• Member Since 18th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Ri2


I've spent almost twenty years of my life writing fanfiction. Something is clearly wrong with me, especially if I'm writing about pastel cartoon ponies now.

T
Source

After finding a book of prophecies, Spike believes he's finally learned his true destiny and the reason for his existence.
He's wrong. Very, very wrong.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 125 )

Wow, that was really cruel to Spike. Still hilarious though.

Okay, while yes you were cruel to spike, I found this hilarious to read. Definitely getting a fav and a thumbs up. I could just picture him running and screaming.

“…I’m gonna find love with the Cutie Mark Crusaders?!”

Technically they are also foals since they don't have a cutie mark.

Ri2

3071818 They're foals who are fillies.

smirking as it grunted the Whisper-Mad Book of Durgon the Deranged grunted in pain,

A few of the books fell off the cart, but the chains Spike had attached to them to keep them from escaping kept them from getting lost in the lurch and getting picked up by innocent ponies who didn’t know better and unleashing unspeakable horrors on Equestria, so they were just dragged along the floor behind the cart, shouting and hissing with every bump and jerk and sudden turn all the while.

This is quite the run-on sentence...I don't even know where to start.

Flaws aside, I was laughing pretty hard at Spike's conversation with the books...almost as hard as the Princess Crackle passage. The rest, though, was just downright unpleasant to read since it was pretty clear that Spike was going to get screwed over for a laugh. That's one of the few things that kills my good mood more effectively than that is seeing all six of his friends having sex without him. I do hope this is a subtle attempt on your part to deconstruct Spike's situation so other writers can build it back up in their own stories into something positive.

Ri2

3072037 ...No, I just wanted to write a story I thought would be funny. Thanks for pointing out the mistake.

3072052 Meaningless Spike abuse isn't funny. It just made my day a little worse for a few minutes.

3072141 That's perfectly alright; you're only one of three people who provided Spike abuse this morning, so you only contributed to about 33% of my temporary lull...but yours was the strongest, so it's more like 55%. Either way, I'm already putting his disheartening story behind me and shall probably read some Max Brand and listen to a movie score later today.

Thing is, Spike doesn't have to be a major player in history to have a good, important life. He doesn't even need those self-absorbed immortals. Perhaps his destiny is to be the Equestrian equivalent of...

Ri2

3072213 The strongest? Ouch.
Max Brand?
Kick-Ass, huh? Hmm.

Trolling by brutal honesty is the best kind :pinkiecrazy:

Ouch... :applecry:

Yeah, Spike deserves some more recognition. I also think him becoming a dog in EG was kind of a dick move on their part (though, the same could be said about the movie itself, amirite?). This was a very well written fic otherwise; I didn't notice any spelling/grammar mistakes (though i'm sick and REALLY can't think straight for the life of me), and you got the characters down pretty good (other than the harem thing). I'll be giving this a thumbs up.
And, a mustache for Spike because he deserves some love.

:moustache:

Ri2

3072714 I liked the movie, but I did feel making Spike a dog was a dick move.

Yeah........Spike is pretty much screwed in you rendition of events, no? :applejackunsure:

Ri2

3073630 Much like in canon.

I take it this in continuity with Who Wants to Live Forever?, then.

Poor Spike. The good news is that, going by how his earlier achievements are ignored by the prophecy, his life won't necessarily be one consisting only of menial drudgery, The bad news is that it won't matter...

Oh well. At least he gets his own harem to go along with Twilight's.

Ri2

3074088 Yes, this is part of the same canon as Who Wants To Live Forever? Poor Spike. Nothing he does will matter. Oh well, at least he gets some cute fillies...who will try all sorts of stuff to get their Cutie Marks...
That poor bastard.

3074101
Well, presumably they'll have gotten their marks by the time they reach the age of consent...

Ri2

3074124 Which begs the question...what will they do once they no longer have to crusade anymore?

Ouch, Spike!, ouch!

Hit the point of being extremely funny while really quite terribly dark for poor Spike at the same time...

(That's actually a very hard line to straddle - the ratio of Hary Potter fics that bash Ron and the ones that do so so outrageously they come right around from pathetic all the way to funny again is vanishingly small, for instance. So kudos for that...)

Ri2

3074329 Poor Spike.
I find it awful how many people do stuff like that to poor Ron. I'm glad you don't feel like I did that to Spike.

The whole thing with the other dragon felt weird. It's like finding out you have a billion dollar inheritance, but then find out it was the other guy with the same name that gets it. Except he already had a better life than you, and didn't really need the inheritance at all.

I kind of understand why Celestia might not want Spike to know the prophecy, and why Discord does. He didn't hint at it, but what better way to induce chaos than to cause Spike to go on a rage against the heavens crusade, and finding a way to make his own destiny.

You also make it seem like everyone, including the main six, is like in Friendship is Witchcraft where it's Spike the doormat 24/7. Can't he just go to Twilight and speak his dilemma? If Celestia really cared she'd offer advice, or give Twilight the assignment as homework. Then you know it can't fail since she would reverse time itself just to succeed any parameters.

Overall I kinda liked it, but at the same time it felt incomplete. Sort of like the prelude to an epic quest spike would soon go on. :moustache:

Ri2

3076640 This story was intended to be a bit of a black comedy. I can see it's rather polarizing.
That or Discord was just being a dick. Something he's good at.
Spike's already a doormat, isn't he?
Twilight couldn't help because she was...occupied at the moment, and Celestia couldn't give any advice before Spike ran out of the room screaming.
This is not a prelude and there is no epic quest. The moral of this story is that not everyone has an awesome incredible destiny, and sometimes there's nothing you can do about it.

Hilarious story, but I HATE YOU SO MUCH for what you did to Spike. :twilightangry2:

Seriously, you made it so that all of the Mane 6 are in some awesome lesbian orgy, made him the butt of all jokes, and that you are basically saying he's an unimportant ant. And I don't see him with the CMC's either--especially with Sweetie Belle.

This is the kind of shit that allows stuff like Hitler to happen, in my opinion. I can see him tragically either killing himself or becoming the Fuhrer.

Of course, you've already said that you don't really give a fuck about him and said your piece in the Author notes, so I'm just going to take my butthurt elsewhere..

Ri2

3079024 I like Spike just fine, actually. I just find it amusing to make him miserable. Is that so wrong?

3079211 It's only amusing if there's a payoff in his favor.

I disagree with the author. There is no such thing as destiny . Discord, as a Chaos God, should know it better than anyone.
Second. DanvilleBengal mentioned the Führer. Add Stalin, Mussonlini, Franco, Pinochet, Pol Pot, Mao, etc... and you can grasp the reason for what frustrated people, apparently insignificant in their humble origins, but with the right/wrong motivation, can grow From Zero to Nightmare.
And Spike is still a young dragon, with plenty of time to improve. Heck, he still could become the Lofwyr of Equestria (points if you get the reference).

Ri2

3110841 But this is Equestria. Destiny EXISTS. They have Cutie Marks that show what ponies are fated to do, don't they?
If he tries to become evil he'll get curb-stomped.
Lofwyr?

3110991

-Even in Equestria, the existence of Chaos proves destiny isn´t settled in stone.
Cutie Marks are linked to talents more than destinies. Rarity´s talent is finding gems, but she is a seamstress rather than a miner or even a jeweller, so how to use the talent is up to the pony. And even Cutie Marks can be changed, as Applebloom´s cutie pox or the Elements themselves proved.
Plus, Spike is a dragon.
-Do villains get curb-stomped because Good must always triumph over Evil, or because the villain´s own incompetence?
-Shadowrun.

Ri2

3111043 How so?
But doesn't the whole Sonic Rainboom event indicate that the girls were destined to find each other? Plus, prophecies DO exist.
So just because he's not a pony he has no destiny?
Because Good must triumph.
I don't know anything about Shadowrun.

I get the distinct impression I'm missing something in regards to Discord's last statement there. :|

3111695 Try the comments section for Ri2's new story about Trixie.

I'll save you some time: Do a search for my username.

But pink clashes with purple!

Ri2

3111695 Basically he's implying Rarity will become part-dragon. Ergo, she's not a white Unicorn anymore.

Interesting. I like it. Discord does love looking for them loopholes. :trollestia:

Wish there was a discord face. Oh, wait...

fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/052/1/d/trollface_discord_by_troll_overlord-d5vp6jr.png

Does Rarity kill dragons for their blood? Is she the Equestrian´s Countess Báthory? :pinkiegasp:

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