Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week: Chapter 59: Pinkie Vs. Alcohol
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week
Chapter 59: Pinkie Vs. Alcohol
*****
“Uh, Pinkie why are you wearing that?” Elise enquired from the driver’s seat.
“Because it’s hot!” Pinkie replied from the back.
Dan began to growl irritably.
Elise paused. “…Hot because ‘it’s hot outside’ or hot because ‘you wanted to dress in a way that makes people draw attention to you’?”
Pinkie went quiet for a second. “Ooooh! Ooooooooooooooh! That’s what Dan has been trying to explain to me!” She responded happily. She looked over to her boyfriend. “Dan! Dan! I finally figured out…”
“GLACK…KCLCK…” Dan replied as he attempted to release himself from his mortal bounds of flesh via wrapping the seatbelt shoulder strap around his neck.
“No, Dan!” Pinkie pleaded. “Don’t do it! You’re too awesome to die!”
Dan paused, and slowly removed the seatbelt from around his neck. “You’re right! I am awesome!”
Pinkie nodded vigorously. “Yay!” she exclaimed. “Life is worth living for smoochees!” She announced.
Dan and Pinkie leaned towards each other and pressed their lips together, Pinkie making audible ‘Mauh’ noises as she made out with her boyfriend in the backseat of the blue sedan.
Elise giggled. “Any excuse with those, two. Huh?” She asked her husband.
“Pretty much, yeah…” Chris replied.
“What are you two babbling on about?” Dan turned and asked, as Pinkie continued to rain kisses on his cheek.
“Uh…we’re just discussing our vacation plans for this weekend.” Chris stated.
“WHAT?!” Dan exclaimed. “I didn’t authorize that!”
Chris and Elise exchanged grins. “Actually, you did.”
Chris reached into his pocket and pulled out a sheet of paper, handing it to Dan.
“I even had it notarized, in case you forgot.” Chris informed.
“Uh…so, you did.” Dan replied looking over the document that clearly had his signature as well as a round, notary stamp on it.
“And I told Pinkie to remind you.” Elise added.
“Oh?!” Dan asked, turning to Pinkie. “Way to drop the ball there!” He accused.
“Dan, I told you, like…a dozen times, at least!” Pinkie insisted squeakily.
“Psahaw…” Dan replied, waving a hand at Pinkie dismissively. “…I’m sure I’d remember if you told me that many times!”
Pinkie sighed.
<*>
“Hey Dan! Elise told me to remind you that she and Chris are going on vacation in a couple weeks.”
“Sure…whatever…” Dan said as his face remained glued to the T.V.
*
“Ah! You got me again!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “By the way, Chris and Elise are going on vacation…”
“Less talky, more getting beaten up at video games.”
“Uh…sure…Okay!”
*
“Dan! Dan! Chris and Elise are going on vacation…”
“Trying to EAT cereal here…”
“Sigh…”
*
“Dan! Chris and Elise are going on vacation, and wanted me to…”
“GEEZ, woman! It’s just non-stop chatter with you, isn’t it?! Can’t we have one quiet walk to work?!”
“…”
*
“Hey Dan. Chris and Elise are going…
“TRYING TO BAKE HERE!” Dan replied irritably as he hand mixed the contents of a bowl.
“But you…but you’ve made that recipe hundreds of times…”
“And now you just threw off my mixing rhythm, now someone is going to eat not perfectly mixed muffins! LOOK WHAT YOUR CARELESS LIPS HAVE WROUGHT!” Dan held up the contents of the mixing bowl for Pinkie to see. “LOOK AT IT!” He demanded.
“Alright, sorry, geez, I guess I won’t talk to you while we’re baking, anymore…”
“Huh?” Dan replied. “No, don’t do that! We’ll be here for hours in total silence!”
Pinkie’s face contorted in confusion. “Bwah?! But you just…I mean…how will I…”
“You seem tense.” Dan commented. “Would you like to talk about it?”
Pinkie’s eye twitched.
*
“Hey, Dan! Chris and Elise are going on vacation at the end of this…”
“WATCHING KILLER BEE WEEK!” Dan announced. “Are you a killer bee?!”
“Uh…no?”
“Then buzz off!”
“…Hehe…buzz off…” Pinkie said quietly to herself as she walked away.
*
“Hey, Dan! ChrisAndElise! Vacation! EndOfThisWeek…”
“AHHHH!” Dan screamed pointing at Pinkie. “Giant killer bee! RUN Mr. Mumbles!” Dan and Mr. Mumbles jumped off the couch and made a panicked run into the bedroom, as Dan closed the door behind them.
Pinkie glanced down at her yellow and black shirt, then around her back to her attached thorax, then glanced up at the springy antennae that here bouncing up and down above her head.
“Huh…maybe I over did it…”
*
“Dan! ChrisAndEliseVacati…”
“Reading comics here!”
“GRAH!”
*
“VacationChrisEliseGoingEndOF…
“TRYING to watch the PAINT dry!”
“ARRRRRRRRGGGG!”
*
“DAN! CHRIS! ELISE! VACATION! GOING…
“Staring out into vacant space here!”
“GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!”
*
“Ohhh Dan…moan…pant…aaaah…right…there…ChrisAndEliseAreGoingOnVacationAtTheEndOfTheWeek…”
>*<
“Wait…” Chris turned in his seat to face Pinkie with a per. “You actually told him while you two were in bed together?!”
“That wasn’t when we were in bed together!” Pinkie replied. “We were in a small pool of lactose-free pudding that time!” She explained.
“Uh…” Chris responded, suddenly sorry he had asked.
“No! The time we were in bed was more like,” Pinkie rolled her eyes back and began huskily breathing as she verbally reenacted the scene, “‘Aaah…pant…that feels…moan…so good…vacation…ChrisAndElise…ahhhh…going on…pant…endOfWeek…’”
Elise began laughing as Chris turned back to face forward in his seat, his face flushed red.
Dan sighed. “Fine…” he muttered out. “I guess you can go…”
Elise chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Geez, thanks, Dan.”
“…but first round is on you!” Dan added.
Elise thought about this for a second. “…Fine, but I get to pick drinks!”
“…Deal.” Dan responded.
*
Dan stared at the colorful beverage in front of him, complete with a tiny umbrella sticking out of it and pieces of fruit on the rim.
“Ulg…You just had to get my something with fruit, didn’t you?” He asked, glowering at Elise.
Elise grinned as she took a sip from her own drink, an amber colored beverage with a couple of ice cubes in it.
Dan took a sip, “On the other hand,” He smiled, “I do like sugar…Not bad.”
“Uh…sure Dan…” Elise replied.
“See! I told you it was good!” Pinkie exclaimed.
Chris chuckled. “Not according to plan, eh?” He asked his wife as he sipped soda from a bottle.
Elise sighed. “I’ll give him a Scotch next time…”
“Chris!” Dan called out as he pointed at a pool table. “I desire to beat you at that game!”
“Uh…that kind of requires that you’re actually good at pool.” Chris explained.
“I’m confident I have a hidden talent for it…I mean…it involves hitting things with sticks. I should have plenty of practice there.” Dan replied.
Chris shrugged. “Just don’t hit me with the stick, alight?” He said as the two men got off their bar stools and walked over to the pool table.
“No promises.” Dan answered.
The two women enjoyed their drink in the dim light of the dingy looking bar.
“This is super delish, Elise!” Pinkie exclaimed as she continued to take large gulps of her drink.
Elise nodded. “Yeah, I figured you’d like that.”
“I do like it!” Pinkie grinned. “And it’s helping me forget my body is in fiery pain!” She added.
Pinkie looked at the colorful bottles on the other side of the bar, as she continued to take large drinks from her beverage. “I wonder what else I’d like!”
*Soon*
“Elise! Elise! Elise! Elise!” Pinkie repeated excitedly.
Elise giggled. “Yes, Pinkie?”
“Guess what! Guess what! Guess what! Guess what!”
“Uh, you’ve decided you like raspberry liqueurs?”
Pinkie depleted the air in front of her of oxygen with a giant gasp. “How did you know!? Are you psychic?!”
“Heh, no…lucky guess.”
‘Smack’
“HA!” Dan called out. “Off the table!”
“Dan, that’s considered bad.” Chris explained.
“What?! GRAH! I hate this game!”
A large, angry looking man in a beat up leather jacket approached Dan, pool ball in hand. “This belong to you, buddy?” He asked in a deep, somewhat threatening tone.
Dan wordlessly grabbed the ball, and looked at Chris. “Right…so…what do I do with this?”
“HEY, KNUCKLEHEAD!” The large man called out. “I think you at least owe me a drink.”
Dan turned and looked the large man up and down. “Pinkie!” Dan called out. “Bad man wants to hurt your boyfriend.”
Pinkie quickly stood on her stool and pounced the large man with a “YAR!”
Dan turned back to Chris as his scantily clad girlfriend began grabbing the large man’s limbs and contorting them in unnatural ways.
“So anyways,” Dan said to Chris, “what do I do with this?”
Chris looked at the scene of violence on the floor. “Uh…wow…”
“Say uncle~!” Pinkie sang out as she sat on top of the larger man and bent his arm behind his back.
“Unc…UNCLE!” The man cried.
Pinkie let the man go as he slinked into a far off corner of the bar to the grins and chuckles of the other bar participants for getting trounced by a girl.
“Thanks, goofball.” Dan said with a smile.
“Anytime, Danny-manny!” Pinkie replied as the two exchanged a quick kiss.
Pinkie returned to her seat next to Elise who was attempting to find an expression in between worried and impressed.
“I thought Pinkie didn’t like violence…” Chris commented.
Dan shrugged. “Now that we’re a couple, she seems ready to defend me at a moment’s notice.” Dan frowned at the ball and put it back on the pool table. “Especially if she’s not really paying attention in the first place.” He added.
**
“So! Elise! ELSIE! Elisee…the Elisearoni and cheese!” Pinkie said.
Elise sipped her drink. “Uh, yeah Pinkie?”
“I never thanked you for helping me pick out an outfit for Dan the other day!” Pinkie explained as she held a brand new, colorful drink in her hand.
Elise smiled and shrugged. “Oh, don’t worry. I had fun, too!”
Pinkie began to giggle with a mischievous look. “You know what else is fun?” She asked, leaning in and lowering her voice.
“Uh…no, what?”
Pinkie grinned wide. “A roll in the hay, the old in-and-out…you know…hanky-panky, the horizontal mambo, the lust and thrust, hide the sausage…nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?KnowWhatImean?!”
“Erm, yes Pinkie. I think I understand quite clearly.”
Pinkie frowned. “I’m not sure you do! You see Dan and I…”
Elise’s face flushed as Pinkie began to go into graphic detail of her and Dan’s escapades, complete with audio reenactment, several musical numbers, and a lengthy shadow puppet show.
“…And that’s why chocolate syrup isn’t a great lubricant…it’s an AWESOME lubricant!”
“Uh…right…” Elise responded sheepishly.
“So, anyway,” Pinkie continued, “regarding the many uses of a rubber chicken…”
“YES! Got one.” Dan exclaimed.
“Dan, that was the eight ball.” Chris informed.
“…And it means double points?” Dan asked hopefully.
“It means you lost.”
“GRAAAAAAH!” Dan flung his pool stick out into the dining area of the bar.
‘Clank.’
“HEY! IDIOT!” A large, muscled man called out. “I THINK YOU DROPPED THIS!” He yelled as he approached Dan.
Dan sighed. “Pinkie!”
“…and that’s why Dan doesn’t let me take a whoopee cushion to bed anymore, despite its totally appropriate name!”
“PINKIE! I’m in possible danger here!”
“Ooops! Gotta go!” Pinkie announced as she dashed off in a pink blur.
Elise took a large gulp from her drink. “Thank you merciful God…”
‘SNAP’
“AHHHHHHH!” The large man called out, as Pinkie straddled his back, facing away from the man and pulled his legs towards her to an extreme degree.
Pinkie giggled. “Hehe! Now sing, I’m a steamboat call me Mel!”
The large man uttered a pained tune of “I’m a steamboat call me Mel…”
“Oooo! Good job! Especially since I just made up that song…or I’m channeling T.V. again…it’s kinda hard to figure out which…everything is blurry, and fun, and AWESOME!”
**
“Sniff…sob…Elise?” Pinkie cried out.
“Uh…yeah Pinkie?”
“I’msworry I’m suuuch a howrribly frieaeaeaeaeand!” Pinkie moaned.
“Oh Pinkie, you’re a great friend.” Elise chuckled. “Never a dull moment with you around.”
“SOB…YOU’RE JUUSHT SAYING THAT!” Pinkie insisted.
“No, no!” Elise insisted. “You’re truly a great friend!”
“Sniff…really?”
Elise smiled and nodded her head as she put a hand on Pinkie’s shoulder. “Really!” She insisted.
“Thanks Elise…” Pinkie turned and looked at Dan as he and Chris stood at a far end of the bar, in a pink blur closed the distance from bar stool to Dan and latched herself onto his back.
“GHAH! What the heck, goofball?! We’re playing darts!”
“I’m playing Darts” Chris said with a grin. “Dan is adding holes to the wall.”
Dan narrowed his eyes at Chris. “I will throw this at your shins, Chris!” Dan said, holding a small dart up threateningly. “Don’t think I won’t!”
“Sniff…sob…Dan?”
Dan sighed. “What is it?”
“I’msworry I’m theworrsstes girlsfriend eveeeeeeeeer!” Pinkie moaned.
Dan paused and shimmied around to look at Pinkie. “What are you talking about?! You’re pretty much the objectively BEST girlfriend possible!” Dan insisted.
“YOU’RE JSH…jus…justsh… SAYING THAT…WHOUAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Pinkie insisted as she burst into tears.
“Hey…” Dan said calmly, holding a gentle hand against Pinkie’s cheek. “You beat up a supervillain with a manhole cover just yesterday! If that doesn’t make you the best girlfriend ever, then I don’t know what does.”
Pinkie calmed down a bit, and gave Dan a smile through the tears. “Sniff…reaeaeally?”
Dan wiped tears away from Pinkie’s face lovingly. “Really.”
Pinkie’s mood suddenly turned a 180 as she beamed from ear to ear before she threw herself against Dan, hard enough to tackle him to the floor as she began savagely kissing him as Dan tried in vain to pry his girlfriend off of him.
“Uh…” Chris looked towards his wife. “Darts?” He asked. “I think they may be a while…”
Elise chuckled, and finished her Drink. “Sure honey, maybe with the buzz I got going you’ll stand a chance…”
**
“Elise…”
“…Yes Pinkie.” Elise asked tentatively as she sipped her drink.
“I feel it!” Pinkie announced, her pupils the size of saucers.
“Uh, feel what, Pinkie?”
“The magic…the magic that connects this world to all worlds! The magical energy that binds the myriad of dimensions. I feel it all around us.”
“Uh…sure Pinkie…”
“Also, the magic energy is guarded by tiny, jealous, angry little gnomes that steal small items of clothing from people’s driers!” Pinkie explained.
“I think you’ve had enough…” Elise said.
“Yes, Elise.” Pinkie replied calmly. “I’ve had enough…enough to see we’re all coupled, we are all one in the magic, binding power of friendship!”
“GAH!” A man called out as a dart hit in in the arm.
“Wow…you’re really just terrible at this!” Chris commented.
“SHUT UP!” Dan retorted.
The man tentatively walked up to Dan. “Uh…here’s your dart…sir…” He said, holding the dart out for Dan.
Dan looked at the dart, then up at that man. “Pinkie!”
The man’s expression turned panicked. “What! NO! I was being nice! I swear. AHHH!” The man called out in alarm as Pinkie suddenly appeared beside him.
“Yes Dan?”
Dan grinned. “This man looked at me funny.”
“NO! I swear! I didn’t!”
“Oh, Dan…I’ve learned violence isn’t the answer.” Pinkie said, her voice soothing and melodic.
Dan frowned. “It’s not?”
Pinkie shook her head. “If we, as sapient beings, are to make it, we must learn to coexist.”
“…Sounds like nonsense, hippy talk to me.” Dan snorted in reply.
“Here,” Pinkie began, “I’ll show you! Drinks for everyone!” She announced.
The bar patrons cheered joyously.
Dan shook his head. “Wow, you’re really weird when you’re drunk…I mean…weirder…”
“No, Dan! I’m not drunk! I see clearly now for the first time.” Pinkie insisted in an even tone. “We must all come together in friendship’s warm glow…now hand me your lighter.”
**
The four friends stood outside the bar, as the warm glow of friendship illuminated their face, or rather, as the flaming structure fire of the bar lit up the night’s sky and people ran in a panic from the building.
“Welp,” Chris began, “that ended predictably.”
Elise nodded. “It suuuure did.”
“Remind me never to give Pinkie my lighter if she wants to mix drinks…” Dan said, as Pinkie leaned her weight against the short man to keep herself upright. “I mean, if we’re at our apartment that is.” He qualified. “Anywhere else is fine.”
“Ooooo…pretty…” Pinkie said, staring out into the flames, as she clung to Dan with a distant look plastered on her face.
“So!” Dan said with a smile. “This was fun! We should do it again sometime.”
Elise and Chris exchanged glances and shrugged.
“Sure Dan.” Chris said. “Maybe next time you can actually hit the dartboard and keep the pool balls on the table.” He said with a grin.
“Chris, a lesser man would take offense to that statement, but a lesser man probably wouldn’t have a girlfriend who bend’s people’s limbs in uncomfortable looking positions.” Dan replied, mirroring Chris’s smile.
Elise chuckled. “It was pretty fun, wasn’t it?”
“Yay.” Pinkie exclaimed quietly. “Funnerific…zzzzzzzzz…”
“Awww, she’s all mayhemed out.” Dan said, looking over his snoozing girlfriend affectionately as he gathered her into his arms.
“Well, we’ll get you two home.” Chris said. “Think you two can manage a few days without us around?” Chris asked with a raised eyebrow.
Dan rolled his eyes as he continued walking to the car, Pinkie clutched against his chest. “I’m sure we’ll be fine…”
***
“I GOT HER!” Dan insisted.
Elise chuckled. “Alright Dan, just get her into bed without dropping her, alright?” Elise said as she held the apartment door open.
“Thanks for that wonderful advice.” Dan responded sarcastically as he walked into the apartment.
Elise shook her head with a smile. “Goodnight, Dan.”
Dan merely grumbled a reply as he navigated his way through the dark apartment towards the bedroom.
Elise closed the apartment door as Dan deposited the snoozing Pinkie Pie on the couple’s bed.
“Meow.”
Dan looked down at Mr. Mumbles as the furry, grey cat bounded up to him. “Awww, Did you miss us?” Dan asked as he picked up Mr. Mumbles.
“Hmmm…” Dan examined his cat closely in the darkness of the apartment only lit by what little streetlight could eke in.
“Are you wearing a black and red cape with a standup collar?” Dan asked as he reached for the light.
‘Click’
“GHAH!”
Much to his surprise, Dan found himself flailing his hand and protecting his face from dozen of bats that seemed to have infested the apartment, he quickly opened the bedroom window, allowing the bats to fly out.
Dan peered out of the bedroom as he noticed something was amiss.
Dan gasped. “Oh no…”
Dan walked over to a spot in front of the T.V. usually occupied by the couple’s video game system.
He leaned down to inspect the newly empty spot, finding a thin layer of dirt that sat in its place. He wiped an index finger through the dirt and brought it up to his mouth.
“Crypt dust…” He mumbled.
“…”
“Wait…A cape, bats…crypt dust?!”
He balled his hands into fists, threw his arms into the air, and shouted at the heavens.
“VAMPIIIIIIIIREEEEEES!”
Dan Vs.
VAMP…
“Hey, wait…” Dan said to himself.
Dan walked over to the bedroom and gently nudged Pinkie. “Hey! Goofball.”
“Hmmm…?” Pinkie murmured without opening her eyes.
“Could you maybe sleepily mumble out vampires?” Dan asked.
“…yawn…sure Dan…vaaaampiiiireeesssszzzzzzzzz…”
Dan & Pinkie Vs.
VAMPIRES
Stats
Page generated in 0.055 seconds
Total duration
620 users online
725,018 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well, at least they appear to be facing proper vampires and not those other ones.
3644629
OR WILL THEY?!
Dun Dun DUN!
But seriously, this chapter was amazing.
3644899
Thanks! It was a lot of fun to write, as always.
3644917 dammit im still waiting for hortence or how ever you spell it to show up again quit making me wait!
I have to ask will pinkie and dan be going to equestria in this story ? because that would be fun to read when dan goes on a rampage in equestria especially if he's a unicorn with magic
I hope it's the type that sparkle, because I really want to see that type get what's come to them
Dan controls the bar through fear. This is good. Pinkie burns Down the bar. Very good. And now to kill vampires.
3645260
3645569
I don't want to spoil too much, but I will say there is lots and lots of material I have planned.
Ultimately, I'm guessing most people's desires to see certain stories or characters will be fulfilled as there are many Dan Vs. characters I still have plans for that have yet to be introduced and many, many, many MLP characters that are eventually going to get introduced and given opportunity to keep things entertaining.
I started this whole thing with a somewhat clear idea of where I wanted to take it. I've added lots of material, but the story is still progressing exactly in the direction I want it to go. On that note, I had no idea how long this would actually end up being as far as word count, or how many chapters I'd need/ end up adding due to good ideas readers would suggest so people may have to wait a bit to see certain things.
Though, I'm glad to see there's still lots of interest despite the shipping requirements being fulfilled to a 'publicly embarrassing' point.
3644629
3644899
3645639
3645835
You could always just combo everything and say screw it. Occam's razor says that the odds of any supernatural beings existing is pretty bad, considering the violate everything we know about science in many cases. Once you establish they do (which Dan vs. has many times over), it becomes less of a stretch that any give supernatural being exists. Since at least one type of vampire exists, similarly it is equally possible that all types of vampires exist, at least logically.
End result is something like this:
weregeek.com/comics/2010-10-25.jpg weregeek.com/comics/2010-10-27.jpg weregeek.com/comics/2010-10-29.jpg
Hopefully without the ending... but at your discretion.
Also, Dan really needs to work on his listening skill. Like bad. That drying paint wasn't going anywhere. Even Pinkie's self esteem can only bounce back from so far. Not that I want this to be an angst ridden relationship melodrama, just saying even she can be hurt by being ignored.
Case in point.
Actually, there might be an idea in Dan inadvertently making her sad? Psycho Pinkamena has seen more play than her sad version here
That said;
This is still super adorable. And Pinkie is going to be achy and probably hot, and hung over next chapter, as they hunt vampires.
Also, in the event that they get the exact type wrong, garlic works on most breeds due to its antiseptic nature, Holly is the best material for stake construction(but the main objective has always been pinning it to the ground), most traditional breeds are unresponsive during the day until or even after being staked, flipping it over or reburial at a crossroads work if you can't destroy the thing, they pathologically count grains or rice scatted outside doorways, and fire and decapitation kills everything with few exceptions. Actually, the crossroad thing can also cause vampirism (there is a surprising amount of overlap between cure, cause and prevention in vampirism).
And my two favorite over the top methods for vamp extermination are:
(with reburial)
Reburial upside down at the crossroad, with head decapitated and placed between the knees or feet. Mouth filled with a garlic clove and a silver spike driven into the temple. Stake of Holly or Hawthorn wood, green, driven thought the heart.
(Most likely to prevent reformation, and most likely to work)
Stake to heart to allow for preparation time, create a large wood fire to burn the body, sprinkle ashes with holy water and salt, mix thoroughly. Gather ashes and sprinkle into fastest river available. Worth noting that even if the last step isn't complete, the salt (a mystical purifier often used in protection rituals) and holy water would either make reformation a la Dracula either impossible, or very uncomfortable.
3645981 hmm. You seem to be quite knowledgeable about vampires yourself. Could it be that you ARE one? Or possibly a vampire hunter?
As for my own personal favorite vamp extermination method, wood-chippers. Then collect the bits, seal them in an air tight container, and launch it into the sun. And in the event you can't launch them into the sun, drop the remains in the Mariana Trench. That way, even if they reform, they will be immediately crushed by the water pressure.
3646198
Actually I made a study of the field of monster in general in middle school, vampires just have a wide and eclectic range of weaknesses to their "immortality".
All those I've listed are, in fact listed from previous sources, or combinations thereof (I don't think I've seen anyone use salt and holy water, just one or the other). If you find a really good guide on factual vampire lore and most of these would be in there, if not some of the extremes.
There is also the Chinese vampire, which actually feeds on Life force directly. It also, for some reason, hops. It hunts by smelling your breath (it is just vented life force, kinda), and, at least according to the Jackie Chan Adventures, can be defeated by putting a graveyard mushroom in its left sock and throwing it into a river before sunrise(Cartoons are surprisingly educational if you come at them with the wrong mindset). There are less insane methods.
This is the page for those interested
Then there is a the Dhamphir which is a human/vampire crossbreed that hunts vampires. So, Basically Blade. Except for the random trait of having no bones(?) and identifying Vampires by looking at them thought the sleeve of his coat. That one was probably because of the huckster traveling from town to town claiming to be Dhamphir and "hunting" vampires. Coincidentally, they are also supposed to die young (either because of a lynching or to avoid one).
>> so when are we going to see dan explore his romantic relationship with chris then everyone knows there meant to be together fanfictions dont lie! ;)
3646627
I think what really scares me is the most popular Dan ship is probably Dan X Dan*.
If DeviantArt is any indication...
*Imposter
3646850 ahh dan x imposter dan and also when you did the wendigo chapter you missed out on a amazing opentuinity want to hear what it was?
3646896
Sure, go ahead.
3646998 could of added supernatrual into it like sam and dean winchester on a hunt for it and ran into them would of been awesome xD
3647003
Heh.
Funnily enough, we discussed Supernatural as part of that piece. The Wendigo I used was substantially closer to the actual myth than the one in Supernatural (season 1, if memory serves).
Not to say there may not be a Dan Vs. universe equivalent of the Winchester brothers,I'm guessing they'd have an easier time of thing since it seems people are more likely to encounter and accept that there are supernatural beasties running around Dan's world.
3647032 you clever dog
I has not noticed any errors in a while :)
ALWAYS A GOOD SIGN!
Also, love the fic, keep up the good work
I found a faster way to get Pinkie to access the Speed Force. Its a super concentrated form of coffee designed by what I have to believe is a mad genius, possibly under demonic possession.
It even has a distributer in LA. Just in case you need her to have access to lethal amounts of caffeine in a portable volume.
Remember, I'm here to enable you!
3647032hey found an error
... that "or" should be "our"
3649164
Fixed! Thanks!
3646547
Holy Water actually has salt in it which is blessed before being mixed with the water which is also blessed.
Instructions here.
What I thought was great about this is both the salt and the water blessing ritual use passages from The Key of Solomon the King which is interesting, since the book is more of a demonology grimoire than a holy text.
If you've watched a bit of Supernatural, then you've probably seen some of the demon holding circles they use. They're actually out of this book, at least, I've noticed a few that are.
3650125
Actually, I've never seen Supernatural. I just know the background material.
And the Lesser Key of Solomon is a really good text for demon binding, manipulation, and exorcism. Actually, I'm pretty sure that most of its methods are replicated in Hermeticism, including the use of geometric circles as a function of spiritual control, and its' that tradition combined with the earliest chemistry that gave birth to Alchemy.
Little known fact; the Greater Key of Solomon is an apocryphal text, one that has never been definitively found but often referenced. Several versions were claimed in the middle ages, but known really held up to scrutiny. The book was either supposed to serve as an amplification of the other text (sort of an advanced course), or possibly deal with the binding of angels (which is part of Kabbalistic rituals though only in small doses).
Salt being used as a purifier in ritual is actually older than any religion. its tendency to make food last longer led prehistoric people in the regions it was available to believe it could ward off evil spirits, and from there putting it in a circle is a logical step.
The difference between a Vampire and a demon is kind of academic in alot of ways anyway. In the Whedonverse, Vampires are corpses inhabited by a demon, and some vampire types are incorporeal except when in the grave or other wise not tied to a material body.
Incidentally, exorcism banishes those, but the catholic ritual is an act of faith so it lacks any actual protection for the user. Shinto I think comes off more as a direct confrontation than in invocation and prepares accordingly, and Voodoo is more likely to either call in a Loa in a spiritual counter attack, or just flush it out (they are admittedly the experts at possession, they do it for fun and profit!).
3650697
She has not.
I still can't get over Pinkie on a Caffeine Rush, but Ineighbriated Pinkie is a close second. (Yes, I misspelled Inebriated on purpose. I had to make a Pony Pun)
3651002 Aww... There goes an excuse to re-read the whole thing, again, while I sit through another tedious 12 hour shift.
3651203
I'm not sure I'll ever get over just how much some of you like reading this.
Not sure when's the last time you started from the beginning, but I touched up the first few chapters, and there's even an alternative prologue on Google docs where I'm incorporating elements of season 4 (assuming you're keeping up with the show).
3651216
.. (Don't tell the AJ fans, they'd be all sad
) and Dan is best Jerk... It's light hearted and funny.
Well, Pinkie is best Earth pony
Some parts didn't go the way I expected, but it'd be boring if I was always right about which way something would go.
Last restart was probably a week or three ago... Depends entirely on hour dead it is at work... I'm sorely tempted to go through and send you the list of spelling and grammatical errors that I noticed this time around. But, since you may have revised since then... Yes! Excuse acquired for re-reading! I'll just have to take notes.
I can't get into Gdocs from work, so I'll have to check the alternate prologue from home.
3651276
You're more than welcome to send me anything I may have missed from earlier chapters.
I know there's still grammar and word choice errors scatters through this.
If it's lengthy, I'd prefer PMs, but other than that, send away!
Out of curiosity, what parts where different?
I'm always curious to find out how others expected things to go. I know that way back when Dan set Pinkie's photo album on fire in front of her, people expected her to go psycho-killer on him or some such.
3651536 Oh, it'll be a PM... I have two pages ready on just the prologue so far, and I'm already using an emoticon to annotate the most prevalent punctuation error
As far as twists... The killer moment over the photo album is cupcakes inspired junk. Every time her hair deflates in show it's because she's super sad
The crazy devolution she had from that event I thought you handled nicely and in character, if a little on the dark side 
but it fit perfectly with WHY she had her moment.
Lesse if I can wrack my brain a bit... Most recently I'm not positive Pinkie would be quite so kinky as quickly as you've described... Minor thing there.
When Dan went over his past with Pinkie, I half expected a hair deflation moment... Although you seem to be saving that for when Dan does something directly to make her super sad. I guess I expected it since his past would make her sad on his behalf. Then again, 2 deflations in as many chapters may cheapen it. Like I said, different, but not bad at all.
Dealing with the wendigo, I expected Pinkie to NOT put herself within arms reach of Hiram and expect to not get hurt. Especially since he already ATE Cody. Her brain may be permanently set to FUN but even she isn't that disconnected from reality.
Those are the ones I could think of easily.
3651678
Yes, not sure where my brain went there. Thanks for the heads up!
3651730
Gotcha.
It's the periods where I should be using commas, isn't it?
I was told once that I was comma splicing too often early on, and I think I went way to far in the other direction..
If you want to uncatalogued this mistake for me, I'll go back and fix it. It's no doubt the most prevalent.
I thought a bit with how innocent Pinkie might or might not be regarding her and Dan's bedroom antics.
Ultimately there's a bit more humor this way and I'm sort of parleying Dan and Pinkie's tendency to escalate anything they're both involved in rapidly. There entire relationship is basically this way, too. They basically went from having an almost antagonistic relationship (mostly on Dan's side) to lovers in a few months, though this was helped by the fact that they've spent almost all that time in each other's company.
Also, obviously they're both very strange, impulsive beings...
I guess my thinking is they'd just sort of surge forward full speed ahead until they actually hit something that stops them, which usually results in a chaotic, grandiose attempt to fix it which ultimately succeeds (at least, so far).
All that being said, I completely understand why this would be a point someone would question (even if they didn't think it was a major deal). Especially since I established Pinkie was a virgin a couple story weeks prior.
The hair deflation is interesting. It doesn't happen much in canon. Party of One obviously made a rather big deal about it where Pinkie thought all her best friends collectively decided they didn't like her.
Magic Mystery cure did it when she was basically working a job she was ill suited for. Possibly made worse by the fact that she believes she has to work the job forever via cutie mark.
The comics have done an instance as well where Pinkie is lead to believe at least two of the members of the mane six are basically hiding the fact that they don't like her. In this case, her hair would deflate when she'd confront them about it, but reinflated quickly when something distracted her and she went back into Pinkie mode.
I've kinda gone with the idea that her hair deflates when all her joy has been crushed, so it takes a pretty big emotional blow to elect it.
SO, pretending I meant to do this all along!
I suppose it could be inferred that, despite the fact she was obviously having a miserable time listening to Dan's life story, it never truly broke her spirit and that would ultimately help her figure out that she was in love with Dan. 
(At least, that's my explanation now. 
)
The Wendigo thing was Pinkie attempting to use the logic of the Equestria Windigo, though even Pinkie realized it was a pretty stupid attempt after it blew up in her face. The train of thought makes some degree of sense given she had no experience with Earth Wendigos. Hiram showed up after Don and Elise Sr. did and pretty much everyone was at each others throats. So it's appearance coincided with major conflict, much like the Equestria Windigo
Her general assumption here being that the Wendigo, much like the entire planet, is a much more hostile and violent version of something from her world, but might ultimately work under similar rules (the Wendigo's placidly, confused reaction helping reaffirm this ultimately wrong assumption).
But yeah, from the point of view of Dan and everyone else in the cabin, it was a pretty bone-headed move.
Anyhow, hope I didn't dump to much on you. I just really like talking about my thought process with this story.
3652167
Dumping? Hee... That was nothing compared to some of the info dumps and high geek level arguments regarding the power equivalent of one Twilight. (Currently proofed to 3,031 horsepower, pre-princess level, so I guess the term would be 1 sparkle?)
Well, as long as you remain consistent with the straight hair(or as consistent as possible with Pinkie) I'll be happy. The complete and abject misery of a broken spirit is pretty much what I thought you were gunning for as a deflation requirement.
On the kinky, well, it was a little jarring considering how little time it took for her to be the freaky one in the relationship.
For the Wendigo... That perspective makes sense, but it wasn't too clear in the chapter. Not sure how to make it clearer without doing an info dump though....
3652278
My thinking is Dan is actually also more than happy to experiment here. Canon wise, there's not a lot to go off except for one line he said to Hortense near the end of the Burgerphile episode where he seems to mostly be testing the waters of how open to a physical relation she is.
It's subtle, (I'm often too subtle for my own good, this is why most the pop-culture references I make fly under everyone's radar
), but one of the tells that this is another instance of him being sort of a partner in crime with Pinkie rather than him being chained to her mad, runaway train is he was the one who originally threw out the rather silly and outlandish scenarios and has obviously done basically nothing to prevent their fruition. His, mostly verbal, protests could either be considered a knee-jerk reaction due to his usual gruff nature, or a conscious attempt to at least maintain some sort of facade of his expected behavior in a strange situation.
Pinkie's response, of course was always:
I'm wondering if there's a way I can make Dan's part in all this clearer...something for me to think about anyhow.
Regarding the Wendigo thing, I should probably either add a few lines of Pinkie's thought or maybe a brief argument between her and Dan where she compares there situation to the Windidgo's of Equestria.
3652536 I may have just missed the original lead in from Dan. Don't change it... Just because I missed one subtle hint doesn't mean that turning the hints into 2x4s heading for your nose a good idea. I don't always comment on them, but I do fall out my chair laughing at them a lot
3652632
I doubt you missed it, Dan just pitched it ( the first one being the Count Chocula scenario) as a negative, Pinkie decided it sounded fun.
Dan then proceed to "accidentally" (maybe air quotes here, maybe not) three other things in the chapter.
I'm thinking I'll probably leave this one alone, but reexamine the Wendigo issue at some point, It wouldn't hurt to surface more of Pinkie's thinking here.
I have now finished reading this entire fic in only 2 days in between work, my eyes ache my limbs are numb and im starving.......
WORTH IT!
3652840
I love you guys.
The fact that something I wrote continues to illicit this response never ceases to amaze me.
OMFG this is the best thing ive ever read, it just so fucking funny
If my near constant bombardment of you notifications is any indication- I love this story.
Also vampire time!
This fic never fails to keep me up when I should really be asleep.
Halfway there!
Intentional Mel Brooks reference, or unintentional Mel Brooks reference? The world may never know!
Of course.
So, I've kind of read half this whole fic in a day...
...I can't decide if I'm really enjoying myself, or just treating it like a TV series I've never seen on Netflix.
Might be a little of both.
Pinkie making audible ‘Mauh’ noises as she made out
“So! Elise! ELSIE! Elisee…the Elisearoni and cheese!”
wouldn’t have a girlfriend who bend’s people’s limbs
1. Muah. I can't believe I just spelled that.
2. Elise.
3. Bends.
This chapter gave me all kinds of the giggles.
4504037
Sleep is for the weak!