Nightrein
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Not bad, will continue to follow.
As admin of the Fallout Equestria group will I just say one thing... Welcome to the heard
2201454 Thank you very much!
Obligatory "Because we needed another one" comment here.
fluttershy.pl/moon/src/1359726938363.jpeg
2204127
2204183
Don´t mind him, he is just your generic Fo:E hater that can´t understand why Fo:E is so popular
Made some small edits and some good news! New chapter will be coming soon, so sorry for the wait! Read the Intro's Author's Note for more info!
2505620 Ahm... thanks?
Also, whilst I do intend to implement the Legion at some point, my character is not the Courier, so New Vegas as a city won't hold too much relevance, nor will Mr. House.
I realize several people, apparently yourself included, are anti-NV fanatics, but that's not my point of view. Sorry if that's a disappointment.
2512111
I think I understand what your concern is, and thank you for voicing it. I understand English isn't your first language, so I mean no offense when I say your messages are a little unclear. I've not been around in the FoE fandom as long as you apparently have, and I've not read too many of them myself. If a NV-centric theme is so horribly overused, then... whoops. It's a bit late for me to change everything now. And I realize that the sheer magnitude of how many fanfics like this create this ungodly number of Marejave's and what-have-you, but if mine gets lumped in with all the rest and doesn't coincide with the "canon" properties apparently set before my story... then I've made the horrible mistake of making a "non-canon" FoE fic. As far as I can tell, as of yet, there are a lot of highly unique qualities to my story that, barring unforeseen circumstances, should offset this apparently boring and generic opening.
I apologize if I misinterpreted your messages in any way, and thank you for the feedback. I hear that's a rare commodity around these parts.
Really liking this story so far.
Chapter 3. It's here. It's a thing. It's really, really delayed. But it's here at last.
well you could space the paragraphs so it's easier to but it's still good
Looks good, written well. I approve.
The one waving probably knows him somehow or another good chapter again
3149290
Thank you!
3155667
Thanks! I'm glad to see comments supporting the chapter; I was worried it would be received as some kind of filler.
I saw your thread and I know you feel so I think I'll check your story out
3784162
Thanks much!
just encountered the vault that had the people that suicided in new vegas, now im not sure whether i should continue in the game or wait for the next chapter
3852959
You can play ahead, don't let me stay you.
It shouldn't actually spoil much of anything from the next chapter.
3855138 heh, i actualy gave up exploring the place, not high enough in certain skills an ended up drowning a few times, curious as to what other fallout references your going to throw in
3784162 Same, though I already have a long reading list and stories to edit so it might take some time...
I have downloaded all of the chapters and i put all of them into an ebook that i made on my latpop! And i am going to read it tonight when i go to sleep!
Technology for the win -
This is rather awkward. Either "Glorious" should be it's own declaration, or it should be with the other two spoken words.
Capitalize the name.
Alright, you're overdoing it with the ellipsis. Most of those should be commas. Same goes for elsewhere in the fic.
Alright, that's some nice imagery right there. Of course, this being the wasteland, an angry butterfly can probably suck out your brains through your ear or something.
The New Vegas comparisons are getting to be really obvious here.
Pretty sure that's not the word you want. Unless they're some kind of efficiency experts. Maybe you were thinking afficionados?
No quotation marks, and "I's" should be "its".
Alright, generally, it's pretty good. The mystery of what's happening to Fuck (I'm calling him that from now on) is good, and I like Skydive and Crutches. That said, his thoughts are honestly a little too "game-y" for me; it feels like someone doing a free-writing process about playing a game, rather than someone living in the FOE universe. Having it set post-Gardens is good too IMO, but it does feel way too much like New Vegas, especially with Nightstalkers thrown in with no change. Your writing could use some technical polishing for spelling and grammar, but overall it's pretty good and certainly no worse than the original. Overall, I'd give it a 7/10; worth reading but in need of help.
3859096
Thanks much for the errors, I'll get on fixing them asap. I do/will start to veer away from NV-hugging asap. (not my best decision, I'm sure.)
This ... is not really descriptive. So many better ways to describe it as they grow closer, such as "growing larger as we closed the distance" or "slowly rising over the broken hills along the road".
Again, the dialog needs to be together. Nothing in there is a speaking word, and I don't think she's telling him in interpretive dance.
Truly, he's a hunka hunka burnin' love.
What kind of Wasteland wanderers would we be if we didn't?
Needs to be its own paragraph.
Starting here, every paragraph is double-indented for quite a ways.
Shouldn't his freaky body heat be setting it on fire? OK, it's metal, so warping it or otherwise ruining its condition?
This is a good example of a very passive sentence. As a general rule, if the primary verb is a "was ___" it's too passive. Something like "His skull shattered like glass under my unnatural strength." is both active, and shorter.
Because they're big dumb animals and this is a pony.
That sounds like they're a bunch of meth heads.
In the sense of Prometheus, or Lucifer?
Way to sound like a Nice Guy™. I hope this isn't indicative of the shipping involved.
*lay
He's not worth a bottle of water, the twit.
Nonsense! It's not stealing unless they catch you!
*town's, since he belongs to them. (Though personally I think they should trade him.)
Eh, no big loss. I usually try to make sure he's dead anyway.
2507915 I'm not a NV hater (I love the game) but I agree with Regolit - I hope future chapters do go further afield of the NV plotline. Not because I don't like it, but because fanfics that adhere closely to video game plots tend to be really fucking boring. The most interesting parts of this fic come from the interaction between Fuck (yes I'm still calling him that) and Sky, while the rest of it leans strongly towards, "*yawn* I've seen this before."
This feels like you accidentally a word.
One of the things I made sure to check for my own fic was terminology. Guns have magazines. Clips are used to put bullets into magazines. I blame Hollywood for the mix-up.
*to save
Much better than the last two chapters, or at least fewer mistakes I found.
3859380
)
Thanks for all you're doing, it's greatly appreciated. Would you mind sending these in PM's, however? If only to keep to comments section from being covered in mega posts like the one for Ch02. (in case my writing gets all bad again.
He's a pretty lousy merchant.
How? Either that doctor is hiding one hell of a powerful transmitter tower, or there's a series of repeater towers spread out?
*breathe
If you could control it, this would be a downside. Super-heating a raider's armor while he's wearing it would be awesome.
He's a pretty lousy merchant.
How? Either that doctor is hiding one hell of a powerful transmitter tower, or there's a series of repeater towers spread out?
*breathe
If you could control it, this would be a downside. Super-heating a raider's armor while he's wearing it would be awesome.
So ... he just got Random Encounter: Mormon Missionaries. Oooookay.
3859472 NEVAR! Mega* posts 4 life!
Ah, so now it's just a question of how and when Tamber is going to betray them.
Sounds like he's got something in common with Hired Gun.
*here (unless it's abnormally loud, I suppose)
*: Actual size may vary.
I'd suggest finding an editor who can regularly edit your work for you. There's a few grammatical errors and clunky sentences here and there. 'Sides that, I see nothing else wrong. The story is quite refreshing, actually.
Just to correct your description for this story, its the Marejave Desert (since the RL counterpart is called the Mojave)
4987780
thank you!
...how did I not notice that...
4988352 sorry for pointing it out, my attention to detail makes me see these things. But i'm glad to have helped.
4988359
No need to apologize, things like that are a blessing. If you happen across anything else, please let me know.
Nice Stable, though it does seem slightly familiar, only the method of choosing is different.
Also seems a little odd that this bunch of oddball geniuses and nobody came up with a method to defeat whatever the evil plan was behind the sacrificial room.
Also also, who does maintenance down there? Automated turrets don't maintain themselves, yanno. Parts wear out, corrosion sets in - all they'd really need to do is flood that part of the Stable and they'd be set. (I know, that wouldn't really fit the Fallout portion of our crossover, where nothing ever really wears out or breaks down, except the weapons and armor you use.)
5015169
As much as I dislike throwaway responses(Like this one is about to be): Arcanotech was hella advanced in wartime Equestria - specifically, it seems, in enchanted geodes. We have crystals and gems designed to purify water, emit lasers and/or plasma, and enable machines to lock onto targets. They're like hyper-advanced microchips. In all likelihood, there could be enchantments designed to prevent standard wear-and-tear on the machine. And that's all aside from the metal simply being immunized to rust, which probably wouldn't be too hard.
Plus: This is Stable-Tec. They always build to last. Who knows how Pip-bucks last through hell and high water like they do? They have their secrets.
5016876 Well, magic would (I imagine) make it easier to resist the implacable force of entropy, but it's one of the minor things about the Fallout universe that bug me.
Also it's amusing to think of one sociopathic pony who heads downstairs every year to give the turrets a tune-up and make sure they're working properly for the annual sacrifice.
2831316
Technically speaking, he IS heat proof armor. If you mean the bulletproof variety, yeah. Definitely some anti-heat, anti-bullet armor.
Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)