Part 11 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Distractions: Chapter 99 Pinkie Vs. Lemonade Stand Gang
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 11 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Distractions
Chapter 99 Pinkie Vs. Lemonade Stand Gang
-ooooooo-
Pinkie scanned her eyes over the children as ‘Large Harold’ approached. In addition to the short ringleader and the massive Large Harold, there was another large boy with blonde hair and buck teeth and a dark-skinned girl with glasses that magnified her eyes to the size of saucers. “Hey! I think I know you kids!” Pinkie exclaimed. “You’re all the Lemonade Stand Gang!”
“Ah, so our reputation precedes us,” the ringleader of the group says. “Large Harold? Stop stalling and show the girl what she’s won!”
“You got it, Timmy…” Harold paused. “Uh… she’s won ‘pain’, right Timmy?”
Timmy sighed and smacked a palm against his face. “YES, Large Harold! She’s won ‘pain’!”
Large Harold lumbered towards Pinkie and threw his arms out in attempt to restrain her in a bear hug. Pinkie dashed away from the much slower child, quickly relocating herself by the lemonade stand.
“Whoops! Missed me~!” Pinkie sang out as she reached down and grabbed a lemon. Pinkie raised the lemon up to her mouth with a smile and took a bite out of it. Her lips immediately puckered and she spat out the bit of lemon she just chomped down on. “Ew! Sour! And the peel was still on and everything! Why’d I do that?!”
The kids shot Pinkie a confused expression. Timmy followed this up by narrowing his eyes. “So you’re going to make this difficult?”
“I’ve already got a nasty cut on my arm today,” Pinkie explained. “Not really looking to add bruisees to that.” Pinkie lifted her hand, glanced at her cut, and winced. “Yeah… that’s not going to heal in a hurry…” Pinkie raised her scissor blade and hooked it on the curl of hair that stuck out above her forehead, reached into her long, curly locks, and pulled out a blue ribbon.
“Whoa… that’s some hair strength you got there,” the girl commented.
“Thanks!” Pinkie replied as she tightly wrapped the ribbon around her wound.
“Do you use any product?” the girl asked.
“Oooo! Oooo! I use lots of products! Eggs, milk, flour, ground meat, shampoo, toothpaste… Basically things that come from stores!”
The girl raised an eyebrow. “In your… hair?”
“Huh?” Pinkie replied as she glanced up at her hair and retrieved her weapon. “Why would I put all that in my hair?”
“Delores!” Timmy said in an irritable tone. “Stop making nice with the weird girl! We’re supposed to be kicking her ass!”
“Whoa, boss!” the blond hair child spoke up. “I know military school was tough, but watch the language. Your parents are mad enough at you as it is!”
“Can it, Moose!” Timmy replied. “My parents aren’t going to find out about any of this, this time…”
Pinkie knitted her brow as she focused her attention on Timmy. “Sooo… you kids got back from military school after Dan, Chris, and Elise outwitted you and the first thing you do is go after the guy who kinda got you sent there in the first place?!”
“Hey!” Timmy said curtly. “Dan and us have unfinished business!”
“Uhh… look… I’m not really in a great position to blame people for holding a grudge,” Pinkie said as she turned the hand holding her giant, red, novelty scissor blade palm upward, “but do you really think the same approach that got you in trouble last time is the best approach here? I mean… you can easily end up shipped back to military school… or worse.”
Timmy chuckled. “Well that depends. I mean, we can’t get in trouble if there are no witnesses.”
Pinkie gave a sigh as she began to speak, “Why is everyone out for blood today?! Why can’t everyone be out for hugs…or cotton candy … Oh! Or even cake!”
“Oh, cake sounds nice,” Moose said.
“I like cotton candy,” Delores chimed in.
“I like hugs!” Large Harold added.
“SHUT UP THE THREE OF YOU!” Timmy cried. “Look… I feel a forgiving mood coming on, so how about you hand over all the money in your wallet and we’ll let you pass?”
“Erm… I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Pinkie said sheepishly.
Timmy rolled his eyes. “Let me guess, you don’t carry cash on you?”
Pinkie shook her head. “Oh no! I carry lots of money on me! I just physically can’t possibly give you all the money in my wallet since it’s a magic wallet and it would be physically impossible to give you all the money in it!”
Moose spoke up, “Uh, you might want to work on the redundancy there, girly.”
“Moose!” Timmy cried angrily. “Shut it! I’ll do the talking, capiche?”
“Sorry, boss…”
Timmy turned back towards Pinkie. “Watch it with the redundancy.”
“Erm… Okay,” Pinkie replied. “But having two of you tell me that is kinda… uh…”
Timmy sighed, “Redundant?”
Pinkie nodded her head up and down vigorously. “Yepper!” Pinkie squinted her eyes at Timmy. “You know… you sound really familiar… like… one of my ‘bestest best friends in the universe’ familiar!”
“That’s IT! I can’t TAKE listening to you anymore!” Timmy cried. “Guys! Weapons!”
Without warning the other three children all produced weapons. Large Harold pulled out a long metal pipe, Moose pulled out a length of chain, and Delores pulled out a small chainsaw.
“WHY IS EVERYONE ARMED TODAY?!” Pinkie cried. “I just wanted to catapult soda on one unsuspecting waitress and spend the rest of my time with Dan! Is that so wrong?”
Timmy grinned wickedly as similarly grim looking smiles adorned his friend’s faces. “So, Dan’s your boyfriend?”
“Well, d’uuuuuuuuuh!” Pinkie replied. She looked around her as the kids circled around her and began to close in on her. “Whooops…” Pinkie murmured.
Timmy raised his index finger and pointed at Pinkie. “GET HER!” he cried.
The other three children lunged at Pinkie. They raised their weapons as they prepared to inflict an onslaught of painful and potentially lethal blows that would render their opponent—
Pinkie thrust her fist out and caught Large Harold in the face.
‘POW!’
She blocked the chain with her scissor blade and let it wrap around it and sent a fist into Moose’s cheek.
‘SMACK!’
She kicked out her leg and caught Delores in the side.
‘ZUFF!’
She hammered her fist onto the top of Large Harold’s skull.
‘PAN!’
She threw her elbow into Moose’s gut and shoved her weight behind it.
‘SNUH!’
She extended her foot and caught Delores in the side of the head.
‘BORT!
She kicked again and caught Large Harold in the hind quarters.
‘POOO!’
She flicked Moose’s nose.
‘NEWT!’
She boxed Delores’s ears.
‘MINT!’
She reached for Large Harold’s chest and gave one of his nipples a twist.
‘ZAK!’
The three children collapsed to the concrete, the torrent of blows taking them out before they could even swing their weapons forward.
Pinkie raised an eyebrow at Timmy as the three other kids all laid in a heap by her moaning and clutching their bruised bodies.
“COME ON GUYS!” Timmy shouted. “DON’T JUST LET HER OFF LIKE THAT!”
Moose coughed as he struggled to her feat. “Cough… cough… Didn’t… didn’t even see her move…”
“Ow… my ears…” Delores uttered from the ground as she rubbed her pained ears.
“AHHH! THE PAIN! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!” Large Harold cried as he clutched at his chest.
The children all slowly raised off the ground and woozily stood up.
Pinkie sighed. “Can I go now? I’m pretty sure I’m bleeding through my ribbon,” Pinkie said, her blue ribbon now stained a darkish brown color as blood continued to spread through it.
Timmy narrowed his eyes at Pinkie. “This isn’t over! We spent months at military school and we won’t rest until those that sent us there suffer! Tell Dan we’re coming after him! And HELL’S COMING WITH—”
“So why the heck do you three listen to Shouty McShouty Pants anyways?” Pinkie asked the three kids she had just pummeled.
“HEY!” Timmy cried. “I’m declaring my vengeance here!”
Delores adjusted her glasses. “Well, I mean… he always has a plan… and knows how to make money.”
“Yeah,” Moose said, “we made lots of money when we first started the Lemonade Stand Gang.”
Large Harold nodded. “Tons!”
Timmy chuckled. “See! There’s not use talking to them, they’re all my loyal—”
“Okay fine,” Pinkie continued. “But then his plan for going after Dan got all your bikes trasheddy-wrasheddy… and then your activities all got exposed to your parents, and then you all got sent to military school!”
“Hey! Shut up!” Timmy cried.
“Hey… yeah…” Delores said as she considered this.
“And THEN,” Pinkie added, “he tried to get you to go after Dan and you all got pummeled in record time! I mean… if I were you… and I’m not… But if I was… I’d be pretty peeved!”
“Uh… please stop,” Timmy said with a bit less force and a bit more pleading than his previous statement.
The three bruised and battered kids all looked at each other.
“Also,” Pinkie said, “you’re all bigger…”
They exchanged wicked looking grins and turned towards Timmy.
“…two of you are undoubtedly stronger…”
Timmy gulped. “Uh… Hey guys… Maybe we should talk this over…” he said as the three other kids approached him.
Pinkie continued talking, not realizing she was now addressing open air, “… and it’s not like Timmy seems to do anything but yell at you all, so—”
“GET HIM!” Delores cried.
Pinkie stopped mid-sentence and turned towards the kids.
Timmy made a startled yelp as he attempted to bolt from the other kids, but they descended upon him in an instant, delivering Indian burns, noogies, and shin kicks to the former boss of the Lemonade Stand Gang.
“Uh… I was going to say ‘ignore him’,” Pinkie said, “but I guess he did get all three of you into this mess…”
“Alright,” Delores said as she ceased her shin kicking, “I think he’s had enough.”
“Sure thing!” Moose said.
“Ow…” Timmy murmured from the ground.
“Aww… can’t I give him one more to grow on?” Large Harold asked.
Delores shrugged. “Sure, why not.”
Large Harold smiled as he leaned down and slugged Timmy in the arm one last time.
Delores smiled. “Alright guys, let’s figure out something else to do that’s not likely to get us beat up or sent away.” Delores motioned for the other two to follow her.
“I hear that,” Mouse replied as he walked after Delores.
“I think we should try knitting!” Large Harold added as he walked after the other kids.
Timmy uttered a painful moan from the street.
Pinkie sighed. “Why is it everywhere I go today, people are getting beat up?” She paused and thought about this. “Geez… maybe I’m beginning to resort to violence a little too quickly! I mean… before I came here I’d never straight up pummel someone! Maybe there is something to this time away from Dan! It’s giving me time to reflect on my actions!” She turned towards Timmy. “What do you think?”
“I’ll… I’ll get you… for… COUGH… this…” Timmy uttered as a pained-sounding cough escaped his lips.
“You’re right, Timmy! I did try to diffuse these situations today and was attacked anyways! Thanks for clearing up my filo-soft-sickle-Canada-drum!” Pinkie scrunched her face up as she thought about what she just said. “No wait, that’s not right…”
“COUGH… Hate… you…” Timmy said.
Pinkie looked over the injured child with a ponderous expression. “Well… I guess I can’t just leave you in the street… Uhg… But I am losing an awful lot of blood it seems…” she said as she noticed blood was now slowly dripping from her stained blue ribbon. She bounded over towards the apartment complex and knocked on a door.
‘BOOM!’
The apartment complex shook as the sound of an explosion rang from inside.
“Whoops…” Pinkie uttered as she put on a concerned expression.
The door swung open revealing a tall, middle-aged man with wild, white hair that shot out in all directions wearing a pair of glasses and a singed white lab coat over a grey sweater and black slacks. Black smoke bellowed out from the apartment as the man looked down at Pinkie and smiled. “Cough… Cough… PINKIE! Always a pleasure! Can I interest you in some mutant gerbils? I’m not sure of everything they do yet, but their tails glow in the dark! So, that’s at least a step up from regular gerbils,” the man said as he flicked his palm up matter-of-factually.
“Nifty!” Pinkie cried. “But that’s okay Dr. Splice. I think Mr. Mumbles might try to eviscerate them.”
“Please! Call me Jean!” Jean insisted. “And yes, I can see how that could be a problem considering I’m still not sure of the gerbil’s explosive properties when cut open.” Jean paused. “… Jellyfish that scream when you look at them for too long?” he offered.
Pinkie shook her head. “That’s okay, Jeanee! We don’t have an aquarium.”
“Oh right, I had forgotten… Gun that shoots knives?”
“That sounds uh… kinda impractical,” Pinkie said.
“The knives also explode,” Jean informed.
“Oooo!” Pinkie cried. “Dan would LOVE one of those— WAIT!” Pinkie cried as she threw up her hands. “But that’s not why I’m here! You see this child…” Pinkie motioned to Timmy who merely moaned from the concrete “… he uh… he fell down some stairs,” she said with a nervous grin. “Now, normally I’d take care of this myself, but I got cut in some crazy scissor blade duel and am kinda losing a lot of blood here and starting to feel woozy!”
Jean shook his head. “It’s really been one of those days, hasn’t it?”
Pinkie smiled and rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it.”
Jean walked swiftly out of his doorway and scooped up Timmy in his arms. “Don’t worry! I shall take care of him as if he was my own!” he declared.
“Uh… what?” Timmy said in a rather concerned tone. “HEY! Wait a min—”
With a quick motion, Jean squeezed his fingers against a ring on his right middle finger, causing a tiny needle to pop out. He quickly flicked the needle up into Timmy’s neck, knocking the boy unconscious almost immediately.
“Well… I figured you could call his parents or an ambulance or something, but okay!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “I better get home and get ready for Dan… and also stop my bleeding!”
Jean nodded as he walked back towards his apartment. “Alright Pinkie… are you sure you don’t want a gerbil with a glow-in-the-dark tail that may or may not explode if cut?”
“I’m good!” Pinkie said cheerfully.
Jean frowned. “Alright, it didn’t sound like a very good offer when I said it out loud anyways. Anyhow, you go take care of your gushing wound and come back for the exploding knives gun later.”
Pinkie smiled and nodded. “Will do! I’ll bring a whole mess of cupcakes when come back!”
Jean gave Pinkie a happy smile. “Looking forward to it.” With that, Jean reached a hand out as he continued to support Timmy with his arms and grabbed his door knob, quickly closing it.
A happy smile on her face, Pinkie wasted no time in returning to Dan’s and her apartment. She began by removing her blood soaked ribbon, and replacing it with some gauze and medical wrap that stopped the bleeding. Next she changed out of her clothes and into a white apron that sported a large, pink heart on the center. Finally, she made quickly whipped up a batch of fruit punch, finishing moments before she heard rapid, frantic running up the complex stairs towards the apartment.
‘SLAM!’
Pinkie quickly turned as the apartment door banged open a few feet from her. Her apron hugged her body tightly to the point where she was showing off her ample cleavage, something her rather modest attire rarely displayed. She stared at Dan who stared back at her with wide, worried-looking eyes.
“Hey Dan!” Pinkie said as cheerful as ever. “Would you like some punch?” she asked as she held up a pitcher full of a bright pink liquid with lemons floating in it and an empty glass.
Dan reached forward and placed his both his hands on Pinkie’s shoulders. “Are you okay?!” he asked in a worried tone.
Pinkie looked back at her boyfriend with a perplexed expression, almost as if Dan had just asked her if it was daytime. “Sure! Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I saw the lemonade stand out front!” Dan explained. “If those kids so much as touched you, I’ll make sure they’re not given another opportunity unless they somehow know how to punch their way through wood and six feet of earth,” Dan declared grimly.
Pinkie smiled and raised her arms, using them to gently remove Dan’s grasp on her. “Relax Danton Tarantino! I took care of them.”
Dan stared at Pinkie blankly for a split second. “And by take care of, you mean…?”
“I… uh… I kinda, maybe, sorta, possibly, totally, absolutely beat up most of them,” Pinkie admitted.
Dan’s eyes widened even furthered as his lower jaw unhinged and he stared out at Pinkie. “Pinkie Pie… I just… words cannot describe the depth of my love for you!” he paused. “…But I’m still tempted to pen a verse or a few hundred and try…”
Pinkie giggled. “Hehe… Oh stop…” she said as she poured the punch into the empty glass.
Dan’s eye’s drifted towards the bandage on Pinkie’s arm as she handed him the glass of punch. He took a sip and motioned to the bandage with his glass. “Sssip… What happened… wow, that’s good punch… uh… So, what happened there?” Dan narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me one of those gutter urchins actually got a piece of you.”
Pinkie shook her head. “Not them.”
“Then who?”
“Oh… you know… splashing the Lenny’s waitress didn’t go quite as planned and we ended up having this big duel with dangerous novelty scissors.”
“Riiiight…” Dan replied. "How'd that end up?"
"Well, she cut me, so I pummeled her with the blunt end of my scissors," Pinkie said.
Dan frowned. "You didn't cut her back?"
"Well, I was kinda, sorta trying to damage control at that point... How’d your trip to the pet shop go?” Pinkie asked.
“Uh…” Dan uttered hesitantly. “Yeah… we got that quarter…” he said with a pensive smile.
“You overdid it, didn’t you?” Pinkie asked flatly.
Dan frowned. “How’d you guess?”
“‘Cause I’m usually around to make sure you don’t do anything too crazy...” Pinkie’s smile turned nervous. “Also, since my own little vengeance run got out of hand, I kinda figured yours didn’t go any better.”
Dan nodded. “Yeah, let’s not do this ever again!”
Pinkie nodded as her smile returned. “Definitely! Worst – idea – EVER!” she declared.
Dan smiled and rolled his eyes. “Tell me about it!” He looked back at Pinkie and smiled happily. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too!” Pinkie said as the two closed their eyes and met for a tight hug.
Dan’s eyes opened up suddenly as his happy smile turned mischievous. “You’re not wearing anything under this apron, are you?”
“Noper,” Pinkie replied as her lips curled up into a small, catlike grin.
“Hey, before I chug this punch and take you in a manly fashion, what did you mean by beating up ‘most’ of the Lemonade Stand Gang?”
Pinkie stepped back a half step so she could look at Dan. “Oh! I kinda, sorta accidently convinced three of them to turn on their leader. They beat him up and left him in the street. Dr. Splice—er, I mean Jeanee is taking care of him now.”
Dan smiled. “Heh, awesome! Jean’s out of his mind and will probably experiment on him!” Dan’s grin widened. “He’ll probably die!” he added.
Pinkie’s usual pink glow quickly fell away from her face, replaced with a stark whiteness that helped highlight the panicked expression on her face. “Whoops…” she uttered as she broke away from Dan’s embrace and bolted out the apartment door. She quickly stepped outside onto the apartment walkway.
“PINKIE! WAIT!” Dan cried as he stared out at Pinkie’s completely bare back. “Your clothes!”
“CLOTHING IS OVERRATED!” Pinkie shouted as she sprinted down the apartment complex steps.
-ooooooo-
“And that’s how Dan and I saved Christmas!” Pinkie concluded.
“Goofball, we haven’t even been through a Christmas together,” Dan said.
“Oh, right…” Pinkie replied. “So I guess that was just the story of how yesterday went…” Pinkie looked around the room. Chris and Elise looked rather unsurprised by what they had heard. The other couples in the room and Amber had much different expressions that ranged from bewildered to shocked and even slightly enraged.
“What?” Pinkie asked.
Stats
Page generated in 0.085 seconds
Total duration
1,018 users online
325,602 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
That was definitely my favourite story about saving Christmas.
Nude Pinkie? Why don't I live at Casa Paradiso?
lol you got to love pink ^^
Awesome chapter as usual, i really hope you bring back the exploding knife gun in the future.
Knives
Woohooo!
I love this story.......so much!
Pinkie pie is amazing with passive aggressive attacks
4192962 all the things that light themselves on fire when you look at them funny?
The neighbors? Dr. Splice—er? Screw it, it's worth it.
Why can't Christmas always be saved in such an awesome and hilarious manner?!
4193118
Fixed thanks!
I got this a couple places before publishing, but missed it in a couple others.
Strange that "knifes" doesn't always trigger my spell checkers.
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130708144400/borderlands/images/7/71/Casual_SWORDSPLOSION%21%21%21.png SWORDSPLOSION!!! Borderlands 2 reference!
And I now eagerly await Dan and Pinkie vs. Christmas. I guess it would be the mall Santa's turn to show up then
Dan and Pinkie Vs Christmas, if is Hogfather, with Albert Malachi as the elf, and Death as Santa. Needing .. assistance.
Also, Dr Jene splicer treating Timmy as his son. Whats that skippy, Timmys fallen down the well, and turned into half man half buiscuit?
the peal
Peel goes on fruit. Bells release peals of sound. People can also issue peals of laughter. (Again with those confusing homophones, English!)
quickly wiped up
Whipped up. Unless she made a really big mess of the fruit before she worked on it?
An excellent chapter, smiles from over here. And now the other couples have competition for being the least screwed up couple.
Maybe.
Also, fewer errors mean you will soon conquer the world!
4195015
Fixed these! Thanks!
Dynamite knives. Because why the buck not?
This was actually a prytty big rip off from Space Jam.
4194839 grr...
4192937 Agreed....
4195648 Another wonderful chapter that helped raise my spirits on a day I had to go into work. Keep up the great work!
....and maybe the "clothes are overrated" Pinkie mentality
...just saying
4196497
...Wat?
There's a somewhat subtle Simpsons' reference, but that's about it.
4197752 How she turned the gang against its leader part.
4197773
That's not exactly an uncommon trope, and I haven't seen Space Jam in over a decade. While I'm a pretty shameless reference whore, that bit there is purely coincidental.
4197779 Well, you got the dialog pretty close actually...
4197961
Oh really? I had no idea. I didn't even remember this was in Space Jam until you mentioned the specific scene, it's only now I vaguely remember.
It just occurred to me while writing that Timmy was, in fact, smaller than any of the kids, even Delores. Also that his plans had probably stopped really helping the group at that point. So, coupled with the fact that he was pretty much bullying the other kids to get what he wanted, I figured the other children turning on him would make for rather poetic justice.
Hey i just realised that the next one will the 100th chapter.
I love this story despite its flaws.
How can you find the time to write this much? I seriously don't get it. Between coming up with the plot, writing it, responding to comments, and writing your other stories, how do you have the time?
4208026
I try to write a few hours every day and keep myself on a fairly rigorous 'new chapter at least ever three days' for this fic. Not sure if that would work for everyone, but setting goals such as how much I write in a day and how often I update seems to work pretty well for me.
4208074 Still, you're a bloody machine! I know of very few people who can output as much as you do and keep it fresh, funny, and of good quality.
4208142 ...you know, i don't think we are in the same country but yet I would be honored to consider you as a nice guy.
I'l give you a space monkey!
i176.photobucket.com/albums/w197/hpgiswom/SpaceMonkeySpokespersondcopy.jpg
4208801
That picture pretty much inspired the whole TOK business.
Actully Technaro is pretty much to blame for me shipping DanPie in the first place.
AHHHH there are so many fucking comments i cant find the reply i got!
Ha. Also Pinkie and scissor blade? And her Clothing is Overrated comment?
Kill La Kill is totes Team Awesomesauce
Why can't I escape the unintentional Deadly Premonition references?!
I don't recall the mad scientist. IS he original or was he from an episode I can't remember?
4402869
He's original. He's been mentioned a few times in the story, but it's only this chapter I actually showed him.
4402883 He needs to show up more often. *disregard this comment if he does show up again*
4683332
I'll keep that in mind. There's a ton of characters from Dan Vs. I'm using at the moment, but it doesn't hurt to use other ones in different arcs depending on what's going on.
Hadaka apron Pinkie? YES PLEASE.
"I will treat him as if he were my Own"
...Why does this not reassure me?
Am I the only one who read Dr. Jean Splice's (I see what you did there...) lines with Dr. Emmett Brown's voice?
5428963 I did at first, but after I saw that his name was Jeanee Splice, I started hearing a not-so-gassy Rick from Rick and Morty
5819686
Rick strikes me as a bit more unbalanced version of Doc Brown. That's pretty fitting of Gene, if I do say so myself.
What does the lemonade stand fight remind me of...Oh yeah!!
I don't know how Ryuko does it tbh
I looked it up, and yep, Tara Strong voices Timmy!
You really did your research!
Ah yes the Johnny Gat special.
Get a room!