• Published 11th Sep 2013
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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga - Justice3442



Pinkie Pie finds herself adjusting to a new, hostile world, with a new hostile friend. Can they make it through this new misadventure together, or is it the universe that needs to watch out for them?

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Part 11 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Distractions: Chapter 93 Pinkie Vs. Amber

The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 11 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Distractions
Chapter 93 Pinkie Vs. Amber

-ooooooo-

Amber nervously took a sip out of her plain white mug as she continuously squeezed on a red ball in her right hand. The blond haired woman kept on telling herself that this was a good idea, that this was a chance to make amends with Dan and Chris, but something kept on telling her it wouldn’t be that easy.

Amber stared out into the empty classroom full of brown chairs with built in desks. She wore a light pink sweater over a white shirt, and a long, lavender skirt that hovered just a bit above her brown slip-ons. Her hair went halfway down her back and she wore red lipstick.

She took another sip of her chamomile tea, sighed to herself, and mauled over past events. So, Dan again… that pint-sized anger enabler might have been my greatest success given he defused a volatile situation… Amber sighed to herself. Of course, I was that situation… Chris, I only succeeded in pushing him to releasing his anger all at once, which was exactly what I was trying to avoid… And, of course he just had to direct all that anger at me. Amber grit her teeth. Turning the front of the school into a garbage dump… I can’t believe he’d go and litter all over the school of all places! Her face contorted into an angry sneer. What kind of maniac just goes and…

Amber took a deep breath, held her arms out to her sides, touched the tips of her middle fingers to her thumbs creating a circle on both hands and began to chant, “Step outside yourself… Step outside yourself… Step outside yourself…

Alright, that’s all behind me now… Amber assured herself. This is a chance to start fresh with Dan and Chris! I mean… Chris’s wife seemed happy I had achieved some sort of breakthrough with the two of them… And I at least have some idea of how they both work in stressful situations. That should help with talking to them about their current problems. Amber frowned. Still… having both of them attend sessions with me again… Amber breathed a calming sigh and leaned back in her chair. Sounds like Dan’s come a long way. I mean… a job, a girlfriend… though, sounds like the latter needs some work.

Pinkie Pie… I wonder what she’s like… I mean… she’s either got to be a saint or out of her mind to be with Dan. Uh… I guess like the latter sounds more likely. Still, it’ll be interesting to meet…

“ALRIGHT AMBER! SHOW YOURSELF!” A shrill voice called. “IT’S TIME TO FACE THE WRATH OF PINKIE PIE!”

Amber squeezed her ball hard enough that it slipped out of hand and bounced off into the empty classroom.

“…her.”

-ooo-

“You’re beautiful when you’re on the warpath,” Dan said with a grin. “Well, more beautiful…”

Awww, thanks!” Pinkie said as she smiled sweetly at Dan.

Amber cautiously poked her head out from her classroom and looked down the long hall full of lockers at Dan and Pinkie Pie.

“Uh… Hi Dan, it’s been a while…”

Dan simply nodded. “Hey, Amber. You’re looking well.”

“Uh, thanks,” Amber replied tentatively. “You know, I try to keep in sha…”

Pinkie leveled an accusatory index finger at Amber. “Don’t you get all chummy with him! You and I have unfinished business!”

“Uh, I don’t… I don’t even really know you…”

Pinkie quickly closed the distance between her and Amber. “I’m the girlfriend of the guy you tried to turn into your own personal little vengeance monkey!” Pinkie shrieked.

Amber held up her palms defensively as Pinkie walked right up to her and placed her index finger mere inches away from the blonde woman’s face.

“Uh… oh…” Amber stammered out. “ Well… I mean… I just…”

“You just ‘What?!’ You just used Dan without a second thought?! Took advantage of his situation and forced him to do your bidding because you had legal leverage over him!? Kept him in thrall because you didn’t have the guts to carry any of your vengeance schemes out yourself?! WHAT!?

“Pinkie!” Elise cried.

WHAT!?” Pinkie replied as she glanced behind her.

“Stop screaming at our couple’s counselor!” Elise commanded.

“Don’t listen to her, Pinkie!” Dan shouted. “Remember how she threatened to send me to prison if I didn’t perform every stupid task she had on her list.”

“Sorry, Elise!” Pinkie said. “But you’d do the same for Chris.”

Elise winced. “Sorry Amber, she’s right… you’re on your own here.”

“But, I…”

“NO BUTS!” Pinkie said shrilly as she turned back to Amber. “You tried to use extortion against my DAN!”

“Well, yes…” Amber admitted. “But I said it nicer…”

“DON’T PLAY THE INFLECTION GAME WITH ME, MISSY!” Pinkie shrieked. “I INVENTED THE INFLECTION GAME! And also Parcheesy!”

“Wait… what…?” Amber asked in confusion.

Pinkie grinned. “It’s a board game that’s played with real cheese!”

“Oh… uh… that’s… interesting…” Amber offered with a somewhat concerned smile.

“DON’T TRY TO GET FRIENDLY WITH ME! I’M STILL TICKED OFF AT YOU!”

Elise looked up at Chris. “See? I do good things too! I mean, I defended you when you got hit in the face with an Epee…”

“No one said you were a bad wife, Elise,” Chris replied.

“I did,” Dan chimed in. “Many times!”

Chris shot his friend a glare. “Not helping, Dan.”

“Hey! I sent the guy who hurt you to Guatemala!” Elise asserted.

“Yes, and I appreciate that,” Chris said. “It’s just that…”

Heh… Gagged, bound, and sent to another country! He could have died!” Elise said enthusiastically.

“Okay, wow… so that’s… kinda grim.” Chris said. “Anyhow, you just occasionally do things that many would consider completely reprehensible… Uh… to me specifically.”

“Reprehensible?!” Elise cried out.

“Also you didn’t help me against the lemonade stand gang until they destroyed our car…” Chris reminded. “So…”

“But they were just children!” Elise reminded. “I mean… okay… in hindsight they pushed me to the point where I was ready to get violent with them, but…”

“Yes, but getting my shins kicked by them wasn’t enough,” Chris reminded.

Elise puffed out her lower lip. “But…”

“Did we miss anything?” Ninja Dave asked as he walked up to the group with Becky, her hand still firmly grasping Dave’s hand.

Dan nodded in Pinkie’s direction. “Naw, Pinkie’s just getting warmed up,” he said as he continued to watch Pinkie berate Amber. Dan smiled and turned to Dave and Becky. “Elise is finally coming to the realization that she’s a completely horrible wife, though!” he said glancing at Elise with a smirk.

“Let’s not get extreme here,” Chris said.

“I AM NOT A HORRIBLE WIFE!” Elise cried.

Dan sighed and shook his head. “And you were making such progress.”

“Dan saved my life the day we met, you know!” Pinkie said to Amber.

“Uh, really?” Amber replied.

Pinkie nodded. “Yep! Saved me from a mugger!”

“Oh, wow,” Amber said in a tone of genuine surprise. “That must have been very brave of…”

“AND THAT NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF HE WAS IN PRISON!” Pinkie shrieked.

Amber grinned pensively. “Okay, but… I mean he was…”

“YOU ALMOST ASSISTED IN MURDER AGAINST ME! YOU WOULD HAVE RUINED NOT ONE, BUT TWO PEOPLE’S LIVES IF DAN REFUSED TO GO ON YOUR STUPID VENGEANCE RUNS!”

“Well… I mean… hindsight is 20/20, so that’s not exactly…”

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME IF DAN HADN’T SHOWED UP?!”

“Just hit her, already!” Dan cried.

Pinkie turned back towards Dan. “I dunno…” Pinkie causally motioned out to Amber. “I mean… she’s not putting up much of a fight…”

Amber smiled. “I’ve had years to get used to people screaming.”

“She’s being smug!” Dan insisted. “Hit her for that!”

Amber frowned and motioned to herself. “I’m not being smug!” she insisted. “I’ve just dealt with a lot of angry people.”

Pinkie frowned. “I’m not an angry person! You just used my boyfriend for your own personal gain and are kinda a horrible person.”

“Horrible person!” Amber exclaimed. “That’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?”

Pinkie cocked an eyebrow at Amber. “You string one of the people you’re supposed to be helping along doing the one thing he’s not supposed to be doing, against his will, under the threat of abusing your own power and sending him to prison,” Pinkie glanced at the ceiling and raised her palms in the air. “That’s pretty horrible.”

“I was dealing with my own anger issues!” Amber exclaimed.

“Hey, I get angry from time to time, too,” Pinkie said motioning to herself. “Especially now that I live here... but I managed to direct it against people who deserve it… mostly…”

“Don’t forget the time you beat up Debbie at the LARP,” Becky chimed in.

Pinkie sighed. “I haven’t.”

“Look, we’re all reasonable people here…” Amber said.

Dan and Pinkie exchanged glances, and turned back to Amber.

“Uh… define ‘reasonable’…” Dan said.

“You know… able to work through issues in a calm, respectful manner?” Amber said.

Preeety sure if that was true Dan and I wouldn’t be here,” Pinkie said.

Dan nodded.

Amber sighed. “Maybe we should just set this aside from now and get the session started.”

Dan frowned. “But I wanted to watch Pinkie thrash you!” he whined.

“Dan, she’s all wispy and willowy!” Pinkie exclaimed as she motioned to Amber. “It’d be like beating up a toddler.”

Dave and Becky chuckled.

“Ouch, dude.” Dave exclaimed.

Amber’s eye began to twitch. “Toddler?! Now I may not look like it, but I’m perfectly capable of defending myself!”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Really? ‘Cause you kinda look like you could be taken out by a strong breeze.”

Amber gritted her teeth and her body began to shake slightly. “Oh, I think you’ll find I’m much stronger than I look.”

Dan grinned wickedly as he watched Amber’s body language shift from calm and collected to seething.

Pinkie continued to give Amber a skeptical look. “Like… you can lift an gallon of milk unassisted strong? Or are you talking about some stupid inner strength? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure that’s just something physically weak people say to feel better about themselves.”

Amber’s eye twitched rapidly and one of the corners of her lips began to slowly drift upwards into an angry sneer.

Becky chuckled. “Ouch Pinkie, you don’t pull your punches, do you?”

Elise turned to Ninja Dave and Becky. “Why are you two encouraging this!?” she asked as she motioned out to Pinkie and Amber.

“Sorry,” Dave said, “it’s just... watching Dan and Pinkie is totally one of the most entertaining things either of us has seen.”

Becky nodded. “It’s like every moment with them is a hilarious car wreck about to happen!”

“Oooo! Oooo!” Pinkie exclaimed turning back to the group. “Like a clown car that collides with a truck full of cream pies!” she exclaimed.

Becky nodded. “Exactly!”

Dan rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I don’t know… Pinkie’s scenario needs more fire…”

“Alright, fine!” Amber exclaimed angrily. “You want to throw down?! Let’s do this!” she said as she raised her fists in front of her face.

Pinkie turned back to Amber and blinked. “Wait, seriously? I mean… maybe I should at least get a pair of boxing gloves… or like… tie pillows all over my body before doing this. I mean, that lily-white skin of yours has gotta bruise at the slightest-”

Amber erupted into an angry growl. “GRRRRRRRAAAAAH! Oh, that is IT! Come on, Cotton candy hair! Let’s do this!”

“Uh, well, okay!” Pinkie said cheerfully as she raised her fists. “It’ll make Dan happy at least.”

Dan smiled. “It really will!”

“Uh, Amber,” Chris said, “you really don’t want to do this…”

“Oh, I think I do,” Amber said with a slightly mad grin.

Elise knitted her brow. “Uh, Pinkie might not look like it, but she’s not the kind of person you want to be in a fight with.”

“Oh yeah?” Amber said. “Well, I’ve got a few surprises of my own.” Amber’s grin widened. “It’s time I put my Tae Bo to use!”

Elise rolled her eyes and sighed. “I warned you…”

Amber narrowed her eyes at Pinkie. “Go ahead, Curly… make my da-”

Amber caught a quick flash of movement, and then everything went dark.

*Roughly 10 seconds later*

“OW! OW! THAT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY! Amber cried as she laid on her stomach with Pinkie straddling her back, facing the opposite direction, and holding one of Amber’s legs in her hands.

Pinkie giggled. “Hehehe… Now say ‘uncle’!”

“No… wait…” Amber uttered out. “I’m not beat yet…” She strained against Pinkie’s hold.

Pinkie bent Amber’s leg slightly and it made a somewhat sickly ‘Click’ sound.

AHHHH!” Amber cried.

“Uh, Pinkie?” Elise said. “I think that’s enough.”

Dan shrugged. “I can stand to watch a bit more…”

U…uncle!” Amber uttered painfully.

Pinkie nodded. “Good!” she said with a smile. “Now say… Olly-olly-oxen-free~!”

A painful grunt escaped Amber’s mouth. “GurrraaaOlly… olly… oxen-free…

Pinkie hummed thoughtfully. “Hmmm… What else?”

“Make her say the pledge of allegiance!” Dan said with a wicked grin.

“Oh, good one!” Becky said.

Amber gritted her teeth. “I… pa… pledge allegiance…”

Elise turned to Becky and Ninja Dave. “Why are you two encouraging them?!” she demanded. “You two were supposed to help Chris and I keep these two in line, not become their personal audience slash fan club!”

Dave shrugged. “I guess as an ex-ninja there’s something about the vendetta here that I totally get.”

“You let go of the feud with me easily enough!” Elise reminded.

“Yeah, but one of us was supposed to kill the other one,” Dave said. “Pinkie’s not going to do that.”

“One N-OWCH-ion…” Amber continued.

“Probably…” Dave qualified.

“Besides,” Becky said, “she kinda brought this on herself between the whole Dan extortion and then deciding she wanted a fight with Pinkie…”

“…for… for all…” Amber concluded. Her face had turned red at this point and she began hitting the linoleum tiled floor with her fist.

“Hmmm… what else…?” Pinkie pondered as she tapped an index finger against her chin.

“Uh… maybe she could say she’s sorry for what she did to Dan?” Chris suggested.

“OH! That’s a great idea!” Pinkie replied as she looked back at Chris. She returned her focus to Amber. “Say you’re sorry!”

Amber focused through the pain in her leg. “I’m… uhg… sorry…”

Pinkie looked at Dan.

Dan folded his arms and raised his shoulders in a shrug. “I’m not convinced.”

“You heard the man,” Pinkie said turning back to Amber.

Amber took a long, deep breath. “Huuuuuuff… I’m sorry I used you for my own personal vengeance schemes… Huuuuuuff… It was a horrible abuse of my power as anger management counselor… Huuuuuuff… I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and we can start fresh.” Amber put on a pained smile.

Dan shrugged. “Eh, it’ll do for now,” Dan said.

Pinkie smiled and let go of Amber’s leg, quickly raising back to her feet.

Amber got up into a sitting position and stretched out the leg she had just gotten back from Pinkie’s leg lock. “Ow, ow, ow, ow…” she uttered as she rubbed her fingers over it.

Dan reached for Pinkie’s hand. “I love it when you inflict violence on my behalf.”

Pinkie giggled. “Hehe… Yeah…?

Dan grinned mischievously. “Oh yes, it’s actually quite the turn on…”

Pinkie’s lips parted into a grin that matched Dan’s. “You don’t say…”

Dan chuckled. “Heh… I do say, in fact, I think I remember where the bathrooms are, and…”

“DAN! This is a school!” Chris said in a tone that was half alarmed, half chastising.

“Well, it’s not like the kids are HERE at the moment!” Dan countered.

“Dan! Pinkie!” Elise cried in a tone that was half chastising, and the other half also chastising. “This is exactly one of the behaviors we’re trying to address.”

Pinkie’s face flushed red. “Oh… right…” she said sheepishly.

“I’d rather undress it,” Dan said with a smirk.

Pinkie pursed her lips. “Wait, Dan punned. Now I’m conflicted…”

“Pinkie!” Elise said forcefully.

“What!?” Pinkie replied.

“Can we at least make an agreement to avoid this sort of behavior where children congregate?”

“Uh… that’s fair,” Pinkie said.

Dan shot a glare at Elise. “Thanks Elise! You just had to meddle in our love life!”

“Hey, I’ve helped you two plenty of times in that department!” Elise countered.

Dan furrowed his brow at Elise. “So!? Doesn’t mean you have some sort of right to micro-manage Pinkie’s and my time together.”

“OH my GOSH!” Elise exclaimed. “I am NOT micro-managing your relationship!”

Dan smirked. “You spend more time fussing over Pinkie and my relationship than you do your own.”

“I DO NOT!” Elise turned to Chris. “Tell him that I don’t.”

“Uh… I rather not get involved…” Chris said sheepishly.

“CHRIS!” Elise cried.

“Erm… well… you do talk about their relationship an awful lot,” Chris said.

Elise’s face flushed crimson. “Okay, but… I mean… That’s just because…”

Becky leaned closer to Ninja Dave and spoke in a low hushed tone, “Remind me to bring popcorn the next time we’re invited out to hang out with these four.”

“Totally, right?” Dave replied. “Who’d ever know moral support would be this entertaining.”

Clap, clap.

Everyone turned towards Amber as she clapped her hands together to get everyone’s attention.

“Alright, so this has been very enlightening as to the nature of everyone’s relationships, but maybe we should go to the classroom and have a more controlled discussion,” Amber suggested.

Dan grasped his chin and looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully, “Hmmm… Actually, I’m enjoying the chaos here a bit…”

“Me, too!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “Who knew couple’s therapy would be so intense?”

Elise narrowed her eyes at the couple. “Pinkie! Dan! All this is going to get us is more screaming, bruises, and then eventually someone’s going to have to call 911!”

“Wait…” Chris said. “How is that different from the average outing with these two?”

Pinkie shrugged. “I’m as confused as you are!”

“We don’t want an average outing!” Elise stated. “We want to fix it so the average outing has less of those things.”

“Oh, right…” Chris said.

Dan scowled at Elise. “YOU want to”—Dan air quoted—“‘fix it’. Pinkie and I are perfectly happy the way things are!” Dan looked up at Pinkie and gave her hand a squeeze. “Right?”

Pinkie frowned slightly. “Well… I mean… it’s a little embarrassing to have everyone staring at us…”

Dan frowned. “Since when do you care what other people think?”

“Sorry Dan…” Pinkie said weakly. “I know it shouldn’t matter, but… I guess it makes me feel like I don’t belong… like I’ll always be an outcast.”

Dan gave Pinkie a concerned look. “Pinkie, why didn’t you mention this sooner?”

“… I guess I keep getting swept up in the moment…” Pinkie smiled weakly. “And don’t really think about it as long as you’re happy and making me happy…”

Awww,” Dan uttered.

Dave looked at the couple in surprise. “Did… did Dan just say ‘Awww’? I didn’t think the dude could even do that without having a coughing fit.”

“Yeah,” Becky said with a nod. “Pinkie really brings out the best in him.”

Dan pulled up Pinkie’s hand and put his other hand on top of it, clasping it in both hands. He looked up into Pinkie’s sky-blue eyes with earnest-looking emerald ones. “Look, from now on I’ll keep that in mind and try to show some restraint when we’re out in public. Alright?” he said with a smile.

Pinkie beamed. “That’s all I ask for.” She tilted her head down closer to Dan and closed her eyes slightly.

Dan chuckled. “Heh, I thought we were avoiding rampant public displays of affection…”

Pinkie leaned down so that her mouth was almost in contact with Dan’s “Kissing’s fine…” she murmured out, her lips brushing against Dan.

Dan began to breathe deep, hot breaths that blew across Pinkie’s face with each exhale. “If you say soo…”

“I do say so,” Pinkie said before she placed her lips over Dan’s. The couple both parted their lips and wrapped loving arms around the other as they kissed passionately.

Dave and Becky chuckled to themselves and clapped.

Amber huffed in response and folded her arms impatiently.

“Grrrah!” Elise exclaimed.

“What?!” Chris asked.

Elise sighed. “They’re still so cute together…”

Chris narrowed his eyes and frowned. “Oh, I see…”

“What?! Chris, No… I didn’t mean…”

Dan and Pinkie broke their kiss. “Welp, Pinkie and I worked out our own issues because we’re awesome! We should be on our…”

“You guys can’t leave yet,” Elise insisted.

What? Why?!” Dan said in an irritated, protesting tone. “Why should Pinkie and I suffer just because you’re a sucky wife?”

Elise narrowed her eyes. “We still need to help Chris with his problem.”

“And Elise with hers,” Chris chimed in flatly.

“WHAT!?” Elise exclaimed. “Oh, come on!”

“You two still have another issue to resolve, too,” Amber reminded as she looked at Dan and Pinkie.

Still wrapped in each other’s arms, Dan and Pinkie exchanged confused glances then turned back to Amber. “We do?” they said in unison.

Amber pointed to her left eye.

Dan knitted his brow at Amber. “How is the fact that you were stupid enough to pick a fight with Pinkie and get yourself a black eye our problem?”

“WHAT?!” Amber exclaimed.

Elise winced. “Yeah, you might want to get an ice-pack.”

Amber gritted her teeth and placed a hand over her left eye. She held out her hands, circling her thumb and middle finger once more, and began chanting to herself, “Step outside yourself… step outside yourself…” She took a deep breath, “I was talking about your own black eyes!”

“Oooo! Should we be Black-eye Buddies?!” Pinkie said happily. “Oooo! Oooo! Or I can get eye-patches and we can be Pirate Buddies!”

“Uh… let’s not…” Dan said.

“I want to be Pirate Buddies!” Chris said as he raised his hand enthusiastically.

Dan thought about this. “Huh… I’ll reconsider being Pirate Buddies if I get to punch Chris in the face.”

“Wouldn’t Dave be obligated to fight you all if you were Pirate Buddies?” Becky said.

There was a brief pause before Dave, Pinkie, and Chris began chuckling.

Dan frowned. “I don’t get it.”

Pinkie rubbed her smooth cheek against Dan’s stubble covered one. “Internet humor…”

“Oh…” Dan uttered.

Amber sighed and forced a smile. “Can we please just go to the classroom and continue discussing this?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Fine!”

“Great!” Amber said cheerfully. “I’m going to get some ice for my eye and I’ll see you all there!” With that Amber turned and walked off into the hall, her hands still extended out to her sides with the tips pf her thumbs and middle fingers still touching.

The group turned and watched Amber walk down the hall.

Elise frowned as she watched the obviously perturbed woman walk away. “You know maybe this was a bad idea…”

Chris cocked an eyebrow at Elise. “Oh, so now that your behavior is coming up for discussion, it’s a bad idea?”

Elise glanced nervously from side to side. “Uhh…”

“You gotta admit,” Pinkie said, “Chris makes an excellent point.”

“Pinkie! Not you, too!” Elise cried.

“Well, Dan and I worked out our problem… and I mean… I guess eating shoes and stuff is bad, but it’s not relationship-ending bad,” Pinkie said.

Elise winced. “I didn’t think I was that bad.”

Pinkie blinked a few times. “Forcing someone you supposedly love to dance on a hairline fracture just ‘cause your parents never let you take dance lessons? That’s pretty bad.”

Elise sighed. “Maybe you’re right.”

“And tasing your husband?! Geez! I mean… talk about cruddy things to do! I mean... Okay, Dan and I have got into a few scrapes even after we officially became a couple, but at least neither of us sucker-stun gunned the other…”

“I get it, Pinkie…” Elise said tetchily.

“Do you still chloroform Chris?”

“Erm…”

“Yes!” Chris chimed in an irritable tone.

Dave and Becky winced.

“Ouch, seriously? Your husband?” Dave said.

“But, Dan…” Elise protested.

“You know, I chloroform Pinkie with far less frequency now that we’re a couple,” Dan said with a grin. His smile suddenly went supernova as he gave Elise view of all of his pearly white teeth. “I’ve found more satisfying ways to shut Pinkie up.”

Pinkie giggled and wrapped her arms around Dan’s. “He has! It’s a lot more fun than being knocked out.”

“See Elise,” Chris said motioning to Dan. “Even Dan knows it’s wrong to chloroform someone you love!”

“Well, mostly wrong,” Dan said, he smile dropping slightly. “I mean… there are emergency knock out times.”

“SEE!” Elise said motioning out to Dan. “He still does it!”

Pinkie gently put her hands on Elise arm. “Elise, it’s me we’re talking about. I mean Dan loves me, but he also spends almost all his time with me! Sometimes I’m not even sure how he does it!” Pinkie frowned. “I mean… there’s crazy… and then there’s me!”

“Yeah!” Dan chimed in. “And it’s not like you’re knocking Chris out because he talks too much. I mean, he’s stuffing his face half the time.”

Chris motioned to Dan. “Dan makes an excellent point.”

One of Elise’s eyes began to twitch as the side of her mouth pulled up in an angry sneer. No! This CAN’T be happening! There is no way Dan is a better significant other than me!

“Yeah, Elise…” Pinkie said. “You should really try to show some restraint…” Pinkie smiled. “Like Dan does!”

Dave and Becky winced again.

“Ooo, that’s gotta smart…” Becky uttered.

Both Elise’s eyes began to twitch. An angry vibration that quickly spread to her entire head, then body. Elise held her palms up towards the ceiling, her fingers curled into angry claws. She threw back her head and screamed in rage and frustration, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The group followed Elise with their eyes as she stormed off down the hall.

“Uh, I better follow her…” Pinkie said. “I mean… I still have lots of examples of things Dan does better than her to share…”

Dave and Becky stared at Pinkie with wide surprised eyes as color began to escape from their faces.

“Alright, have fun!” Dan said as he gave Pinkie a quick peck on the cheek.

Pinkie pulled her lips out far enough to make an audible ‘squee’. “I always do!” she announced. She turned towards Elise and began skipping down the hall “Tra la-la la-la la-la…”

Becky gulped and looked up at Dave. “Elise wouldn’t kill Pinkie, would she? I mean… Pinkie’s her best friend.”

Dave looked down at Becky. “Uhh… I don’t know… but if anyone is capable of killing their best friend, it’s Elise.”

Becky turned her head back down the hall and stared out down the long length of lockers. “We better go stop her…”

Dave nodded. “Good call.”

Dave and Becky began walking down the hallway. Dave stopped and turned towards Dan and Chris. “Coming?”

“Uh, in a minute,” Dan said. “I got something to share with my buddy here…”

Dave nodded. “Cool, see you guys in just a bit.”

“Yeah, see ya,” Dan said.

“Uh, yeah… see you in the classroom,” Chris said in confusion.

Dave and Becky continued walking down the hall.

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Elise cried angrily from down the hall.

“…What?!” Pinkie replied in a protesting tone. “I’m just saying Dan is way more romantic than you could ever hope to be! Doesn’t mean you can’t shoot for a pale, pale, almost bleached white comparison of his love.”

Dave and Becky broke into a sprint.

“I’LL DESTROY YOU!” Elise cried.

“WHOA!” Amber chimed in from down the hall. “Uh, Elise? Maybe you should come with me and have some soothing herbal tea…”

“You know who makes surprisingly good herbal tea?” Pinkie chimed in. “Dan!”

“AAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Elise shouted.

“Uh…” Chris shook his head as if to clear it and looked over at Dan. “What is it, Dan?” Chris knitted his brow and gave Dan a skeptical look. “And DON’T say I should divorce Elise. Problems or not, I still love her.”

“Relax, buddy,” Dan said. “Believe it or not, I’m not trying to form a wedge in between you and your wife here.”

“Uh, really?” Chris said maintaining his skeptical look.

Dan nodded. “Really.”

“Alright, then what th…”

Dan put his weight into the right side of his body and sent his fist Chris-ward.

‘POW!’

“OUCH! Dan, what the heck?!” Chris said has he placed his hand over his left eye.

“Now we can all be Pirate Buddies!” Dan said.

“Oh,” Chris said as he thought about this. “Thanks Dan!” Chris said with a smile. “You’re the best.”

Dan chuckled and waved his hand about dismissively. “Oh stop it, I’m not a hero. I’m just a guy who likes punching people in the face.”

Author's Note:

Thanks to Ryouga1100 and Tired Old Man for fixing my myriad of mistakes.

Don't worry, ILurvTrixie. There's plenty of chapters to go. :derpytongue2:

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