Part 6 Pinkie & Dan Vs. Camping: Chapter 38 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Wendigo
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 6 Pinkie & Dan Vs. Camping
Chapter 38 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Wendigo
****
“Windigo?” Pinkie asked, staring out at the towering creature as it feasted on what was once Colby. “That’s not a Windigo!” She insisted.
“It’s a giant, emaciated looking creature that possess and eats people!” Dan said motioning out to the emaciated looking creature which had possess someone and was now eating someone else. “What else could it be?!”
“But…” Pinkie stared at the second and looked back at Dan. “Windigos are like…snowy ghost horses that cover everything in ice.”
“…What?” Dan replied with a confused look. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard” Dan stated.
“I thought Wendigos were, like, vengeful spirits that were mad at global warming.” Elise Sr. stated.
“Okay, now that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” Dan said, his eyes narrowing slightly as he turned to point at Elise Sr.
“Wait…” Chris began. “If it’s a Wendigo, do you think it’s mad because Don purchased this cabin when it was originally the inheritance to a daughter, but her brother really wanted it, but the daughter sold it to Don instead?” Chris asked.
“Did…did you three all plan to out moron each other?!” Dan asked throwing his hands into the air in an exasperated manner.
“No!” Pinkie insisted. “Windigos are these bunch of ghosty horsies that show up when poni…I mean people can’t get along and they make it snow and slowly freeze everyone to death.” She explained.
Dan sighed. “Okay Pinkie, you win. Your idea is by far the worse. Congratulations!”
“Yay!” Pinkie said enthusiastically, clapping her hands together. “What do I win?!” She asked with a big grin.
“You win shut up.” Dan answered.
Pinkie’s smile was quickly replaced by a pout.
“Guys, that’s totally a Wendigo.” Elise insisted. “I’ve read about them.” She continued to sip her tea and stare at the grisly display of a giant monster ripping Colby’s lifeless body limb from limb and stripping the flesh from his bones. “Thank goodness its pants stayed on.” Elise added.
Dan turned to her. “I know right? We could have beholden something truly terrifying.”
“Yeah, no kidding.” Elise said sipping her tea as blood sprayed onto the cabin porch.
“It’s EATING Colby!” Don stated angrily as he motioned out to the beast. “What could be more terrifying than that?!”
“It could be naked.” Dan responded, holding up an index finger.
One of Chris’s eye’s twitched. “Ew…”
Pinkie wrapped her arms around herself and shuttered. “Yeah, that would be way too much beholdening for me!” She insisted.
“Look! Do any of you care that a brave man was just killed?!” Don demanded.
“Kay-air?” Dan said, trying to process the foreign sounding word.
“That thing you feel about Pinkie and Mr. Mumbles…and occasionally me.” Chris said.
“Oh…well…” Dan thought about this for a moment. “Colby was dreamy, but somehow dumber than all three of you…so ‘no’.”
“Also, he wasn’t so much ‘brave’ as incredibly stupid.” Pinkie said.
“Don’t forget, ‘sexist’.” Elise added.
Pinkie nodded. “That, too. But I mean, we were all going to run out there at one point. Colby was told he shouldn’t and did it anyway.”
“Juni…Elise.” Elise Sr. began. “You must have felt something for the man.”
Elise raised an eyebrow. “You mean besides absolute contempt that he was an accessory to attempted murder of my husband?”
Elise Sr. threw her hands out and turned palms and eyes towards the ceiling, “Oh sure, you bring that up!”
“Mom, Colby was an egotistical jerk when I dated him and an even worse egotistical jerk when he became accomplished! Why do you think I broke up with him?”
Elise Sr. and Don looked at each other. “We assumed you did it to irritate us, honestly.” Don stated.
“Seriously?! Even my breaking up with someone has to be about you two?!” Elise exclaimed in a shocked tone.
“Wow…you two have perfected being terrible…” Pinkie stated.
“I think even I’m appalled!” Dan stated. “And I once set Pinkie’s photo album on fire in front of her just because she painted and bedazzled my car.”
“Aww…” Pinkie smiled and put a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “But you made up for it.”
“You also almost killed me in mortal combat.” Chris reminded, irritably.
“What!” Dan protested. “I stopped!”
Pinkie put an index finger up to her chin. “Which technically places you above Elise’s parents.”
Elise Sr. and Don looked at each other contemplatively and looked back at their daughter.
“Elise,” Elise Sr. began, “is it too late to say ‘We’re sorry’?”
“For attempting to take total control of my life to the point where you almost get my husband killed? I would say so!” Elise replied angrily. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to face Pinkie.
“Elise…it’s never too late.” Pinkie stated as she locked her sky-blue eyes with Elise’s violet ones.
Elise sighed out a “Fine.”
Don and Elise Sr. opened their arms towards their daughter.
Elise sighed and walked into their warm embrace.
Elise Sr. looked up to Chris. “You too, son.”
Chris narrowed his eyes, “Why is it when I don’t want to hug either of you two, you finally open up to me?” Chris felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to face Pinkie.
“Chris…please?” Pinkie asked, a slight tone of pleading in her voice.
“Oh, alright…” Chris said, as he hesitantly walked over to Elise and her parent’s and joining in on the group hug.
Pinkie turned to Dan. “Isn’t that sweet? You almost forget they’re horrible, horrible people!” Pinkie said enthusiastically, motioning to Don and Elise Sr.
“Blech, this mushy stuff just churns my stomach.” Dan stated.
With a feral roar from outside, a loose collection of a human skeletal system was thrown into the cabin through the broken window and landed on the hardwood floor scattering bones everywhere.
“Oh, yeaaaah.” Dan mused looking at the bones. “There’s a flesh hungry monster outside, still.”
“Ooo! Free Nightmare Night decorations!” Pinkie stated.
“Pinkie, stop being an idiot.” Dan commanded. “It’s called ‘Halloween’, here.”
“Oh, right! Silly me!” Pinkie said with a smile, rubbing the back of her head.
The four in the group hug broke their embrace to examine Colby’s scattered, skeletal remains.
Chris looked up towards Pinkie. “Uh, Pinkie? People usually bury remains and have funerals.”
Dan clapped his hands and rubbed his palms together. “Corpse party! Alright!” He said with a smile.
“You can’t spell funeral without ‘fun’!” Pinkie pointed out enthusiastically.
Don turned to Chris and Elise. “How do you figure out if they’re joking or not?” He asked.
Elise looked back to her dad. “Chris and I gave up on that quite some time ago.” She admitted.
“You ready to celebrate your untimely demise, Colby?” Pinkie said.
The four turned to see that Pinkie had fetched Colby’s skull and was holding it up in one of her hands.
Pinkie worked Colby’s jaw up and down, talking through the skull as if it were a puppet “Sure, Pinkie! No dancing though, I have nobody to dance with.”
Dan chuckled. “Isn’t she precious?” He asked, patting Pinkie on her head as she smiled back at him.
“This is all very funny and incredibly disturbing,” Elise Sr. stated, “but shouldn’t we do something about the giant monster outside?”
Chris began laughing.
“Uh, Chris?” Elise asked.
“No body…hehehe…” Chris uttered.
Pinkie grinned. “Maybe we can play some music, I bet Colby’s really good at the trombone!”
Chris broke into a fit of laughter. “Pfffthahahahaha…Stop, you…hahahaha…you’re killing me!”
“At least she can’t kill Colby,” Dan pointed out, “he’s already dead!” He said with a smile.
Chris closed his eyes. “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Chris laughter increased as tears started to stream down his face.
Don glared at Pinkie and Dan. “I bet you two think that’s cool…” He muttered in a fraternal, disappointed tone.
Elise chuckled. “I thought it was funny.”
“Hey! Everyone! Giant monster! Outside! Wants to eat us!” Elise Sr. stated, waving her hands back and forth in front of her to get everyone’s attention.
“Oh…right!” Pinkie said, setting Colby’s skull on the couch. She turned to Dan. “Shall we run through the list?”
Elise raised an eyebrow as Chris attempted to get a lid on his laughter.
“List?” She asked.
Dan smiled. “Pinkie and I have a list of options we go through when faced with a situation. Like a giant, radioactive monster attack or a long line at the supermarket.” He explained, motioning out with an upturned hand.
Chris stopped laughing. “Why do you have the same list for both those things?” He asked in a pensive tone.
Dan turned to Pinkie. “A.”
“Colby tried that. He got eaten.” She pointed out.
Dan pulled his lips to the side of his face. “B.” He continued.
“We didn’t bring the suits…or a hive.”
Dan quickly glanced at the ceiling. “C?”
Mr. Mumbles trotted out of Dan and Pinkie’s bedroom and began hissing.
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Do you really want to throw Mr. Mumbles out there?”
“Good point.” Dan replied. “D.”
“Did you bring any dogs?” Pinkie asked, raising her eyebrows.
Dan frowned. “No.” His frown quickly changed to a smile. “E?”
Pinkie smiled nervously. “Oooooo…I used the last of the dynamite on the snow fortress…”
Dan sighed and rolled his eyes. “F.” He said irritably.
“Yay!” Pinkie said as she smiled and clapped her hands together. “F! I chose F!”
Dan brought a palm up to his face with an audible ‘Slap’.
“What’s F?” Chris asked.
Dan mumbled something inaudible.
“What?” Chris said, moving closer to Dan.
“F is friendship, okay?!” Dan replied irritably.
“I’m surprised it’s not fire.” Elise commented.
Dan sighed. “Pinkie won the coin toss.”
“Wait,” Don began, “are you suggesting we try to make friends with that thing?!” Don exclaimed in a shocked tone.
“No, no, no, no, no!” Pinkie said waving a hand back and forth in front of her. “We need to make friends with each other!” Pinkie responded cheerfully.
Don paused. “I think I’d rather make friends with the monster.”
Pinkie smiled and shrugged. “Works for me.”
“Hey!” Don replied angrily.
“It was your idea!” Pinkie pointed out.
“Yeah, but…” Don began.
“Dad, stop being a jerk to her. She’s trying to help.” Elise pointed out.
“But she’s just so…weird!” Don pointed out.
Don felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to face his wife. “Don, she convince Elise to forgive…”
“Not throw you both in prison.” Elise corrected, raising an eyebrow. “Provided you behave.” She added.
Elise Sr. sighed. “She convinced Elise to not turn us in for attempted murder. You can at least apologize to the girl.”
“But…” Don began to protest.
“Don.” Elise Sr. responded in a warning tone.
Don sighed. “Oh, all right.” He turned to Pinkie. “I’m…sorry I’ve been giving you such a hard time this trip…” He said, avoiding Pinkie’s gaze.
Pinkie smiled. “Forgiven!” She replied closing her eyes. She opened her eyes and turned to Elise Sr.
Elise Sr. looked surprised and pointed to herself. “Me?!” She exclaimed.
“Mom, you could have been nicer to Pinkie as well.” Elise replied.
Elise Sr. looked at her daughter and scrunched her lips to the side of her mouth considering this. “You’re right, JunElise. I could have been nicer.” She turned to Pinkie. “Pinkie dear, I’m sorry.”
“Ahhh, that’s okay.” Pinkie replied. She looked over the group. “Okay, now that we’re all friends…”
Chris held up an index finger. “Abstaining from murdering each other on the spot.” He corrected.
“I’ll take it!” Pinkie replied excitedly pointing at Chris. She revised her earlier statement. “Now that we all tolerate each other enough not to kill each other, let’s show the monster we’re getting along and it will leave us in peace!”
Dan raised an eyebrow. “What kind of idiotic logic is that?!”
“Well, where I’m from it would work!” Pinkie insisted.
“You may have notice the thing out there is not a”—Dan air quoted—“’snowy horsie’, and is, in fact, a fifteen foot tall monster with a great deal of the real-estate in its head devoted to eating.”
“Come on, Dan!” Pinkie said optimistically. “What’s the worst that can happen?”
Dan motioned to the scattered bones on the floor.
Pinkie pursed her lips. “It’s okay!” She insisted. “We can show it from up here!”
Dan frowned. “I guess that’s okay…”
“Great!” Pinkie exclaimed, setting her tea on the windowsill. “Everyone join hands!”
Dan, Chris, and Elise also sat their teas down.
“We’re all going to dieeee.” Don mumbled in a soft sing-song tone.
“Hush you! You’ll scare the friendship vibes away!” Pinkie insisted.
Dan grabbed Pinkie’s right hand, Chris her left. Elise grabbed Chris’s other hand and then her mother’s. Elise Sr. grabbed her husband’s hand.
“Now what?” Dan asked.
Pinkie beamed. “Now we sing the Friendship Song!”
“Uhhh…” Dan began.
Pinkie immediately broke into verse.
“Ooooh, making friends is the goal.”
“Friend will never leave you in a hole.”
“So, if you would like to leave this place,”
“and you don’t want to vanish without a trace,”
“you’ll listen up and take my advice.”
“You’ll all get along and start playing nice.”
“This is stupid…” Don muttered.
“Shhh…” Elise Sr. shushed her husband. “Something about this song speaks to me.”
“By nice to people you meet in cafeterias,”
“don’t send your daughter’s husband out to Siberia…Come on, everyone! You know the words!”
“Uhhhh…something, something, something friends.” Dan sang.
“Um, Friends will help you if you have the bends.” Chris added.
“And they’d let enrolled in dance!” Elise sang, shooting a look at her parents.
“They wouldn’t call the police on you even if they had the chance!” Elise Sr. sang, looking back at her daughter.
“…”
“Come on, Don!” Pinkie said with big smile, swinging Dan’s and Chris’s arms in the air.
“I’m not doing this.” Don declared.
“Ohhhh…Don wants to be eaten by a Wendigo.” Pinkie sang.
Don glared at her. “When this doesn’t work, I’ll enjoy watching you eat crow.” Don said.
Pinkie smiled and nodded. “Good.”
“Wait, what?” Don said.
Dan looked across the group to Don. “You rhymed…sorta.”
“Yeah, even if it wasn’t a very good rhyme.” Chris said.
“I didn’t mean to.” Don insisted.
“Lookie, lookie!” Pinkie said pointing out at the Wendigo.
The group looked out towards the Wendigo. Blood was caked around its mouth; its beard; its slender, dagger like hands; and even its tight chest fur and skin that hugged its visible rib cage. Yet, it had stopped growling, or doing much of anything. Instead it simply sat and stared into the broken window.
“I think it worked!” Pinkie said excitedly.
“I think it thinks we’re a bunch of morons, because that’s also what I think.” Dan replied.
“Come on, Dan! Let’s go out there and show it what great…acquaintances we all are!” She insisted.
Dan sighed and walked to the door as Pinkie and everyone else followed, holding hands. He opened the door and walked out to the edge of the porch as everyone trailed behind him.
The Wendigo stared at them and made a confused growling sound.
“See!” Pinkie stated. “We just needed to get along!” Pinkie said triumphantly.
“Uhhh…Why is it still here, then?” Chris asked,
“Oh…I don’t know!” Pinkie stated. She smiled. “Maybe it needs a friend, too!”
“Uh, Pinkie? That sounds like a horrifically bad idea.” Dan said.
“Yeaaaaah, I agree with Dan on this.” Chris stated.
“Ah, come on!” Pinkie said, letting go of Chris’s hand and motioning to herself. “I’m a great judge of character!” She insisted.
“Yeah, you live with Dan.” Elise Sr. said in a sarcastic tone.
Don chuckled.
“Hey!” Dan protested. He let go of Pinkie hand and pointed to himself. “I’m awesome!” He declared.
Elise’s eyes went wide, “Uh, Dan?”
“What?!” Dan exclaimed.
Elise pointed out towards the Wendigo.
Dan turned. “Pinkie! What the heck are you doing?!” He called in alarm.
Pinkie had walked off the porch and was now standing next to the Wendigo which was staring down at her with a blank expression.
“What do you say, Mr. Cannibalistic beasty? Do you need a friend?” Pinkie asked as she cocked her head. She smiled and reached out for one of the Wendigo’s large, slender fingers.
‘SWAT’
The Wendigo quickly shifted its hand and the back of it slammed into Pinkie, her body flew through the air, and into the cabin through the broken window.
‘CRASH’ ‘Thump’
The loud sound of Pinkie impacting with the cabin wall was heard followed by her hitting the floor.
“Pinkie!” Dan, Elise, and Chris called out, all running back inside.
“I’m ooooookaaaaay!” Pinkie replied. “Dan could you be a dear and pop my shoulder back into place?..And also pull the dear antler out of my thigh?”
Dan ran up to his injured roommate, a bump protruded from her left shoulder and one of the large, elk trophies sat on the floor, a couple inches of one of its points buried into Pinkie’s right thigh. Blood poured out of her nose and the skin around one of her eyes was turning black.
“Pinkie?” Dan said softly.
“Yes, Dans?” Pinkie replied, her head lolling around and her eyes unfocused.
“Out of the stupid things you’ve done, that was by far the stupidest.”
Pinkie sighed. “I know, Dans.”
Elise ran up with some medical supplies and a wet rag. “Here Pinkie, clean your face with this.” Elise said, handing the rag to Pinkie.
“Thanks Elises, you’re truAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pinkie shrieked.
“Sorry, Pinkie. I needed to get that antler out of you and get that puncture wound treated.” Elise explained.
Pinkie took a few shallow breaths. “That’s okay, I just wish youAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
“Oh, pipe down.” Dan ordered. “The quicker your shoulder is popped back into place, the better.”
Pinkie whimpered. “You two are great friends.” She said through gritted teeth. “Great, painful, painful friends.”
“Here.” Chris handed an icepack to Pinkie. “Put this on your eye.”
Pinkie winced. “No pulling anything out of me or popping anything back into place, please!”
Chris smiled. “I’ll try to contain myself.”
Pinkie tentatively grabbed the ice pack and placed it over her black eye.
“Thanks, Chris. That was very thoughAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Sorry Pinkie, but that wound needed to be disinfected.” Elise stated, as she capped a bottle of rubbing alcohol.
“STOP BEING PAINFUL BEST FRIENDS!” Pinkie pleaded of Elise and Dan.
“Well, that was a complete waste of time.” Don commented.
Pinkie frowned.
Dan leveled an angry glare at Don, and opened his mouth, but Chris was on his feet and approaching Don before he could say anything.
“Hey! Leave her alone, at least she tried something!” Chris insisted.
“So? Colby tried something, and none of you showed him any concern!” Don countered.
“He helped try to kill me!” Chris reminded. He leveled an angry index finger at Don. “You tried to kill me!”
“Yeah, well, and now Colby’s dead, but at least he died like a man!” Don exclaimed.
Dan raised an eyebrow. “By having his throat ripped out?”
“NO!” Don shouted. “He died trying to protect his family.” He turned back to Chris. “All you’ve done is sit here and look stupid!”
Pinkie looked at Elise. “Did…did your dad already forget Chris was going to run out to save you?”
Elise sighed. “Seems that way…”
Chris’s eyes narrowed. “It’s not like you’ve done anything, except get saved, beaten up by your daughter, and complain about everything.”
“Both of you, stop!” Elise Sr. ordered. “This isn’t getting us anywhere!”
“Maybe we should try the friendship song, again!” Pinkie suggested joyfully.
“SHUT UP!” Everyone else commanded.
“Or quiet…quiet’s good…” Pinkie offered meekly.
“Look!” Dan said sternly. “There’s only two ways to get rid of a Wendigo spirit!”
Pinkie smiled.
“And, no, friendship is not one of them.”
Pinkie whimpered softly and pouted as Elise wrapped Pinkie’s leg in gauze.
“Alright, Dan. What do we do?” Chris asked.
“First, we can exorcise it.” Dan stated.
Elise knitted her brow. “How do we do that?”
“First, we hold the afflicted down…” Dan began.
The group looked out at the fifteen foot tall, grotesque beast that stared back at them with glowing, hungry eyes. A steady stream of drool dripped out of the side of its mouth as its large tongue dangled out from the collection of razor sharp teeth.
“Yeah…that’s not happening.” Elise replied.
“Okay, well, we can also pour boiling fat down the aflicted’s throat to thaw the Wendigo’s icy heart.” Dan said.
“Great idea!” Elise Sr. said rolling her eyes. “We’ll just hand it a big pot of boiling fat and ask it to drink up!”
Dan tapped his chin with an index finger and looked towards the ceiling. “Yeah, admittedly this would be easier if Colby didn’t feed himself to the thing.”
Elise sighed. “I guess it’s better than sitting and here and waiting to freeze to death when we run out of firewood.”
Dan looked at Chris. “Chris! We’ll need to cook all the bacon you have!”
“But, I need that bacon…for eating!” Chris protested.
“Look, unless you have several gallons of lard just laying…”
Chris walked over to the kitchen and opened one of cupboards, revealing a large tub of lard.
Everyone paused and looked at Chris.
“What?” Chris asked. “What else am I supposed to fry the bacon in?”
Dan smiled. “Chris, for once your disgusting habits might just save us all.”
*Four pounds of cold lard turned boiling later.*
Elise dipped a ladle into the boiling, white liquid. She took it out and carefully poured the contents into a stainless steel canteen with a green cloth buttoned up around it. She quickly screwed the lid of the canteen close. “I’m not sure how long this will stay hot.” She commented. She turned to the occupants of the cabin. “Everyone ready?”
“Ready!” Pinkie and Dan replied. Pinkie held up her chainsaw. Dan held up a machete.
Don turned to Dan and Pinkie. “I can’t believe you two actually had a badminton racket and birdy.” He said, holding those things he just mentioned in that sentence you just read.
“Yeah…” Dan replied. “Terror at Badminton Sorority Camp is a pretty strange movie…”
“Elise,” Elise Sr. began, “You wouldn’t happen to have another gun on you, would you?”
Elise bent down and reached around her ankle, producing a small, boxy pistol and handing it to her mother.
Elise Sr. gripped the weapon and examined it, turning off the safety as she kept her hand off the trigger. “This will do.”
“Hey, Pinkie.” Dan said in a serious tone.
Pinkie looked towards her roommate. “Yes, Dan?”
“In case…in case we don’t make it. There’s something I need to tell you...” Dan said, trailing off.
Everyone else paused and looked at the short man in a black ‘JERK’ shirt and the taller woman in the pink parka.
“There’s…there’s something I need to tell you, too…” Pinkie said softly.
Dan held his machete at his side and walked closer to Pinkie.
Pinkie held her chainsaw at her side and closed the distance further.
The two looked deeply into each other’s eyes. Sky-blue eyes meeting green eyes in the soft light of the cabin.
“Pinkie I…I…” Dan swallowed. “…I threw the last cupcake at a moose because it looked at me stupid.”
Pinkie smiled. “That’s okay, I ate the last lactose-free brownie.” She admitted.
Dan smiled and held his arms out. “Bestest buddies forever?” He asked.
Pinkie’s smile widened as she also held open her arms and gave her roommate, a big, snuggly, hug. “Bestest buddies forever!” She answered.
“OH, COME ON!” Elise shouted.
Dan and Pinkie turned to her.
“What?” Pinkie asked.
Elise sighed. “Nothing…” She muttered.
“Alright!” Dan said resolutely, as he let go of Pinkie. “Now that the mushy stuff is over, all we need is someone stupid enough to serve as a distraction as we attack that thing and force it to drink boiling fat.” Dan stated, looking from side to side. Dan frowned.
Elise began to look around frantically. “Where’s Chris!?”
Suddenly, the blue sedan roared to life, and its headlight shot into the darkness like a large, slumbering creature that had just awoken.
“Oh no…” Elise murmured.
The Wendigo howled as the blue sedan turned onto the road and sped down the icy path. The shambling beast gave chase.
“WE HAVE TO HELP HIM!” Elise shouted.
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Well, du’h!” She answered.
“OR,” Don interjected. “We can get in the RV and use Chris’s sacrifice to get away!”
“Oooo! Oooo! Or I could chop off Don’s legs with this chainsaw and we can let the monster eat him while we get away!” Pinkie replied.
“Uhhh…” Don trailed off and looked at the smiling girl with the long, pink curls and large, red chainsaw.
“She’d do it, too!” Dan assured.
“On second thought, let’s go save my son-in-law!” Don said, attempting to sound heroic.
“Yay!” Pinkie replied.
*
Headlights pierced the night, revealing a white pathway with large, evergreen trees on either side that jutted into the sky like long, jagged spears. Chris drove the car over the icy road, the wheels constantly losing traction on the surface as he picked up speed.
He glanced into the rearview mirror and smiled as he saw the thin, giant beast close on his tail. His smile changed to panic as the car hit a large patch of ice and began fishtailing. Chris attempted to regain control of the vehicle, but the road curved and the car came to a rather sudden stop as the passenger side had a rendezvous with a large tree trunk.
Chris felt himself jerk forward suddenly, then was pulled back into his seat by his seatbelt. Metal screamed as it bent under pressure. The windshield cracked. The passenger side window shattered and showered Chris in tiny jewels of glass that cut at his skin.
Chris looked up into the rearview mirror as a he heard a deep, blood curdling roar.
The beast was almost to the car.
I guess this is as far as I go…
The beast reached over and grabbed the driver’s side door, scythe like fingers digging into and through the thin metal and crushing it like a soda can.
Chris grinned to himself as he felt the hair on his skin change to fur and the muscles in his body expand.
“Alright, monster. You want a fight? Let’s get feral.”
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WereBear!
Bear Chris vs the beast.
I am hyped!
{Also poor Pinkie.
Why does she keep getting hurt, especially in such painful ways?}
you damn tease you
I don't know how to correctly write that, but I know it's wrong.
Dan Don Dan Don Dan Don Dan Don
Epic MAN BEAR TIME
3452510
It's a pretty weird sentence admittedly, but I read that one like a dozen times and decided that's still what Dan said.
Unless I have like a comma wrong or something...
3452789
Fixed, thanks.
3452053
Her tendency to put herself in harms way has a hand in that. Dan tends to do it a tad less often.
Oddly, I have sort of a mental tally of much pain I've inflicted on the characters. Pinkie's definitely got the worst of it, so Dan has to catch up.
Really, it's Chris who needs more situations where he gets the short end of the straw. Though, with the focus being on Pinkie and Dan, they tend to get into a lot of trouble without him being around.
Elise is mostly exempt since she usually doesn't receive any injuries on the show. Pinkie, Dan, and Chris all have the misfortune of having injury inflicted upon them serving as a form of humor in their respective shows.
Nice
cRis I think the tea wore off....
If you weren't going to have Bear Chris fighting the Beast I would be pissed about that shipping tease.
Hey, when exactly did Elise's parents try to kill someone? I remember they tried to ship Chris off to Siberia, but Dan is the only person who I recall every trying to kill Chris in the show.
3457498
The hole Chris fell into with the bacon in it was set specifically by Don and Elise Sr.
The plan was pretty much just to leave him there.
So, an indirect, but very likely method of getting rid of him permanently if things had gone exactly to plan for them (though, considering this is Elise's husband, even if the two didn't stumble on the hole a little early, it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. Elise's parents were definitely underestimating Elise or over estimating Colby's charm in my mind).
The creators have flat out stated that these two are pretty terrible:
Also, there's the aforementioned helping Dan potentially kill Chris, so I figured moving up to actually engineering an attempted likely death wasn't much of a stretch.
3190250 Yeah, Elise's parents always did seem to be almost as terrible people as Dan.
3458290
Somehow I found Dan inherently more likable than Don and Elise Sr.
Probably because the show does a pretty good job of making Dan's victims seem like they deserve whatever happens to them (with a few notable exceptions, Becky, His dance fight instructor, Chris on occasion, etc...)
Don and Elise Sr. have it in for Chris whose pretty much nice to a fault...
Rendezvous.
Also, is this something to do with Chris's partial bear ancestry?
Wow, I just read this again and remembered all of the Marvel reverences you did with the Wendigo.
I was really surprised when nobody else commented.
Also, Dan talked over Pinkie to be open to forgiving Elise's parents last chapter, and she convinced Elise and Chris. That means that Dan was instrumental to the group calming down and acting like human beings for five minutes. And he acted as Pinkie's Moral Freaking Compass! How did you twist reality so that this is a thing that happened?
On another note, how awesome is it that Dan Vs. takes place in a universe where being part Canadian technically could count as a superpower?
After reading this I suddenly daydreamed up the scene from fairy tail where lisanna tried the exact same thing and died. When I came out it I was frigging scared that you were gonna kill her of.
No...fuckin'...WAY! Chris is a wolfman now???
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He's related to a yeti, remember? It's in the episode "Dan vs Canada".
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I loved that episode.
Oh Chris- this is why I love you.
Okay, that one made me shudder.
And this one reminded me of Xan from Baldur's Gate!
There's a Japanese horror game called Corpse Party. Sorry, I just felt the need to say that.
I love the image of Dan pelting a random moose with a cupcake almost as much I love the image of the raging shippers getting pissed off.
I know I've posted corrections to a bunch of chapters like ten chapters ago, but I'm giving Mythril a chance first. That being said. THIS LINE
Oh god my sides at that line. Every story and every book ever should have a line just like that one. It's funny, not redundantly repetitive (which is itself a redundant phrase, I know) and rhymes on top of that! It's comedy gold in literary form. I was merely loving this story before, but with that one line you've earned yourself another follower!
Poor Elise though, her headcanon is getting dragged through the mud.
Awesome.
He's lucky they're not throwing him out there as dessert.
Just feed them to the Wendigo already...
But he forgot to hold block and ended up out of fatality range.
Okay, this is a little bit TOO deranged for Pinkie.
Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeah...I can't really see Pinkie doing this. Even this bizarrely deranged, psychotic version of Pinkie isn't THIS warped.
I still think that sounds less like a Wendigo and more like a Lich.
“Don, she convince Elise to forgive
Did you mean convinced?
“Friend will never leave you in a hole"
Did you mean Friends?
Love the story a lot.
I havent caught up with this story as of yet. And all I know, is that if I get to the newest one at some point and there hasn't been a kissing scene, YOU'LL be the one who gets his throat ripped out!
Don, she convince Elise to forgive
pop my shoulder back into place?..And also pull the dear antler out of my thigh
1. Convinced.
2. I think you also either didn't complete this ellipses or... yeah, you just didn't finish it. And forgot the spacing too.
Suddenly the urge to watch this Dan VS thing intensifies as it apparently shows that wolfie Chris is canon.
I know in cannon, Chris can turn into a bear, but wouldn't a Russian be way more bear-like, seeing as how that was derived from a stereotype?
Chapter 42: So much fuq...
The levels of 'da fuq?' in this chapter were so high, I had to be admitted to the CDC for emergency defuqification before the toxic fuq metabolites caused me to turn emo.
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but then the kiss scene will never arrive!
4946297 Don't worry, there's a kiss scene soon.
Why did you make then so coooold over a death?? This is the only thing that hurts me in your otherwise awesome story... :'(
4972158 or awkward accidental kisses followed by a "I kissed dan party"
Someone please help. I can't stop reading this.
5100941 I kissed a Dan and I liked I-It~
The taste of his.. *mumble mumble*
I read this in Sweetie Belle's voice. Thought it was appropriate.
5472695 I can see how it is appropriate... if you'll excuse me I need to burst out laughing...
XD AHAHA I CAN'T AHAHAHHA
Wow, dat ending do
But why not cook the bacon in the lard? Then you have hot lard, hot bacon grease, and bacon!
wat? No, seriously, wat?
41.media.tumblr.com/2ffe56b2b10e92f424c4b8fe8fd12624/tumblr_n1zp3lX8KC1rtcfaqo1_500.png
possessed
Missing a period.
convinced
You accidentally punned twice. Better remove them before Crowley catches wind of this.
Some time later, Chris would finish like, "Ahahah... sigh. I really hated that guy."
MOTHER FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!