• Member Since 23rd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Albi


Still tired. Still writing. Patreon

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Twilight Sparkle is trying to run away. But Sunset Shimmer needs her in order to help her best friend.

She'll do whatever it takes, even if it means submitting to the darkness once more.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

A KH crossover?

Don't care.

This... Is... PERFECT :pinkiehappy: I normally despise humanised fics, and am consistently disappointed with KH crossovers, but you've done everything right! You stayed true to the source material while still keeping original and interesting, you even made Sunset Shimmer appear interesting, that takes skill! :ajsmug::yay::rainbowkiss::pinkiesmile::raritystarry::twilightsmile:

3169433 Thank you. Funny enough, this is my first attempt at a crossover and humanized fic. Glad to know I did something right.

Okay, for Kingdom Hearts crossover this was a pretty solid story. The plot though, that's where I reach me problems, the plot is pretty much the climax of Equestria Girls and 358/2 days put together into one with a bit of tweaking with the detail. It also takes no wiz of the game to know the Twilight is representing Roxas and Shimmer is representing Riku. Now what I really liked about this story is the fighting scene, which was pretty much what happened in this story. I personally find it really difficult to write fighting scene in a story without it being boring. That said, the badassary in the fight scene... Eh, it was average KH.

Now for grammar, more than ten paragraphs used two sentence starters! Also the word choice, there was a lot of, "there", "then", "the", and "she". The other words in use? Average.

Oh, before I continue, sorry if I hurt you feelings with this.

The punctuation wasn't bad actually, you know how to use them properly. Now the only nitpicks I have with this story is that it's a little too similar with the cut scene before Riku battle in 358/2, and that you didn't tab at the beginning at the paragraphs. Then again, nitpicks, they barely do anything to the rating.

Now to rate it... 3.5/5 (Good Time Passer).

I have accepted it.

I don't know how, but this completely passed me by?! ^^

I don't think anybody who hasn't played Kingdom Hearts would really get this story. I know it was just a little one-shot, but I understood where you coming from enough to get your thinking haha.

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