Twilight Sparkle has been on Earth, and human, for nearly two weeks. It wasn’t planned, but the human girl that she stays with is at least very helpful. As her stay lengthens and the difficulty of returning to Equestria seems more and more strenuous, she tries to take it easy and research the humans and their customs. Even though she is no longer a unicorn at the moment, her pastimes and favorite hobbies remain the same. Studying always eases her mind, so a look into human mating rituals should be very interesting and therapeutic, right?

This ‘one-shot’ story is an offshoot of Merlos The Mad’s story, ‘A Twilight Landing’. It takes place eleven days into the story, just after chapter thirteen. If you read this story by itself, the jokes will still make sense. This may also be considered canon.

Cover art graciously provided by go4moo!

Additional chapters a definite possibility.

You are Ted, a human who has been trapped in Equestria for a while now. Under the advice of your pony friends, you've come along to join them in one of Pinkie's summer beach parties. While the ponies play their games, you were just planning on simply relaxing and enjoying the rays of the sun. But after watching the ponies play under sun in swimwear, some mixed emotions are brought out inside you. Have you been trapped so long in this world that you were starting to find your pony friends attractive?

Things get even more complicated for you when a pony you were not expecting showed up beside you. And she asks for a favor of you that you'd never thought you'd hear: help her put on her sunscreen.

But she's Princesses Celestia! The goddess of the sun! Why would a goddess like her need sunscreen?

Story inspired by the art of Tex. Lucky, lucky TexAnon.

Oriole has a problem. She can't stop eating stallions.

Rarity has a problem. Her new friend can't stop eating stallions.

Twilight Sparkle has a problem. A stallion-eating monster has moved into her town.

Spike's just glad he's not a stallion.

"Thanks, Mom." Two simple words said by a simple guard.

Not so simple when those words are accidentally addressed to Princess Celestia.

Being the Royal Advisor for Celestia and Luna, you've come up with solutions for many of the nation's problems.

Unfortunately you said a naughty word in front of a guard. Seeing as how these ponies are extremely sensitive, you lie your way out of it.

The events that follow could only be described as "completely stupid".

Rated Teen for naughty words being said.

Thanks to Zephyr for editing.

Featured within 1 hour and 30 minutes on Aug 12, 2015. Thank you guys so much!

Good thing I was reading this on the toilet, because this story made me lose my shit. -LeoneHaxor

Long ago, Commander Hurricane set an example that still resonates with all pegasi who fall in love with their ground bound kin. Every pegasus knows the story, the tradition is deeply engrained and held dear to their hearts.

Now, if only Twilight could curb her curiosity long enough to enjoy and appreciate just how important she is to Rainbow.

Pre-reading and editing assistance by Melon Hunter and Timaeus.

Art originally by ELZZombie

On your way to work, you meet a little filly named Applejack.

Celestia invites Twilight over for tea and chess. Things don't quite go as planned.

"...Present Perfect unironically uses the term Chineighse here and I don't actually know if I can forgive him for that." -Obselescence!

"-- oh, no..." -Estee

Nines knew he was always fated for something; yet he never knew what it was. Perhaps, after dying at the hands of that traitor and awakening in a new world, he would finally find his true purpose.

Look, I heard you the first time! Yeesh, I wish you'd stop staring at me, as if you're reading my thoughts. 'Cuz if you could, then you'd know that while this is the first thing I'd want to do, it's also the last! I mean, horseapples, things would be a heck of a lot easier if I'd known ahead of time that Twilight and the rest of the girls had only packed three sleeping bags instead of six for this mountain hike! For realsies, if you had any friggin' clue how many restless nights I've spent thinking about you, fantasizing situations like this, then you'd know... you would freaking know how impossible it is for me to actually... sh-share a sleeping bag with my totally not-sexy-in-any-way best friend... (*ULP*) ... overnight... s-so that we could keep our bodies warm in the cold, cold forest. Grnnnng! Alright... alright! I'll do it! Of c-course I'll do it! I'm awesome! I'm not afraid of anything! Okay... I can do this... I can totally do this... I can... I can... I-I...