnas and snicker


I'd never heard of that game until I looked it up just now

Socks are the best fuel source because they're a renewable resource! Also, I only watched my brother play the first two Kingdom Heart's games, so I don't actually remember much about them at all, was he the one who played the keytuar?

In other news I'm a short bit into the beginning of the new chapter, but I also finally got myself a copy of Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate. Hopefully I'll be able to resist playing for 12+ hours like I did with Monster Hunter Tri, otherwise it'll take years for the next chapter to come out :twilightblush:

3880171 I don't actually remember which members of Organization XIII played which instruments. XD I don't think It was Xemnas though.

Yay, videogames! I mean yeah, I'll kinda probably get antsy wating for chapter eventually, but it's really important for creative sorts to have some time to have a bit of fun now and then too. Gotta experience experiences to have experiences to want to share, right? ;p I hope you enjoy your game!

And yeah, I've only really only actually played Two Truths and a Lie twice as far as I can remember. Usually as an ice-breaker social activity at meetings and things.

I haven't yet finished reading the chapter, but I think I see a small error?
"I don't have house..." Missing 'a' between have an house.

Woo! Giant rock creatures, Abby ridiculousness, and an odd memory orb thing! A lot in this chapter to reflect on, but the questions I have I think will probably be answered by whatever is in that orb. Great chapter, and I can't wait for the next! :pinkiehappy::heart:


Thanks a lot, this chapter was tons of fun! And I think that depends on what your questions are, the orb might just add new ones :derpytongue2:

Huh. o.o I know I remember reading this one, but apparently I forgot to leave a comment. Guess I'll give it another go this week.

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