Wizardalexmix
Joined 19th Jun, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Your story looks good so far, but you used the wrong verb tenses many times. You have my support. I would love to read a good Danny Phantom story to completion.
Keep going. More practice means you'll get better at it.
I shall follow this story tentatively
Well that was freak'n awesome. Best crossover I read so far =P
I like the idea of this story but there is just some characterization which bugs me a little. From what we have seen of him Clockwork is calm, cool, and formal with his speech. He acts this way because he knows things others do not, so apart from occasional anger or small amounts of sympathy I have a hard time seeing him being too expressive. Danny also seems a little off, despite him being in high school he never really seems to be the kind to swear. it might just be the show but to me it's because he has had a decent upbringing from his parents. Other than that my only other issue is how matter-of-fact Clockwork presents information to Danny, he has been disconnected from his time powers so it's a little odd for him to use specifics such as an exact number of days or month. All in all not a bad idea, I'll follow to see how this turns out.
Overall, this is a good story. However, EDIT YOUR STORY! There is an error in almost every other line! If you don't see any errors I will tell you where they are, but seriously! Get an editor, or at the very least look over your story before you post it!
Ponyville, not Ponyvil.
Pinkie Pie, not Pinkiepie.
Elements of Harmony, not elements of harmony. (When referring to the "Elements of Harmony", you have to capitalize both "Elements" and "Harmony".
These are the three biggest errors that I found in your story. Towards the end there is also quite a few punctuation issues, but you can find those. Press the "ctrl" and the "f" keys at the same time and search "ponyvil", "pinkypie", and "elements of harmony". After you find them switch out the errors with their correct forms.
The picture always gets me. Just look at pinky pay. (MWAHAHAHAHAH)
I agree, no one is perfect. That is why people in the comments tell you the imperfections so you can go in and fix them. That way your story will be that much better.
The spelling of Ponyville is correct in the title of this chapter, however every other time you have written it the spelling was incorrect.
Press "control" and "f" on your keyboard to bring up the find bar. Type in what you want to find (which, in this case, is "ponyvil") and it will show you all of the places that you typed in those letters/symbols in that order. Then you can replace all of the incorrect spellings with the proper spellings.
Can't wait for when they find out that they are ghosts. Pinkie, prepare the giggles!
Your spelling Pinkie Pie's name wrong :(
oh and Rainbow Dash is a first and last name lol
............ Not critiquing just um if you wouldn't mind hehe
You seem to have misspelled three particular titles: Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Ponyville. Those are the correct spellings.
Very unique idea. The only thing is you need a beta to help catch grammatical issues. I would offer but I'm short on time lately and have another story I'm betaing.
"Pinkiepie" - Pinkie Pie,
"Rainbowdash" - Rainbow Dash,
"Alpplejack" - Applejack
"barley" - barely
"Ponyvill" - Ponyville
Oh this is gonna be interesting. Very unique idea and also well written. Grammatical errors on character names but that's about it. Otherwise......AMAZING! Can't wait for Danny to get his powers back!
Hay how come this is less then the Fanfiction version danny already got his powers back there
This is still epic though and more proof that any thing with Danny is awesome
I realy hope this fic isn't lost because it is best danny phantom
fic I ever see ! So please CONTINUE !
This is one of the best crossover of DP and MLP ever.
. Your story is amazing and I can't wait for the next chapter and keep up the good work.
4520247 Yeah... I'm not sure if the guy is still active. His account shows he's been offline for over 50 weeks now, and, after having checked this story on fanfiction, which does have a few more chapters there, he has not been active there either for a long time. I don't know, I don't think this story is alive anymore.
Which is a shame, really. Still, there are more Danny Phantom fics to be found in the attached folders, should you be interested.
4527167 Thank you so much for the help
and I did found an interesting crossover of DP and MLP it's called Guilt Of A Phantom.
4527330 Really. Who wrote it?
4527335 oh I'm such a blonde lol you created it.
SO MANY ERRORS!
Please fix
2748858 Me thinks I can help you with that. Though this is my opinion, I think it works.
Okay, so with Clockwork: we only see him in 2 episodes in the entire series. Because of that, we don't really know anything about him. Therefore, that leaves us fans some creative liberties when writing his character. Yes he is seen as calm, cool, and collected. And yes, he addresses the person he talks to in a formal manner. But that is all we know. And Danny is his charge. It makes sense that he would want to protect him.
With Danny: The way I see it, Danny has been through hell and back. Multiple times. But right now, he is dealing with a utterly whacked out and weird situation. He's never dealt with something like this. I'd imagine even a swearaphobe would end up swearing at this.
For the last bit: The author did mention that Clockwork still has some connection to his time related powers. Is a small one, but still there. I figure that the connection lets him see some things. Small, menial things, but some things nonetheless.
I hope that this helped. It is just my take on it, but I think that explains things reasonably well. But, that's just me. Random moustache! Muhahahahaha!
Dear Wizardalexmix,
The pony's names are spelled Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash
Sincerely,
Golden Light
First of all, its spelled Ponyville, not Ponyvill
Second of all, could you maybe put a link to the Fanfiction one?
Downvoted because I've seen too many good stories go to waste due to bad grammar and spelling. Will be changed when this is fixed.
Grammar and spelling always makes a huge difference:
vs 
t, and knowing you're(you are) sh
t.
Let's go eat Grandma! ('Cause we're all cannibals!)
Let's go eat, Grandma! (Your homemade chilli is always tasty!)
And
I want to be a gang raper when I grow up! (I'm going to rape all of them!) vs
I want to be a gang rapper when I grow up! (We will make the best music ever!)
And last, but not least
Grammar: The difference between knowing your sh
That is all.
I'm a girl.
5453618 Wow, you're alive.
I hope you will continue this fic. I have noticed you've published a new chapter on fanfiction, 
, so I have good hopes. Also, I did notice your grammar is a 'bit' off. Although I am not much of an editor myself, I am more than willing to give some help, should you want it. Fixing names and such. Grammar isn't a strong suit of mine either, but I do believe I can help smooth out the overall experience. And I know my Danny Phantom stuff. I'm writing three fics myself on this site, so I could give some pointers here and there.
Just to clarify. I'm not an editor, but just a guy who likes Danny Phantom and wants to help you with this fic. PM me if you're interested. If not, that's fine too. But keep up the good work. This story is really interesting.
Hello. I have a question.
When are you going to update this story? I understand there are several more chapters on fanfiction, and I was wondering when they would make an appearance on this site as well.
YAY.
Now for some corrections.
There should be an apostrophe between Twilight and the letter S. As it is, you've written Twilight's name in plural, as if there are more than one of her.
Twilight asked more to herself, while contemplating various theories as to what had happened to Danny.
Bedroom is one word.
Clockwork answered as he raised up his head to look at her.
Slowly, sleep took hold over Twilight. But Danny and Clockwork were having a much harder time to fall asleep.
Clockwork told him as he raised his head to look at Danny.
He was so used to fighting. There was always a bad guy back home, wanting to hurt his world and loved ones.
Clockwork was a different story; he didn't need sleep like Danny since he is a full ghost and constantly watches over time. But since his sight of the time line of their world was gone, he has nothing to watch, and this truly did piss him off. This world's time stream was making it hard for his time powers to adjust, and he could feel that he was going to have a hard time controlling them. He was just lucky that his generic ghost powers still worked the way he wanted them to. So, instead of sleeping, he was concentrating on getting his ghost time powers to connect with this world's time stream so he could regain some control of his own time powers. And, if possible, see this world's history so he and Danny could know what they were dealing with. He let his mind drift and felt the time move smoothly here in this world, but something seemed off. It felt like this world's time didn't move naturally on its own. That couldn't be good. Well, not that time didn't move naturally, it is just how it's seen. This would make it harder for him to control his powers if time does not move naturally on its own.
Starlight carefully got up to get out of bed, but when he tried to step off the sheets caught his hoof. And, not so gracefully, he fell out of bed.
His head was the first to hit the ground, hard. His back followed second, and dropped on the ground with a muffled thud, before the sheet fell over him, covering his sprawled out form.
There are a whole lot more mistakes like this. So I'll just going to ignore them from this point.
I also noticed you've gotten the names wrong throughout the chapter. So I won't mention it after this.
Classic mistake here. It's not defiantly, but definitely.
He woke up this morning happy as always and went straight back to work.
As she got out of bed she noticed that Clockwork was already up, and was staring out the window with a look of intense concentration.
This can be done in two ways.
1."I know Spike, but right now I don't want to bother Clockwork or Danny.
2."I know Spike, but I don't want to bother Clockwork or Danny right now.
She ended up blowing up the oven.
Twilight walked back and forth down the stairs, nervously.
likewise, in this context , is one word
There was much more, but here is a short list with the things I noticed right away.
No, I'm not fixing any of that. You wait until I'm ready.
entrance
Pinkie Pie (Pinkamena Diana Pie)
Ponyville
It's private, not privet...
Awesome chapter! simply amazing! I can't wait for the next chapter, please don't disappoint us.
Nice story, good plot. But your grammar and switching from past to present tense is infuriating, I recommend you get an editor/close friend to fix said errors. Your characters' personalities don't feel OOC to me, other than Applejack's country twang which I love reading you've captured their personalities quite well.
6082239 But it has humans in it. Why would you get rid of the human tag?
I love it! This is amazing!
I like to find stories after they're finished so that I don't have to wait for the next chapter.
Oh my gosh, Dan is gonna try to kill everybody in the pony world!
When are they gonna find out that Danny is Danny?
I like questions! How many are they going to ask? Are they gonna freak out? Will they find out about the whole rainbow time portal thing?
I wonder what their cats eat in Equestria.
Kick it's ass! Kick it's ass!
First of, I was, or am a lover of Danny Phantom's cartoon. Not because of its comedy or fights, but the plot you know. Because it is one of the few old cartoons that actually got dark parts(not because they are ghost) in future chapters along the fact that it have a pretty complicate story. Like with Danny's Uncle making his apparition and Clockwork appearing to him because of what happen to the future which was pretty damn eye opening to many viewers about life, that sh** was pretty deep.
Seeing this, just the first chapter, is making me literally hop on place. It is well made, the grammar-for me anyway- is perfect and it have a good plot with funny scenes while at the same time serious parts. I cant wait to see the next chapters and the end of the story but that would take some time I think since a good story takes time to make.
P.S. Sorry for blabbering but I really like this story xD continue with the hard work bru :D
P.S.S. Yo ma hero!
P.S.S.S. Clockwork's on my top ten best characters just on top of number 6 Ulquiorra Cifer.
P.S.S.S.S. Wow the fanart on google
Gotta use some of those as wallpaper.