• Published 11th Sep 2013
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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga - Justice3442



Pinkie Pie finds herself adjusting to a new, hostile world, with a new hostile friend. Can they make it through this new misadventure together, or is it the universe that needs to watch out for them?

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Part 10 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Interspecies Relationship: Chapter 74: Dan Vs. Pony Love

The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie sagaPart 10
Dan & Pinkie Vs. Interspecies Relationship
Chapter 74: Dan Vs. Pony Love

-ooooooo-

Dan gave a melancholy sigh as he added another rainbow colored cupcake to the display case.

Man, this job is boring without someone to talk to…or yell at…

I think I actually miss Pinkie’s endless chatter.

I’d even let her pun a few times…

God, I’m desperate…

Dan paused as he heard the back door open. He raised to his feet and turned around.

“Hey, Dan!” Chris greeted cheerfully. He took a quick glance through the bakery, “Where’s Pinkie?”

You’re Pinkie for the day!” Dan declared.

Chris eye’s shot open wide. “Wow…I cannot even begin to tell you how incredibly uncomfortable that makes me…”

Dan rolled his eyes, “Not like that, you doofus. I need you to make sure I don’t assault any customers or employees…” Dan quickly glanced at the ceiling, “…except you.”

Chris narrowed his eyes slightly, “But you don’t hit Pinkie… I mean…unless she throws the first punch.”

Dan shrugged, “I’m willing to make a few exceptions…”

It was Chris’s turn to roll his eyes, “Lucky me… So, is she sick or something?”

“Sure, let’s go with that.”

Chris cocked an eyebrow, “What’s she have?”

“Uh…ponypox…Shut up!” Dan leveled an index finger at Chris, “Look, are you going to help me from beating up the slovenly masses that mess up our bakery on a daily basis or not?”

“You probably shouldn’t refer to our customers as ‘slovenly masses’.”

“See!” Dan said, motioning out to Chris with both hands. “That’s exactly the same stupid advice Pinkie would give me! You’re a natural at this.”

“I’m not sure trying to explain basic human kindness really counts as advice, Dan.”

“See, there you go again! You’re like a much taller and much, much less attractive version of her.”

“Uh…thanks?”

“No seriously, you look like some sort of hairless, goofy offspring of a sloth and an ape.”

“Hey, now that’s just unkind!” Chris protested.

“Whatever,” Dan said dismissively, “are you going to help me or not?”

“Well, I’ve been trying to keep you out of trouble almost since I first met you…” Chris reasoned as he flicked out a palm at face level.

“Great!” Dan said. “Okay, so hide the fact that I think our customers are a bunch of sub-human plebeians…what else you got?”

“Uh…” Chris glanced to the side for a second and raised an index finger to his cheek, “…try not to deck D.H. when she covers you in cupcakes.”

Dan winced, “She’s on the lineup for today, eh?”

“Dan, you made the schedule. How can you not know this?”

Dan shrugged, “I usually just have Pinkie throw darts to figure out who’s working …”

>-ooooooo-<

“Now remember,” Dan said as he gripped his blindfolded, pink, raglan-clad girlfriend’s shoulders, “throw really hard. We want to make sure the darts stick in nice and firm.”

Pinkie nodded, “Okie-dokie-lokie!” She raised a dart up in her thin, nail polished hand and let it fly.

“OW! What the heck?!” Chris cried.

Dan looked down at a clipboard and jotted something down. “Alright, Chris gets morning shift. Throw again…”

Pinkie repeated the process of throwing a dart.

“Ouch bra! You got my good arm…” Crunchy whined.

“Yay!” D.H. exclaimed. “I get to sleep in!”

“…Dan if, I’m throwing darts at a list of names, why is everyone yelling?” Pinkie asked.

“List of names…riiiight…” Dan replied, “Also, shut up and keep throwing. We’ve got an entire week to plan.”

“…Okie-dokie-lokie”

“GHA! MY FORHEAD!”

<-ooooooo->

Chris winced, “Yeah, that’s why I put on an extra layer when I show up to employee meetings...and put on protective eyewear… and wear a hat.”

“So, what other incompetent do I have to put up with today?” Dan asked.

“Uh… Crunchy.” Chris replied.

“Gangs all here, huh?”

“Well, except Pinkie.” Chris reminded.

Dan shot his tall friend a glare, “Why’d you have to remind me! I miss her enough as it is!”

“Uh, sorry Dan.”

Dan shook his head and sighed, “It’s okay, it’s just…I’m starting to forget things like…the smell of her hair…the feeling of her soft body against mine… the cute smile on her muzzle when she’s happy with me…”

“Dan, you must have saw her like… a few hours ago, and…” Chris paused, “Wait… did you say, ‘muzzle’?”

Dan’s eyes shot open wide and he placed his fingers against his cheeks and dug his nails into his face. “Oh no! It’s happening!”

“Uh… dare I ask, what’s happening?” Chris said as he cocked an eyebrow.

“This horrible disease known as love is starting to blind me to all things physical about my relationship with Pinkie.” Dan declared dramatically.

“…And that’s…bad?” Chris asked as he cocked an eyebrow.

Dan rushed up to Chris, stood on his tiptoes, and reached for the tall man’s collar, “Don’t you see! I’m becoming some sort of horrible pony-loving adult!”

“Uh…okay, I’m really confused as to how that’s relevant, but I also don’t see the problem with liking ponies.” Chris said as he gently removed Dan’s hands from his shirt.

“No, Chris! You don’t get it! I don’t just like ponies…” Dan said. “I love them…” he added whisper quiet. “Well…one, anyways…” he qualified.

“Still not getting it…” Chris said.

“I’m obsessed!” Dan cried. “First it’s me finding her face irresistibly adorable, then her fur soft and pleasant to the touch,” Dan said, emphatically motioning out in all directions with his arms, “then suddenly I’m spending hours of the day cataloguing every semi-interesting thing we do together like some creepy, fanatical, pony obsessed fan-boy…a boyny…” Dan paused. “Wait, that doesn’t sound right...” he said as he tapped an index finger against his cheek and stared at the ceiling.

“Wow, Dan.” Chris said. “After years of listening to your bizarre, crazy rants, you have actually managed to come up with one that makes the rest seem like intelligent, crafted, well-researched essays. Well done.”

“Chris! This is no time for your ever present pessimistic outlook on life!” Dan declared.

Chris frowned and narrowed his eyes at Dan.

“I’m having a major identity crisis over here!” Dan stated. “Also, I can’t come up with a name for my bizarre affliction.”

“Dan, I don’t think liking ponies is an affliction.”

“Just shut up and help my come up with a catchy name!”

“…Poman…” Chris suggested.

“… That’s horrible, that could be anything.” Dan said.

“I don’t even know why we’re doing this in the first place!”

The two friends paused and looked towards the back as they heard the door open.

“’Sup, bros?” Crunchy greeted.

Dan stared at Crunchy. “That’s it!” he declared as he raised an index finger. “Tiny horse fan!”

Chris looked over at dreadlocked, arm slung hippy and gave him a nod, “Hey, Crunchy.” He turned back to Dan, “Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.”

“It’s ‘tiny horse fan’ and that’s final!” Dan declared forcefully. He fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands. “I’m a tiny horse fan! Oh, woe is me!” Dan sobbed out. “Can there be a worse fate?!” Dan cried as he began to weep into his palms.

“Dude, what’s up with the boss man?” Crunchy asked.

“He’s upset because he apparently loves ponies… or something… it wasn’t really clear to me.” Chris explained.

“What’s wrong with that?” Crunchy asked. “Ponies are awesome!”

Dan looked up at Crunchy, “They are?”

“Sure!” Crunchy said, “All of nature’s creatures are awesome!”

Dan stood up and cocked an eye at the hippy. “Even the Brazilian wandering spider whose powerful neurotoxin can cause asphyxiation and death?”

Especially the Brazilian wandering spider, bra!”

Dan pondered this, “Note to self…pick a less impressive animal next time.” A smile suddenly emerged on his face, “Still! I’m reminded that I’m at least not a dirty hippy, and that makes me feel better!” Dan said with a smile. “Thanks, Cripple!”

Crunchy nodded, “Happy to help.”

“Help doing what?”

The group turned as D.H. walked over from the back.

“Dan’s freaking out because he likes ponies.” Chris explained.

“Tiny horse fan!” Dan reminded.

“What’s wrong with that?” D.H. asked. “Pony’s rock!” she declared.

“See Dan,” Chris said motioning out to D.H., “everyone likes ponies.”

“Oh! I’m so relived and happy!” Dan declared. “Alright crew! Let’s form a mighty band of tiny horse fans and rain fire on all who don’t share our love!”

“Whoa, metal dude.” Crunchy replied.

“Yay!” D.H. cried as she excitedly clapped her hands together. “Team building!”

“Dan, I don’t think we need to set people on fire if they don’t like ponies,” Chris said.

“You celebrate your loves your way, I’ll celebrate my loves my way,” Dan stated.

D.H. looked over the bakery with her crooked eyes. “We’re Pinkie?”

“Oh! I’m so depressed and miserable!” Dan cried.

“Pinkie’s sick,” Chris explained.

“Bummer dude,” Crunchy replied.

“Oh, I hope she feels better, soon!” D.H. added.

“Yeah…I wonder what she’s doing now…” Dan said. “Probably something adorable,” he mused wistfully.

-Dan and Pinkie’s apartment, 6:59 A.M.-

Pinkie glared angrily at the television screen as she mashed her hooves against her video game controller.

“I HOPE WHOEVER INVENTED SIDE BUTTONS DIES IN A FIRE!” she shrieked.

-ooooo-

“Welp…” Dan said, “Better let in the unwashed-I mean, not completely deplorable people of Van Nuys in…” He said walking over to the bakery entrance and unlocked the door.

“Come in, everyone!” Dan said as he faked enthusiasm. “Plenty of baked goods to stuff your ugly face…” Dan’s eyes flew open then suddenly narrowed to tiny slits. “YOU!”

“Hello, Dan,” A smiling man that was Dan’s height, had hair cut in a similar fashion to Dan’s, a triangular soul patch, and a number of bandages over face and body said. The man’s grin grew wider, “Surprised to see you so soon?”

Author's Note:

Words hurt, Dan…

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