• Member Since 14th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 19th, 2018

Breaking News


E

Changeling Drone 9417 had a month-long assignment for a minor spy mission in Ponyville leading up to the Canterlot invasion. He deviated from normal operating procedure a bit then found out the hard way why changelings aren’t supposed to do that. After his body absorbed too much magic during the attack it triggered a permanent transformation that’s left him forever in the form of the pegasus disguise he was previously using. Now a pony called Cloud Breaker he'll try and put his life back on track with the help of his former roomates Sunny Rays and Serenity...

(Current chapters proofread by Dark_Night, earlier chapters proofread by BlackjackOrBust)

Chapters (16)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 136 )

Oh, this is your first fic? Well it's pretty good if I do say so myself. :pinkiesmile:
But the problems I find drive me crazy! :pinkiecrazy: Like:

“You boys trying to mix business with pleasure again,” asked Sunny as she walked in?

Why da F in the question mark passed all the quotation marks?! I've only read the first chapter (which only had that problem once) and half of this chapter (which had four of that problem) and I need to walk away from my computer it bothers me so much. I'm still going to read the rest of this chapter and the story, and I do like it, but you should at least consider look your chapter over a few times before publishing, or (like me) find most of them before publishing and find a few more the day after you do it. :derpytongue2: But I fix the things I find, I'd ask and suggest you do the same. Good story, I hope for more. Peace out for now. :rainbowdetermined2:

~A Dark Reminder

I (Me) really (thoroughly) like (enjoy) this (this) story. :pinkiesmile:

You know I actually had that right and double guessed it on an earlier edit (I didn't use a pre-reader on Chapters 1-4 but I've got talented help now in that area). I've fixed it now and thanks for the heads up and the fav. I hope you continue to enjoy the story and thanks for commenting.

This is my first pony fic but I've written earlier fics for another show before so it's not totally uncharted territory..

Very nice chapter you have here, so allow me to show you what to me are the highlights of this chapter:

First off, the chapter's name is very clever and I like it. :ajsmug:

Thank you, Nurse Coldheart

I hope I never have a Nurse Coldheart as my Nurse. o.o

“Hum. Okay. So you think you are really a changeling? How long have you been having these thoughts?”

Time for more honesty. If he kept this up he’d get quite good at it eventually.

“My whole life, Doctor,” Cloud responded. “I was a changeling up until yesterday when I screwed up my magic and turned into this.”

That whole part made me laugh. :rainbowlaugh: And on a closing note, I see an asylum in Cloud's future. :trixieshiftleft:

Keep it up good sir! :twilightsmile:

I'm glad you are enjoying the fic.

Nurse Coldheart is the fandom name for that character but I admit I find it odd too. It's fits the "Nurse __heart" theme but wasn't Coldheart also a Care Bears villain? I used her instead of Nurse Tenderheart (the purple one) because Nurse Coldheart seemed to fit a receptionist role better.

2659450
I have a tip for you: When you reply to a comment, it helps to click 'reply' if you want them to know. :twilightsmile:

2659465
I'm still new to the site's interface. Thanks for the tip.

2660138
No problem. :pinkiehappy: If there's anything else you'd like to know, I bet I can tell you.

"...Cloud got up and did so. The pair walked down the hall, passed closed doors as the scent of antibiotics hung in their snouts,.."
Should that be antiseptics?

2683766
Looking into that change after the fact yes I did. I'll change it. Thanks for the feedback and I hope you are enjoying the story.

2686904
I'm glad you like the fic. The name is mainly so he'd have something that sounded 'pegasus' and the generic nature sort of plays into the idea he made up that identity. I actually forgot about Cloud Chaser in comparison when naming him, I was thinking of Cloud Kicker who originally was a love interest in place of both Sunny and Serenity but the whole romance plot got dumped as being cliche.

Color me intriuged

Definitely awesome, can't wait to see me.

2692501
Chapter 7 will be up soon, it's completed but still in the proofreading stage.

I'd also be lying if I didn't say "An Azure Future" was one of the fics that initially pulled me into this site so let me just add a thanks for commenting. :rainbowkiss: I hope you enjoy the rest of the fic.

“Jalapeño and habanero?” asked Sunny.

“It sounded good,” Cloud responded. “Why, that’s not super spicy or anything is it?”

Oh ho, cloud, you poor bastard. :rainbowlaugh:

Good work! Like the drama of his 'past' self confronting him. Hopefully the PTSD stuff comes back?

I would very much like to see more incidents where he is desperately trying not to let any of the elements realize he recently tried to beat the tar out of them. Great story all in all though.:twilightsmile:

Trust is earned, not given, and he blew most of ours.

Most?

Most?!

Did you hear what he said?! He might as well have literally stabbed you in the back and your letting him stay in your home?

I'm sorry, but Sunny and Serenity's underwhelmed reaction to learning all this kills the story for me.

2711851
I will admit I had a hard time writting that scene for just that reason because the logical thing would be to just kick him out. There's an attempt to justify their actions, thus Sunny's 'give him a chance' actions afterward while Serenity doesn't agree but goes along with what she wants. I guess they are just a little more optimistic he's telling the truth and can change for the better than most would be (the next chapter proves the first half right).

I'm sorry this fic wasn't to your liking but if you were going to downvote I'm glad you gave a reason. Here's hoping other fics on this site are more up your alley and thanks for reading.

Love makes you do silly things even when you aren’t the one in it.

I could probably squeeze a whole novel out of that line. This is good stuff.
...anyway, back to reading.

I fail to see an issue with the tag. He still has his changeling mind, no?

2747368
I was mostly joking there, he may not be a changeling anymore but there's still a strong changeling presence in the first act (and flashes of it throughout the story) justifying the tag. I don't know if he still has his mind but he's got his memories and that's pretty close.

Great story!
Interesting and compelling, I have now finished reading it.

Well you did pretty good with no proofreader, though you are not unstoppable. Let us see the mistakes I found, then we'll move onto what are my highlights.

Cloud wondered how much OCD this mare had?

That question mark is utterly unneeded.

Serenity looked at the clock. It read 8:51 a.m., time for the morning commute.

You’ve got to cram about 10 years of weather studies in about a week.

With these it isn't a mistake as much as a matter of preference. I prefer to use the word ten instead of 10, but whichever you prefer. And that's really it as far as 'mistakes' go.

Now to highlights.

“And I wanted to congratulate you on your performance this weekend saving the royal wedding and all of Equestria,” Cloud said. “You were awesome in that fight with all those changelings, err, from what I’ve heard.”

Rainbow’s face lit up at the last two sentences.

Sounds like a bulls eye on that one! :rainbowlaugh:

“Here you are,” Twilight said. “There’s Weather 101: Back to Basics, The Art of Storm, Unnatural Occurrences: The Everfree Mystery, Wind Riders: The Ultimate Guide to Weather Creation, Mastering the art of Tornado, The Definitive History of the Cloudsdale Weather Factory, and a few others for good measure. If you need more just read those and bring’em back for an exchange.”

Holy books... O.O

“It’s not the first time I’ve had that feeling,” Cloud responded. “I had a bit of nightmare last night.”

I don't know about anyone else, but that's my dream/nightmare, except replace Luna with Slender Man...

2773237
The number 10 thing probably relates to my day job. I'm a newspaper reporter and that's Associated Press style sneaking through (I literally have the AP Stylebook on my desk although I don't use it for lighthearted stuff like this). In college when learning AP style you are taught to spell out one through nine and use numbers for 10 and up; it simplifies it for readers.

20 bits he nails the job because of that AWESOME introduction... STROKE THAT EGO MAN!!!!!

So Cloud Breaker is essentially being a kiss-rear-end to Rainbow Dash.
...
Yeah, I could see that working well for him.

C-c-c-Cloud-o Breaker! :rainbowwild:
...
:facehoof: Sorry.
...
Don't worry about Jerkwater not fitting a horse pun. I've heard worse non-horse punned locations. I can't remember what the title was, but in it "Paris" was called "Prairis".

2774616>>2774571
His research of her pays off...Of course Rainbow's so upfront with her ego he'd hardly need it to figure out that's she likes to have it stroked.

2777907
Like as in Prairie? Yikes.

"C-c-c-Cloud-o Breaker!"

I never thought of that and got a good chuckle.

You handle yourself well without a proofreader. :twilightsmile:

“I didn’t want you to worry about me,” Cloud responded.

So you told them you were dead? :ajbemused:

Time to find out how many clouds can Cloud Breaker actually break if Cloud Breaker can break clouds.

Actually 'actually' kind of throws it off a little in my opinion. But whatever.

You are so good at this! :flutterrage: I need more! :pinkiecrazy:

Well. This is different.

How did I not find this before?

~Skeeter The Lurker

Oh boy... He wrote up an obituary for himself to mask his departure?

THAT won't bite him in the ass later...

~Skeeter The Lurker

Why does it feel like you just spent 4 chapters restating what happened in the first chapter?

Ah well, still. Not a bad read.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Yep. Backfire badly on him.

Still rather enjoying this read.

~Skeeter The Lurker

BLT. A BLT sandwich as a dream. BLT as in BACON, lettuce, and tomato? BACON?

Still... If it works.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Oh damn... That little voice in the back of his head... This is gooooood.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Ahhh, Twilight. You know, she's probably the only one who'd be able to see if he really was a changeling or not.

~Skeeter The Lurker

2780496
He actually talking about a "buttercup, lily and tulip," it's sort of a running gag. He was commented he wanted one in chapter 2 then got an untoasted one in chapter 5.

2780570

D'oh. Still. Bacon. I will always see it as bacon.

~Skeeter The Lurker

2780465
Part of that is probably the recap bit in this chapter...which admittedly is there because I am a huge fan of the documentary show "Seconds from Disaster" and thought it would be fun to go blow by blow with the reason he changed. Like a plane crash his transformation was a combination of several different things and if you eliminate one or two he never changes.

I also wanted to change him in the first chapter but then flashback so we got to see our "no more" changeling actually be a changeling. We get to see all the ways he botched it bit by bit on the way to blowing it completely... and set him up for his new adventure.

He had been almost deliberately trying to avoid falling asleep because he knew who might get at him if did.

"...because he knew who might get at him if did." :applejackunsure:
I'm sorry. What exactly are you saying right there?

2823892
Earlier in the fic he had a nightmare where his old changeling self confronted him, he was afraid it could happen again and indeed it does immediately thereafter.

I got that typo corrected and thanks for the help.

And indeed today there were about 15 clouds floating in a direction out of the forest and into the Ponyville skies that would need to be eliminated.

"This is HQ calling Fighter Seven. Come in Fighter Seven. Over."

"This Fighter Seven. What is it HQ? Over."

"We got fifteen enemy aircraft headed to our position, we need you to intercept and eliminate them ASAP. Over.

"Roger that HQ, moving in to strike. Over."

“No blood, no foul.”

No blood, no foul. No pain, no game. No head, yo dead.

“They’re rookie indicators,”

BEHOLD! THE NOOB BRACERS!

All of the above are the things that came to my mind almost the moment I read those. :derpytongue2::pinkiecrazy: But to be a bit more helpful.

“He did a good job under tough circumstances and helped me clear me feather flu afterward.”

Ohhhhhhhhh, so close.

“See that puffy little cloud over there?” Serenity asked.

Cloud nodded in agreement.

I totally agree with your question. "Agreement" should be acknowledgement.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. You do well for not having a proofreader. Keep it up! :twilightsmile:

Considering how thorough Twilight is, I'm guessing she'll be the one doing the background check.
One thing is certain, Cloud honesty about being a former changeling should work in his favor.

I love this story.... eat update must, must eat update, AH UPDATE EAT ME!!!! :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

2825464
I wonder if I've actually written myself against a wall there. Twilight might see that as a great chance for study but I just can't see any way Rainbow doesn't hit the roof when/if she finds out.

2824483
I actually want to do a scene with radio chatter someday in one of these. I had like three fic ideas that haven't come to frutation that used that concept (USAF dogfight against Lightning Dust or car chase in EqG world). Don't know if either of those fics will ever happen though, I'm not starting any other fics until this one is done.

2828825
Well I'm glad you are enjoying the fic. Here's hoping the future chapters continue your enjoyment.

2839943 Or the future chapters enjoy me?!?! :pinkiecrazy:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!