• Published 11th Sep 2013
  • 1,553 Views, 214 Comments

Keeper of the Crystal Heart - Cerulean Voice



An empire arises from the midst of a frozen wasteland. But how is this possible? A group of three young ones will unearth the secret. A sequel to These Flowers Never Bloom.

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Appendix of Characters (Alphabetical Order)

Princess Aura: A young unicorn filly, daughter of King Levitatus and Queen Portia, sister to Princess Platinum. Youngest member of the first self-declared royal family of Equestria. A filly of twelve years old, pink of coat and blonde of mane, curled, coat and mane later taking on a brilliant, crystalline sheen. Young protege and niece of Clover the Clever, bright of mind and sharp of intellect. Declared Crystal Princess and Keeper of the Crystal Heart by Lady Dimiourgia. Transformed into Crystal Princess Aura by the Crystal Heart. Later transformed into Alicorn Crystal Princess Aura by Lady Dimiourgia. Ruler of the Crystal Empire and wielder of the Crystal Pendant.

Blaze Stormbane: Middle-aged pegasus stallion. Husband of Dewdrop Spectrum, father of Cirrus and Cumulus. Coat of scarlet, mane and tail of silver.

Celestia: Firstborn daughter of Ilias and Rose, aged thirty-nine. Alicorn in appearance, in likeness to her father's creator. Able to communicate with nature, like her father. True, older sister to Luna. A mare of white coat and pink mane and tail. Obliterated in tandem with Luna, after the climactic battle with Morrow. Memory preserved and body refashioned within the mirror pool by Dimiourgia, to await the future resurrectors of harmony. Reborn from the mirror pool upon harmony’s re-establishment. Wielder of Honesty, Generosity and Loyalty, three out of six Elements of Harmony. Took up the role of Sun Shepherd after the battle with Queen Mantissia. Granted the title of Princess of Equestria in the wake of King Levitatus’ abdication.

Changelings: Race of shape-shifting succubi and incubi. Black of coat and fettered of wing. All are born male except for one female, who replaces the current Queen when her life ends.

Cirrus Spectrum: Pegasus colt, aged fifteen. Coat of cornflower blue and mane of silver, straight-styled, coat and mane later taking on a brilliant, crystalline sheen. Son of Blaze Stormbane and Dewdrop Spectrum, brother of Cumulus Stormbane. Erratically gifted at the art of cloud-bucking. Agile of flight, practical of thought. Adventurous of nature.

Clover “The Clever”: Unicorn mare, aged thirty. Purple of coat and evergreen of mane and tail. Three-leafed clover for a cutie mark. Sister to King Levitatus (by extension to Queen Portia), aunt to Princess Platinum and Princess Aura. Teacher and mentor to Princess Aura. Capable of powerful magic. Rational and logical of thought. Well-educated in history, culture, botany and practical magic. One of the founders of harmony.

Cumulus Stormbane: Pegasus stallion, aged eighteen. Eldest son of Blaze Stormbane and Dewdrop Spectrum, brother of Cirrus. Midnight blue of coat, silver of mane. Responsible of nature, ethical, family-orientated. Member of the lead cloud-bucker pegasi.

Dewdrop Spectrum: Middle-aged pegasus mare. Wife of Blaze Stormbane, Mother of Cirrus and Cumulus. Coat of sky blue, mane and tail of yellow.

Lady Dimiourgia ("dee-myoor-zha"): The omnipotent, all-seeing Creator, ageless. Created Ilias and Rose. Inhabits the realm of Elysium. Initially created the Everfree forest and all life within, before allowing Rose to take responsibility of the task. Created the sun and the moon, designating each to Ilias and Rose, respectively. Original creator and imprisoner of Vorjhan the Chaos. A tall mare-figure of pure white coat and auburn mane and tail. Alicorn in appearance. Eraser of all memories involving Ilias and Rose, at the request of Ilias upon his destruction. Guide to Aura, Valencia and Cirrus within the crystal mountain. Declared Princess Aura Keeper of the Crystal Heart and Crystal Princess. Eventually transformed Crystal Princess Aura into Alicorn Crystal Princess Aura upon her demonstration of the true understanding of all Elements of Harmony.

Edge Stalwart: Unicorn stallion, aged twenty-one. White of coat and gold of mane. Member of King Levitatus’ royal guard. Skilled in the arts of stealth and ambush. Horn sharper than other unicorns. Secret lover of Princess Platinum.

Elements of Harmony: Six powerful, magical artifacts containing the combined essence of harmony, consisting of Honesty, Generosity, Laughter, Loyalty, Kindness and Magic. Wielded by Celestia and Luna in the form of assorted regalia. Amplifiers of pre-existing values within each specific wielder.

Doctor Feathercross: Elderly pegasus stallion. Doctor and caretaker of all injured/laboured pegasi.

Free Spirit: Petrified unicorn stallion, relocated from the Everfree to the crystal mountain by Vorjhan the Chaos. Softened by Crystal Princess Aura. Coat of dark brown, mane and tail of two-toned yellow and gold. Age and fate currently unknown.

Hurricane: Middle-aged pegasus stallion, leader of the pegasus race, stationed in Cloudsdale. Boisterous of nature, motivational to his subordinates. One of the founders of harmony.

Ilias ("eye-lee-us"): The first stallion, father of all ponies, including Celestia but excluding Luna. Briefly alluded to by Lady Dimiourgia. Created into adulthood, lived a natural life of forty years. Husband and eternal partner of Rose, the corrupted. Able to control the sun, communicate with nature and feel disturbances in the Earth. Guardian spirit of the Everfree forest, existing solely to contain its uncontrollable growth began by Morrow. A stallion of grey coat, red mane and green eyes. Earth pony in appearance.

King Levitatus (“leh-vee-tae-tus”) (formerly known as Star Swirl): Firstborn son of Ilias and Rose, aged fifty-eight. Brother to Celestia, Luna and Clover the Clever. Husband of Queen Portia, father of Princess Platinum and Princess Aura. A powerful, elderly unicorn of chestnut coat and grey mane. First King and Grand Magus of Unitopia, following the downfall of the Everfree. Specialises in detection and release of magical potential from gifted unicorns. Said to have defeated a Karkinos in his prime years. Abdicated the throne after Alicorn Crystal Princess Aura's official coronation.

Luna: Daughter of Rose and Vorjhan the Chaos, aged twenty-one. True, younger sister to Celestia. Alicorn in appearance, in likeness to her mother's creator. Able to observe ponies' dreams, like her mother. Speculated to wield more powerful magic than Celestia. Contains a slight amount of corruption, courtesy of Vorjhan the Chaos. A mare of dark blue coat and blue mane and tail. Obliterated in tandem with Celestia, after the climactic battle with Morrow. Memory preserved and body refashioned within the mirror pool by Dimiourgia, to await the future resurrectors of harmony. Reborn from the mirror pool upon harmony’s re-establishment. Wielder of Laughter, Kindness and Magic, three out of six Elements of Harmony. Took up the role of Moon Shepherd after the battle with Queen Mantissia. Granted the title of Princess of Equestria in the wake of King Levitatus’ abdication.

Queen Mantissia (“man-tih-shia”): High Sovereign and mother of the changeling race. Age unknown but estimated at forty. Powerful succubus, capable of flawless deception. Black of coat, twisted of horn, fettered of wing and aqua-green of mane. Once loved by an un-named Earth pony, betrayed by said pony and twisted to the ways of malice and greed.

Mulberry: Earth pony, cousin to Valencia, aged twenty-four. Dark purple of coat and mane.

Princess Platinum: Young unicorn mare of nineteen years, firstborn daughter of King Levitatus and Queen Portia, niece of Clover and elder sister of Princess Aura. White of coat and blonde of mane, long and straight-styled. Eyes of verdant green. Lives a pampered lifestyle. A mare of grace and etiquette. One of the founders of harmony.

Rose: The first mare, mother of all ponies, including Celestia and Luna. Briefly alluded to by Lady Dimiourgia. Created into adulthood, lived a natural life of forty years. Wife and eternal partner of Ilias, the first stallion. Corrupted by Vorjhan the Chaos upon conceiving Luna. Able to control the moon, create nature and observe ponies' dreams. Now an evil spirit, doomed to forever attempt to expand the Everfree forest. Also goes by the names Morrow ("more-row"), Widower, Weaver of Dreams, Betrayer. A mare of white coat and tan mane and tail. Earth pony in appearance.

Starshine: Grandson of Ilias and Rose, nephew of Celestia and Luna. Aged thirty. Dreamed the first dreams about the corruptions of the forest, Morrow and Luna.

Queen Portia: Unicorn mare, aged forty-six. Wife of King Levitatus, Mother of Princess Platinum and Princess Aura. White of coat and silver of mane, curled. Eyes of hazel. The first unicorn to master the art of teleportation.

Valencia Orange: Earth pony mare, aged twenty-six. Cousin of Mulberry. Orange of coat and orange-blonde of mane, coat and mane later taking on a brilliant, crystalline sheen. Headstrong and sturdy. Physically strong, high level of endurance and stamina, fleet of hoof.

Vorjhan ("vore-jaan") the Chaos: An immensely powerful being made up of multiple other beings. Age unknown. Original creation of Dimiourgia. Imprisoned within the mirror pool for one thousand years, released unwittingly by Celestia. Father of Luna, by way of magical conception into Rose's womb. Possesses the power of chaos, allowing him to create, alter or mismatch anything he desires. Creator of all hybrid species including manticores, cockatrices, hydras, dragons, timberwolves, thestrals, changelings, griffons, carnivorous plants and the gargantuan ice annelid. Defeated and exiled from the Everfree forest by Morrow after her descent into madness and destruction. Creator of the crystal mountain and its trials, former possessor of the Crystal Heart.

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Comments ( 63 )

3568806
Hehe, I like your new format of review. Also, all cons fixed!
Good to have you back, buddy! :yay:

Comment posted by Cerulean Voice deleted Dec 4th, 2013

3587581
I hope this isn't a "bad" thing for you?
I actually took the idea of the Queen moving insanely fast from this section of text in the fic Upheaval: Reckoning:

“I see.” Celestia bent over the piles of weapons neatly stacked next to the dead bodies, then picked out a sword with her magic. The point had been shattered, but the rest of the weapon was still intact. “You have no respect for the mortals, Caro. As such, you do not belong here. I’m going to censure you now.” She grasped the sword with her mouth.
“Really?” Caro said with a chuckle. “I’d be worried if you still had your power, your highness. You used to be the princess of sunlight. Right now, you’re just the princess of ci-!”
Celestia took exactly two steps. Twilight, for some odd reason, felt compelled to count them. Two steps, then leaped. The next thing Twilight knew, Celestia was already standing in front of Caro Artifex, her head low and turned to her left. The sword she was holding was faintly bathed with golden light, which formed a blade-like shape past the sword’s metal, making it appear as a very long sword of radiance.
Twilight shook her head. A second passed before she remembered that she should breathe. The motion should be simple enough to understand. Princess Celestia had leapt towards Caro Artifex and slashed with her sunlight-enhanced sword. The simplicity belied the impressiveness in that move. Her mentor jumped such a great distance with no support from her wings. Not even with a running start. It happened so fast that nopony so much as winced at the killing blow.
Caro Artifex had not moved from her spot. She stared at Celestia, her mouth wide open and her eyes bulging. She looked down towards her chest.
Twilight also looked towards that spot. A clang resounded throughout the throne room as the lower half of Caro’s breastplate struck the floor. On the alicorn’s chest was an enormous cut, a blackened horizontal line that stretched from one shoulder to the other. No blood dripped from the wound. Instead, thin wisps of smoke escaped from it. Behind Caro, an enormous, crescent-shaped cut had sundered the stairs leading to Celestia’s throne.
Celestia spat the sword out. The light faded from the weapon as she let go. “When you get back, tell the Council of Elders that I will do the same to any alicorn who comes here with the same disregard for mortals as you have,” she said.
Bright light burst from Caro Artifex’s wound, her open mouth, and her eyes. She pitched forward, her knees buckling under her. By the time she struck the ground, she resembled nothing more than a burnt-out shell.

3587726
Con 1: Thanks for the catch! I wonder how I did that? Fixed. :derpytongue2:
Con 2: Um, whoops? That definitely wasn't my intention, it was just my attempt at making Celestia sound more regal/polite.
Con 3: I'll fix that too. Yay for edits!

I'm pleased that you continue to like my awesome characters :pinkiesmile:

3587826 Sorry you didn't like this one much. I was going for the whole Legend of Zelda feel with it. It does seem like Valencia's buff is pretty obvious, but really, I thought it was obvious that she'd receive one as soon as Cirrus got his. Wouldn't want her feeling left out now, would we? :trollestia:

Con 1: Fixed now :twilightsheepish:

Keep it up, buddy! You're doing great. I appreciate such dedication :scootangel:

3589492
Thanks so much for the review :pinkiesmile: I'm pleased that you mostly enjoyed it.

Luna mentions the Giant Ice Worm, despite the fact no one ever told her about it.

D'oh! :facehoof: where did you find that? I gotta fix it ASAP.

Valencia seemed awful quick to figure out the secret of the fruits.

I was going for the deduction skills there, but I may have overdone it a bit. A rewrite may be in order.

Changelings were drained of strength during the fight with Luna.

This was an attempt to make the main villain seem more evil in the sense that she will prey off even her own subjects/children to realise her ultimate goal. Maybe it didn't come off as awesome as I'd hoped, but that was my idea.

Grammar score out of 10: 9.99

Oh you :twilightblush: I assume that score is because you feel it impossible to give a perfect score, based on the fact that nobody's perfect and there might simply be something you missed? Jio does the same thing, that's why he only gives me 9's. Totally not trying to sound conceited here. Of course, now that you mention it, I did have a little bit of well-appreciated grammar assistance. Frederick The Saiyan enlightened me on my abhorrently blatant disregard for the rules of semicolons. Before he alerted me to the issue, I must have had at least 10 per chapter.

All in all, thanks for the mutual review. I'm pleased that you took your time, commented every now and then and came to a great conclusion. Thank you for pointing out my flaws and how I can improve. :twilightsmile:

Cheers,
Adren

P.S. Did you listen to any of the music littered throughout the story, perchance? It's non-essential of course, but it could largely be attributed to my inspirations.

P.P.S. Thanks for the favourite!

3607476
Then I have done at least one thing right in this story :ajsmug:

3613932
Mmmm, feedback: my greatest ally in the world of writing development.
:rainbowdetermined2:

3628850
You, sir, are an excellent human being. Thank you for being so deliciously thorough with your review, reactions and editing suggestions (which I shall be implementing shortly). My favourite reactions from you were the ones about the Crystal Heart's origin, as well as after the Queen's confession and backstory. They are the exact reactions I was hoping for from my readers upon reaching such a point.
I'll take your cons under consideration. Hopefully, my next story improves on these instances.
Thank you again for this outstanding review! :heart:

3645507
Whatever works for you, buddy! :twilightsmile:

What a great ending! (My semester ended, so I've finally gotten the chance to finish the story. :yay:) I especially liked the revelation of Mantissia's past and Aura's clever sentence upon the changelings. Aura really grew into a wonderful character, and it was a treat to see her act with such wisdom and mercy in dealing with her foes.

Anyway, you've done a fantastic job here. I hope you continue to write in the future, whether it's fanfiction or something else! :twilightsmile:

3660574
That you finally got around to completing this means so much to me. You've been with me for every step of my fanfiction journey, and it's your opinions that I value the most.
Thanks so much! :heart: I hope you enjoy your break.

I'm waiting on Equestria Daily now, to see if I can make it two from two with them. Oh gosh, I hope so. :rainbowdetermined2:
I'm also waiting on a few more reviews, but I know they will come eventually. Studying and finals have been kicking everyone's arses over the past 2 months. If you're curious, check out the review from my editor ChromeMyriad below your comment. I've never felt so accomplished after those praises. :twilightblush:

Here's hoping I can pull my head together and actually begin the third story sometime soon...

3672304
:yay: you're here! And this is your first review? Cool. I hope you do me, the story and yourself justice with it.
I'm glad you're getting this done, it means a lot to me. Couple things though:

Clover seemed a bit stale

Could you elaborate on that as to why you get that impression? Maybe offer a suggestion how to modify her a little?

the 's' in 'she' should have been capitalized.

Nope. In closing off dialogue, exclamation points and question marks are considered commas. So I'm correct there. :derpytongue2:
Keep going man! I want to see your reactions when you hit the sweet stuff :twilightsmile:

3673367 okay, after some thought i found why clover bothered me a bit, it may have just been so far in the story but at this juncture she seems more like a plot device for Aura than a character. Like, all i got from her personality is that she's Aura's aunt. though like i said, the story is still early on at this point so it's probably just me.

and oh, didn't know that, about the capitalization thing where they act as commas.

3679303
Fair enough assessment. I can understand why she feels like that, now I think about it. Don't worry, soon there'll be much more focus on her as a character as well :twilightsmile:

3688502

They had finally left the boundaries of the forest, but not without ease

D'oh! :facehoof: Thank you so much for pointing that out.

In regards to your question about Old Canterlot and New Canterlot: In this universe, they are one and the same. I can get away with this because of the "Alternate Universe" tag (now so conveniently forced by season four). In my mind, the three tribes' "new land of Equestria" that they found in Hearth's Warming Eve is simply the future site of Ponyville. I don't believe that "Equestria" was initially an all-encompassing name for all of the land, because that would mean there are other lands outside of Equestria that we haven't seen yet. Until such time as the show features any characters leaving the borders of Equestria, I just assume that was a temporary name for that particular patch of land, and was later used to include all known pony-inhabited areas in the name of unity.
As for the castle, I imagine every unicorn working together would have taken a matter of months to construct it, once they found the site that they wanted. Of course, I can assume that they quickly set up makeshift shelters for themselves somewhere in the meantime, while they constructed the city.

Don't you worry about Celestia and Luna's roles. They are highly important.

I can't wait to see your next reactions :pinkiegasp:

Thank Manes. :rainbowkiss:

369806 hope you enjoy it! :twilightsmile: let me know what you think when you finish it.

3720922
All of my :yay: :pinkiehappy:
I hope you truly enjoy this experience, my friend.

3735691
Yay, you're here! Glad you're enjoying it so far. :twilightsmile:
I went in and removed a lot of those superfluous commas; this was written even before you edited Flowers and hadn't been altered. I want you to know that I know how to use them properly now.
As for the timeline, yes this is pre-Equestrian times, before the rule of the Princesses or Discord.
Looking forward to more of your opinions/reactions! :yay:

3737290
Oh, you're really getting to the good stuff now!
The next three chapters will have you wondering what the hell happened...
A pity you think that Cumulus and Valencia have a good dynamic. I'll say no more.

3737325 GAH!!!!!:flutterrage: I must know! do you pair them up romantically or do you kill them both!? Or is it worse and they just drift apart without any fanfare? this is going to drive me crazy! You crafty, crafty genius!

3761725
Du-hu-huuuuuuuude, you know not what you do to me!

That is amazing and it also makes me headcanon over your alternate universe.

That was my very intention from the beginning, before season four came along and ripped open my universe's base foundations.
Oh my damn, that's a lotta pros! :pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy:
Things are about to get even more intense, mate. I'm so pleased that you've gotten back into reviewing this.
To answer your question about age: I never did specify how old Cirrus is, but I put him as about a 14/15yo colt. I'm sure I've addressed Aura's age at least once, but in case you forgot or I really didn't, she is the equivalent of a 12yo. With her instruction from Clover, though (which began at a very young age), she has the mental capacity of a 15/16yo, able to rationalise and be serious when needed, but still be inherently playful and curious.

Edit: I remember now that I only addressed her age in the appendix. Same with Cirrus.

This review is written on behalf of almighty HiddenUnderACouch. The word of the party is law. Oh, and also -

STOP! SPOILERS! LOTS AND LOTS OF SPOILERS!

The subject: The Keeper of the Krystal Crystal Heart.

Grammar: I liked the grammar. There are very few mistakes, so few, that I didn't find any. However, some sentence structures were a bit confusing, and I couldn't figure out their meaning, even with a dictionary and a translator. So 9/10.

Pros:
1. Very good and gripping plot (Ha-ha, shut up:twilightangry2:). I am a big fan of adventures and action movies, so this one was right up my alley. The story of three ponies of different races - an unicorn, earth pony and a pegasus, have to discover the secret of an ancient artifact and defeat the race of annoying bug ponies. That's a perfect set up to grab the chips and cola, sit down and read.

2. Great world building. I greatly enjoyed the world building in this fic. It makes the world, created by the author look unique, something, that I have never seen before. It sounds unique, it looks unique - it's a magical world of butterflies and overgrown bugs :trollestia:

3. Intense action scenes. Action, action and more action. The battles were intense and kept me on the edge of my seat, shouting at my screen: "Kill her! Kill her! Crush her tiny little head!" I mean: "What's gonna happen next? Man, so intense! Popcorn for me, NAOW!".

4. The feeling of presense. It's a unique topic of mine. I love stories, that make me feel like I'm there, surrounded by these characters, interacting with them in someway. I felt like I was in that world of yours, and I felt the urge to act when the threat was arising, and the need to celebrate when it was time to celebrate.

5. Some very, very interesting theories about the origin of the world and its creation. Some might even come into my headcanon! Very thought out and complete, I liked that.

Cons:

1. Characters. Yep. There is a severe problem with characters being interesting: for example while writing this review, I completely forgot what the names of two main characters. TWO! That's not the way to go. (And don't even think about saying that I just didn't read well. I remember Aura, because she was unique, I remember Mantissia, ebcause I developed a special feeling for her). It's fine when it's background characters - but when you forget what was the name of the two of the main characters, I do not consider that a good thing. The problem is that their personality is... how do I put it lightly... bland. The earth pony is a hard working gardener with a lot of courage and love in her heart. The pegasus (Cirrus, now I remember) is a young, hot headed, but loyal and strong in spirit. Those are the types of characters I have seen plenty of times, and they start to blend together. You see, when the character is considered the MAIN character you have to invoke

SENSATION, EMOTION
DEEP FEELING, TRUE DEVOTION
SUPREME LOVE, SUPREME HATE

If the character is the one moving the story onwards, I have to love him! I have to hate him! I have to feel for him! It really takes away from the overral perfection of the story when you realize that the only character you really cared about was little Aura. She was far too cute not to like.

2. Main villain (in the context). I put 'in the context' there because I feel a feeling that completely differs from what you intended.
It starts innocently. The changeling horde, with a greedy and prideful queen. A classic set up - they want to invade, because they want something (in this case, love) and they want it now, and free of charge! They attack, brutally and mercilessly, taking control of our heroes' homelands. No pity, no remorse, no fear! But our heroes will not back down, they will fight the villains and destroy them!

Everything goes just perfect. The villains act, making me hate them even more, because, heck, that's what I supposed to do. And you are very good at that - you really made me support our heroes, want them to be victorious. I was really on the good guys' side this time, which is a rare occurance. And then, suddenly, the main villain, Mantissia, reveals her backstory to Celestia.

And that is where everything falls apart. Shatters. Falls to pieces. I realize that I am supposed to feel sorry for her. But I can't.
I told you about the special feeling I had for Mantissia. And that feeling was hate. Utter, pure, SUPREME hate. You made a perfect set up for delicious retribution. With every last inch of my heart I prayed for her defeat and decapitation. But I don't get that. Instead, our heroes not only spare her life, but are even willing to forgive her! WHAT? WHY?

I found her backstory, which was supposed to make me feel sorry for her, but instead made me despise her even more, a not good enough excuse to forgive her. Her story of love with that farmer is heartwrenching in a wrong sense. A happy start, that then flows into a bad end, which was entirely her fault. She was the reason he threw her out. She clearly admitted that she took far too much love from him. So, after getting thrown out because of her actions, she kills him and decides to enslave the world. Some might argue that it's just her nature, but that point is not good enough reason. Animals kill humans because of the insticts, but nobody feels pity for them when they are finally hunt down and killed. Mantissia tried to provoke a reaction that you feel towards a kitten when it was beaten for scratching a man, when he interrupted it during feeding. But Mantissia is not a kitten. She's a cold blooded, hollow killer, that wants only to eat love, and the more, the better. She doesn't even care about the life of her own kin, she wants to rule that hard! She laughs at those she hurts, and turns a blind eye to the pleas of mercy. She hates ponies for something that is her fault, was that fault intentional or not, it doesn't matter. She's a cruel villain, and I do not regret saying that I hate her wholeheartedly.

That took a lot of time, huh? Well, why am I saying all of this? I can forgive the forgivable main characters - after all, the beauty of this story is in the unique world, and the mystery that surrounds it. But, I took great time to explain why I hated your villain because of the ending. Forgivness.

It was that only time when I got up from my chair and shouted at Aura - "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" It was that only time when I disagreed with this cutie. Mantissia earned her forgivness too easily. She didn't have anything to prove her point, except her backstory, which I already explained why it makes her case even worse. And, in the end, it made the ending feel... sour. I didn't feel happy, I felt angry and frustrated, because I considered the decision made by Aura to be incredibly poor. I wasn't satisfied.

Conclusion: What can I say in conclusion? This is a very, very good story. I liked it a lot. But every barrel of honey has to have its spoon of tar, and yours is the course you followed with your villain. But, that does not ruin the story in any way, shape or form. I am still greatly pleased with your story, and am definetily going to await the next chapter in this saga (because this is most surely not the end).

Final score:

9/10 :ajsmug:

3756239
Who in Tartarus is giving your reviews downvotes? :fluttershysad:
On that note, when will I see another special note from you? I miss you, buddy :fluttercry:

3821235
And me likey that you likey! :pinkiehappy:

Simply beautiful.:pinkiesad2:

*wipes tear*

3825605

Transform!

You've seen nothing yet...

3825822
This chapter alone has altered many headcanons.
Also, fixed!

3842024
So pleased you've enjoyed yourself! :pinkiehappy:
New cover art and sequel coming in future!

3872303
Woo! That's a whole lotta happy! :pinkiegasp:
Thanks so much, I guess you'll be sticking around for the next installment?

King Sombra will be appearing in this story, right?

3977107
Will you be disappointed if I say no? :fluttershysad:

3977113
That's upsetting.
He's planned for this one's sequel, though. I implore you to stick around, for it will make his eventual appearance that much more satisfying and meaningful.

“Your turn, Sunbutt.”

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mlponline.net/attachments/rd-laugh-gif.7533/

*Ahem*

Quite the enjoyable read. I liked this much better than (whichever version I read of) "These Flowers Never Bloom". However, one of the things you could work on is dialogue; it felt a bit off at times. Not so much to where it broke immersion, but enough to to where it was noticeable. It wasn't often, but it did happen, mostly while Valencia was talking (I think... maybe. I'd have to read the whole story over to find what I was talking about; serves me right for not writing it down somewhere).

Anyways. Overall: 9 out of 10

twilight.ponychan.net/chan/fic/src/130385067921.gif

3979722
Hmmm. Dialogue really isn't my strong point, is it?
Oh well, it's something to work on with my future stories, I guess :twilightsmile:
Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed this one. And thanks for Derpy-approved! :derpytongue2:

3979748

Hmmm. Dialogue really isn't my strong point, is it?

I would probably have to agree. It seems to me that dialogue is the weakest part of your overall impressive writing skill.

Oh well, it's something to work on with my future stories, I guess

But of course!

Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed this one. And thanks for Derpy-approved!

And finally, no problem. :twilightsmile:

3995839
Cliff-hangers are my specialty, my dear. :raritywink:
You'll keep liking it more and more with further exploration.

4000003
Next time, on Dra—I mean, Keeper of the Crystal Heart:

Okay, I know it's provided a significant amount of inspiration for this story, but I honestly didn't have this in mind when I wrote it at all:

So basically, seven powerful objects were used in order to resurrect someone who died fighting a powerful villain? Seems legit.

Glurk! Ah, that blasted review template is gone, I know why it's necessary but still...

I guess you can consider this my true review, not the formatted kind I've been giving each chapter, but my true feelings on this story as a whole.

In a word: Beautiful.

That's the only way I can describe it, I'm not saying it was without problems, but nothing is.

This story however, may just be my favourite piece of literature. I know it may sound like I'm overstating things but it's how I honestly feel.

A while back I told you that you were one of my favourite writers on the site, but now that I've finished this I need to correct that statement: You are my favourite writer.

Yep, with this one story you've supplanted Piers Anthony as my number 1.

I honestly am at a loss for words, I don't know how I'm supposed to do justice to this story.

I don't know how many times I was at a loss to find any errors in the story, some that I pointed out didn't even bother me to be honest.

And with that last chapter... I just couldn't contain myself to the AHA formatting any longer, I'd wanted to break from it for a while, but there was simply no way to express my gratitude in a set format.

I suppose that's the main thing though: I am grateful.

I am grateful to you for writing this, for allowing me to experience this. A story so powerful and well-written that my weeks-long hiatuses from it didn't even dent my enjoyment.

I don't think there's anything left to say so...

This is Jesse Wynne Knapman, signing off.

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I'm in as much awe as you claim to be right now. That is just amazing. Your favourite author?

I'm really beyond glad that you enjoyed it. Maybe the sequel can keep you coming back again?
My new and improved writing style awaits, if you're ready for it.

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6wsuukMAP1qc5ffho1_1280.png

With that, our AHA bond is completed. Thanks again for responding to my thread all that time ago.
:heart::rainbowdetermined2:

4000182 Oh I'm ready, in fact you could say...
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/077/988/my_body_is_ready.png

I'm sorry I took so long, but in my defense I'm a REALLY bad procrastinator. Who really needs to stop ignoring his most popular story, or maybe post something new. I don't even have an excuse, I accomplish nothing most days.:twilightoops:

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Thank you both for this so much, you really didn't have to and it means a lot that you'd step in like this.
Obviously, despite this being on EqD, I still have a ways to go, learning about the art of writing. I know that my characterisation needs improvement, especially my dialogue.
This is why I don't just leave AHA. I know I can always improve, even if I can regularly meet EqD, Royal Guard and Twilight's Library's standards.
To address two concerns:

1) This story is a sequel to my other story, These Flowers Never Bloom, which explains the entire genesis of this world. There is a very good reason why Dimiourgia (Fausticorn) features in this story. In fact, EqD don't normally allow stories featuring her at all, so you can trust that my inclusion of her is no light thing. It does carry weight. Also, the "abruptness" of this story and the apparent randomness of the princesses' situation comes from it being a sequel to Flowers, but I also have another story in the works which will aim to tie them together better: a bridge between them, if you will. Of course, I don't expect you to stick around for that.

2) I have focused more on the characterisation of the characters who will actually have a fairly significant impact on the story. If any of them fall flat, it's because they don't really do much in the grand scheme of things. I hate wasting words and being "overly-descriptive" (glad you appreciate that), if what I'm describing is not that significant. You'll see me ramp this up whenever it's actually important, though, like in a major setting.

Oh, about the southern accent? I wasn't really going for it. The world is far too young for different accents to really exist. So I'm glad you said something about it.

Thank you both for your comments, I really appreciate them. They're informative and I shall be taking note of + and - points. :yay:

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And yes, please do feel free to send me a pm at any time containing things that give you concerns. I welcome all feedback :twilightsmile:

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Dang, I must be doing something terribly wrong if you're legitimately getting bored. That really sucks because the rest of the story is actually pretty chockers full of action. Bear with me just a little longer? Tell me what's causing you to lose interest, please? Unless of course it's just that adventure fics aren't your forte.

Vorjhan. I dislike very, very much this additional lore being built into the story and only alluded to

Things would make much more sense to you if you'd read the first story. Of course, I never asked you to do so, and I don't expect you to either. It really is ideal, though, so there's not much I can do about that for you, unfortunately. :fluttershysad:

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Ta for this latest review. Cheers for that pickup on the "lets" and the random slash, I'll jump on those now. :twilightsheepish:

As for the action scene... In regards to Clover: imagine clocking your brain and your body into overdrive and trying to squeeze every last fragment of energy out of them. You could even liken what she's done akin to using nitrous oxide in a vehicle that's already at top gear and redlining. Something is gonna go. As you will no doubt realise when you begin the next chapter, this final teleportation of Clover's will have disastrous consequences to her. :pinkiegasp:

Now for Valencia... there's a single word I can use to justify her sudden burst of strength: adrenaline. That's pretty much what happened. Life/death situation? Run like hell. Don't have the energy? Make some! :rainbowdetermined2:

I'm glad to read that your treatments and examinations have gone well.:twilightsmile: I was beginning to get genuinely worried about you, and not just for my story.

4177124 cant wait to read it:pinkiehappy: once i've caught up a couple chapters on my storys i'll be back. Also I love the new art for it, did you do that your self? :twilightsmile:

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No, that was courtesy of my good friend The Dark Knight. Took four months, but it was so totally worth it! :raritystarry:

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