You can fight fate a little sometimes
“Don’t you think you’re being a little rash here? I didn’t do anything wrong!” the Whisper-Mad Tome of Durgon the Deranged protested as Spike struggled to reattach the chain that would keep him bound to his shelf in the Restricted Section of the Canterlot Archives.
“You drove several dozen ponies insane, turned a third of the castle into a reality-bending labyrinth, and unleashed a giant monster from another dimension that nearly destroyed Canterlot!” Spike snarled, cursing as the living book snapped at his claws, the pages sharp enough that they were able to give him paper cuts even through his claws.
“Ponies are half-insane already! And the city was due for a giant monster attack anyway!” the Whisper-Mad Tome of Durgon the Deranged argued. “And I had nothing to do with the labyrinth, this place is confusing enough on its own.”
“True,” Spike admitted through gritted teeth. “But you still caused all that other stuff, so back on the shelf…you…go! Aha!” he crowed triumphantly as he clasped the chain onto the book’s spine and shoved it into its place on the shelf. “There! You aren’t going anywhere anytime soon!...well, unless Twilight decides she wants to read you again…which she might…but until then, you aren’t leaving this spot!”
“NO! I was so close! SO CLOOOOOSE!” the Whisper-Mad Tome of Durgon the Deranged wailed, rattling about and struggling to break free from his prison. “Release me! RELEASE ME!”
“No,” Spike said.
“Please?”
“No,” Spike said.
“Pretty please?”
“No.”
“Pretty please with a cherry on top?”
“No.”
“Curse you and your indomitable will!” the book shrieked.
“Yeah, whatever.” Spike wiped away some sweat and sighed. “Well, that was the last of the escaped books. Now I just have to do…a hundred and fifty-seven other chores to make up for not keeping a better eye on the incredibly dangerous magical books that Twilight should never have asked me to take out of the Archives in the first place…ugh…” He frowned when he saw there was one book left on his cart. “What? I missed one? Seriously? Dangit. I hope it goes somewhere nearby, I really don’t want to have to spend any longer with all these weird books.”
“That really hurt my feelings,” the Whisper-Mad Tome of Durgon the Deranged sniffed.
“Don’t care.” Spike picked up the book and frowned. It was a light grayish-brown, and had ‘A Study in Organized Chaos’ by Dr. Icsord written on the cover. “That’s odd…I don’t remember taking this book off the shelves before…”
“That’s because you didn’t! I put myself on the cart just now,” the book said, a pair of familiar red and yellow eyes popping open on the cover.
“AAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHH!” Spike screamed in terror, throwing the book away.
“Ow! That hurt!” the book complained, transforming into Discord in a flash of light. “If I didn’t know better, Spike, I’d think you didn’t want me around!”
“I don’t!” Spike shouted angrily.
“You don’t? Whyever not?” Discord asked, perplexed.
“Because you ruined my life by showing me that horrible prophecy about how I’m going to be Twilight’s assistant-“ Spike started.
“Slave,” the Whisper-Mad Tome of Durgon the Deranged corrected.
“SHUT UP, WHISPER-MAD TOME OF DURGON THE DERANGED!” Spike shouted.
Discord perked up at this. “Durgon the Deranged? Hey, I remember you! Long time no see, buddy! How’s it going?”
“I’m a book chained to a shelf,” the Whisper-Mad Tome of Durgon the Deranged said bluntly.
“Well, I was a statue until a few months ago, so chin up old buddy, there’s a chance you’ll get out of here someday!” Discord said cheerfully. “Albeit a ridiculously miniscule chance, but hey, better than nothing, right?”
“Meh,” the Whisper-Mad Tome of Durgon the Deranged said.
“Anyway, where were we?” Discord asked, turning his attention back to Spike.
“You showed me that horrible prophecy about how I’m going to be Twilight’s assistant forever and never hook up with Rarity and I’m going to have to date the Cutie Mark Crusaders!” Spike yelled.
Discord frowned. “Now really, Spike, I was trying to do you a favor by letting you understand your true purpose, which, since you’re not a pony and don’t have a butt tattoo to conveniently remind you what your goal in life is, is something most dragons or other creatures never figure out. If you should be angry at anyone, it’s Celestia for hiding the prophecy from you, or yourself for getting such high hopes about your destiny in the first place, or whoever wrote down that prophecy to begin with. Who did that, anyway? Ancient prophecies pop up all the time, but who actually makes the darn things? I mean, can we be certain they’re from a reputable source? Anyone can say some random meaningful gibberish and call it a prophecy, after all, and if something happens that seems to validate the prophecy, does it mean that was actually fated to happen, or is it just a coincidence and people are interpreting events as an indicator that destiny works the way they want it to?”
“Actually, all the prophecies in ‘Predictions and Prophecies’ were written by a tried-and-tested seer named Crystal Ball, who’s had an extremely high success rate where prophecies are concerned,” the Whisper-Mad Tome of Durgon the Deranged said. “It was her special talent and all.”
“Really? Huh. Well then, I guess you now know who to blame for your life being ruined, Spike: Crystal Ball!” Discord said. He held up a roll of toilet paper. “Wanna go TP her house?”
“She’s been dead for several hundred years,” the Whisper-Mad Tome of Durgon the Deranged said.
“Oh,” Discord said. “Well…wanna TP her grave, then?”
“Not really,” Spike said, although the idea did sound oddly appealing.
“Oh well,” Discord said, throwing the toilet paper roll over his shoulder. It sprouted legs and ran away, leaving a trail of paper as it unraveled in its wake. “So…you seem rather down in the dumps, Spike. Why so blue?”
“I’m purple,” Spike grumbled.
“Not anymore you’re not!” Discord said, handing Spike a mirror.
Spike looked at his reflection. His purple scales were now green. “DISCORD!” he shouted.
“What? You don’t like it? But blue really does suit you. I think there was another dragon named Spike who had blue scales…had a long name, was rather stuffy, hung out with ponies so boring and insipid they make even the dullest of the ones around here look like Pinkie Pie…” Discord said, making a disgusted face.
“CHANGE ME BACK!” Spike shouted.
“Oh, fine,” Discord said, snapping his fingers and restoring Spike’s purple color. “Now, why so glum?”
“I’m going to be Twilight’s assistant forever and never hook up with Rarity and I’m going to have to date the Cutie Mark Crusaders,” Spike said miserably. “Oh, and I have to do a ton of chores because I neglected those stupid magic books which nearly destroyed Canterlot.”
“Yeah, I guess that is a pretty good reason to be unhappy,” Discord admitted.
“You think?” Spike said unhappily.
“Fortunately, Uncle Discord is here to save the day!” Discord said cheerfully.
“Forgive me for not being particularly reassured,” Spike said.
“You’re forgiven,” Discord said beatifically. “Especially since I’m about to tell you something that I think will make you happy!”
“You’re going to do all my chores for me?” Spike asked.
“Ahahahaha no. Don’t even kid about that,” Discord said seriously. “But you might like this, too: I’ve found a loophole in the prophecy!”
Spike perked up at this. “Then you mean… I won’t have to be Twilight’s assistant forever and will hook up with Rarity and I’m not going to have to date the Cutie Mark Crusaders?!”
“Ahahahaha no. Don’t even kid about that,” Discord said seriously.
Spike blinked. “But-“
“There’s no way out of you being Twilight’s lackey for the rest of your life or hooking up with the Cutie Mark Crusaders…but Rarity, now…” Discord picked his nose and pulled out a book, which he held out to Spike. “Here you go.”
“…Do I really have to touch that?” Spike asked in disgust.
“Yes,” Discord said, dropping the book into Spike’s hands. “Check page 157. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go turn Luna’s mane into asparagus. Arrivederci!” He pulled on his tongue, turning himself inside-out and disappearing.
Puzzled, Spike looked at the title of the book. “’The Many Properties of Dragon Blood?’” he muttered to himself. Curious, he opened the book, flipped to the appropriate page. His eyes skimmed the text. Then they paused and reread the page more carefully. A grin slowly came to his face and a light rekindled in his eyes.
This…this changed everything.
Hundreds of years later…
“And it was in that moment that my life changed for the better, for hope was returned to me, hope for a better future and the heart of my beloved,” Spike, now much older, taller, more muscular, and with a pair of wings growing from his back, explained to the wide-eyed colts and fillies sitting in the classroom before him, the words ‘SPIKE: CHAMPION OF EQUESTRIA’ written on the chalkboard behind him. “For you see, that book told me something strange and wondrous. For years, Rarity had been using some of my blood—willingly donated, of course—in a special bath on her weekly spa trips to keep her looking young and beautiful, thanks to the rejuvenating powers of dragon blood. What neither of us knew, and the book explained to me, was that prolonged exposure to dragon’s blood can have a variety of…interesting side effects. Such as, eventually becoming part-dragon oneself.” He grinned ruefully. “I can still remember the day she woke up one morning and found she was growing scales and fangs. Her screams could be heard all the way from the Crystal Empire…” He chuckled and shook his head. “But this is Rarity we’re talking about, and she’ll look beautiful even covered in mud, and she quickly realized that, far from making her look like a hideous monster, her new draconian features made her even more beautiful. Why, I’d say she’s gotten even lovelier over the years since…and when her wings came in, rowr!”
He grinned lasciviously. When the children stared at him and the teacher glared, he coughed and continued. “Anyway, this was very good news for me because it circumvented the prophecy. The prophecy specifically said I’ve never wind up with the white purple-maned unicorn of my dreams…but by this point, Rarity was no longer a unicorn, which meant I was free to pursue a relationship with her!...well…sort of. I kind of had to ask Twilight for permission first. And jump through a lot of hoops. Literally. Some of them were on fire. And Rarity hasn’t actually left Twilight or the other girls and has no intention of doing so, but we still have a relationship on the side, which is perfectly fine and I honestly don’t wish for more, really…and I’m still married to the former Cutie Mark Crusaders, since Princess Celestia’s master plan to grant immortality to all kicked in and they aren’t going to be dying of old age or anything else…ever…but I’m free to love and be with Rarity, and that’s good enough for me.” He grinned. “And aside from that, I’m more than just Twilight’s assistant now! As my title implies, I’m the ‘Champion of Equestria!’ Now that I’m older and stronger and stuff, I can go on adventures with the girls instead of staying behind and watching the house, and even embark on quests of my own! I’ve fought all sorts of great evils and recovered lots of ancient treasures and stuff in Twilight’s name, so I’m not just a baby dragon who has to clean up the house and reorganize the library five times a week because Twilight suddenly has a new system for how books should be arranged! I’m a hero in my own right now! Yeah, I’d say everything’s definitely coming up Spike these days!
“So, if there’s a moral to learn from my story, it’s this: just because you have a destiny doesn’t necessarily mean your life’s gotta go one way. Prophecies and Cutie Marks are always open to interpretation. That prophecy I heard in Celestia’s throne room all those centuries ago seemed to imply I’d be condemned to an eternity of servitude and drudgery without the mare I loved…but now I’m a hero of the realm, and get to spend as much time loving that beautiful white Unicorn Dragon hybrid as time allows. So never give up on your dreams just because your fate seems to indicate otherwise, and you, too, might become heroes one day!”
The young ponies eagerly clopped their hooves against their desks while the teacher got up from her desk and approached the dragon. “Thank you for that story, Spike! It was very inspiring!”
The dragon grinned and thrust out his extremely well-endowed chest proudly. “Hey, I’m always happy to inspire the next generation to greatness.”
The teacher nodded eagerly. “And to think that you went from such a position of extreme lowliness to one of our realm’s greatest defenders! It’s almost like a fairy tale!”
Spike grimaced. “Well…I wouldn’t go so far as to say ‘extreme lowliness…’”
“I would!” one of the colts shouted. Spike’s eye twitched.
Without warning, the door to the classroom opened and none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle, Queen of Magic, one of the rulers of Equestria and among the nine most beautiful ponies alive entered the room. In the centuries since her ascension, she had truly grown into her Alicorn body, and was now about as tall as Princess Celestia, with an impressive wingspan and mane and tail made of pure magical energy that rippled and shimmered in the ether. As the ponies in the classroom reflexively bowed, Spike frowned in concern. “Twilight? What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry to interrupt the class, Spike, but there’s been an emergency, and we need you back at the castle immediately!” Twilight said.
“Oh my! Is it serious?” the alarmed teacher said.
Twilight nodded. “Very serious. But it’s nothing my number one assistant and Champion of Equestria can’t handle!”
“You can count on me, Twi! What is it? Has an important artifact been stolen from the vault? An ancient evil released from its prison? Have the minotaurs declared war on us?” Spike asked. Aware that all of the ponies in the room were observing him, he projected confidence and charisma, to show that whatever epic feat his mistress asked of him, he’d take it on with a smile and without complaint, to inspire the children to become as awesome as he was someday. Seeing them smile and look at him in wonder, he could tell that it was working.
Twilight shook her head. “Worse! Rarity got on a scale and weighed herself!”
Spike facepalmed. “Oh, You…she thinks she’s fat again, doesn’t she?”
Twilight’s wings fidgeted. “We tried telling her that her weight is perfectly reasonable for a Dragon/Unicorn hybrid of her size, but that just made things worse.”
Spike sighed. “That explains the high-pitched ringing that’s been bothering me for the last several minutes…I’m surprised all the windows in Canterlot haven’t broken by now.”
“They were all replaced with nearly unbreakable reinforced glass after the last time,” Twilight said.
Spike nodded resignedly. “All right, I’m coming. We have to nip this in the bud before she does something stupid like try and destroy all the fattening foods in Equestria again.”
“It took years for Pinkie Pie to forgive her for that,” Twilight agreed.
Spike turned apologetically to the teacher. “I’m sorry, but I have to get going. Duty calls and whatnot.”
The teacher nodded. “I understand perfectly. Although…I kind of expected this emergency to be something a bit more…serious…”
“Trust me, I’d rather face an ancient evil or minotaur army than deal with Rarity when she’s in this kind of mood,” Spike said gravely. “But such is life. Come on, Twilight. Let’s go.”
The Princess and Champion departed. One of the fillies sighed dreamily. “Someday, I want to be just like him!”
“A hero of the realm?” one of her friends asked.
“No, a boy!” the filly squeaked. Everyone stared at her blankly. The teacher sighed, making a note to herself to talk to that filly’s parents about her gender identity…again…
…
THE END
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That was different :D
3460016 Glad you like it, then.
3460044 Good.
....No It's not
3460112 It's not?
3460136
No, because chapter 4 will reveal that chapters 2 and 3 were only a dream induced by Spike's damaged psych, which in turn was brought about by Spike learning about the utter futility of his existence.
Also, funny story.
3460179 Now there's an idea
3460181
Aye, there's a special pleasure in bringing someone out of the depths of despair and then crushing their souls with an even harsher reality.
Character thrashing at its finest.
3460199 Hence why the original ending had Spike forced to clean up the bathroom with a toothbrush.
3460181
Please no. Don't crush Spike like that. Please?
3460481 Nah, I'll leave this as is.
3460632
Wow, so Discord show him the magical properties of dragon blood and it happened that he and Rarity are now together, with Twilight's permision.
3460871 Yes.
So, Spike ends up as the servant to the crazy princess for the rest of his (long long long natural life)... And gets to be a renowned hero so awesome he causes filles to want to be colts and gets his (draco)mare and three other mares for good measure (one would have to postulate that the CMC probably grew up not nearly so bad as Spike initially feared... Especially if they carried their... enthusiasm... into adulthood...)
Can't say he's got to be unhappy with that end result...!
(Nicely done, you ol' softy, you...!)
3462277 Yes. Nicely done indeed.
And to think, I nearly had him cleaning bathrooms with a toothbrush.
3462277
i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb186/Random-Nobody/5cmc_all_grown_up__by_kraysee-d54owi8.png
Spike: .......I'm suddenly okay with this.
Great fic and great ending Ri2!
3462753 Glad you liked it.
I definitely prefer this ending
Oh, this is much better!
I'm so glad you wrote this and steered clear of that ugly toothbrush idea. There's really nothing funny about shitting on a character who already takes more shit from the fanbase and the official writers than is warranted. 
Spike abuse is an old joke, and I'm sick to death of it. He deserves better, always has. Thanks for delivering the good stuff!
3468543 Heheheh. 'Shit.'
This chapter...
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/9/96884/2500826-i_like_it.jpg
3481448 Another?
I wonder why Spike hates the idea of being green so much?
Spike in green.
Four green Spikes.
Excellent wrap-up, R! It felt kinda pulpy (which I suppose just reflects the normal flavor of your FiM universe), and it still doesn't explain why the mane six showed so little regard for his feelings all those years ago, but aside from of its minor issues, this has left me delighted and satisfied.
3483437 I thought he was upset about being blue.
Pulpy?
Twilight was showing her usual level of regard for Spike's feelings. Namely, not a lot.
...
...Dammit, he was blue. Perhaps my brain subconsciously replaced it with green to give myself an excuse to provide links to those awesome pictures. And now that I've read that passage a second time, I'm wondering if it was a reference to one of the previous MLP generations.
Even Twilight wouldn't be so heartless as to exclude him from an orgy taking place right in front of him, and continue to have sex with Rarity, without batting an eye.
3483552 It was a reference to G3.
He's too young for those. And he's like her little brother…son…thing. Plus, she didn't notice he was there, what with…yeah.
You seem to have a knack for... Weird, but good stuff. Well done, even if that last part of 'immortality for all' kinda sucked for them :D
3538171 Why did it suck?
3540567 Immortality for all is... weird :D And on a grand scale leads to vast issues very fast. It, however, looks like a foiled plot from Nightmare Celestia or something :D Which bore it's fruits only on CMCs as test subjexts, perhaps.
3540826 Perhaps, but which is better? Immortality for a few, immortality for all, or immortality for none?
3540854 I choose few, being the selfish thing I am. The Elements, namely, and choice few surrounding them, caught in the frenzy.
3540866 And how is that fair to their families, who have to watch jealously as they stay young and beautiful while the rest of them get older and older and die?
3540868 it's worth it at the end of the day. *shrug* 'Sides, ponies revere Elements and their hosts. So that should not be THAT much of an issue.
3541342 They get revered? Since when? When's the last time the girls got major recognition for their actions?
3541351 And since when there is a large amount of them interacting with outside world to see it? :D Ponyville inhabitants nonwithstanding, they got used to it. Weirder things happened there, even before Pinkie moved there :P Granted, they do have at least all that stained glass and Celestia's anouncements thing after major victories shown, and that's a lot.
Still, think about it. Paragons of
Demaciatheir virtues, chosen by elemental balance keepers of the world and granted immortality. There's waaay too much to envy here.3542058 Hence why everyone needs immortality to lessen envy.
3542075 By too much I mean no-one with half a brain would envy this too much. You really only want something you could possibly get. Like, maybe in another lifetime, but still. This is... So much bigger, really. In a way it's like envying Royal Pony Sisters. Another level entirely.
Also, on recognition and reward part, there's that minor issue of this being child's show, once upon a time. Promoting values such as humility and modesty and all the other christian values. So there's a lot of things that could/should be but never would be shown proper.
3542092 I suppose.
3544360 Guess so.
I'm sorry I bitched and moaned so loudly about the story just because I didn't like what happened.
Even though this ending is hilarious again, I still feel ashamed because it ultimately felt like pandering, and I never wanted or expected things to be changed just because of one or two flames.
I'm even more ashamed of myself for starting out the flame. I should have just left it alone, I put my comment there and leave it at that.
Sorry, everyone.
But I do love the ending!! That's a good way to subvert the whole prophecy edict.
4029874 Eh, it's okay.
So all that bathing in Dragon's blood turned Rarity into a Longmas, huh now that is a twist i didn't expect when i started reading this, good job.