For a first timer, well done. *Claps*

229100 lets explore comrade

229132 you know you like it

229134
thanks. i have some free time on my hooves right now so probably there is going to be more

There is no "Pony hell." There's just this roped off section of brony heaven where the lights don't work, so no worries. I'll put this in a priority on my inbox of reading things, for now I have Enigma to read...

229243
Yeah the story is called "Spreading your wings and hers" which is writen by Crowley, again it has hugely inspired by his stories.

so wens applejack getting a filly

229100
*runs on the cliff with gear when everyones gone*
dammit im late again they probably thought i died like when i tried to help Lewis and Clark

mememaker.net/static/images/memes/19033.jpg

Oh no, don't hang yourself You did good
Crowley would be proud
-Glassed

229100

Wait for me!

229351
Thanks I started writing chapter 4 like but soon i felt myself like this

229331
Yeah he overacts a little bit, but you have to see the things in his point of view. he tried to show of in front of the girl he has a crush on, fails and now she is angry at him. he feels incredible bad at this point, maybe even thinking his friendship with AJ is over even though she is just concerned about him. Guys in love tend to react over the top you know

First try you say? You're off to a good start.

Might want to fix the spelling a bit though...

229391
Yeah, spelling is huge topic for me because English is not my first language and i have dyslexia anyway so yeah. If you have some suggestions i'll fix the story as good as i can. Word fails me here sometimes.

i loved this one, a brilliant quick read, (also the bit about the apples and the supermarket... its so true... i now have a applejack fetish)

Wow, I inspired you? Thanks, that's made me day, buddy!

Anyway, it's got a thumbs-up from me! A lot of spelling and grammatical errors - and I mean quite a lot - but the overall storyline (and wet mane, of course, ya gotta have wet mane!) makes it a decent read. Just read and re-read it for errors. Nice touch on the pictures thing too!

Funny you should make an Applejack fiction, of all things... I'm making an Applejack one right now!

229339
HAH!

me likey
you already know about the spelling errors
so i wont bust your balls
but its a good fic none the less
keep em coming
that is all
kthanxbai

Oh god, the picture.....

i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/002/252/me-gusta.jpg

229545
Because in my language the quotation marks are at the floor if you begin a sentence. I have no clue why Word doens't change that if you switch the language to English.

229484
Thanks for your apprecitation. I'm honored you like the story

Quite good for a first time. AND DAMN YOUR SUBLIMINAL FADED TEXT AT THE END. Like everyone else said tho, could do with a once over for grammar and spellin. Besides that, good. You've got my watch.

229132
yo just jealous

229515 lol deep down you do heh heh deep

I rather enjoyed this litte fic!

I do have to say that it could have been longer... Keep up the good writing sir(or ma'am...)!

-Dashie

Right, I got around to it now. To be blunt, I loved it. Was a nice feel overall and well... ummm....

229740
Thanks, i appreciate your encouraging comment and will continueto write stories

...za?

Sorry, but a thumbs(WTBuck is a thumb, is that supposed to be part of my hoof??) not-so-up for me. The story was fine, but the whole experience (IMHO) was killed by the rampant grammar and spelling mistakes. I understand that English not being your first language is a difficult thing to get past. After learning basics of 3 different languages, I can say that English is one confusing mother-bucker. But It still killed the mood for me; it was a bit like watching one of those artsy foreign films. You can tell the story is top notch (Even though the acting isn't), but without knowing anything they say, its a bit... lacking. The 'clop' portion was a bit pointless (Once again IMHO). A good clop scene, in a sensual fic, should be the climax (heheheh) of the emotional build-up between two characters. As such, the scene should be emotionally descript, and not just a scene like "They bucked; they came."

Also, I was annoyed to no end at the misuse of the word 'Fastened.' The word you were looking for is 'Quickened.' Fastened means to close something or lock something shut, Et Cetera.

Find a pre-reader/editor, and you will do well.

I have to say, the 2 Dictionaries and a fried chicken thing was awesome.

229100
Most epic photo-comment I've ever seen.

Actually pretty good... I though this would be a total failure considering I saw the words 'First FanFiction' and 'Erotic' in the description but that was actually good ! Keep writing !

Over this was not bad. but you did rush it too, you had all you needed to make this a nice long story. If you ever do a re-write let me know so I can read it again.

229400 if you have issues with spelling/English grammar, then may I recommend you get a pre reader, or in the least, someone who will look over what you write and fix any errors? In any event, I thought this was pretty good. It was a bit confusing at times, but that's minor. All in all, keep writing.

229959
thanks for your extensive critismn. One of my bigest problems i had writing this story was that i tried not to sound artificial which leads exactly to that: sounding artificial. Another problem is that even though i have to write in English during my studies i'm mostly writing scientific reports which do not require the vocabluary i had to use in this story.

Regarding the pre reader: i actually sent this story to three mates who had the task to advice me in terms of grammar and spelling. Being incompetent as they were they only pointed out mistakes that were obivous such as the missing of a word. I'd appreciate if someone here would offer me the opportunity to send further stories for correction.

Again thanks for the critismn

i read, i saw, IMA BOSS!

230695 yes you are

and now i'm hungry for some apple pie good sir

Y'know, I knew I was going to Pony Hell the whole time. So why not enjoy the ride with writing such as this? Very well done, Tfq, very well done.

ugh second person fics...why do you people still write them >.<

Edit: no because they are more often then not, poorly written. Who wants to read a story were the person reading is the one in the story? its not like its possible to develop that character, nothing will change. It always feels akward, especially when "you" do something that you would never do, or agree with. Second person storys just don't make sense to me.

231063

because they're good?

Going to pony hell, hmmmm, where have I heard this before? Maybe from this guy.

Must
stop
reading
clop!!!!
AAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

'You now have an applejack fetish.'

Sugarcube, I had one a bit before I started reading this. As for the supermarket thing, I did recently buy a number of Braeburn apples... They are pretty tasty, actually.

Psh pony hell, just wait until crowley writes 'Her whole darn heart.' if anything, THAT would make me go to pony hell, though I daresay that simply reading a clopfic isn't enough to be sent to such a place. Come to think of it... We don't really know if it's a 'clopfic' yet, or if it's just a shipfic.

Hee, I can't wait.

'You now have an Applejack fetish'...

Thanks.

231641
My pleasure

Not a big fan of Clopfics...unfortunately, like a 10-year old with a perverted father, I got curious...

...Now I think I'm going to PonyHell, xD

In all seriousness, I must give you that for the simple nature of this, it WAS a nice story. 'Course, I never rate Clopfics appropriately on levels with real stories, but this was a fine "pick up and read", despite my tendency to HATE Clopfics.

You may have changed my opinion, however. A fine job, my friend.

I like what you did with the storyline, but you may want to consider having someone pre-read and help you to edit your fics. The literature is a little... choppy at points.

233339 heh heh you take things way to seriously lol

235540 heh heh it happens dude just got to get use to it.

237448 LIKE A BAWS!

ha ha thats pretty funny, really well done for first story for sure

*Reads the bit about an Applejack fetish.*

*Looks at bowl of red and green ring-shaped cereal*

A thousand curses to you, Quill.

245594
Frootloops? Haven't had them in years. I hope you enjoy the disturbing images that will creep into your dreams