I'm obsessed with ponies, Fluttershy, me, myself, and I. PM me for an art trade/free request!
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Luna and Discord, a happy couple, causes night to turn completely chaotic. All of the ponies suspicion are making it harder for everypony. And keeping it a secret doesn't make it so easy when Celestia sees what's going on...
This is my first story, and I am trying my best to create entertainment for all yo pony lovers!
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And one little extra note to readers, I know the story goes just a little bit TOO fast.
So sorry.
LOL! Well, the story itself is not great. But it is my first story on here! Discord is my favorite villain and Luna is my favorite princess so why not bring them together?
3075332
You did a good job, and my stories are paced MUCH faster.
And I'm only 11. So I'm young too
Thanks! I guess I have good luck right now!
Yaaaaaaay! And I'm 9 so...
3106658. Nine. appreciation has trippled. Your younger than me and still are a better writer.
Well, with lots of practice I bet you'll be better than all those other really good people one day!
The story is coming along good. Its pace is a little fast but it remains smooth which is good. Though putting a back story on twilight would help. Since she is a problem in this story telling the reader why she's there would help. Also I agree Lunas my favorite and Discord is awesome to.
3108899 Ok, thanks for the advice!
Um...not to be rude...but shouldn't it be GIGANTIC?
Oops! Guess I should fix that! Thanks!
3106755. Maybe. Mostly I do creative writing and draw in my free time, so perhaps someday I will get the drift and pace my stories better.
That's the spirit!
When I typed in that part of the story, " Discord and Luna ran after each other" I was just like, "this is so cheesy" LOL!
3140663 OMG! Are you ok? here, have a cookie.
3140686 Well, no story is good without bad luck happening in it! I guess...
SO FLIPING CHEESY :D
Good but this chapter seemed a bit rushed. At some points I got kind of confused on what was happening and were it was happening. Also you can pull the reader in even more if you describe the area. Also check your tempo in your righting. At points it seems to change which confuses the reader (well at least it confuses some who are like me). Other wise its good. Good spelling and grammer just needs some work on transitions from scene to scene. Keep up the good work.
Every time when all of them went to sleep, they all just waked up. Long sleep they had.
So, they slept for two hours, according to Twilight’s eye.
This is a really bad section. The story idea in general so far has been good. The down side is that the way you put things tends to add a very confusing scene to the story. Things happen so quickly there is never a lull or an explanation on WHY Luna likes Discord. The only times we see them happy are brief Celestia flashbacks. Also if Discord is being reformed wouldn't him falling in love be a good thing? The story tends to make Celestia come off really....... weird. The story line is good but you need some more work on the presentation on the story itself. Keep practicing and you will nail it in no time.
3141202. ArtCreatesIdeas is only nine. Deal with it.
3141561 Thanks for defending me.
I am not trying to insult the writer. I already knew they were nine. I was giving constructive critizism. For things to look and change as he practices there writing. No offense was meant by such critizism.
3141982 Ummm... well i'm just kind've sensitive. And in all, this is my first story. I was just trying to be kind've clever. Guess that didn't work.
No don't take me wrong over all this is a great story line. Its amazing writing for a nine year old. My critizism was not meant to make you feel bad it was to help your writing. I simply want you to keep writing and improve over time. Not to stop or feel insecure. You are a great write keep doing what your doing and you will be excellent by the time your my age.
3141982 And i'm a she.
3146176 Yeah, but I added Princess Cadence in the character section by mistake.
wut... I'm so confused
3146280 I got her out of the character section though, why are you confused?
I was not sure on your gender thus I used all those third person words like they and them as to not offend you.
3146328
No not Cadence, I mean the ending was a bit sudden... and I didn't quite get what was going on.
wow im soo confused and disappointing. i thought this was a happy story for Discord and luna not a F Discord story, i seriously disliked how this ended too soon and the beginning made it seem like the story would have them falling in love. i read it but i have to say this turn i did not like.
not bad for a first timer but i just personally don't like the ending. but again not a bad story there are worse than yours out there. so just practice use spell check and re re read your stories before you post them. and don't get discouraged keep at it and improve! :D
3146652 Thanks! Yeah, sorry that you didn't like the ending. But not every ending can have a good one ALL the time right?
No comment
W
3147723 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
3146848
true but i would of liked to have been warned by a sad tag, since there wasent one i assumed nothing would happen.
not to mention the begining was all happy and stuff then the ending is a complete contrast
3148403 Well I didn't know I would need it.
wat
3148508
you don't really just took me by surprise, but still re reading the whole thing yeah the story seemed like a DiscordXLuna being happy together even when the picture was mentioned Tia even said "he should never have been reformed, he was so sweet before that" everything pointed in a different direction that's all im saying.
this is a nice story i recommend you keep on writing and improving!
3147744
My apologies regarding my glitchy phone. I meant to say 'What a twist!"
3151337 OH! Now THAT makes more sense!
One word
Damit
Good bye*leaves the story zone*
I want more Discord x Luna from you now~~
3191863 Ummm, how?
3191951.
Let me rephrase that~~
I want a sequel. This was too good and I wanna see more stuff like this.
I haven't read the story, but what does this have to do with Button Belle?
3207782 DELETE FROM THE FOLDERS! I added it a while back because it was a romance story.
Please Delete it.
3208459 Oh sure, no problem. Sorry if I sounded rude
3208573 Thanks! But really, thanks for reminding me!