Part 5 Pinkie Vs. Balance: Chapter 27 Pinkie Vs. Parkour
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 5 Pinkie Vs. Balance
Chapter 27 Pinkie Vs. Parkour
-ooooooo-
Dan looked over at roommate and sighed. “You’re making that face!” Dan stated irritably from the red couch, looking away from the TV set.
“What face?” Pinkie replied from the red easy chair, looking up from her computer with sad, pleading eyes and quivering lips. She was wearing her red and white striped shirt and a part of rolled-up jean shorts.
“The look where I have to do some bizarre, asinine task or you’re going to be a sad, depressing heap for the foreseeable future,” Dan replied. He was wearing the same the same outfit he wore every day, a black ‘JERK’ shirt and a pair of jeans.
Pinkie’s pout increased and she turned the laptop screen to face Dan.
“It’s a shirtless dude jumping around like a ninny…” Dan responded flatly. “Are you upset because you can’t jump around shirtless like a ninny? Because that’s about half of what we do in the apartment.”
“No! I used to be able to do stuff like that!” Pinkie responded motioning to the computer screen.
“…You used to be able to put yourself in in harm’s way by running at cars that were driving towards you?” Dan looked towards the ceiling and turned a palm up. “I mean…that’s irresponsibly dangerous, but I can still film you doing that, if you like.”
Pinkie sat the laptop down and stood up to her feet. “No! I used to be able to slide down stair railings and land on my feet, and jump from roof-top to roof-top! Now I can’t even jump through a first story window without landing on my face on the other side!” Pinkie complained.
Dan stood and walked towards Pinkie, rubbing a hand over his mouth and chin in contemplation, “Hmm, your dismount could use work, but hey,”-- Dan smiled, put a comforting arm around his roomie’s shoulders, and pointed an index finger at her-- “you’re perfect just the way you are.”
“Awww, you’re sweet…” Pinkie replied, looping an arm around Dan’s torso and giving him a little squeeze before parting. “But I miss having a low center of gravity. I miss not being… lumpy.” Pinkie stated, folding her arms across her chest and raised them to emphasize her ample lumpiness.
Dan stared blankly at Pinkie for a couple seconds. “Did I mention you’re perfect just the way you are?”
“Thanks, Dan!” Pinkie said with a smile. “But I can’t even do a cartwheel without a crashtastic finish! See, watch!” Pinkie said as she walked behind the couch.
Dan shrugged. “I’m always up for watching you injure yourself.”
Pinkie stood up straight, put her hands in the air, quickly bent sideways onto her hands, lifted her feet up, and careened directly into the bathroom sink with a startled yelp. “Owie…” Pinkie murmured from her upside-down heap on the bathroom floor.
“Pinkie!” A small voice called out. “Pinkie!”
Dan looked down at the small compact mirror sitting next to what appeared to be a large chrome squirt gun on the crate that served as a coffee table. He bent down and picked it up. “Hey, Sparkler,” he answered.
Twilight looked back at him with narrowed eyes. “Hi, Dan. Where’s Pinkie?”
“Bathroom,” Dan answered. “Can I take a message?”
“It’s sort of…insanely important,” Twilight replied.
“Can’t you just say ‘hecka’ like a normal person?”
“Well, I’m a pony,” Twilight reminded.
“With an insufferably purple color sche…” Dan felt a hand on his face as Pinkie pushed him aside. He fell onto the couch as Pinkie snatched the mirror.
“Hiya, Twilight! What’s up?” Pinkie asked.
“Pinkie! I have something hec…I mean, very important to tell you…”
Twilight told Pinkie and Dan about Discord, The Order Keepers, their goals, and the potential danger they were all in.
“War?!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“Awww…you ponies get to war with magical, extra dimensional travelers? I never get to have any fun,” Dan whined.
“Dan, the apartment was infested with radioactive mutant bats not three days ago,” Pinkie reminded. “Mr. Mumbles bit one and was shooting green, radioactive beams out of her eyes, remember?”
Mr. Mumbles trotted out of the bedroom with a “Meow.”
Dan put on a sullen face. “Don’t remind me. I bit one and all I got was radiation poisoning! Why does Mr. Mumbles get all the luck and superpowers?!”
Mr. Mumbles jumped up on the couch and rolled over onto her back, exposing her belly to Dan.
“D’awww…who can stay mad at you?” Dan asked rhetorically, scratching the cat’s belly.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Your cat shoots laser beams…”
“Radioactive beams,” Pinkie corrected.
“Right, radioactive beams out of her eyes? Isn’t that sort of…incredibly dangerous?” Twilight asked motioning out with a forehoof.
“It’s okay, Twilight. We get her some medicine, and…”
Two green bolts of energy shot straight up into the ceiling with a loud ‘ZORCH’.
Pinkie eyes went wide as she turned to see Dan’s face had been mildly scorched. The two roommates then looked up into the brand new, black, smoldering hole in their ceiling.
Dan sighed and picked up Mr. Mumbles. “I’ll give her some medicine.”
Mr. Mumbles hissed and attempted to squirm out of his grasp.
Dan brought the cat into the bathroom with him and closed the door behind the two.
“So…What are you going to do?” Twilight asked.
The sound of Dan screaming erupted from the bathroom along with an angry “Merowowerow!” and a couple more ‘ZORCH’s.
Pinkie sat down on the couch, continuing to hold the mirror at face level. “Well, the vet said--” Pinkie began.
“I meant about TOK,” Twilight specified.
“Oh…well, what can we do?” Pinkie replied. “I mean…they can strike anywhere at any time! It’s not like we can sit around waiting for them to show up!”
The bathroom door flew open, and Mr. Mumbles bounded out and into the bedroom with an angry “Merrooow!” and a hiss.
Dan trudged back towards Pinkie, covered in scratches. His black “JERK” shirt had a couple of fresh holes in it, his hair was standing up as dark smoke wafted up from it, and his freshly exposed skin was a color similar to his shirt. “What were we talking about, again?” Dan inquired.
“Twilight was asking what we’re going to do if TOK show up.”
“Punch them in their cloudy faces?” Dan offered. “Wait…do they have faces?”
Pinkie shrugged. “They have eyes,” she offered.
“Good enough for me,” Dan replied.
“Dan, you can’t punch magic, ethereal beings in the face,” Twilight declared in a mildly irritated tone.
“Don’t tell me what I can’t punch!” Dan shot back.
Pinkie motioned to Dan with her free hand. “There you go. If they show up to send me away to a boooring dimension, Dan will punch them in the face.”
Twilight brought a forehoof up to her face and gave an exasperated sigh.
“Don’t worry Twilight,” Pinkie said. “If my knee starts getting pinchy, I’ll contact you right away.”
Twilight rubbed a forehoof horizontally across her chin, as she regarded her friend with serious-looking eyes. “Doesn’t that happen a lot over there?”
“Not really,” Pinkie informed. “I think my body got used to the constant attacks by strangeriffic creatures that shoot lightning out of their mouths and burst into flames if you pet them too hard. I think the guy who moved into one of the apartments below us is a mad-scientist-super-villain or something…” Pinkie explained.
“Sounds…terrifying?” Twilight offered.
Pinkie smiled. “He’s pretty nice, actually.”
“If you discount the weekly besieges on our apartment by creatures created by man’s hubris at playing tic-tac-toe with animal DNA,” Dan added. He grinned widely, picked up the chrome squirt gun off the table, and held it nozzle up. “He gave me this gun that shoots acid.” A jet of clear liquid shot up into the ceiling, eating away at the thin material. Dan looked up and frowned. “Though, it has a hair-trigger.”
Pinkie looked up at the now rather exposed pink insulation above them. “The landlord is not going to be happy about this…”
“Uhh…” Twilight said, not sure how to respond to… anything, really.
Pinkie looked back down at the mirror. “What are you going to do, Twilight?” she asked.
“We’re packing up shop and heading back to Ponyville.”
“Ponyville?” Pinkie asked with an excited smile.
Twilight nodded. “I’ve already pored through every book here! I even took a trip to the Crystal Empire and checked the library there! I even searched the Library at the Castle of two Sisters! But I’m not giving up,” Twilight insisted resolutely. “We’ll get you home somehow,” she asserted.
Pinkie’s smile turned into a small pout as her lower lip quivered slightly. “Home…” she murmured softly.
Dan put a reassuring hand on Pinkie’s shoulder.
Pinkie smiled and looked up at Dan warmly, placing a hand on his.
Twilight made a soft throat clearing sound. “Well, I need to finish packing. The mirror especially.” Twilight said, motioning towards the item in front of her. She smiled. “We’ll take good care of it.”
Pinkie returned the smile.“So the next time I see you, you’ll be in Ponyville?”
“We’ll all be in Ponyville and we’ll all see you there, Pinkie.”
“Oooo! Oooo! We should have a returning home party, then! Or…I guess two, cross-dimensional parties that happen to be taking place at the same time!” Pinkie said with an excited grin.
“Our dimension gets to supply the music,” Dan insisted.
Twilight’s smile widened as she closed her eyes. “Sounds like a blast.”
Pinkie grinned mischievously. “Oh, it’s a blast, all right.”
“Hey,” Twilight began, “stay safe, you…”
Insulation rained down from the ceiling in giant pink clumps on the two apartment occupants.
“…Don’t die, you two,” Twilight said.
Pinkie brushed some of the pink clumps off of her and saluted with her free hand. “Will do, Princess.”
“I have an invested interest in my continual survival,” Dan stated under a vertical, pink, fluffy pile.
Twilight waved a hoof.
Pinkie returned the wave and shut the mirror as Dan brushed the insulation off of him and sat next to her on the couch.
“So…what now?” Dan queried.
Pinkie’s sad, pleading eyes and quivering lips returned. “I need to work on my balance.”
“Are you still on that?” Dan asked in a surprised tone.
Pinkie stood up. “I can’t very well deal with evil, ethereal, extra-dimensional, energy entities if I’m tripping over my own feet, now can I?”
Pinkie walked into the bedroom, and walked out wearing a pair of pink sneakers. “I’m going to do it!”
“Do what?” Dan asked, crinkling his brow.
“Parkour!” Pinkie replied.
Dan stared at her blankly.
“That jumpy, flippy stuff I showed you off the computer.”
Dan paused and said, “... I’ll give you five minutes before you’re crawling back here to me in need of medical attention.”
“Awww, you’re not coming?” Pinkie said with a pout.
“As much fun as watching you suffer multiple bone fractures because you threw yourself against a wall over and over again sounds, I think I’ll stay here, watch some T.V. and nurse my fresh radiation burns.”
Pinkie scrunched her mouth to the left side of her face. “Fair enough,” she replied.
She started to walk towards the door.
“Hey, Pinkie.” Dan called out.
Pinkie turned. “Yes, Dan?”
“Take your phone.”
“Sure.” Pinkie walked over to her phone and picked it up. “Why?”
“In case you injure yourself enough that you can’t walk or crawl back and you need me to find you.”
Pinkie smiled, walked over to Dan, and planted a quick peck on his cheek. “You’re the bestest, Dan.”
Dan smiled back. “I know.”
“Righty!” Pinkie resolutely turned to the door, opened it, and shouted “Parkour!” as if it were a battle cry. She stepped into the bright, California sun.
Dan watched as Pinkie closed the door behind her, listened to the sound of sneakers running across the walkway, then to the sound of rubber sliding against metal, followed by a panicked sounding “WAAAAAAAAAH!”, and cringed as he heard a loud ‘thump’ of what was very likely his roommate having a sudden meeting with solid concrete.
“I’m ooooookaaaaay!” He heard Pinkie call back.
Dan shrugged to himself and went back to watching T.V.
*Exactly 4 minutes and 55 seconds later*
Dan turned as the door to the apartment opened. As it did, a petite right hand with pink nail polish slumped forward into the apartment. Dan followed the attached arm with his eyes to see the rest of his roommate’s bruised and battered body, lying face down on the hard walkway.
Dan sighed. “I told you so.”
Pinkie whimpered in reply.
“So ummmm… This show is mostly over.” Dan explained. “Can I help you out when it’s done?”
“I’m nowt gowing anywhere…” Pinkie offered weakly, her mouth muffled by the walkway it was pressed against.
“Sweet!” Dan replied. “You’re the best, Pinkie.”
“I knoww…”
*Exactly 14 minutes and 35 seconds later*
Dan walked over to his roommate, bent down, grabbed Pinkie’s outstretched right arm, slung the arm across his shoulders, and raised Pinkie to her feet. In addition to a bright red indentation from being pressed against the hard ground for so long, Pinkie’s face sported a number of bruises and a large forehead gash. Dan looked down to see some of the white stripes on her shirt had turned light red in places, and she had a number of fresh cuts and bruises down her bare legs, as well.
“Well…at least no one can tell you you’re not living life to its fullest…or stupidest for that matter,” Dan offered.
Pinkie looked up with large, blue, watery, pained looking eyes. “My entire body feels like excruciagony.”
“What?” Dan said, crinkling his brow.
“’Excruciagony’…excruciating plus agony…Okay, not my best work,” Pinkie admitted weakly.
“So er… I usually don’t suggest this, but…hospital?”
“That depends. Is my left arm as broken as I think it is?”
Dan removed Pinkie’s right arm from around his shoulder and leaned her against his chest as he examined the other arm. A large bump protruded from her shoulder.
“You’re in luck. It’s just dislocated.”
“And…that’s…good?” Pinkie asked tentatively.
“Well, we can fix it without going anywhere.” Dan informed.
Pinkie perked up slightly, “Oh! How do weEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Without warning, Dan had grabbed Pinkie’s left arm and gave it a hard yank with one arm as he pushed the shoulder back into its socket with his other hand.
Pinkie clutched onto Dan’s shoulders tightly as she hung her head and breathed in long, drawn out breaths.
“How’s that?” Dan asked.
“Agonexcruciating.” Pinkie responded in between breaths. She looked up,\. “But…better…somehow… How’d you know how…to do that?”
“Years of practice on Chris.” Dan replied. “You’re covered in bruises, gashes, and cuts, by-the-by.”
Pinkie looked down at her bruised, gashed, and cut body. “I’m covered with bruises…gashes, and…cuts!” She pouted in between breaths.
Dan sighed and trudged to bathroom. “I’ll get some bandages, ice packs, and the Everclear.”
“No, it’s…fine. My…mutant ‘Healing Factor’ is already kicking in.” Pinkie choked out.
“You don’t have a mutant healing factor,” Dan called out from the bathroom.
“Well, sh--”
-o~Some screams, yells, started cat noises, and a cry of “Why, Mr. Mumbles, why?!” Later…~o-
Dan leaned his head down as Pinkie reached up to apply a Band-Aid to a large cat scratch on his cheek, her bandaged head resting on his lap. “So, give up?” Dan asked.
Pinkie sat up on the couch. “I have not yet begun to stupidly injure myself in a smasheriffic fashion for the sake of regaining my lost perfect balance!” Pinkie replied resolutely, her body covered in a random assortment of bandages she held an ice-pack on her left shoulder.
“Pinkie, I really think you should let this one go before you end up in a hospital with a full body cast.” Dan replied.
“Okay, but how cool would it be if instead of smashing my face against the car roof during our next drill, I neatly slipped in feet first through the window from the walkway?”
Dan paused.
“…That…”
“…would…”
“…be…”
“…AWESOME!” Dan replied excitedly.
“So you’ll help?”
“Pinkie, except for a crash course in dance fighting that mostly involved me having cans thrown at me, punching, and jump kicking people, I’m not exactly light on my feet.”
“Oooo! We can get Elise to help! She’s hecka agilic!”
Pinkie reached into her pocket and grabbed her phone.
“Don’t you want to recover first? You did dislocate your shoulder, after all.”
“No way!” Pinkie replied. “Crapy denim, seize the day!” Pinkie replied.
“It’s ‘carpe diem’.” Dan corrected.
“That, too!” Pinkie said, as she touched a green telephone icon on her phone.
Dan sighed.
Yep, it’s definitely going to be a ‘bizarre, asinine task’ sort of day.
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This story is so good it makes me vomit pink rainbows. :D
i love how you threat plot XD
You should vomit pink rainbows while on a rainbow vomiting unicorn and making rainbow filled ballons and throwing them at stuff. I liked this chapter.
EEEYUSSSS FINALLYYY!
what :o I got recognition for my love of PK? SO AWESOME!
A wasted opportunity for a Psych reference if I've ever seen one. Tsk tsk.
What you should've had her say was:
The whole thing about the radioactive eye beams made me
ERROR: Pithy quote not found. Please restart pithy quote selector and try again.
(* Actually, this one should probably be an exclamation point...)
Other corrections:
This sentence needs an enema. I can't even begin to tell you how to fix this. It's just...a mess. The overly long description of Pinkie's clothes isn't REALLY necessary here. Detail is always a good thing, but sometimes excessive detail is excessive.
What I would suggest doing instead is THIS:
Dan, seated on the blue couch, looked away from the TV set to his roommate and sighed. “You’re making that face!” he stated irritably.
Or something like that.
Pinkie's
feet
roomie's
finger
Comma after 'replied'.
"Large" and "hand-sized" are conflicting descriptors, "chrome" should be the LAST descriptor, and you don't need any of those commas. So it'd be "hand-sized chrome squirt gun" or "large chrome squirt gun".
Should be a question mark.
Suggest: radioactive mutant bats (either way, delete the comma)
Delete this comma.
eyebrow
Mumbles
inquired
show (since they're plural)
Missing period.
- Stray quote mark.
- widely, picked up
pored
Comma after 'said'.
Comma after 'asked'.
feet
Comma after 'asked'.
Delete this comma.
roommate
Delete this comma.
roommate's
Delete this comma.
- The semicolons should be commas.
- Delete the comma after 'outstretched'.
Delete this comma.
Delete this comma.
and
carpe diem... I can't believe you said that. Did you know that is exactly what my wrestling coach tells us.
Tell that to TD from the Non-Brony saga. He punch Celestia in the face, on multiple occasions!
Love this, currently reading one chapter at a time, though it's hard to do with a 136-chapter story.
4396439
Got these! Thank you!
4552136 Who and What? Is that a fic on Fimfic? If so, give me the link. It sounds interesting. I want to see him burn!
(not really)
4586479
Here ya go! But, I'm going to warn you the series is on it's third book. They're quite long too.
She looked up, \.
1. Some random slashes and full stops for some reason.
4552136 Celestia is quite certainly NOT ethereal.
Crappy denim! Hahahahahaha!
SO.MUCH.SHIP.
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSCyLK_Rz3qMvzTZfkGgLAIqhh1u9P6xbtAMDta0nQ5hvxZ7LUl
Its time for some hardcore parkour!!!!!
Hehehehe, Plot.
I accept this, and I am going to use it from now on.
Nice job! XD
Is the justified text intentional?
If you didn't know, justified is where the spacing of a line is stretched out to fill the whole line. Example (From this chapter):
Pinkie perked up slightly, “Oh! How do
It's a pretty bad idea to relocate an arm yourself, especially if you do it repeatedly. The nerves around your socket have a pretty good chance of getting trapped which would both be extremely painful and potentially cause permanent nerve damage.
But, then of course, this is Dan and Pinkie we're talking about, so...
Fantastic story. 01\01
6303234
Well, it is justified...
4552136 And then there's this little Tia face pounding.
tbib.org/images/3754/94a4f710b2cc1ebb633f58bcac2f093be4758c14.png
As to Mr Mumbles eye beams!!
or my favourite.
Is Pinkie channeling Harry Dresden here? "PARKOUR!" indeed.
?
delete \.
______________
I think the saying Carpe Diem should be changed to Crapy Denim.