• Published 11th Sep 2013
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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga - Justice3442



Pinkie Pie finds herself adjusting to a new, hostile world, with a new hostile friend. Can they make it through this new misadventure together, or is it the universe that needs to watch out for them?

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Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week: Chapter 54: Dan & Pinkie Vs. Terrifi-Guy

The Wheel and the Butterfly



A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga



Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week



Chapter 54: Dan & Pinkie Vs. Terrifi-Guy

*****

Becky paused as she stared at the tent setup just outside the comic book store.

Huh…it’s not even new comic day…who can be that desperate…

Without warning the tent unzipped and Becky caught a glimpse of something pink before red and white striped arms wrapped themselves around her.

“BECKY!” Pinkie declared happily, giving the surprised comic book store employee a giant hug.

Oof…Hey Pinkie.” Becky said with a small smile. “I take it you liked Hellsing…”

Pinkie stood back slightly and nodded vigorously. “Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!” Her expression changed to mild nervousness. “Juuuust one problem, though…”

“Oh?” Becky asked.

YOU!

Becky and Pinkie turned back to the tent to see Dan leveling an angry index finger and an even angrier expression at Becky.

“YOU RECOMMENDED SOMETHING THAT WASN’T FINISHED!” Dan accused.

Becky paused. “Oh, right! I forgot Ultimate still has a couple more episodes to go…sorry guys. I’m pretty sure we have the manga in stock.” She offered.

Pinkie grinned at Dan who visibly calmed down.

“See! I told you they’d have it!” Pinkie said.

“You’re lucky we didn’t burgle this place last night.” Dan declared.

Pinkie giggled. “Hehe…burgle…”

“Uh…sorry.” Becky offered with a pensive smile.

“I talked him down to camping until you opened.” Pinkie explained.

Becky turned to Pinkie with a smirk. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing he has you to keep him in line.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot!” Pinkie said with a smile.

“Less talky, more openy!” Dan insisted.

“Uh, sure guys, let me just unlock the door.” Becky replied as Dan impatiently began to hover around the door and Pinkie giddily hopped from foot to foot.

Becky sniffed the air. “What smells like chocolate?” She asked no one in particular.

Pinkie tittered nervously. “Turns out chocolate syrup is kinda hard to wash out of your hair…”

“AND capes!” Dan added irritably. His angry pointer finger reemerged, leveled at Pinkie. “You owe me a new one!”

Pinkie bowed. “Forgive me, your Countlyness.” She looked up with a grin. “I guess you’ll just have to subject me to more deliciously chocolaty torture.”

Becky hastened unlocking the door, remembering Dan’s unfortunate willingness to share the strange activities the two do behind closed doors. “Aaaaand we’re open!” She declared a little too excitedly.

She breathed a sigh of relief as Pinkie and Dan rushed in and bee-lined for the manga section. She caught up to them as Pinkie gleefully filled a basket with 10 red volumes of Hellsing.

“You know, if you guys liked that I could recommend a few other things.”

Dan paused from examining the publications in Pinkie’s basket to glower at Becky. “Are these things that are actually finished!?”

Becky smiled as she put her hands up defensively. “Promise!”

“They better be! Otherwise I’ll find your houseboat and sink it straight to Davy Jones’ Locker!” Dan declared.

“But I don’t…” Becky turned to Pinkie. “Is he always like this?”

Preeeety much…” Pinkie admitted. She sauntered up besides Dan and wrapped an arm around his neck and began rubbing her nose against his. “You’re just a big ol’ angry teddy bear, arnt’cha? Arnt’cha?”

Dan forcefully, but slowly pushed Pinkie off of him. “No huggy nonsense out in public! You’re lucky you’re you otherwise I would have bit your face off.”

Pinkie gasped. “But if I wasn’t me, then who would I be? And if it wasn’t me hugging you and giving you nose rubs then who would that be?! And if you bit the face off of that person, you might go to prison! And then I wouldn’t be able to visit you because I wouldn’t be me! I’d be someone else! And that person wouldn’t know his or her boyfriend inflicted bitey assault on a hypothetical person’s hypothetical face, because he or she wouldn’t have you as his or her boyfriend! Oh, Dan! You can’t go to hypothetical prison, you just can’t!” Pinkie pleaded, intertwining her fingers and holding her hands up under her chin.

Becky turned to Dan with a smirk. “I take it she’s always like this, too.”

Dan shrugged. “A little chloroform goes a long way.”

Becky giggled, then stopped when she realized she wasn’t actually sure if Dan was joking. “Uh, how about I suggest a few more things for you guys to watch?”

“Yes, please!” Pinkie replied happily.

Dan flicked his hand out and motioned down the aisle. “Lead the way, anime muse.”

Becky continued walking down the aisle. “So, Dan. I know you like westerns…how about a sci-fi western about interplanetary bounty hunters?”

“There was literally nothing about that sentence I did not like.” Dan replied.

Becky grinned as she reached for a box set of Cowboy Bebop.

“Hey…” Pinkie interrupted. “Anyone else hear that?”

Becky and Dan turned towards Pinky.

“Hear what?” Dan asked.

“It kinda sounds like a large, muscular man wearing tights diving through the air and towards the store at a high spe…” Pinkie began to shake rapidly. “Uh-oh…”

CRASH!

Dan immediately dove on top of Pinkie as the ceiling above them erupted into a hailstorm of wood and metal.

Becky coughed as a cloud of dust settled around her.

“Dan! DAN! Are you alright?!” Pinkie called in a panicked tone as her boyfriend laid against her under a pile of rubble.

Dan slowly opened his eyes. “Cough…Fine…” He choked out. “I think my spine absorbed most of the impact…oohhhps?”

A large muscular hand reached down and pulled Dan out of rubble.

Dan quickly found himself being held by the shirt collar and staring at an angry man with slicked back, brown hair, and a chiseled jaw.

“Hello Dr. Jerk. Remember me?” The muscular man in black tights with a large yellow ‘T’ on his chest growled out in a deep voice.

Dan took a quick look up and down his assailant He was also wearing a belt with a large, golden ‘G’ on the buckle, blue gloves, blue boots, and a long blue cape.

“Uhhh…I blew up your condo?” Dan suggested.

“Oooo! Oooo! Maybe the obstacle course?” Pinkie suggested, crawling out from under the rubble and wiping dust off her shirt, jean shorts, and bare legs.

“Oh! Good call. Are you an android?” Dan asked turning back to the man.

“Noooo…” He growled out, narrowing his eyes at Dan.

“Wait, where you the old lady I yelled at because you had too many items in the quick check out line and about a hundred coupons?” Dan asked.

“Oh! I hate that!” Pinkie added.

“How could I possibly be an old lady?” The man in tights asked.

“Uh…look, I think my head got hit in that debris avalanche. I’m having a little trouble focusing at the moment…are you the Girl Scout we shot in the face with a cannon that fires money?”

“WHAT?! No it’s ME Terrifi-guy!”

Oh…Oooooooh…right…uh….yeah…” Dan replied trailing off.

“He’s the superhero you defeated by covering in hot sauce!” Pinkie reminded.

“Oh! Him! Right.” Dan turned to Terrifi-guy. “Look I’m sor…wait…”

Dan looked at Pinkie as Terrifi-guy continued to hold him aloft by his shirt collar.

“Conscience, help me out here, am I sorry?” Dan asked Pinkie.

Pinkie pondered this. “Well…he did destroy your car without an apology and, honestly, he seems a bit of a stuck-up jerk, so naw.” Pinkie replied with a shrug.

“A jerk who just crashed through the roof to the comic book store!” Becky added angrily.

“Sorry, ma’am. But this is official superhero business. We don’t have time for your conventional modes of entering buildings. Besides! It’s nice outside. Now you have a sunroof.” Terrifi-Guy said with a grin as he motioned to the hole in the ceiling.

“SUN ROOF?! Dan, don’t apologize to this jerk!” Becky requested.

Terrifi-Guy knitted his brow and turned to stare at the two women. “Just whose side are you two on, anyways?”

The two women wasted no time in pointing at Dan.

“But…I’m a superhero!” Terrifi-Guy protested as he motioned to himself.

“A superhero who wrecked my shop!” Becky declared.

“A superhero who wrecked my boyfriend!” Pinkie added.

Terrifi-Guy turned back to Dan. “Boyfriend? How the heck did a guy like you end up with a girl like that?!”

Dan turned his palms up and stared off into the store for a second. “Why does everyone keep asking me that!?” Dan stated in an irritated tone. “I’m awesome! She’s awesome! Of course she’s my girlfriend!”

Pinkie giggled and turned to Becky. “Hehe…He called me awesome!”

Becky smiled back at Pinkie and quickly turned back to the scene in front of her with a look of concern.

Terrifi-Guy leveled an accusatory index finger at Dan. “No, you must be using some sort of heinous mind control device on the poor girl! I’m on to you, Dr. Jerk.”

“I’m not being mind controlled!” Pinkie asserted. She quickly glanced at the hole in the ceiling and tapped an index finger to her chin. “Or am I? And if I was, is it really in my best interest to not be mind controlled? I mean, I’m pretty happy being Dan’s girlfriend…unless the mind control is just making me think I’m happy and really I’d be sad about the whole thing! Dan! Help me out here…I think I’m having one of those… uh…whatchacall’ems…Phyllo pastry Canada drums…”

Terrifi-Guy and Becky stared blankly at Pinkie Pie.

“You mean, ‘philosophical conundrums’, goofball.” Dan corrected.

“Oh! Right, that thing!”

“Alright, I take it back, you’re just out of your mind.” Terrifi-Guy observed.

“Oooo! Right! Good use of Occham’s Taser!” Pinkie replied.

“Uh…I think you mean, ‘Occam’s Razor’.” Becky suggested.

“Right! That too!”

Dan turned back to Terrfi-guy with a large, toothy grin. “By the way, about the whole’ dumping hot sauce on you until you lost all your powers, thing. Sorry, but I’m not sorry.”

Terrifi-Guy raised Dan high above his head and pulled back his other fist. “I’m going to punch you into the Sun, any last words?”

Dan grinned devilishly. “Super soaker.”

“Not much of an epitaph.” Terrifi-Guy commented.

“To bad, ‘cause it’s yours.” Dan countered.

Pinkie began to gleefully pump the handle on a large, Super Soaker and leveled it at Terrifi-Guy.

Terrifi-Guy rolled his eyes. “More water? Didn’t you learn anything from last…”

Pinkie pulled the trigger on the large, liquid shooting rifle and a high pressure stream of red fluid shot out of the device in into Terrifi-Guy’s face.

“AH! HOT SAUCE! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!” He dropped Dan to the ground as he begun feverishly trying to rub the substance off his face.

Pinkie quickly shoved the Super Soaker into Becky’s hands and rushed over to Dan, raising him to his feet. “Dan! Are you alright!?”

“Well, aside from the searing agony in my back and throbbing pain in my head, I’m fine.” Dan answered.

Pinkie pouted as she wrapped an arm around Dan’s torso, and draped one of his arms over her neck.

“Uh…Dan, do you need a ride to the hospital, or something?” Becky asked.

Pffffft…hospitals are for squares.” Dan responded.

“IT BURNS!” Terrifi-Guy shouted as he writhed on the ground in agony.

“Pipe down you.” Dan said, placing a kick into Terrifi-Guy’s ribs.

Pinkie grabbed the Super Soaker back from Becky with her free hand, placed the pump handle in her mouth, vigorously shook her head back and forth, and took the weapon back out of her mouth. “Super Soaker?” She asked Dan.

“Please!” Dan grabbed the weapon and happily fired a spicy round into Terrifi-Guy.

AHHHHH!”

“The habanero really adds a nice kick, doesn’t it?” Dan stated.

Iknowright!” Pinkie replied happily.

The couple turned back to Becky.

“So…Space Cowboys. Sounds like a good start!” Dan declared. “What else you got.”

“Uh…Oh! Right. How about…An exiled teen gains the power to control others and uses it to reclaim his birthright.” Becky suggested.

“Hmmm…It’s an okay premise…” Dan replied.

“Also, there’s giant robots.”

Pinkie and Dan exchanged excited looks. “SOLD!” They said in unison.

The trio continued walking through the store, Becky avoiding Terrifi-guy and the rubble, Dan and Pinkie making it a point to step on and over him.

“WHY WON’T THE SEARING PAIN STOP?!”

***

“Have I ever told you how much I HATE this store?!” Dan asserted angrily.

“Only every time we come here and every five minutes when we’re here!” Pinkie replied cheerfully as she emptied a fridge of all its almond milk into a shopping cart.

“Why do we even come here!?” Dan stated, angrily motioning out to his surroundings. “It’s like some sort of convention for people who’ve escaped the fashion police! Guess how many people, I’ve seen wearing sweat pants! GUESS!”

“Uhhh…We’re here because this place sells groceries and kiddie pools, and five.” Pinkie answered.

Dan sighed. “Good point, and good guess…”

Pinkie began to shake once more, this time she quickly grabbed Dan and moved him out of the way as debris fell from the ceiling.

Terrifi-Guy glowered at the couple as he hovered in the air. “Did you two think you’d be rid of me that easily?!”

“Honestly?” Dan replied. “We just didn’t care.” He added with a shrug.

“Yeah…like…not even a little bit.” Pinkie added.

“But…but I’m a superhero!”

“With a pretty exploitable, weakness I must say.” Dan added.

“Yeah…I mean…you can get hot sauce from anywhere!” Pinkie stated.

Terrifi-Guy sighed. “I see I have no choice but to send you both into the Null Dimension to keep my secret safe.”

“What secret? It was on the news!” Dan reminded.

“Yeah! I mean…everyone must have seen it!” Pinkie added.

“Well, let’s not kid ourselves, it was the local news.” Dan replied.

“Okay…so…lots of Los Angelites saw it…” Pinkie amended.

Dan shook his head. “That can’t be right…”

“Los Angelians?” Pinkie suggested.

“That sounds too much like aliens.”

“Uhhh…Los Angeleses?”

“That just sounds stupid.”

“It’s Los Angelenos!” Terrifi-Guy interjected irritably.

“Right, so…lots of Los Angelenos…”

“Look! While I lost my powers, a crime wave has swept the nation! Van Nuys airport closed down because of a terrorist attack, Lenny’s from across the nation have been terrorized, and people have just gone crazy and burnt down entire clothing stores!”

Dan and Pinkie exchanged worried looking glances.

“And now I’m dealing with you two idiots instead of figuring out who’s responsible.”

Dan and Pinkie quietly breathed a collective sigh of relief.

“WHO PUT THIS GOSH DARN HOLE IN THE ROOF?!” An aged man in a blue vest and white shirt demanded irately.

Dan and Pinkie wasted no time in pointing at Terrifi-Guy.

“Step aside, old timer. Official superhero business.” Terrifi-Guy stated, as he looked down upon the old store employee.

The blue vested man coughed and wheezed. “Old timer?! Listen, whippersnapper, in my day superheroes treated others with respect! They didn’t rip giant holes in ceilings to hassle innocent people!”

Terrifi-Guy sighed as he lowered himself to the ground. “In your day, people still rode horses to get around!”

“Sounds fun to me!” Pinkie replied.

“Quiet, street walker, this doesn’t concern you.” Terrifi-Guy shot out.

There was an angry growl followed quickly by the sound of broken glass.

“AHHH! HOT!” Terrifi-Guy cried. “IT BuGHGHGK!”

Terrifi-Guy’s screaming was suddenly cut short courtesy of the broken half of a hot sauce bottle Dan was trying to shove down his throat as the superhero collapsed to the ground.

“CHOKE ON IT AND DIE, YOU TIGHT-WEARING FREAK!” Dan snarled.

Coughweeez….Good going sonny, that’s how we did it in the Spanish-American war!” The old man stated with a grin as he swung an arm around enthusiastically.

“DAN! You don’t need to kill him! I walk on the street all the time!” Pinkie declared.

“No, you dunce!” Dan growled out at Pinkie as he continued shoving glass into Terrifi-Guy’s mouth. “A street walker is another name for prostitute!”

WHAT?!” Pinkie exclaimed in a shrill tone. Pinkie was gone and back in a pink flash. She handed another bottle of hot sauce to Dan who proceeded to smash it on Terrifi-Guy’s face and continue his forceful shoving of sharp shards of glass into the superhero’s throat.

GAHAGHK!” Terrifi-Guy regained his senses long enough to shove the short, raging man off of him and begun sputtering out hot sauce and broken glass.

“Well played, Dr…cough…hack…Jerk…I see now that I have underestimated you.” Terrifi-Guy rose to his feet. “Very well, welcome to the big leagues! Once I regain my strength, I will RAIN laser beams and a HAILSTORM of righteous…HEY! Get back here and listen to my dramatic monologue!”

Pinkie and Dan stood thoughtfully in front of the egg cartons, several yards away from Terrifi-Guy. “So how many of these do we need?”

“Hmmm…well, it’s four yolks for the recipe…and we’re filling a small pool, so...”

“HEY! I wasn’t done talking to you two!” Terrifi-Guy shouted from across the grocery store.

“Yes, but we were done listening to you.” Dan replied.

“Oh, that is IT!” Terrifi-Guy roared. “I will not rest, I will not stop, I will do everything in my power to…”

“Oooo! A couple of these ginormous cartons of eggs oughta do it!” Pinkie said excitedly.

“HEY! Still TALKING here!” Terrifi-Guy said.

“Why are you even still here?! We’ve already embarrassed you twice today! Do you really want us to make a habit of it?!” Dan replied.

“It really was pretty sad…” Pinkie added.

“I’M COMING FOR YOU DR. JERK! YOU BETTER BRING OUT YOUR ‘A’ GAME, BECAUSE NEXT TIME WE MEET I’M GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF!”

Dan sighed. “Great! Now I have to set my rooftop lair back up on top of everything else today!”

Pinkie grinned and looped an arm around one of Dan’s. “Have to or get to?”

“Well…yeah…It is a lot of fun…” Dan admitted.

The two continued their journey down the grocery store.

“Hey, Dan.”

“Yeah, goofball?”

Pinkie wrapped her arms around Dan’s neck and leaned down to give him a deep, passionate kiss. “Thanks for defending my honor back there.”

Dan smiled at Pinkie. “It’s what I’m here for…”

Terrifi-Guy sighed as he watched the happy couple push their cart away and continued to wipe away hot sauce from his face. He turned to the old man.

“You care that I’m a superhero, right?”

The blue vested employee waved a dismissive hand. “Feh.” He said as he walked away.

Terrifi-Guy turned his angry gaze back towards Dan and Pinkie. “I will destroy you two…” He growled out, “even if it’s the last thing I do…”

Author's Note:

Thanks to user x-Kiryu-x for suggesting I do something with Dr. Jerk.

Here's part one of the result.

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