Part 1 Pinkie Vs. Van Nuys: Chapter 3 Dan Vs. Apologies
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 1 Pinkie vs. Van Nuys
Chapter 3 Dan Vs. Apologies
-ooooooo-
Pinkie bounded around her new, bright surroundings. “Oh, oh! What’s THIS?! Oh my gosh! What’s that?!” She dashed from place to place constantly slipping, tripping and all and all getting to know the ground quite well.
Dan followed the hyperactive young adult girl with his eyes but said nothing, a grumpy expression plastered on his face.
“Let’s see…” Chris said examining the menu, “two double third pound cheese meals, crazy sized, one with fries the other with onion rings, both with chocolate shakes, a double bacon cheese stuffed bacon burger, a regular third pound cheese meal, and two apple pies.”
“Hey, Chris; I thought you were supposed to put in her order as well,” Dan said snidely.
“It’s IN there!” Chris insisted.
Dan sighed, “One PLAIN burger, just MEAT and a bun. If I find cheese on it, your life is forfeit! Also, a medium sized cherry slushy.”
The bored looking cashier rung up everything. “That’ll be $32.73.”
Chris dug out his wallet and grabbed a few green bills.
Pinkie ran over, lost her footing for the dozenth time since she entered Burgerphile and crashed into the counter. She grabbed hold of the counter-top and slowly climbed her way up. “What’s that?” She asked, pointing at the green bills in Chris’s hands; almost losing her grip in the process.
“That, my dear statistic waiting to happen, is what we call money. You can use it to exchange for goods and services,” Dan answered.
Pinkie slowly climbed to her feet using the counter-top for balance, stuck out her tongue and put on an annoyed face, “I KNOW how money works! We just don’t use paper where I’m from.”
“Oh really?” Chris asked. “Where’s that? England?” he offered.
“They have paper money in Great Britain, you nit-wit,” Dan said with a mildly irritated tone.
“I thought they used pounds.”
“They have paper pounds!”
“A whole pound of paper? Well, that sounds inconvenient,” Pinkie added.
“I swear to God,” Dan turned his palms upward into frustrated claws and furrowed his brow, “it’s like you’re constantly trying to top yourself with the stupid things you say.”
Pinkie narrowed her eyes, her face framed by her currently wet and matted hair.
Alright, I know I just got here, and Dan probably saved me from certain doom…or worse…and I’m sure explaining everything to me can’t be that fun, but would it hurt Dan to be just a little less rude to me?!
“Are there paper Euro’s?” Chris asked.
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF MONEY THEY USE IN EUROPA!” Dan roared. “Do I LOOK like an astronomer!?”
“Sirs? Your order..?” the cashier asked.
“Oh right,” Chris looked at the money in his hand. “Shoot, I’m a bit short. Dan, could you…”
“No, and HOW DARE you even think of asking. Just take out her food from the order,” Dan said as he pointed his thumb at Pinkie. “Ketchup packets are enough for her.”
“Dan, there’s no need to pick on her so much.”
“Just figure it out Chris! You’re holding up the line!”
Chris scanned the restaurant, it was empty save the three of them and the small amount of staff behind the counter.
Meanwhile, Pinkie had started digging through her new, pink laptop-bag; dug out a similarly pink wallet which she recognized as roughly same in shape to the one Chris was holding. She opened it up, grinned, and pulled out a bill.
“Will this help?” Pinkie asked optimistically.
“Thanks, Pinkie, though that’s not quite...”
“That’s a one dollar bill, you idiot. Captain Feed Bags here is short at least five dollars.”
Pinkie looked back into her wallet and pulled out another bill, this one had a couple more zeros on it.
“Will this work?” She asked inquisitively.
Dan and Chris, once again, put on shocked expressions aimed in Pinkie’s direction.
“Ma’am, we can’t take any bills over a $50.”
“Oh! Okie-Dokie-Lokie!” Pinkie shoved the bills back and fetched a $50 bill and handed it to the cashier. The Cashier, held it up to the light, marked it with a pen, then opened up the register and put the bill inside.
Dan put on his best talking to a child voice. “Now the nice man is going to figure out the difference between what you gave him and what we owed and gi…”
“I KNOW HOW CHANGE WORKS, YOU CONDESCENDING JACK-@$#!” Pinkie screamed in Dan’s face.
Chris’s and Dan’s expressions turned surprised.
Dan took a couple steps back. His face contorted to one of anger to match Pinkie's and he and Pinkie closed the distance with each other leading with their red, angry faces.
Before either could say anything, or worse throw a punch, Chris put his hands on their shoulders and wedged his much larger body in between the two. “Hey! I have an idea. Pinkie, why don’t you dry yourself off in the restroom while Dan and I will find a booth for us.”
“Okie…Dokie…Lokie,” Pinkie said through gritted teeth. She spun, scanned her surroundings and located the sign that said 'RESTROOMS'. She grabbed her bag and stormed off with body language that showed that she was fuming. She tripped once on the way over, shot back up to her feet while maintain the same rigid, angry walk and arrived at the restroom doors. She glanced at the symbols as if pondering what they meant, glanced down at her own skirt, smiled, and then pushed her way into the woman’s restroom.
Dan and Chris watched the display as Pinkie entered the restroom then found a booth to sit in. Chris slid to the end of one side while Dan lounged in his side; occupying the entire seat.
“Dan, don’t you think you’re being just wee bit too hard on her?” Chris asked with a cocked eyebrow.
“ME!? She started it!” Dan insisted.
“Dan, you know that’s not true.”
Dan folded his arms looked away, and grumbled something incomprehensible.
“Maybe,” Chris continued, “you should apologize to her.”
“I don’t see why I…”
“She did pay for your meal.”
“She paid for yours, too.”
“Dan…”
“OKAY, OKAY, OKAY! I’ll try to be nicer to her,” Dan said, glancing away from Chris and holding his palms up in a frustrated manner.
“Aaaaaand..?”
Dan grumbled.
“Dan..?”
“I’ll apologize, OKAY!?” Dan said, shooting daggers in Chris’s direction with his eyes as best he could.
Chris sat back, satisfied.
“What is TAKING her so long?!”
“Dan, her clothes and her hair were completely drenched. It’ll probably take her awhile to get dried off,” Chris said in a somewhat chastising tone.
“She probably doesn't even know how to use the hand driers…” Dan grumbled.
Chris thought about this for a second and realized Dan was very likely right. He decided to change the subject, “I wonder why our food is taking so long.”
“Chris,” Dan began, mimicking his friends tone from a few second ago, “you ordered enough food to feed a third world nation. It’ll probably take what little staff is here a while to make it all. It’s what you get for being such a slovenly pig all the time.”
Chris sighed and glanced back at the restrooms.
It's going to be a loooong night.
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Huh...
Dan should be like "We saved her life from a mugger! And you are giving her a ride! The least she could do is show some gratitude and respect with a free meal!"
3188333 He probably would. I wonder when he will try to make another catapult.
Where did Pinkie learn such language?
Dat's racist, Pinkie.
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/0/07/Mule_wearing_shades_S3E04.png
Just a few minor changes.
I gave Dan another line, here. He had being a jerk-wad to Pinkie down pat, but I decided he need to throw a little more hate at Chris right at the end.
Pinkie ran over, "lot" her footing for the dozenth.
"lost."
4135494
Well... she's been attacked twice, transported across dimensions, and has taken a lot of mental and indirect physical abuse from Dan in a pretty sort period of time... So, she's a bit testing here.
Wow, Pinkie just exploded.
Heh, even Pinkie's niceness has its limits!
Ah ha! the restroom signs work!
I absolutely love Dan! You've made him exactly how I imagine him!
"“I KNOW HOW CHANGE WORKS, YOU CONDESCENDING JACK-@$#!”"
although I imagine Pinkie would use tamer swears than that, coming from Ponyville and all. 
I love this part.
4369647
Tis is pinkie we are talking about
4369647 I don't like that part -
if she would use those words at all it'd be nothing like that.. I think...
I guess I get through these so fast because of how they are just to entertaining
4350630
4135494 Ikr I honestly think Pinkie is far more patient than that...
4398313
She usually would be. Keep in mind she's been attacked, transported across dimensions, almost mugged with dark promises that worse was on the way, and then Dan (although he saved here) basically verbally attacked her at every given opportunity, not to mention the physical damage he managed to arrange.
Basically Dan's working her last nerve here but she already put up with quite a bit.
Revised? Why the f@ck not? Hohohoooooo!!!
No. I ain't stoppin'.
Let this be a lesson to you Dan: Don't fuck with Pinkie Pie
4666143 It's also another word for donkey. The first donkey she met was like that.
4666143 Pinkie has been infesternated with hyooman evil! The contagioplatinection has redundified her cortical ontoflections!
Now we know what led to "Cupcakes".
You... you know you can swear on the Internet, right?
4917521
But not on a kids show.
4918277 actually rembear that dan dose say crap alot in his show
5069542 But that is not a swear word.
Never have I read a fanfic where I am constantly smiling while I read. Amazing work!
I would be too. Pinkie, a badass? That's almost unheard of.
Too bad I killed off the only ones that disagree...
“I KNOW HOW CHANGE WORKS, YOU CONDESCENDING JACK-@$#!” Pinkie screamed in Dan’s face.
ok what the absolute hell was that all i know is while i've said that a thousond and one times it was funnie as fuck evey time and this time it was funnier than fuck
I love that one line. But Pinkie seems to be awfully nonchalant considereing she just got ripped from her own dimension. Does she know stuff we don't or will that be explained later on?...
Wooooah Pinkie, I know Dan is a dick but you're better than that! Although you have had a rough night... Eh, I'll let you off the hook.
Wow... Pinkie just got much cooler
5436429 dude I agree with you about pinkie being a total badass but you just got creepy.
Pinkie just got twenty percent cooler
Awesome work on this!
For the love of god, dude. Get a different ending to the chapters.
6436023 100 bucks says it's going to be "it's gonna be a looooong day" soon
Dayum, savage
savaaaage
maintain the same rigid
maintaining
Ahhh, I hope I manage to rein in this reread before 5 AM, I have work tomorrow.
*blink* *blink* Bursts out laughing.
Ok, and with that, I am now going to have to read the rest of this.
What's this, what's this? There's color everywhere, what's this? There's snowflakes in the air, what's this? I can't believe my eyes, I must be dreaming, wake up Jack, this isn't fair! What's this?
Well, you had that coming, Dan. It's what you get when your entire personality can be summed up as "angry dick".
4451719 Heh. Good times.
Oooh she cursed,momma hasbro gonna be maaaaad.....
What a long, strange trip it's been. I picked up Dan Vs. on Hulu like a week ago... partially based on seeing this fic awhile back and having no clue, at the time, who the hell Dan was. Various other things happened that led me to watching the show (including seeing the character elsewhere in that iconic shirt and going 'wait... where have I seen this guy...
), and now here I am reading this. Worth it.
For whatever reason, when Pinkie screamed at Dan here, I (in addition to laughing) thought 'Amer~ica... F*** YEAH!' ...I assume because after being here basically a few minutes she's already assimilated enough to scream profanity (albeit on the lighter side thereof) at a jerk who really has it coming. I didn't mind her outburst in the slightest, completely justified under the stress of the situation. If anything, Dan seems madder than usual; I feel like he had a soft spot for girls in the show, not that that ever worked out. Hortens, Becky Barber, Honey O'houlihan, etc... he was pretty polite to them all. Even he and Elise have their moments. *grabs popcorn* This promises to be, and I hate this word... epic....
Anywho, glad I made the weird, almost time loopy journey back to this fic after gaining the context to understand and appreciate it. Looking forward to what's to come, whatever it may be. 700k more words of this? D'aww.... Christmas started early.
7780224 You know what I don't understand? How Dan Vs. was on The Hub. Wasn't that a children's network?
7864889
In the words of Kyle's mom (South Park): "Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as they don't say any naughty words!"
That aside, me either, because I do believe you're right... but thankfully it was!
I've lost count of how many times I've read this story, and yet...
I only just now caught this joke. Very nice.
England is my city.