Living with your mother and sister is one thing Chrysalis would never have found herself doing, but being stripped of your queen status can leave one with no choice. After countless days grueling in training and tests from her mother, Arctiidaes, she has finally proved herself worth for a final task, but there is a catch, Chrysalis must compete against her sister, Gynaephora, for right the right to become queen, and the worst of it is that she must disguise herself and attend college. The task was clear, attend college and finish successfully, but problems arise and romance is found, can Chrysalis bring herself back to her former glory? Or will she be stuck as only the princess of the changelings?
Chapters (9)
Days of the week are supposed to be capitalized. "Equestria" is also generally capitalized. And especially capitalize character names.
Be careful of your apostrophes. Also, watch the commas - they aren't a substitute for periods, and it seems you have several run on sentences because you just kept tacking on new phrases and separating them with commas.
You need more paragraphs. It helps make the document look less like a wall of text.
Dialogue: Generally, put spoken words only at the beginning and/or end of the paragraph, not somewhere in the middle.
Before publishing, I would recommend writing until the plot point you mentioned in the description comes up. Readers chose to try this story because they liked the idea of Chrysalis going to college. In the span of the first chapter, you haven't given them that, and some might not want to stick around until you do.
The name Gynaephora was clever, but I'm still trying to figure out Artiidaes.
I'll favorite this so I can see how much you improve in the second chapter.
This is going to be one hell of a story.
I will use everything you said to make future chapters better, thank you! Also for the thing about Artiidaes is that I actually mispelled it! It's Arctiidaes which is a name for a diversive family or species of moth, so I wanted to add something clever about moth life cycles in there.Oh and don't worry about the college setting, I just wanted to leave a sort of cliff hanger(yeah nobody likes those
), chap 2 is on its way. And thanks again for the tips good sir!
Here is some more advice: When referring to a group of changelings, say "everyling."
I really want to see more of this!
I am currently writing a story of my own. I'm not asking for help or critique, but I find that the 1 chapter of my story that exists just does not have the same level of descriptiveness that yours does (Probably because of all the dialogue I'm using 
) Anyway, best of luck and hope you keep writing! Keep up the great work!
3026472 Thanks! And good luck to you as well!
I saw a few errors, but it's much better than before.
3036853 Awesomesauce, thanks! I will try to keep improving!
I like it.
I hope to see many more.
Make sure every chapter is long.
Is it room thirty two or thirty four? You say both.
Also, watch the its and it's
3059499 I knew something was bugging me about the room numbers!
Squelch and Medley is now a priority ship I will be looking for in this fic.
Also Page's backstory sounds interesting.
Hopefully we'll get to see some of it soon.
Chrysalis nearly did that
theadventuresofgeekgirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/tumblr_kxa5vtEhlo1qzo4t5o1_400.jpg
You made little mistake with names,
Should be Page :P
3081730 AHHHH IT WAS 3 IN THE MORNING! I NEED SLEEP(thank you for pointing that out friend
)
I believe you made a mistake...
No worries though. I love the story so far, keep writing buddy!
3115052 Now that was stupid of me
, maybe staying up pass 4 in the morning to type is starting to take its toll on me lol 
Hopefully Medley doesn't notice that "Flare" called her coltfriend "Squelch"
3116634 I feel really dumb right now, thank you for pointing that one out....
Srsly Gynaephora is such a bitch.
Damn can't wait for next chapter
i.imgur.com/7AMgzhz.jpg
PLOT TWIST!
Squelch is a pony disguised as a changeling disguised as a pony!
3140507 Noooo! You ruined the surprise!
To be honest, you made me feel more sympathy towards Gynaephora than anything else.
If you're wondering here's why:
Gynaephora's mother has always thought of her as a reckless, undisciplined slut, and now there is no way she will ever feel any compassion towards her daughter
Chrysalis thinks of Gynaephora like an archnemesis, not a sister, again treating her with less compassion than she would towards an actual piece of crap.
We have no idea if Gynaephora's father would even look at her.
Most likely because of her home troubles, Gynaephora probably sought out acceptance in the form of love spells and sex, only making herself more hated and more lonely in the process.
In one final attempt to retrieve acceptance, she vowed to outshine her sister, her mother's favorite, but only succeeded in betraying her partner and labeling herself as a traitor in the process. As of this chapter, I doubt anyone could ever like her again, considering both evil and completely insane.
Congrats. You made me feel sympathy for the world's most hate-able villain.
Its pretty messed up when you see it from that angle huh? Dark and tragic!
Maybe she will be redeemed, or maybe she will stay a loner forever? 
Maybe chapter 8 will hold all the answers to the fate of everyone's favorite troubled villain!
3188323 Here's to hoping chapter 8 does!
Thank you for this story.
wait...if Chrysalis was incarsarated for moths...oh blaze, her marks in school have to have suffered...
3247439 Yep, will this affect her trials in college? Will the college take her back from her failing grades due to imprisonment? Will she ever pass her trial and get back the title of queen? Just one more chapter to go, and who knows what will happen? Only me, at least until the next chapter comes out. Mwuahaha
You never disappoint, Mephilez. Never. Too bad this story has to end.
3248461 It was fun to write this story out, just one more chapter to go! And don't worry, this one won't take a week to get out lol.
From the story description alone, I'm reminded of Kuzco's predicament in the series "Emperor's New School". I'll definitely give this a read at some point.
if this is the end, then u should mark the tale as being 'complete', otherwise it looks like there is more to come...
3269362 Roger doger!
Great story, you could just make little more "adventures" in colleage i have just felling like it should be main of it but was much to fast done.
Mephilez...
. You sir, have written one of my favorite stories of all time, which i have watched from chapter one.
Mephilez...
Mephilez...
Damn, you right well. Great story, and to be honest, I am simply heartbroken that it has to end
Great Job man. Hope to see you again.
3272523 No problem! I am already planning out what to do next as well! Thank you for saying that I wrote a favorite, I don't know what to say!
Hope to see you again as well!
Thank you for this shining gem.
Hope they used 'protection'.
Great story but I would like to see more from this universe, Perhaps focusing on the love between Chrysalis mum and dad.
Huh, Chryssie in college. My mind immediately created an image of a drunk Chryssie sleeping in the bath tub, hugging a bottle of whisky, a lampshade on her head.
Let's hope that it isn't like American college, or the fees will bankrupt the hive.
Now I want to strangle Twilight, she probably vivisected a few changelings just to see their reactions. And she really sucks as a scientist if she didn't notice any sapience, or they're just covering it up to make it justifiable for them to kill any changeling on sight.
Well, that sucks for Page.
Wow, and ponies think changelings are monsters.
I preemptively blame Twilight.
Chryssie's mother rocks hard.
Gynawhatever is gonna get a good shoved up her ass.
That was epic. And amusing, especially the part with Luna.
Speaking of her, I love how you wrote her. I always figured she'd be the one to give others a second chance.
D'awwww, even the sister found happiness. And Chryssie's interactions with the Alicorns are simply hilarious.
That was great. A really heartwarming ending. Pupa is so adorable.
There are errors, missing words or unnecessary words, but they don't detract from the story.
Rocky.
Remember reading this a long time ago, let's try again.