Part 11 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Distractions: Chapter 98 Pinkie Vs. Grand Reopening
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 11 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Distractions
Chapter 98 Pinkie Vs. Grand Reopening
-ooooooo-
“Lenny’s, please!” Pinkie answered cheerfully.
Dan pulled out a pen and chewed on the end thoughtfully. “Been awhile since I’ve handled a pet shop by myself, but okay…”
Pinkie gave Dan a concerned look. “Are you sure you’re up to handling it on your own?”
Dan flashed his girlfriend a rather annoyed look. “Who the heck do you think you’re talking to?!”
Pinkie uttered a slightly nervous giggle as she raised her hands defensively. “Hehe… Sorry, I guess it’s been so long since I’ve done anything but grocery shopping and a few shifts at the bakery without you that I’m the one who’s a nervous-Nelly.”
“Yeah well, it’s either this or we become one of those annoying couples that—”
“—finish each other’s sentences?” Pinkie suggested.
Dan and Pinkie exchanged a quick worried look and quickly hopped into Dan’s red hatchback.
“Lenny’s, and step on it!” Pinkie cried from the passenger seat as she pointed forward.
Dan quickly threw the car into drive and slammed his foot against the gas pedal. The hatchback’s tires screeched briefly against the concrete before the car lurched forward.
After a quick stop at Burgerphile, soon the couple had arrived at the their local Lenny’s, freshly rebuilt after an accident involving a load-bearing support beam being removed to build a gyrocopter. Dan parked the car at the outskirts of the building’s parking lot.
A number of people had gathered in front of the Lenny’s for its grand reopening, complete with ribbon cutting ceremony.
It was Dan’s turn to give Pinkie a concerned look. “Are you sure you’re up to handling this?”
Pinkie smiled and reached for one of Dan’s hands with her free hand, the other hand holding onto a large fountain soda, and she gave it a squeeze. “I’ll be okay!” she insisted. She held up the soda in her hand. “Just a quick soda shot with the small catapult to protest their choice of ribbon-cutter and I’ll dash back home.”
“At least let me help unload the catapult with you.”
“Dan,” Pinkie said softly, “don’t worry! I know we spend a lot of time looking out for one another, but maybe there’s something to this 'spending a little time apart' thing.” She said with a smile, “I mean… ever since I came here I’ve almost never done anything just on my own! Maybe this will be a great way to finally become a little more comfortable with this whole planet and its things bursting into fire randomly, one dimensional personalities,”—Pinkie’s smile slowly began to turn itself upside down—“Supervillians, and ever-present danger that I could be brutally murdered out on the streets or by a strange creature or something.”
Dan knitted his brow and started at Pinkie. “Uh—”
“On second thought,” Pinkie said, “let’s just get this over with.” Pinkie leaned forward and wrapped her free arm around Dan and gave him a tight hug. Dan smiled and reciprocated the affection with both his arms.
Pinkie broke the hug and stared deeply into Dan’s emerald eyes with her sky-blue ones. “I love you,” she said softly.
Dan rolled his eyes but maintained his smile. “I love you, too. But you’re just going to terrorize one girl and disrupt a ribbon cutting ceremony. No biggie, you’ll do fine,” Dan insisted.
Pinkie smiled. “You’re right Dan.” She leaned forward to give Dan a quick peck on the lips and quickly exited the car, setting her soda on the top and retrieving the small catapult from the hatch in the back. After retrieving the soda she smiled and waved at Dan one last time as he drove off for his own little vengeance run.
Pinkie looked over towards the restaurant and the group that had assembled in front of it. She then looked at the small catapult and loaded the soda in a small, wooden bowl. “Alright, Pinkie. You can do this… It’s calibrated… Check for wind…” Pinkie stuck a finger in her mouth and held it up. She leaned down and adjusted a few knobs on the catapult. “Let’s see…” Pinkie uttered as she continued to talk to herself. “Just point it at the ribbon and…” Pinkie looked up as a familiar California-tanned waitress stepped up to the ribbon with a big pair of red novelty scissors. “Oh! Perfect timing.” Pinkie smiled to herself. “Hehe… splashy, splashy!” she said as she pulled a small lever on the catapult and sent the fountain soda flying.
The waitress suddenly turned, catching sight of the familiar pink blob of curly hair from past the crowd and across the parking lot. "YOU!"
‘SMACK!’
The soda impacted the waitress right in the face and exploded into a storm of foamy brown beverage and ice.
“WHAT THE HECK?!” The blond-haired girl cried as the crowd turned to the source of the flying soda.
Even Pinkie put on a pained-looking expression as she witnessed the soda impact with its full might. “Whoops…” she muttered to herself. She cupped her hands around her mouth. “Sorry!” she called out. “I was just trying to splash you with it! Not full on hit you in the face! My bad~!” Pinkie sang out.
“That’s not much better because I was allergic!” the woman shouted as she wiped soda away from her now red face and stormed across the parking lot, giant novelty scissors still in hand. The crowd began to follow her.
“Sure it is!” Pinkie replied cheerfully as she leisurely closed the distance between the two. “I mean, sure there’s the hivee-wivees and the uncontrollable screaming! But there’d be a lot less getting smacked right in the face with ice!” Pinkie paused and knit her brow together as she examined the waitress. “Speaking of the hivee-wivees and uncontrollable screaming, why the hay aren’t either of those things happening?!”
A devilish grin began to spread across the waitress's face as she stopped a few yards from Pinkie. “Months of being attacked with soda have finally made me immune to the debilitating effects of high fructose corn syrup. Betcha didn’t see THAT one coming!” she declared triumphantly.
Pinkie paused, paying no mind to the crowd that had begun to form around the two girls. “So you’re gloating because you’re just like… a regular person now?” she asked in a confused tone.
The waitress shot Pinkie an angry scowl. “SHUT UP!” She took a few calming breaths as she continued to speak, “Huff…puff… Why are you here anyways? Not that I’m surprised, mind you…”
“Honestly? When I found out they were reopening this place I had mixed feelings… on one hand, the baked goods and most the drinks are terrible! On the other hand, breakfast all day! Then I found out you were being honored for your years of tireless service and decided, ‘No, this will not stand!’”
“Was it really so hard to let me have this one thing after months of torment?!”
“Well, it’s not like you deserve it,” Pinkie replied. “You’re a terrible waitress.”
“I was given this honor because of putting up with you and your crazy boyfriend for all those months! You really think a little attention and getting to reopen a store is worth causing an allergic reaction?!”
“Well yeah…” Pinkie replied. “I mean, you were hecka rude when we first met… I mean, subjected to weekly, sometimes twice-weekly attacks seems hardly an appropriate reason to reward someone when they’re supposed to deliver good customer service.” She paused and considered this with a thoughtful expression. “Though… I suppose all the trips were I poured soda on you and shot you with pancakes where kinda a disproportionately extreme way at getting back at you...” Pinkie shook her head and smiled. “Look, I think you’re right here. Why don’t we just call it squarezies? I didn’t mean to hit you in the face…”
The waitress furrowed her brow at Pinkie. “No way! Today is my reckoning! You’re not getting out of this just because you had a last-minute change of heart!”
Pinkie frowned. “Wow, you’re really upset about this… If I gave you some money out of my wallet, would that help ease the pain?”
“GRAAAAH! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”
“I’m going to take that as a ‘maybe’…”
The waitress pulled her scissors open, straining as they hit their limit until a small ‘pop’ was heard and the two halves separated. “Let’s finish this!” she cried as she tossed one of the halves towards Pinkie.
Pinkie snatched the half of the red novelty scissors out of the air, and examined it. The crowd around the girls began to murmur in excitement and concern. "You want to have some sort of crazy scissor duel?"
"Well, I can't just kill you in cold blood. It's food services code!" the waitress replied.
Pinkie stared blankly at the waitress for a second. "You guys have a code?!" she exclaimed.
"Doesn't almost every job?" the waitress replied.
Pinkie sighed and shook her head. "Geez-Louise, this place is weird... "So… what? Now we need to fight to the death?"
The waitress shrugged. “Or the maiming, food server code is kinda vague there.” Her lips spread open wide in a malicious grin and she raised her half of the scissors. “Though, I took steps to make sure when I take you out here, you don’t get up in a hurry… if at all.” she added as a touch of madness entered her eyes.
“Uhhh geez…” Pinkie uttered. “This is getting really out of hand and…” Pinkie examined the item she was thrown carefully. “Did you… did you sharpen the edges of these!?” Pinkie asked as she noticed the scissor blade stuck out a good inch past the plastic scissor itself.
The waitress grinned. “Better! I replaced the cheap blades with something a little more effective!”
Pinkie simply blinked in response a few times. “Wow… you’re really serious about this. Look… can’t we just settle this over a nice game of Checkers or Uno… Oooo! Or Parcheesy… it’s like Parcheesi except you play with real cheese!”
“DIE!” the waitress cried as she swung her scissor blade towards Pinkie’s face.
Pinkie instinctively raised her own blade to block. The blades collided with a resounding ‘Clank!’ and the attack was stopped mere inches from Pinkie’s face. “Eeep!” Pinkie uttered.
The waitress let out another frustrated growl and swung her scissor blade wildly over and over again. “Grrrr… DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!”
Pinkie quickly raised her own blade to parry and block each blow as it approached her, deflecting blows that would have easily cut into her skin and quite a few that would have made mess of her face. “Come on! Let’s talk about this! You don’t really want to kill me, do you?”
The waitress paused as she held her own scissor blade in both hands. “I loath you with a passion previously unknown to me. Every time I see you I just want to figure out how to make your day that much more unpleasant. Your very sight fills me with hate and now that I’m holding this weapon, my every thought is simply about how much nicer my life will be to be rid of you!”
Pinkie’s eyes had gone wide with surprise. “Wow uh… maybe you should try anger management? I know this councilor who uh… well she’s probably not all that great at it, but I’m sure she can at least help you with some of those issues you’re having…”
The waitress narrowed her eyes at Pinkie. “Don’t tell me you’re yellow.”
Pinkie raised a forearm up to her face. “Uh, actually I have much more of a pink complexion and—”
‘SSHHHHTHLIHG’
“OUCHES!” Pinkie cried as the waitress’s scissor blade sliced down on her arm, making a deep cut into the muscle of her forearm.
“HA!” the waitress cried. “First blood! Now it’s just a matter of time before—”
In a flash of movement, Pinkie turned her scissor blade backwards and swung with the blunt end, easily catching her opponent across the face. ‘SMACK!’
“OUCH!” the waitress cried. “Lucky sho—”
In a pink blur, Pinkie delivered a series of attacks to her opponents shin's, arms, stomach, with the occasional attack to the head. A torrent of blows that rained upon the waitress faster than she could even see.
‘SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!’
Her body unable to take the series of brutal attacks, that waitress fell to her knees as she propped herself up with her weapon. Her body now starting to sport a number of long, thin bruises that covered her from head to toe.
“Can we be squarezies now?” Pinkie asked as she clamped down on her bleeding forearm.
The waitress looked up at Pinkie with a look of determined rage in her eyes. “I HATE YOU!”
“Look… uh… this whole thing has really gone much, much further than I intended,” Pinkie admitted. “Right now I just want to go home, treat my wound, and wait for my boyfriend so we can watch a movie or something and enjoy super-snuggles… which are like regular snuggles except we’re both wearing capes!” Pinkie informed cheerfully.
A short, brown-haired woman in a Lenny's uniform stepped forward. "Come on, Helen! DON'T LOOSE YOUR WAAAAAAAY~!"
"Ooo. Helen?" Pinkie said. "That's a pretty na—"
“DIE!” The waitress cried as she mustered one last burst of strength, got on her feet, held her scissor blade high above her head, and charged Pinkie.
Pinkie quickly sidestepped the oncoming rageful woman and the waitress awkwardly stumbled into the crowd that surrounded the girls.
“OW! My tender flesh!”
“MY EYE!”
“AHHHHHH! MY FAVORITE TIE!”
Pinkie cringed and glanced about her with a worried expression. She decided to make herself scarce and quickly zipped away from the crowd. She zoomed up to her catapult, laid the red scissor blade on it, and pushed it along as she sprinted away from the Lenny’s and made her way back home.
A few blocks away from Casa Paradisio, Pinkie let out a sigh as she continued to clamp down on her arm. “Well that was a messy-wessy out of control attempt at simple soda splashing… I sure hope Dan’s trip is going better…”
-ooo-
“Ever so sorry about that,” a man with poofy blonde hair, a mustache, and purple tinted glasses said to Dan as he opened a register. “Heh, we all make mistakes from time to time…”
“Hmmm…” Dan hummed to himself. “This is all too tidy… what would Pinkie do in this situation?” Dan snapped his finger with realization. “She’d release the animals!”
“Let’s see… uh… 25 cents was it?” the man asked as he held up a quarter.
“EAT SNAKE, ANIMAL IMPRISONER!” Dan cried as he lobbed a glass terrarium full of small snakes at the pet shop worker.
‘KRRRRISHHH!’
“AAAAAHHHHH!” The pet store worker screamed as he fell to the floor covered in glass and irate snakes that began attacking him.
Dan peered over the counter at the fallen worker. “Huh… that seemed excessive even by my standards…”
-ooo-
Pinkie paused to stretch her injured arm, keeping pressure on it with her free hand. “Oh well, soon he’ll be back and we can put this whole, sad—”
“Lemonade?”
Pinkie looked down noticing a quartet of fit-looking children all wearing military style uniforms. “Hey! You kids might want to move your little stand. That’s Dan’s spot and he’s going to get really upset if he can’t park the car there!”
The shortest of the group stepped forward. A young boy with closely cropped brown hair. “Dan, eh?” he smiled wickedly at Pinkie. “Large Harold?”
The largest of the children stepped forward. A mammoth of a child that stood nearly as tall as Pinkie.
“Give this girl a Charley horse she won’t soon forget.”
Pinkie sighed and smacked her free hand against her face. She reached down for her recently acquired scissor blade. “So this is going to escalate…”
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Two things.
1. I love you for your updating speed and quality content.
2. Someone watched a little bit too much Kill La Kil, mhhhhhm
The lemonade stand gang! That was easily one of my favorite episodes!!!
Simple soda erupts like a volcano, while Dan just has to be snakes. Then Pinkie is faced with the problem of thugs in lifie giving lemons, and fist outs.
Scisssors? Because heavy canon is cannon.
Ah, the lemonade stand gang... Something tells me Pinkie will give the little hooligans exactly what they deserve...
4179536 arrggghh, don't spoil! I'm enjoying your story......
4179401
Figured that would click.
Maybe I should have someone yell "Don't loose your waaaaaaay~!" before the waitress accidentally charges into the crowd.
4179540
I wouldn't dream of it! Glad to have you and glad you're enjoying it.
4179547 enjoying is an understatement
The correct comparision would be any substance that directly release dopamine
4179557
Awww shucks!
Thank you!
4179544 ......i am now quite dissapointed that you didnt.
Those children are going to have nightmares for weeks.
>scissors
Don't lose your way!
4179561
Heh. I went ahead and added it. It's actually kinda amusing to go all out like that.
4180055 Nice, except you wrote DON'Y instead of DON'T
4180083
Whoops! Fixed. Thank you.
the a small catapult
The small catapult or a small catapult.. probably not the a.
crowed turned
Amusing typo, but crowd doesn't have the e.
trips were I
Where
catapult, led the
...I'm honestly not sure what she did there. Left?
IMPRESSIONNER!
Imprisoner? But impressioner sounds like one of those words Dan would mix up.
Herald?
...Not sure if he's called that for being the bearer of bad news. (Such as Charley Horses) He might also be named Harold, but your version is cooler.
A short sweet chapter. Very short for Dan. Pinkie's Sugar Rush offensive remains unbeatable!
For now.
...What? I can root for the bad guys - well, the opposition- to be able to handle the ... 'heroes'... for dramatic purposes.
The lemonade stand gang is doomed.
4180135
Got all these! Thanks!
WOW!
Geez Louis, waitress. That is just...excessive. Actually...That would be the second person they've driven to homicidal thoughts this story. {Her and the hero guy.} Not a good track record...And ouch, that was way too excessive with the snakes on the cashier...I'm currently a cashier and I'd hate to have that happen to me.
Good chapter though.
Well Pinkie is going have a lo of brow beaten minions soon
Hey, are you planning on doing anything with that bank manager voiced by Tara Strong? It might seem like a waste not to include that actor allusion somewhere.
4180843
That's actually not the only Dan Vs. character Tara Strong has voiced.
4180851
It's the only one anyone seems to remember that she did though.
4179544 I wonder how THAT worked out...
This chapter (98) has had not one, but two additions to it since I first wrote it.
Might be worth a re-read for you die hards out there.
in cold bold.
Cold blood. Unless something really strange is going on with iced over fonts.
Pinkie sighed and shook her head. "Geez-Louise, this place is weird..."
“Uhhh geez…” Pinkie uttered. “This is getting really out of hand and…” Pinkie examined the item
Could probably consolidate those two lines a bit.
opponents shins
....I think that's a possessive s. So opponent's
Mwa ha ha, hunting down errors in the expansion! The pleasant expansion on.. references I don't even know.. but they're still funny, so it's all good.
4185082
Hey, you actually caught me as I was fixing a few things. I actually added even more between those two lines and caught my "bold" typo.
Missed "opponents", however. Thank you!
Nice!
Wow, I have been waiting for those kids to get their commupence since Pinkie decided to undertake mutual vengeance for those that had wronged Dan.
And those kids have it coming. Probably won't be easy, put she can break'em.
4191268
4191276
It's really nice to read my work can be be emotionally impactful.
I was rereading this chapter, and all I could think of was, the guy that says "MY EYE" should say "MY LEG" instead.
Never would have guessed a Kill La Kill reference would be so entertaining in this.
I was expecting this as soon as you described the scissors.
"Right now I just want to go home, treat my wound, and wait for my boyfriend so we can watch a movie or something and enjoy super-snuggles… which are like regular snuggles except we’re both wearing capes" I GEDDIT! U MAED A FUNNEH!
4519944 What is really bad was that I actually started singing... at like 2:30 AM
Though… I suppose all the trips were I poured soda on you
shot you with pancakes where kinda
"Geez-Louise, this place is weird... "So… what? Now we need to fight to the death?"
Kodus to Sebazu
1. Where.
2. Were.
3. Extra quotation mark here.
4. Kudos.
I too overcame a High Fructose Corn Syrup allergy... admittedly through several years of shots instead of a few months of torment. Either way, she scares me.
You gave pinkie something straight from kill la kill? Now she just needs the outfit
Men! Dou! Kote! Men! Dou! Kote! Men! Dou! Kote! Men! Dou! Kote! Men! Dou! Kote!
Love the Kill la Kill reference, in case you couldn't tell.
5114404 ...
I'll be in my bunk...
huh, so that was Kill la Kill... I was mildly thinking Fist of the North star x3
Now all I'm waiting for is the subtle references to things originally from Newgrounds, such as Blockhead, Tankmen, or Madness Combat. XD
Ah, the Lemonade Stand Gang. Where Tara Strong did her Timmy Turner impression.
Too bad Pinkie took off her eye patch. Then it would complete the Nui Harime look.
Pinkie is reminding me right now of Connie from SU, but with a bit* less mental health.
*none
Ps. Cool Kill La Kill reference ya got there. That song's STILL stuck in my head after a binge :b
The Kill la kill reference made my day.
Way status: not lost
Mako coming in at the last moment
4179401
Okay I'm spamming this comments section here, but I would just like to say that there is no such thing as too much Kill la Kill
Only got the KLK reference this time around... re-reading is magic. Also how many comments in a row is that about the one reference?
8435067
I only got the Kill la Kill reference this time around because I've actually seen Kill la Kill now...and I still missed that bit!
I've watched Kill la Kill since I last read this, and I'm glad I did