The Titans' Orb

by Mister Horncastle

[Not Yet Remastered] Epilogue - Your Royal Highness

The royal throne hall was as silent as the deepest reaches of outer space, not a single sound was to be heard; moonlight shone through the stained glass windows, all of which designed uniquely to honour significant parts of Equestria’s extensive history, creating differently coloured beams of light throughout the room.
In this blissful, beautiful silence, a baleful shadow darted across the floor, toward the royal thrones.

On the left side was Princess Luna’s throne.
Made entirely from a midnight blue marble, the royal seat had shallow carvings of star constellations across every square inch of it, each constellation lightly twinkled in the darkness, as they been enchanted to do so. The armrests had much deeper carvings along them, showing the different stages of the lunar cycle; these carvings had then been filled with molten obsidian, giving the armrests a perfectly smooth finish. At the very top of the throne, sat a silver crescent moon.
There was a single cushion, fashioned perfectly to fit the dimensions of the throne; it was plum in colour, with a glistening silver thread along the hem. This cushion in particular had been meticulously crafted with silk from the giant spiders that dwelled on Kra Island, a dangerous place that dwelled far to the west of Equestria; an island that housed all sorts of terrifying creatures with unique qualities, the silk was tougher than Kevlar, yet also soft as the fur on a velveteen rabbit.
The throne of the Lunar Princess, was perfect.

Beside hers, was the throne of Princess Celestia.
Akin to Luna’s, it was made from only the purest of marble, this time a pearly white, opposed to Luna's midnight blue. The throne was ever so slightly taller than Luna’s, and possessed carved patterns of dancing flames all the way up to the top, where there was a large symbol of the sun, made from the purest gold. The armrests, like Luna's, had deep carvings, only these carvings were of long, dancing flames. Just like Luna's, they had been filled in to allow a smooth finish, only this time they had been filled with molten gold, perfectly complimenting Princess Celestia's eternal radiance.
The seat too, had a cushion, almost completely identical to that of Luna's. Made from the same silk, it was coloured in the same deep plum, with the only differing feature being a golden thread for the hem, and not silver.
The throne of the Solar Princess, was perfect.

Both thrones were truly unique, yet no less beautiful than the other.

The shadow slowly rose out of the ground and developed a physical form, it grew to about eight feet before the black smoke surrounding the shadow dissipated, revealing Nah’Lek, the Defiler…
Stepping towards the throne, most of the demi-god's form was still concealed with a large cloak; all that could be seen were six plated legs on either side of his body, and five lifeless purple eyes that faintly glowed from beneath the hood of his torn mantle.

“Nafì’u ‘awpo eyktan… Ohe eyk tsamsiyu ne tsam ye’rìn; ulte krra Ohe si, nìwotx nìsoaia terkup…” He chuckled to himself, pulling a short blade from his cloak.

He began to carve deep into Princess Celestia’s throne, scratching into the marble to create a message; the sound was similar to a fork scraping down a dinnerplate.
Following that, was the sound of hoof steps, and the royal courtroom's door being burst open.

“Intruder! Back away from the royal throne and state your name!” Ordered a royal guard.

Nah’Lek slowly turned around without a shred of anxiety, and glared at the two guards whom had disturbed his vandalism. With their spears levitating beside them, the guards were almost frozen solid upon making contact with the amethyst eyes, devoid of life. Despite the terror coursing through them, the guards remained vigilant to their duty, and began to approach The Defiler.

“Lower the blade, or we will attack.” The second guard commanded.

“I’m counting on it…” The cloaked demon replied.

In the blink of an eye, Nah’Lek flicked a claw and the blade whizzed like a bullet into the guard’s throat, his spear dropped to the ground almost as fast as he did. Clutching his throat in agony, he desperately tried to gasp for air, only for blood to seep into his lungs.

“Copper Horn!” The other guard cried out, rushing to his companion’s side.

Seconds later, and Copper Horn was dead, blood oozing from his mouth and nose.
Now alone, the guard looked back to Nah'Lek to find the assailant had disappeared, he looked around frantically with both spears floating either side of him, trying to spot the creature before it was too late.

“Foolish creature, I assumed you were Celestia's finest protectors…”

Nah’Lek’s coarse demonic voice rippled throughout the room, bouncing off the walls and viciously breaking away at the guard's strength and vigilance, his forehead began to sweat as his heartrate grew faster and faster.

“A guard of royalty, trained to be fearless in battle. Yet you stand here, terrified out of your pathetic pony mind."

“I... I'm not afraid of you, creature...” The guard muttered, pacing in circles.

Tears began to run down his cheeks, whatever this creature was, it was going to kill him and he knew it.
Nah'Lek's jaw lightly quivered with euphoria, delighting in every second of toying with his prey; all the while slowly descending from a single line of his own sticky silk.

“Look at the little bug, spinning in a circle, not quite sure of where to go...
Does he run? Does he scream? Does he fight? Where is his foe?
To the left? To the right? No...
Forward or backward? No...
How about beneath him? No...
Have you looked up above, fearless defender of the throne?"

Crying to himself and urinating on the spot, the guard slowly tilted his head upwards as two swords stroked in either direction, slicing his head off completely. His body dropped to the ground and splashed into his own puddle of piss, all while his head rolled to a stop, lips continuing to tremble.

“No...” Nah’Lek hissed.

The Defiler sheathed his swords and released himself from his web and approached the guard’s body, and pushed his claws deep into where the head used to be, drenching them in thick, warm blood. He then walked back to Princess Celestia’s throne and wiped the blood all over the message he’d engraved, making the message more visible as the crimson liquid seeped into the etchings in the stone.

Nah’Lek stood there for a moment, admiring his work and listening carefully to the sounds around him; before suddenly whipping around and withdrawing his swords again, slicing at his new target, only for his blades to be blocked by a gigantic hovering silver sword, trimmed in gold and illuminated by a magical aura.

“So… Here we are again…” Nah’Lek grumbled.

“So it would seem… Nah'Lek...” Said Princess Celestia.

Nah’Lek jumped back and then sprung himself off the throne, gliding over Celestia and landing a few metres behind her; much to the princess’s surprise however, he did not attack, but instead backed away.
She took a step forward and swung her blade at him, only for him to dart out of the way, she continued to consistently swing her weapon at him, to which he merely slinked out of reach from each strike.

“You return to my kingdom, desecrate my throne, kill my loyal subjects, and then tease me…
Why do you not fight me with honour, beast?” Celestia asked, gritting her teeth.

“I wish to kill you in the daylight, when your subjects are watching…” He chuckled deviously, sheathing his swords.

Celestia bared her teeth in anger and fired a laser from her horn, to which Nah’Lek easily dodged.

“Fight me! You coward!” The princess barked.

Nah’Lek hopped away from yet another swing and removed a staff from his back, he aimed at the floor between them and fired a burst of bright emerald magic, which upon impact created a dark portal that emitted wisps of green energy. Princess Celestia was all too familiar with this magic and recoiled in fear, growling at the Defiler with seething hatred as he approached the swirling void.

“All in good time… Your Royal Highness…” He hissed as he entered the portal.

As soon as he crawled into the smoky entrance, it closed behind him and generated a sonic boom, which rippled throughout the hall and shattered every single window; the princess created a force field around herself to evade the shards of glass as they showered across the room.

Deactivating the shield, Princess Celestia looked around with tears in her bloodshot eyes; she had worked so hard to restore order and peace after the bitter hardships that had come to Equestria over the millennia, and now the worst evil imaginable had returned, with a vengence…
A bright flash of blue light lit up the hall, followed by Princess Luna rushing to Celestia's side.

“Sister! Are you alright!?” She cried out with worry.

“I am fine, little sister… But I fear the six do not have as much time as we thought…” Celestia replied.

The sisters walked to their thrones, where they read Nah’Lek’s blood splattered message.

Oe kxakx a trr’ong

“'I Will Break The Dawn...' Written in the language of old… It’s really him, isn’t it…?” Luna muttered with worry.

“I’m afraid so, Nah’Lek truly has returned…” Celestia sighed.

The princesses reluctantly approached the dead guards and used their magic to clear up the blood and urine, and then placed the bodies side by side; Princess Luna closed Copper Horn's lifeless eyes with her hoof.

“Do you think it was wise, sending all six of them without the elements of harmony?” She asked, looking at her sister.

Princess Celestia looked out the broken window into the night, and sighed once more.

“I don’t know little sister… I don’t know…”

Luna stood beside her and placed a foreleg over her neck.

“The boy will keep them safe... I know he will...” She said reassuringly.

“I know that too, but now more than ever, no chances can be taken, which is why I gave Twilight the vision.”

“I still think the vision was unnecessary sister, young Twilight will no-doubt take it too far. Neither of you remained long enough to witness what I did, your student has seen an obscured truth, and your refusal to heed my council will take its toll on the company. Twilight still has much to learn; including self-control.” Luna sighed.

Celestia, too, gave a long sigh and turned around to face her sister.

“Twilight saw what she needed to see, the added complication you received from Callum changes nothing, and telling Twilight would only bring further confusion to her."

She paused before looking back out into the night sky.

"But perhaps you are right, Luna... Perhaps I have rushed her into this..."

Princess Luna draped a wing over her sister and looked out at the stars.

“There is little we can do now, we must trust in them, and hope they succeed in their mission...
Before Nah’Lek succeeds in his…”

Comments

[Tynal]

Shit just got really real

[Ultimate Bromaeda]

well ding dong doodly, that got intense.
So Twilight being a bitch is still her fault own then.

[Darth-Piekus]

The story was ok but to be honest I want to say thank god it's over. I really could not stand that Unicorn or that idiotic boy. Both of them out of character. I don't understand why didn't they resolve their differences. I don't understand why Callum can't just simply shatter that vision bullshit with pure Logic and instead just takes it.

Thank god it's over and with all due respect to Celestia I hope that Sargeras wannabee destroys that specific Equestria because this specific Equestria are all racist assholes and do not deserve it.

[Eon333MS]

A Sequel!? I'll wait. this is still pretty good.

[Mister Horncastle]

7057616 The funny thing is, even as the writer, I completely agree with you.
I've been trying to finish this story for months.
There WILL be a sequel, but the point is, I don't want this book dragged out into a goddamn elder scroll.

Your comments throughout the story, while brutally honest, have inspired me to take this story along a different path.
So, in the sequel, expect a change in course from Callum and Twilight.
Thanks for your brutal honesty, it's really helped to form the plot line for the next book.

[Tynal]

Callum is... Still alive

[Tynal]

I had this question on my mind, but I forgot to ask, Why did you end the story and write a sequel? When you could just finish this with Callum finding all the shards?

[Mister Horncastle]

7123404
Because it would end up having like, 90+ chapters.
And I don't want to wear people out with one great big story.
But rather have a sequel, so it's like 2 books in a series.

It also helps gain more readers, because if people looking for a new story see this, and then see how many chapters there are all in one, they're gonna go "Oh hell no, I'm not reading ALL that!!"
With this method, the Titan's Orb story doesn't seem so daunting to read, because it's split up.

[Tynal]

7125031 Okay, seems reasonable

[Titan Commander Sebaste]

This has only just begun....

[Mister Horncastle]

7211343 YES! You saw it!

[Truthseeker]

Blatantly obvious that the 'sniper' is Callum from the future... somehow.

[lazyreader19]

OH THiS IS WHERE IT ENDED

I remembered the zombies but nothing else. Well I guess that explains it, there was nothing else! (Besides this epilogue)

Now I can see why you said it got good in part 2, this was all just the beginning!

ONWARDS! TO THE NEXT FIC AND BEYOND!

[Kitsune_Kenshi]

10643232
If you kill to protect then I think it's okay, if not then the soldiers would be arrested

[MikiStenbeck]

10643180
?

[MikiStenbeck]

10969045
nice, also, pelease don't kill Blu in the remastered version of that chapter Callum, he's to sweet,

[Kendallonian]

Let me just start out by saying I respect you immensely for writing a saga of this sheer size and complexity. I look forward to the time-travel arc in a future story.

but...

This felt... yucky. in a few ways. I feel the need to write out what I thought of the first installment.

Twilight was and is exhausting to read about. Her prejudices are just... wacko. She acts genuinely sociopathic sometimes, what with her using the cloning spell to test Callum's appetite for murder and then afterward making a clone of him that could feel pain to feed to the crocodiles.

First off, if she's seen the future like she believes she has, there is zero need to test Callum; he's already either been condemned or redeemed in her eyes.
Secondly, the only reason for her to make a clone who could feel pain and then lying about it is if she enjoyed seeing Callum in pain, which is practically the definition of a sadist. Of course you could just say that Twilight just did those two things to try and drive a wedge between Callum and her friends, but that... has it's own issues, and I assume since the possibility was never mentioned in the story that wasn't what was intended.

(As a side note, the fact that the guy under the bridge was a magic clone feels like a bit of a retcon that was added after the readers rebelled against Callum becoming a murderer. Maybe foreshadow that reveal a bit more. as a side-side note, the explanation/excuse that Callum was in shock at the time feels a bit tacked-on as well.)

I was also very dissapointed in those times when Callum risked his life to help the mane six, and even more, stayed behind, fully believing that he was going to die, but also knowing that it would be worth it if the ponies got out of the situation safely, and Twilight just didn't care. He did that last one twice, and I'm not gonna bother counting the times he simply put himself in danger for them. through all this, Twilight is apparently deaf and blind to any and all good that he does. is it realistic? I doubt it, but maybe. is it frustrating? YES.

Then there's Callum's issues...

First off, his first thought when he's asked to go on an epic quest is "Ah, so we'll have to fake my death". No, there are maybe a hundred better ways to deal with this than faking your death, the most simple of which is just freakin' tell the truth! I'm not saying tell everyone, but Callum's mom probably wouldn't be able to stop them even if she tried, and there's a 50% chance she'd just be okay with Callum dying outright. Several times throughout the story it's stated how noble Callum is for giving up his life for the quest, but it kinda falls flat for me because nobody, including Callum, put any effort into letting him keep his life. It just makes his former life feel worthless rather than making him feel noble.

Secondly, when Callum is dealing with Twilight, it seems like half the time he's being the bigger man and taking her abuse, and half the time he's poking at the hornet's nest to see if he can get her to sting. I swear there's a good chunk of his actions that only serve to drive a wedge between Twilight and her friends. This might not be such an issue, except you're also trying to set Callum up as one of the elite; one of the few humans the Mane six can trust to get them through earth. This doesn't really reflect well on humanity as a whole...

I also hate some of the times when Callum tries to seize power from Twilight. it's somewhat understandable in England, but the instant he sets foot in Brazil he's just as out of his element as the rest of them; there's even a line they say that comes extremely close to this conclusion when Callum says he may as well be on another planet. He doesn't even speak the local language for heaven's sake! He's never trekked through the jungle before! arguably every single one of the mane six gained more relevant experience than he had just by trekking through the Everfree in the first episode!

Twilight and Callum's characterizations, and, indirectly, Princess Celestia's, all work together to paint a picture of a couple of worlds absolutely devoid of anything worth saving. it's Grimdark, but with pastel-colored ponies.

There are a few smaller problems, of course. For the entire story up until they get on the plane to Brazil, I was waiting for something to go wrong; but it never happened. I was kinda expecting Callums mom or brother to come home early before they had finished trashing the house, or for Callum to be caught in the tree by the two cops that had come to investigate, or for Twilight to 'go blue' earlier in the plane ride than anyone anticipated so they'd have to figure out some other way to survive; Any one of these things and more could have been used to develop Callum's character and give everyone the opportunity to come up with clever solutions; for example if Twilight was running out of Mana three-quarters through the flight, Callum could have volunteered to go without the warming enchantment. Since he takes around three times the amount of Mana to cast spells on, that would give Twilight the mana she needed to complete the flight safely, and give Callum the opportunity to demonstrate that he'd risk Hypothermia in order to keep the ponies safe.

Of course none of that is exactly a problem, just more like a multitude of missed opportunities.

Another small problem/missed opportunity I saw a lot was when you said that characters said things without actually telling the reader the words they used; that's just a blow to immersion for me. Sometimes it's acceptable, like when you don't want to spend pages and pages catching characters up on stories the reader has already read about, but other times you're just losing an opportunity to subtly characterize the person who's speaking.

Also, just cussing. a lot of cussing. I do understand it's not a problem for a lot of people, so you do you, I guess. It's just a big turn-off for me, personally.

So, if you've read this far, I applaud you; it can't be easy to slog through several paragraphs of criticism on what may well be your most beloved work. I do hope my criticism turned out to be constructive, rather than simply hurtful.

[Mister Horncastle]

11486959
I'd like to start by saying thank you, both for taking the time and energy to read my story, and for writing such a lengthy, deeply thought-out comment; everything you have written to me has genuine thought and meaning behind it. These type of comments are what I live and breathe for when it comes to experiencing engagement from my readers, it's constructive criticism that comes from an earnest and heartfelt place, from someone with genuine interest in the world I've created. People like you spur me on, and help me shape the new edition of Titans' Orb that I am trying to create...

As of writing this comment, I am only eleven chapters into the Remastered Edition of this first instalment, and I have already rewritten a plethora of scenes and dialogue pieces, many of which alter a great many of the points you have made.
Twilight for instance, I have already toned down a great deal, and will continue to do so as I carry on with the Remastered Edition; I will not change the core concept that she is awful to Callum, but I have learned that less is often more, and that there are far more realistic and subtle approaches to display her vastly problematic persona in this first instalment to the saga.
The 2nd and 3rd instalments both expand and conclude the nightmarish version of Twilight that is introduced in Book 1, so if you haven't got that far yet, I sincerely hope you enjoy the story ahead of you, which hopefully will lay such conniptions towards Twilight, to rest.

That was but one example, but I have already made lengthy plans in altering many scenes that cover a great many of your points.
I've not even touched the Brazil segment of the story yet, nor what follows from there, and comments like yours are tremendously valuable in helping me reflect on the way I wrote in 2013, compared to how I write now, now a fully grown adult in 2023.
I'm not the same writer I was ten years ago, and as this story drifts towards its 10th Anniversary, I hope that I can bring a far better experience to readers of this story, new and old.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for such constructive and heartfelt criticism, and I hope you will remain an enjoyer of The Titans' Orb as it continued to develop, in both the first instalment as I rewrite it, and in the following instalments as I bring out new chapters.
The Titans' Orb has become my most beloved creation, and I will never stop in telling this story in the best way that I can, and your comment has become an impactful part of my quest to do that, so again, thank you.

May your 2023 be full of wellness and good fortune.
My kindest regards,
- Callum

[Comet_Chaser]

I legitimately can't bring myself to read this anymore. The way you've written Teilight in this is genuinely making me sick to read, even skipping ahead she remains the same. Like I would have thought there'd be a little positive character development, but no, in fact from what I read she's gotten WORSE.

[Mister Horncastle]

11494393
I've addressed this now in quite a handful of comments, to many of my readers...
As I rewrite the original story into its Remastered Edition, I am toning down and better developing the abundantly clear issue with Twilight. But for what it's worth, I can assure you that there is in fact an explanation and a conclusion to the way she behaves in the first instalment of this series.
With this in mind, I hope you can bare with me, and have the heart to continue reading my story.
But I also understand if your decision has been made.

[Comet_Chaser]

11494845
I did end up continuing, I'm on the 3rd story now. But yeah, really want to read the remastered version, because as she is in this one is too much tbh

[Mocha Star]

11624774
I wish I'd read it on its new completion but I don't think I'll be rereading the story.you did good on this one so I imagine the next will be better.

[Mister Horncastle]

11625463
Understandable, well I thoroughly hope you enjoy the sequels, the writing only gets better as the story goes on.
Upon the remaster's full completion, I'm hoping to record them as audiobooks, and also have paperback copies printed, so if you'd be interested in either of those prospects, I'd be sure to let you know. 😊

[Mocha Star]

11625641
I could help narrate if that's what you're asking, and as far as the sequels, I've commented on them as I went. If I recall correctly the only issue I had was the short random love interest that ended in disaster and the dialogue being too harsh for the ponies we know.
Applejack uses Fuck to liberally, Twilight is absolutely crazed in her hatred, and the others were ooc.
Mind, I could be thinking of another story as I haven't read this in a while and I've read quite a few stories since this one, but if it is I certainly hope you address at least those issues.
On the other hoof, I must have really liked the realism based on my comments so you're right on that aspect.

[PonyJoe1]

I've come back to read the Remastered Edition (keeping up with your updated blog to check how far along you are), and holy CRAP is it different!!!!
It's honestly like reading a whole new story at times, I am legitimately taken aback at how much effort you've put into rewriting this tale, the 10 years' worth of ever-evolving writing style (and quality) absolutely shows.
If any previous readers from before the remaster are considering re-reading this, DO.

I hope this somehow makes it back to the Featured list again so more people can see what is essentially a brand new story, this absolutely deserves more publicity, if not for the sheer quality, for the DEDICATION that's been put into this story.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

[Truthseeker]

11881513
Glad to hear that I helped you in some way. I shall give the story another go and leave fresh comments.

[Mister Horncastle]

11881907
I'm very thankful to hear it, I hope you have a better experience than you did all those years ago.

Greater as my writing skills are, I'm sure it still isn't perfect, in fact I'm still doing another passover before removing these chapters altogether and reuploading them with even MORE changes, but I shan't be doing that until the 1st of May, as I want the upload dates to be neat and tidy, you know? I'm a perfectionist like that... 😅