• Member Since 3rd May, 2014
  • offline last seen Sunday

nameundetermined


A brand new style, Still no grace.

Comments ( 655 )

Anything unique about him? Like a certain slime has?

10009247
Quite possibly! We will just have to wait and see ^^. Does illiteracy count as a special skill?

10009470
I plan to! Actually about to start cracking at chapter two.

Very nice! At first when I read the intro, I thought he would be a foal. I guess I was wrong! This is still a great story though!

10012172
Why thank you! I am glad that you are enjoying it.

Looking great so far, and I’m looking forward to more, I am wondering why you are having the cmc a thing when they only met up after Twilights arrival in the show

10015331
Well, if I'm being honest I clean forgot! But there is certainly nothing wrong with some small divergences from canon to flesh out tidbits if the story so I think I shall keep it in. Your diligence is noted and appreciated ^^.

10015352
I don’t mind personally, even if you never address why. Rose most definitely doesn’t know of MLP and wouldn’t notice that. However I do hope you put in more surprise tweaks .

10015364
I'm sure I will, intentionally or not. I very much take the Bob Ross approach to content creation. Quick and Dirty, anything unintentional is just a happy accident.

Well, this is off to a lovely start! Happy trees and all.

10015687
Nothing like some soft character development and establishing the status quo before slamming balls to the wall into The Shitstorm

10015721
Ah. I see the oscillating air circulation device, and the fecal matter. Just... let me step over here, place hapless technicolor equine in front of said device, aaand... presto!

Now, wait for the flash!

10018615
Nah just feminine. He said he wanted to be good looking, but he forgot to specify handsome. To be honest he's lucky he came out a guy at all since he forgot to specify that too

Interesting story so far. Hope this continues to impress.

10018646
Thank you! The fact that it impressed at all is very gratifying I must admit ^^.

Aside from the rare grammar issue, this is pretty neat.
I'm curious how big he is compared to the other ponies.

10019728
Your average pony is about four foot, he's about 6, celestia is about seven and some change I'd say.

It all seemed like quite useful reading material. I smiled wider and looked over at her appreciatively "thank you so much for your assistance, Miss Cheerilee. If there is anything I could do to repay you, please feel free to ask." I say kindly as I run a hand through my mane.

He has hands now?

10020513
thanks! these are the reasons i search for an editor ^

I think he should sit himself down with a few books on customs and body language.
Perhaps simply reading some novels be it romance or even adventure should make him realize some things.

10021841
What can I say, poor guy has his priorities and social interaction was never one of them. : 3

Though he is constantly surrounded by books, so maybe he will find himself with some free time between almost blowing his horn off to learn how to pony, who knows!

Good thing he caught the power influx to the self sustaining plasma form early enough. Things get Very Intresting if you ramp the power up far enough. :twilightoops:

One theory suggests it becomes a pure energy version of the Wizards Wheel.:derpyderp2:

Oh, this is going to be a riot!
I see some "Unanticipated Side Effects" from a spell causing some interesting situations in the future.

10021882

I can comment, but I cant write, I cant build but I can describe. And a fair bit of the stuff Ive tried to look at over the decades for freinds, gamers etc, never gets used. It just carefully gets placed in The Vault, and then the servitors, if theyre lucky, just get flashed.

If theyre unlucky. they get FLASHED. :trollestia:

Even had a go at working out Why and How a closed time loop, and possible side effects. Ever seen what happens when a slow light room containing ten thouasnd years of summer sun, suddenly has its containment spell fail due to some unicorn trying to drill in to see whats inside? Fortunately, these guys didnt. They had a story instead. :twilightoops:

deciding to distract myself from the situation with a song from one of my favorite games.

better song for the situation

10022064
Extremely appropriate if not for the fact he was a guest lol ^^

Hmmm.... I don't want to criticize this sTory bit overall, it is pretty great! Although, can you try to shorten some of the explanation cuz, some people tend to doze off from those lengthy words.

If you want to say something, just go straight to the point.

Other than that, the story is really great. I hope to read more since this is new and it was just released by the near 2020. :)

10024338
Thank you for the feedback! Sadly I am afraid that my story will continue to be fairly verbose. That is just sort of how I write naturally. And I assure you that the explanation within is very brief compared to what I have planned for the appendix and is needed for the story to progress properly while giving the reader all of the information they will require. ^^

The freeform kitchen is a real neat trick, Id consider a combination of NFC and Induction Hob basis with effectively a FPGA in the counter top, where you have a lot of plain conducting nodes, linked by power transistors that are all off, but as the items are placed on top, the transistors are switched on to form lines and loops of power cables. Or depending on efficincy, guiding lines drawn on top with far fewer loops with transistors, because even if the latest are extremely effiicnt and lose little power as heat, you have a lot of them switching a lot of power, such as for a kettle and you get a lot of loss overall.

Weird thing about boiling water. Coffee is supposed to be at a lower temperature than tea, yet bulk heating kettles are used for tea, and metered bolled, even pressured steam used for coffee machines.

Wonder if theres the book, So you want to score in the bedroom instead of being drop kicked back out the threshhold? :twilightoops:

Rarity, meet King Crimson.

King Crimson? Meet Dragonforce. :moustache:

10025032
I am actually thinking that power is derived from specialist unicorns redirecting the energy from leylines towards cities and towns, with appliances having receptors for that energy than can be triggered by a unicorn in a pinch the same way the flim flam brothers powered the super speedy cider squeezy 6000

Enjoying the read so far, but I have a friendly suggestion I'd like to make. Your writing would benefit greatly from breaking your paragraphs into much smaller and easier to digest chunks. It will break up the "wall of text" effect your story currently has, which may drive away readers that might otherwise enjoy themselves. Whenever a new speaker starts talking it should begin a new paragraph, as well as when any *new* action is taken (not sure if this is an actual rule, just a personal one that I find breaks things up nicely). Here is an example of what I mean.

I cleared my throat softly and nodded "Yes, I was told you and your roommate were musical performers who also happen to sell musical instruments. I was hoping you might be able to assist me in acquiring a bass guitar?" Her eyes lit up a bit at the question and she turned around and began to walk into her home, stopping to look back at me. "Well, come in!" She says before whipping her head back around, clearly expecting me to follow. And so I did! I walked with her past what looked to be the kitchen, down a hallway into what seemed to be a mid-sized studio sort of area, split down the middle, on one side was an array of rather lovely classical offerings. On the other was a large quantity of nicely displayed electronic equipment, or at least, I am assuming things here are powered by electricity. Still not entirely sure. "My compatriot is currently away in Manehattan for a concert, but in the meantime, I can certainly get you a nice acoustic bass guitar." Eh, good enough for me I supposed. I agreed and she showed me what she had in stock. I eventually settled on something that really caught my eye. a sexy red little number that i just had to have. It was a hefty seventy bits, leaving me with not much dosh left, but it was more than worth the cost. Something about it just drew me in. I smiled softly as I paid my cost and floated the instrument over to myself, muttering the name I had picked out for it to myself softly "King Crimson..." A bit pretentious maybe, But a good fucking band and a good fucking name.

Would become:

I cleared my throat softly and nodded "Yes, I was told you and your roommate were musical performers who also happen to sell musical instruments. I was hoping you might be able to assist me in acquiring a bass guitar?"

Her eyes lit up a bit at the question and she turned around and began to walk into her home, stopping to look back at me. "Well, come in!" She says before whipping her head back around, clearly expecting me to follow.

And so I did! I walked with her past what looked to be the kitchen, down a hallway into what seemed to be a mid-sized studio sort of area, split down the middle, on one side was an array of rather lovely classical offerings. On the other was a large quantity of nicely displayed electronic equipment, or at least, I am assuming things here are powered by electricity. Still not entirely sure.

"My compatriot is currently away in Manehattan for a concert, but in the meantime, I can certainly get you a nice acoustic bass guitar." (identify the speaker here)

Eh, good enough for me I supposed. I agreed and she showed me what she had in stock. I eventually settled on something that really caught my eye. a sexy red little number that i just had to have. It was a hefty seventy bits, leaving me with not much dosh left, but it was more than worth the cost. Something about it just drew me in. I smiled softly as I paid my cost and floated the instrument over to myself.

"King Crimson," I muttered the name I had picked out for it to myself softly. A bit pretentious maybe, But a good fucking band and a good fucking name.

Notice how I considered him walking into the studio and him picking the guitar each as their own acts, but kept the actions done while performing these acts in the same paragraph.

Hope this helps, and keep the updates coming!

10025109

Giant crystals actually work really well for that kind of behaviour. Currently ones the size of a unicorn horn have been demonstrated as excelent for ELF communications. Extreme Low Frequency, or Submarine and Geotext links. Although at demonstrated 100 baud, thats fast enough for bidirectional speech, given humans apparently talk at 40 baud. :scootangel:

10025176
Thank you! I was considering that but I was afraid that the multiple small paragraphs would look a bit tacky. But seeing it laid out like that does look much nicer. Your proposed changes might not show up in old chapters until I get an editor though but I will keep it in mind for new ones!

Well this is an interesting intro to the story, I think this is a nice slice of life story; always love bowties. From the sound of it this is happening way before the pilot episode or the golden Oak's library was spared and Twilight moved out to the friendship Castle anyway. Looking forward to the next chapter.

10025447
Good eye! The specific year is Year 998 Of the Mare in the Moon, mid fall. About a year and a half before Twilight shows up!

And as for the genre well...that's how it starts isnt it? You have to set the status quo before we get to the interesting times he was promised :3. I will admit i love the fluff, but no change is permanent.


But change is^^

Also, why do I got the feeling that I heard that title somewhere before....

Oh oh right. It was the anime "The Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime."

Also, can you put up a harem with the princesses? XD

The comment at the end lol

Well it could have been worse, could you imagine if she asked for her stats an abilities simply to be average... and ends up with the strenght of an average earth pony, flight speed and abilies of an average pegasii... and the Unicorn magical strength of an average unicorn. born to an average family in the middle class in manehatten.

and doomed to live anything but an average life because of that.

Anyway, continuing on, after making my way back from the schoolhouse, I went back to the orchard. I later discovered it was called Sweet Apple Acres, which is admittedly a rather nice name for such a warm and welcoming seeming place. I went over to Granny Smith, who was still relaxing out on the porch, and decided it might be a good idea to ask where I should go to freshen up. When I inquired as to where in the house the bathroom was, after a few minutes of inquiring in a progressively louder voice, she was finally able to point me in the right direction to the guest bathroom. I walked in and was delighted to see that it did in fact, have plumbing. A sink and (oh dear lord thank you goodness) a flushing toilet were readily available, as well as a shower! It was a little cramped, but it would be big enough to accommodate me and that was what was important. I slipped my way in past the shower curtain, making sure I was secure before I lifted one hoof and started up the water, letting it cascade down on me and giving a soft, pleased sigh, leaning my head forward, being careful not to scrape my horn across the wall in front of me. After a long stressful day like nothing I had experienced before, the feeling of the hot water relaxing my muscles was borderline orgasmic . I am ashamed to say I did let out a moan at the feeling.

Just letting you know, you said that Granny told him the name of the farm in the first chapter

10026878
That's a dude actually, but yeah good idea. Might do a spin of called something like My Life as an Off Brand Alicorn.

I would edit, but I have no experience. ;(

10026903
Your character's a dude.. Rimiru, not so much... and Mile, all girl.

and a fluffy little Draconequus floating around her with a big D on its forehead.. That only she can see and hear... to keep her company and walk her through chaos magic.

i.pinimg.com/originals/bd/91/df/bd91dff2de9a54d7896fe9cd6337b144.jpg

*tries to look innocent*

SRY

Hello, Pink Tint.

Typo or is she just that tired?

"O-oh erm, well thank you for clarifying, That brings me to my next point of contention. We are both rational, healthy adults. What do you want to do about this? I

Adult characters acting like actual adults in a rational manner? This so much!

Moar!

10027111
thank you! i corrected that and several other major errors. And more is coming I assure you ^^

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