• Published 11th Sep 2013
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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga - Justice3442



Pinkie Pie finds herself adjusting to a new, hostile world, with a new hostile friend. Can they make it through this new misadventure together, or is it the universe that needs to watch out for them?

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Part 6 Pinkie & Dan Vs. Camping: Chapter 31 Dan Vs. Road Trip

The Wheel and the Butterfly



A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga



Part 6 Pinkie & Dan Vs. Camping



Chapter 31 Dan Vs. Road Trip

****
Music rules hit this one as well. Original here.

The characters themselves are singing parts, so I do recommend reading off that link.
****

“Ooooo!” Pinkie spoke excitedly into the phone as she paced around the apartment. “Sounds super-dee-duper fun, Elise! I can’t wait! Bye-bye!” Pinkie pushed the screen on the phone terminating the call.

“So? Tents and sleeping bags? Just a thin layer of nylon between us and the wild animals who want to devour wrapped for convenience human burritos?” Dan enquired.

“Elise’s parents bought a cabin in the Canadian woods!” Pinkie responded cheerfully. “Apparently everything is really cheap there since most of the country is still completely encased in a glacier!”

Dan chuckled. “Hehe…yeaaaaah…good times. Wait…Cabin in the woods…” Dan pondered this. “Well…we probably won’t be killed by animals but now we’re about ten times more likely to be murdered by an insane serial killer or some malevolent spirit or spirits who want us to join them forever!”

“Golly, forever is a really long time to have to hang out with evil dead people…”

“Speaking of which. You’re not allowed to touch any books with faces on them.” Dan directed. “Unless you WANT to be molested by your precious nature.”

“Err…” Pinkie creased her brow, closed her eyes, and smile nervously. “I’m pretty sure I’d prefer not to get that close to nature…but…Do you really think we’ll be in danger?” She asked.

“I’ve seen dozens if not hundreds of movies on this sort of thing! A group of people go out to a secluded cabin in the woods, no way to contact the outside world. And then a serial killer shows up, or was already there, or someone does something stupid like read an evil book, and a little Latin latter; BAM we have to fight a zombie redneck torture family.”

“Well…I like the family part of that…though not so much the zombie, torture, or redneck part…Hmmmmmmmm…” Pinkie pondered this for a second, then snapped her fingers. “I got it!” Pinkie pointed at Dan excitedly. “You’re a super smart guy!”

“The smartest.” Dan said with smile, rubbing his fist slightly against his chest. “Ow! I forgot you hit me there…”

Pinkie gave Dan a small, pensive smile, “Er…sorry…but why don’t you bring some thingies to fight evilee undeadee whatevees with?”

“Hmmm…” Dan stroked his chin and looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “Salt, holy water, crucifixes…maybe some silver…” Dan said, putting up his fingers as he listed off items. “Yeah…I can be like…a handsomer, suaver, and more debonairer Van Helsing!” Dan announced with a grin.

Pinkie gave Dan a warm smile. “I feel safer, already.”

“Wait…what about serial killers?” Dan reminded.

“Ooo! What if we went out and got a bunch of serial killer stuff?! Like chainsaws, hockey masks, and machetes!? You know…fight fire with fire.”

“I do like the sound of adding more fire to fire. But, serial killers are bloodthirsty maniacs.” Dan explained. “Do you really think we can out crazy them?” Dan said, his lip twitching slightly.

Dan and Pinkie immediately broke into fits of laughter.

HaHaHaHaHahehehe…I can’t believe you...hehehe…said that with a…hahaha…straight face!” Pinkie said as she laughed hysterically.

Hehehe…I almost didn’t!” Dan admitted.

“Alright! So we prepare for war against the forces of evil?” Pinkie asked with a smile.

“Baby, let’s hit a sporting goods store! To the DAN-mobile!” Dan announced, thrusting an index finger into the air.

Ho!” Pinkie shouted, throwing a fist into the air.

**

“Talk to me.” Elise said at the TV with a frown.

And I just got my parents to green light using the cabin for a week. Ulg. I’d hate to disappoint Pinkie, but duty calls.

“Dancing Shadow, we have a target for you.” A masculine voice called out from the TV as a blue line fluctuated with each syllable.

“SNORE!”

“What was that?” The voice asked.

“Uhh…nothing…swamp gas…” Elise offered.

“Are you sure this line is secure?”

“Totally.” Elise answered.

“...Alright, Dancing Shadow, your target is this man.” An image of a long, brown haired man with a full beard displayed on the screen.

“Hiram…” Elise mumbled.

“Correct.” The voice responded. “We thought you’d want some payback after your failed mission at Omicron headquarters.”

“Failed…right.” Elise responded with a small grin. “Last known location?”

“Havre, Montana. He was spotted there several days after a kerfuffle at the formally named College of Technology in Billings.”

“And by ‘kerfuffle’, you mean…”

There was a pause. “…He ate some of the students and faculty.”

Elise sighed. “Of course. So he’s heading north.” Elise smiled. “Into Saskatchewan, Canada?”

“That seems likely. We can prepare supplies and lodging…”

“That won’t be necessary.” Elise interrupted. “I can make my own arrangements.”

“Very well. Your mission is to capture him alive, if possible. We believe Hiram may still hold some important technological information. If this proves impossible, at least retrieve his memories.”

Elise snickered. “You mean I’ll need to remove his head and bring it back?”

There was a sigh on the other line. “Must you be so graphic?”

“Just calling a decapitation a decapitation.” Elise said with a morbid grin.

“You have your orders, Dancing Shadow.”

“Dancing shadow out.”

“SNORE!”

Elise lightly shook her sleeping husband next to her on the couch.

“Wha…what happened?” Chris asked groggily.

“You fell asleep while we were watching TV.” Elise answered with a smile.

“…You chloroformed me again because work called, didn’t you?” Chris asked flatly, narrowing his eyes at his wife.

Elise’s smile turned nervous. “Er…yeah…”

“You know, you can just ask me to leave the room.” Chris stated.

“Sorry, old habit…”

Chris sighed. “So, I guess camping is on hold?”

“Actually, turns out there’s not a conflict.” Elise informed, her smile returning to normal.

“…Why does that sound ominous?”

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Elise said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

“Elise, when you told me about your job…” Chris began.

“I didn’t mean to…” Elise mumbled.

Be that as it may, you said you’d stop keeping secrets from me.” Chris reminded.

Elise sighed. “You’re right Chris. Just let me just go to the shed and get my head preserver and I’ll tell you all about my latest mission.” Elise said, standing up.

“…On second thought, maybe I’ll let you keep this one to yourself.” Chris said, his cadence turning anxious.

Elise turned to her husband with a giant grin and sat on his lap, rapping her arms around him and giving him a big kiss on the cheek. “Oh Chris, you’re the best husband a shadowy, quasi government agent could ever ask for.”

Chris chuckled nervously. “Yeah, I know.”

***

“You think we over did it?” Pinkie asked as she and Dan looked into a wooden chest. It filled to the brim with masks, knives, crucifixes, crosses, bottled water labeled with a large cross on it, a machete, a cricket bat, and a random assortment of sports rackets.

“The contents of the chest, or the chest itself?” Dan asked. Motioning to the wooden, foot and a half tall, three feet long, rounded top wooden chest complete with brass handles on the side and four leather bands going across its length.

Pinkie giggled. “I thought you could accessorize.”

Dan glared at her with his one eye. The other still under a black eye patch. “Remind me to poison your food.”

“You didn’t complain when I got you the cutlass.” Pinkie reminded with a smile.

“I…Okay, I’ll give you that one…”

“Hehe, guess looking like a pirate is really a double edged swOWIE!” Pinkie exclaimed as Dan punched her arm. Pinkie frowned. “Was it because of the pun?”

“Only in that cutlasses have one edge.” Dan pointed out.

“Fair enough, but did you have to hit me where I was already bruised?”

“You’re covered in bruise. I can’t help that you suck at blocking.”

Wordlessly Pinkie reached over and poked Dan in the ribs.

“Ow!” Dan responded.

Pinkie smiled slightly and giggled.

Dan narrowed his eyes and jabbed her in the arm.

“Owie!” Pinkie responded. She quickly poked Dan back.

“OW! Why you little…”

Soon the two were engaged in a vicious poking war.

“OWIE! Hehehehe…” Pinkie giggled, assaulting Dan with a flurry of pokes.

“OUCH!” Dan counter attacked. “Stop enjoying this! I’m inflicting pain on you!”

*The next day*

“Alright. So no matter what Dan and Pinkie look like. No questions. We don’t want to know.” Chris insisted.

Elise nodded. “Right!”

Elise knocked on the door, it quickly opened to reveal Dan clad in his usual getup plus an eye patch, and Mr. Mumbles perched on his shoulder; Pinkie wearing a pink dress that had been decorated with alternating blue and yellow balloons; a short, blue jacket; a random assortment of colorful bracelets; and her pink back slung over her shoulder. Next to Pinkie sat a pink luggage case with a brown box resting on top of it. Next to Dan sat a worn looking, brown suitcase.

Unsurprisingly to Elise and Chris at this point, the roommates were covered in bruises.

“You got an eye patch?!” Chris exclaimed excitedly. “Is this a pirate themed road trip?!”

“Chris, no!” Elise exclaimed, but it was too late.

“Pinkie stuck her thumb in my eye because I had my knee pressed against her solar plexus.” Dan explained.

Elise sighed.

Palm, meet face. Face, palm.

“Uhhh…” Chris merely trailed off.

“He had a good reason for it though!” Pinkie insisted, quickly coming to her roomies defense. “I attacked him with a crowbar!”

Elise removed the hand from her face. “DAN! What did you do to Pinkie to make her attack you?!” She demanded.

ME?!” Dan exclaimed angrily, gesturing to himself. “Wait! She attacks me and suddenly it’s my fault?”

“Just playing the odds.” Elise stated, narrowing her eyes at Dan.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” Pinkie insisted. “Dan just beat me at a video games several times in a row!” Pinkie explained. “I…er…overacted…”

“Oh, okay.” Elise said simply.

“WHAT?!” Dan exploded in an angry tone. “She attempts to bash my head in with a crowbar, and she just gets an ‘oh, okay’?!”

“First of all.” Elise began. “By the looks of Pinkie, I’m guessing you fought back.”

“Hehe…yeah…” Dan admitted with a small smile.

“Second of all , show of hands; who here has thought of inflicting physical violence on a friend or loved one because they kept on beating them at a video game?” Elise said raising a hand.

Pinkie enthusiastically raised a hand.

Dan slowly raised his. “I probably would have attempted strangling Pinkie with a controller just a bit prior if they weren’t wireless.” Dan said shrugging.

Mr. Mumbles meowed a response.

Dan lifted a hand and scratched under his chin. “That’s right, Mr. Mumbles. You did attack me when I kept on beating Ms. Fortune.”

“Wait,” Chris began, “how does Mr. Mumbles play video games?”

“Very adorably.” Pinkie answered with a smile.

Elise gave Chris a look.

Chris sighed and raised his hand. “She just beats me all the time!” he whined.

Pinkie looked around at the show of hands and smiled. “Nice to see I have so many positive influences in my life.” She joked, lowering her hand.

Elise chuckled. “Ready to go?” She asked.

Pinkie nodded vigorously. “Yeah, but can we get some help with our stuff? It’s kinda a lot…”

“Sure, Pinkie!” Chris said with a happy smile.

Dan also smiled, though his was a bit wicked. He dragged out a large, wooden chest.

To Dan’s surprise, Chris’s smile widened. “So, it is a pirate themed road trip!”

“Uhhh…SURE, buddy! Be a good scallywag and take this to the car, would ya?” Dan answered.

“Arrr, matey!” Chris responded. “Oh! Can I get an eye patch, too?”

Pinkie smiled and leaned over slightly to open the fridge, fishing out a black eye patch. “Here, Chris. Sorry it’s a bit cold.”

Chris happily took the eye patch and placed it on his eye, taking a big sniff. “Mmmm! Smells like cupcakes.” He said, his eyes going distant.

“Just don’t eat it.” Dan commanded.

“No promises.” Chris responded

“Oh!” Pinkie began. “Well if it’s a cupcake you want…”

Chris’s face lit up.

“Uh uh uh.” Dan said waving a finger. “Take our booty to the car first, then you can have a cupcake.”

“Aye aye!” Chris responded, lifting the chest with a grunt and trudging towards the stairs.

Elise eyed the chest wearily and shook her head. “I’m not even going to ask.”

Pinkie smiled. “That’s probably for the best.” Pinkie responded. Her eye’s widened slightly. “Oh! I almost forgot! Elise, can you grab that box? It’s got some of Mr. Mumbles stuff and I baked us some goodies for the trip!”

Elise smiled. “That was very thoughtful.” She grabbed the box. “Thanks Pinkie.”

“You’re welcome!” Pinkie said with a huge smile as she walked back into the apartment, and reappeared with a large, red, scabbarded chainsaw held in the other, resting on her right shoulder. She grabbed her luggage case with her free hand.

Elise gave the chainsaw a concerned look as Pinkie gleefully made her way to the car.

“What?” Dan said, catching Elise’s expression. “Survival gear.”

Elise turned to Dan, raising an eyebrow “Survival gear? Against what?!”

“Blood thirsty killers, of course. There the leading cause of unexpected, secluded cabin occupant death, quickly followed by vengeful spirits…or so I’d imagine.” Dan explained.

Elise put on a surprised look. “Uh…”

Just roll with it. Better that these two are armed if things get ugly.

To Dan’s surprise, Elise smiled. “Sounds good to me. Oh, Dan. If you two do run across any blood thirsty killers, could you maybe avoid their head when you savagely counter attack?”

Dan crinkled his brow. “Uh…sure thing Elise. Oh! I almost forgot!” Dan walked back into the apartment, and reappeared with a rag and a green bottle of chloroform as he grabbed his suitcase.

Elise furrowed her brow at the bottle of chloroform. “Okay, I am going to ask about that!” Elise said pointing at the bottle.

Dan smiled wickedly and called out to Pinkie. “Pinkie! How many songs do you know?”

Uhhhh…” Pinkie called back from the car as she finished loading her chainsaw into the trunk. “I lost count when I started memorizing a bunch of songs from here. Why?

Just give it a rough estimate.

Pinkie looked towards the sky, placing an index finger on her chin. “Probably about 600.” She smiled at Dan. “Plenty to keep us in high spirits all the way the way to Canada!” She announced.

Elise’s concerned expression gave way to shock and apprehension.

Dan’s smile grew. “Ask me again at around hour four.” Dan began walking toward the stairs.

“Merow.” Mr. Mumbles said simply from her perch on Dan’s shoulders.

Elise followed wordlessly, box of goodies in hand.

The two made their way to the car. Dan barely finding room for his suitcase and closing the trunk.

Dan climbed into the backseat of the car. Elise into the passenger side, passing the box back to Pinkie.

Pinkie opened the box and took out a cupcake, passing it to Chris who delightedly devoured it.

“Ahoy, mateys! Shall we be casting offa the shore now?” Chris said in his best pirate voice as he sat behind the steering wheel.

“Aye, aye, captin’!” Pinkie replied, cheerful as ever.

Chris started the car and pulled out into the street. “Yar! Any of you land lubbers know any good sea shanties.

OOOOO!” Pinkie exclaimed excitedly. “I do!”

“And so it begins.” Dan sighed out.

“Then let’s hear it, lass!” Chris commanded.

Without need of further provocation, Pinkie broke into song, swinging an arm from side to side.

“♫”
“♫”

Chris smiled and joined in.

“♫”
“♫”
“♫”

“♫”
“♫...”

“CHRIS! CYCLIST!” Elise called out.

“AHH!” Chris pulled the car to the right, narrowly avoiding the bicycle rider to his left.

“GAHK!”

‘THUMP’

Dan found himself pressed against the window as the car lurched.

Pinkie simply leaned with the vehicle, and continued singing and swinging an arm in rhythm with the music.

“…♫.”
“♫.”

“Chris, maybe you shouldn’t drive with an eye patch on.” Elise said.

“♫”

“But…PIRATES!” Chris protested.

“♫”

“Tell you what, you drive, I’ll where the eye patch.”

“♫”

Chris smiled satisfactorily and took off the eye patch, handing it to Elise who placed it over an eye.

“♫”

Chris, once again, joined Pinkie in singing.

“♫”
“♫”
“♫”

*An hour later*

She'll be comin’ 'round the mountain when she coooooomes.” Pinkie sang out.

“When she comes.” Chris added.

“She'll be comin’ 'round the mountain when she cooooomes.”

“When she comes.”

Dan an Elise merely pretended the cars and trees outside were interesting as Dan stroked Mr. Mumbles who had curled up in his lap.

*Another hour later*

“Row, Row, Row, your boat…” Pinkie sang as desert passed through the windows.

“Row, Row, Row, your boat…” Chris sang.

“Meow, meow, meow, meow meow….” Mr. Mumbles howled.

Dan angrily texted into his phone. ‘WHY WERE YOU HELPING THEM?!’

“Gently down the stream.” Pinkie sang.

“Gently down the stream.” Chris sang.

“Meow mew meow mew meow!” Mr. Mumbles howled.

Elise picked up her phone and texted back. ‘I didn’t know they’d keep going for over a half an hour!’

“Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily” Pinkie sang.

“Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily” Chris sang.

“Merowerow, Merowerow, Merowerow, Merowerow” Mr. Mumbles howled.

Dan and Elise sighed.

“Life is but a dream.” Pinkie sang.

“Life is but a dream.” Chris sang.

“Meow mew mew mew meow.” Mr. Mumbles howled.

“Row, Row, Row, your boat…” Pinkie Sang.

*Another hour still*

“Gently down the stream.” Pinkie sang as more desert passed.

“Gently down the stream.” Chris sang.

“Meow mew meow mew meow!” Mr. Mumbles howled.

Dan helped tap out a beat as he smashed his head against the window over and over again.

“Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily” Pinkie sang.

“Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily” Chris sang.

“Merowerow, Merowerow, Merowerow, Merowerow” Mr. Mumbles howled.

Elise texted out. ‘I think I’ll make Chris stop for lunch soon…”

‘HOW SOON?!’ Was Dan’s reply.

“Life is but a dream.” Pinkie sang.

“Life is but a dream.” Chris sang.

“Meow mew mew mew meow.” Mr. Mumbles howled.

‘Vegas is about 75 miles away.’ Elise replied

“Row, Row, Row, your boat…” Pinkie sang as desert passed through the windows.

“Row, Row, Row, your boat…” Chris sang.

“Meow, meow, meow, meow meow….” Mr. Mumbles howled.

Dan continued to add percussion to the song via his head against reinforced, Plexiglas windows.

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