When a young dragon gives up and moves on to another pony, will his old crush be able to accept the sudden change?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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PIPEBOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG! WHAT A TWIST! Oh man now I've got to follow this story to the end, lord knows what's about to go down and how much trouble Rarity is in!
Poor Spike I feel sad for him...
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!!!
Manly tears were shed.
She's going to break up with Spike isn't she?
Sigh....as long as Rarity dies.
Don't break up with him Flitter. I get the feeling it's because Rarity's brainwashing.
3049636 Her a gem finding ass is grass.
3049616 Count me in.
IT NEVER ENDS!
The main reason you're getting the "end it now" messages is because you're getting too repetitive and predictable. No matter how good a story is if it does the same formulaic event over and over it gets dull after awhile. The last two chapters have been fine, but a huge stretch of the middle were just hitting the repeat button. Reminded me a lot of Haruhi Suzumiya's "Endless Eight" arc, I love the show to death, but that arc made me drop the entire second season entirely until the dvd release and I could skip those.
They way you have it now, stretching out the story any longer would just feel like filler. There isn't much Rarity can do now outside being caught, fleeing for good, or dying and still have it make an iota of sense. Not to mention you ended with probably the biggest cliché a romance story can ever have, a breakup because "s/he deserves better than me" which I can only remember two instances of it being done well in 25 years of media. The two primary aspects of your story have now diverged and neither can go on much longer with any substance. Well, one can, but it's usually done poorly.
I have loved this story since the first chapter. Although I don't agree with flitter leaving spike but it's not my story. Keep going!
Oh, wow, WHAT!!??
After all that shit?! That's what she decides to do?!
Ohhhhhh, buddy, there's trouble a-brewing
3049741 Rarity was brainwashing Flitter earlier, remember ?
I could use the "I don't know what my feelings are doing!" picture, but that probably still wouldn't describe my emotions
Ahh, Feels, Angst and Drama! now dont you go and forget about the punishment for RariBitch
Well, I guess Spike's emotional death sort of counts...
Also, I think Cloudchaser just became my favorite pony in this scenario, being the first pony to be able to act rationally after the fallout (I still have my doubts about Twilight and Luna at the moment). Too bad her sister's so garbage... For Luna's sake, every time I think she can't be more useless... I think she might actually be in the negative now. Honestly, at this point I'm amazed she isn't just catatonic, though that might have actually been easier on Spike than this...
3049714 this, so this.
You keep teasing the tiger, it will bite.
For a simple idea to go down a few risky roads that you took, you got some bites on your hook but suddenly you're losing them because you're drawing out such a simple thing and delaying the inevitable and not reeling the fish towards the goal (which should be Rarity finally getting it at some point). I could stop reading it, I should stop reading it but I keep thinking to myself, "Maybe this is the chapter stuff finally gets accomplished" and... Rarity gets away for the billionth time. It's getting to the part where it's not fun anymore. You're just making people hate Rarity even more and keep letting her get away while the victims suffer even more and everything is still a three ring circus. Hell, why not just go for the bomb and make her Nightmare Rarity while you're at it. That should stir some heads.
I had fun reading the earlier chapters. Had some pretty good stuff going on until you got up to some certain parts. But alas, I wish you luck on your future works.
-hpmhhh <visible trembling>
..................................
<unbearable cries of pain>
WHEN WILL THE PAIN ENDDDD
christ man this story is just.....why
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDIvMTcvMDJfMjJfMzlfNzI1XzI0NjEwOF9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfc3Bpa2VfYW5pbWF0ZWRfc3BvaWxlcl9zMDNlMTMuZ2lmLmdpZiJdLFsicCIsInJlc2l6ZV9naWYiLCIyNTB4MjUwIl1d/246108__250x250.gif
Why do i feel a other dragon rage comming up?
Good idea Twilight. Let just go into the room. Overhear something that's going to break the guy down even more.
I still say Rarity needs to get her ass kicked, punched, slapped, pounded, bit, clawed and all other manner of action that will cause her pain.
Aww man! the feels in this story! You have Made me Hate rarity so much that i want her to have a slow and painful death... you made me angry and her friends for being so blind! you have made me cry over and over again over what is happening and YOU have made me all out Depressed For at least 2 Weeks NOW!
So this is that i have to say...
FUCK YOU! I WANT YOU DEAD! I WANT YOU TO HAVE A SLOW DEATH! DRINK BLEACH! YOU MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE!
but at the same time....
I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOUR STORIES! I LOVE THIS STORY! YOU'RE A AMAZING WRITER! I CANT WAIT TO SEE THE ENDING AND HOW IT PLAYS OUT! I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AND HOPE YOU WRITE MORE FANTASTIC STORIES! AND I THINK I TALK FOR ALL OF US WHEN I SAY...... WE LOVE YOU AND YOUR WORK!
so yeah......
Dude....what...the ....heck?????
I could stop reading now...but I can't...I am hooked to this and I WILL finish this story...no matter what happens
3049747 Yeah but now it's more about the fact that she has been defiled on such a grand scale that she no longer thinks that she has anything special to give to Spike, namely her virginity.
Do you have a deal with ray where you get a dollar every time you ruin somepony's life? You must be rich.
Oh, now I'm sad.
Wouldn't want to stop reading it, its a great story!
Dang dude. The feels man THE FEELS!
Twilight, what are you doing She's just been RAPED by Diamond Dogs! You don't just WALK IN, Princess or no. Do you have absolutely no respect for the fact that she could have been a hysterical sobbing mess, and that you would've forced Spike to see that too by dragging him in before it was his turn?
Well done, Twilight, for causing more unnecessary emotional drama that could've been averted if you would've waited your turn whilst Cloudchaser talked Flitter out of dumping him. No, seriously, well done, good job; you moron.
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/e/ec/FANMADE_Twilight_Clapping.gif
Let me guess, the little cunt is breaking up with Spike because she blames him for everything that happened to her?
Well, at least the loose ends are starting to get tied.
3049714
Agreed.
Though there might be a surprise here: What if Flitter decided that she couldn't bear to be in a relationship with a creature that turns into a violent killer when provoked?
Oh, I'm sure a fair number of readers would lose their minds even more. "How could she?!" But really, I could sympathise with her. I don't think I could love a killer, even if it was only revenge for what happened to me.
3049714>>3049832
These two pretty much hit it dead on.
To be fair, it might not be that we just want it to end. We're just not happy that you seemed to be dragging it out at times solely for the sake of dragging it out. Recent chapters have been pretty good, what with things actually happening to move the story forward, but it was the middle chapters that were irritating us.
This does NOT mean that your story is bad, far from it. I still go back and read chapters from the start, or some of the more recent chapters myself. That's because, despite the slow times in the fic, I enjoy this story.
With that out of the way, I'll move on to the chapter itself. I'm glad somepony finally managed to talk RD and get her to listen, and it's good to see that she's seriously thinking over her actions and the consequences she has to deal with. Spike's doubts and circling "what if's" are exactly what I'd be thinking myself were I in his place, I think. But that ending. Dear christ, what a cliche. Sorry, it was just really damn obvious to see that Flitter would dump Spike, rape or no rape. Rarity's got her so terrified, so wrapped around her hoof, that I didn't see Flitter doing anything else. That said, I'm still unsure as to if Flitter will take Spike back or not, chances are 50/50. Not sure where you'll take the scene from here, but I'll stick around to find out.
ok that's it goodbye i'll be back for the epilogue
So, Flitter you're dumping Spike because why? Is it because you think he deserves better? That is the most pathetic excuse ever. But don't let me stop you. Go ahead, crush his heart. See what happens...
So, here is what happens next.
Spike gets mad or sad and starts crying and runs away
Through some (possibly long) series of events, they get back together. Happy happy happy for everyone involved.
Meawhile, Rarity probably dies somehow.
Really, if you had just had a little less rape, this would have been a good story. However, I got almost no satisfaction out of knowing that Spike killed the diamond dogs and saved Flitter, because for one, the anger of Flitter being raped had dulled off on me, and two, I think the descriptions of how he killed them were just a tad weird. I mean, really, I thought this was about saving Flitter, not making dogs eat their own nutsacks.
Because this started off good though, I feel like I have to stay for the ride, otherwise never knowing is going to bother me forever...
So I've been shouting obscenities in vain to Stop The Flitter Abuse (STFA)...................ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well that was quite a twist. Never expected that. Now, I am really curious for the next chapter.
3050466 Can't please everybody.
3049747 So in a sense rarity manage to win witts against her. It was starting to get dull but now this chapter manage to renew the experience for me. So the shitstorm has still got a few thunders left in it, and their the biggest and loudest yet.
you know. for a second their' I thought flitter was going to kill herself. but this is still pretty fucking bad. dragon rage part 2!
Danmat... no more, good job.
You know this is starting to feel like a lifetime movie (not the bad ones). I will follow this story to the end because it's just that good. Sure it gets anoying when rarity gets away but that doesnt make the story 'bad'(imo), but the story is going to end eventually (not rushing you to do so). Feel even worse for spike now, he went through all that and now she decides to dump him? Thats kinda fucked up i mean really he looked everywhere for you after being discharged from the hospital, found you being raped, and ripped your sexual assaulters to shreads. Well only one way to find out how this ends. I await the next chapter.
Another great chapter by the way.
3050735
Hmm....bit of a tonal/main character shift as of late. Not sure if I like it....
Awww, Flitter, whatever you do, don't dump the little guy! He saved your life! Don't let Rarity's lies poison your mind!!! Don't make him go Dragon Rage again! Please for the love of the Goddesses, don't do this Flitter! PLEASE WE BEG OF YOU!!!
& me:...Rarity is so fucking dead.
*Reads the ending* WAIT, WAIT, WAIT...WHAT! Flitter, you can't just dump Spike. He saved your life! You are the best for him. Now the poor guy is going to be very depressed over you dumping him and one of his friends destroying his relationship.
Screw ending the story shortly. Ever read Fallout: Equestria? Besides, these chapters aren't really that long compared to other chapters of Fimfictions I've seen. Don't feel pressured to write for someone else. This is your work, you finish it when you damn well please! :3 At the end of the day, your readers want the best from you. not just an ending. Good Luck!
Been expecting this ending. Sadly.
What to expect next: Charizard-mode Spike going all Dragon Rage/Outrage/FireBlast/Flamethrower/DragonClaw/BlastBurn/etc. on Rarity.
She F'n deserves it.
Man, this story Is getting way worse, there better be a positive ending to this.
3050866 you're reading a "thecamel" fanfic, did you really expect there to be a happy ending to this?