• Member Since 5th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 34 minutes ago

Carapace


And again do I answer thee: Bite me. Like my work? Consider donating to my Patreon.

Sequels1

  • E The Challenge
    A few months after their trip to Cloudsdale, Twilight finds herself faced with another piece of Rainbow's culture. This time, though, it will affect the very dynamic of their relationship.
    Carapace · 6k words  ·  735  33 · 6.3k views


E
Source

Long ago, Commander Hurricane set an example that still resonates with all pegasi who fall in love with their ground bound kin. Every pegasus knows the story, the tradition is deeply engrained and held dear to their hearts.

Now, if only Twilight could curb her curiosity long enough to enjoy and appreciate just how important she is to Rainbow.

Pre-reading and editing assistance by Melon Hunter and Timaeus.

Art originally by ELZZombie

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 109 )

Dash be biting her lip in the cover art like she's looking at Twilight going "Now I'm going to show you the real Hurricane Way."

This was a lot of fun to preread, and a very fluffy experience.

6865012 Hehe, yes, smirking Dash is objectively beautiful and perfect for this. Kinda like it because it shows a mix of her confidence and nerves.

Thanks for helping with the pre reading! You are the master of catching innocent looking typos!

I really liked this, man. Bravo.

6865177 Thanks! This one's been floating around for a while. I actually meant to write it for Valentine's Day last year, but school and skatedisc got in the way.

Kinda figured that the pegapegas would have something like this in place and that it would be connected to the founders, so this happened and I am quite pleased with it. :D

6865012 :trixieshiftleft:
6865141 :trixieshiftright:
No, that lip bite from Dash says "Egghead, I'm gonna rock you like a hurricane."

6865186
+1 for Fuzzy.

6865181 Always love a bit of worldbuilding, and also deep within me, a level above my darkest Raridash fortress of solitude, there is a little village sized love named TwiDash. And it is appeased.

OK this NEEDS at LEAST 1 maybe 2 sequels!!!:pinkiehappy::heart:

6865197 If I had the time, I would satisfy both ships (because I love both and RariLight so much) and write RariDashLight.

Don't tell Tcherno :P

6865198 Hehe, glad you enjoyed it, but I think I'm gonna keep it as a one shot. We'll see tho ;)

6865213 oh come on Zomg think about it you have a wedding, and the intro to dash's blood family already perfectly set up!!!
I'm not going to try to force you to write those, quickest way to ruin a good story that. What I will do is offer to be your soundboard for ideas if you do decide to write those.

P. S.
I've added this to The Creation Center group. :twilightsmile:

That was cute and a nice bit of world building with the families and the old story and suchlike. Fun read.

6865251 Glad you enjoyed it. The Pizza family is actually based on a real-life Sicilian family in my hometown. When I was little, I couldn't pronounce the name "Alfonso", so I looked at the logo, saw a picture of a man and a slice of pizza, and dubbed him "Pizza Man". The name stuck and we call him that among ourselves to this day, nearly twenty years later.

I feel old now D:

6865277

You know... going into this, I was almost expecting it to be more like that other story you'd pitched about historical Hurricane.

6865281 You mean the one from... what was it? November 2014?

Nah, that'd have to be a totally different thing. And I don't think I could just toss surface details from that one into this and get away with it ^^;

6865202 I will defend your dark secret

6865329 You're a good man.

Quite the charming TwiDash story. I loved how you handled the different character interactions as well as how you showed the different parts of pegasi culture. Furthermore, I also appreciate how you kept true to the characters' personalities and how they played off of each other. Nicely done as always, and I wish you the best of luck on your future writing projects! :twilightsmile:

This is such a cute fic, especially with the addition of Rainbow's second 'family'. Glad I got the chance to preread this!

6865414 Glad you enjoyed it, Mana! And yeah, I try my best to keep things in character for them. I generally just go "this is the situation, now how would they react"... which probably explains why I seem to have an issue keeping my word count low or my fics as one shots.

6865453 I had a lot of fun introducing the second family! Thanks for prereading, Melon!

This was really adorable! I've always loved your stories.

ZOMG, thank you very much for this. You made my evening.

This was simply cute beyond words. :raritystarry:
Almost from the start I suspected that proposing was Rainbow's intention, but the way she did it, the tradition of showing your special somepony the true home of the pegasi and Twilight's slow realization of what was happening was truly well done.
Great work. :raritywink:

Ps:

including Private Pansy and her wife, Flutterwing

Fluttershy's great-great-great... (sometime latter) ...great-grandparents? :ajsmug:

This was nice but at no point would I have patience for shenanigans like this. But then again I guess I've never been really in love before.

This is an absolutely adorable story, I have to say. I like TwiDash, and this really shows them both off so well in all aspects.

Now I want to see a story about how Captain Hurricane and Clover the Clever fell in love! Awesome story btw!

6865902 Yay! Glad you enjoyed it! I was hoping I wrote them well enough :D

6865928 Funnily enough, I did once have an idea about Commander Hurricane and another mare, but it was Smart Cookie. Different nature to the fic, I'm afraid.

This was extremely sweet. Cheers to you good sir!:twilightsmile:

6866300
...and then Pinkie looks into the bit about Rainbow being a lot like Hurricane and Twilight being a lot like Clover a little too much, does some research, and discovers they're both descended from that union. Oopsie!:pinkiehappy:

6866323 Meh. Go back far enough and I'm sure you and I share at least one ancestor.

6866323 Eh, that far back it doesn't really matter. We're talking over a thousand years of time between HurriClover and TwiDash, and that's if we even want to go that whole route :P

THIS WAS SO AWESOME!!! PRACTICALLY DIED LAUGHING! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:\

Also everything was written so perfectly and I absolutely loved how you displayed their relationship together and the characters themselves.

Best one shot I have ever read. Really wished it was a full story or perhaps like the ending to one. This would make a great ending to a story in my opinion. Regardless I loved this story so much. I am putting it in my ultra favorites shelf where it is sure to be re-read by yours truly several times.

That picture is so perfectly Rainbow Dash.

Although I don't think it fits too well with how alternatively nervous and irritated she was in most of this story. I can't bring myself to complain much, though, because oh god smug Rainbow Dash is just too amazing.

6866631 Eh, I'd say most of her irritation was in Twilight questioning why she couldn't fly at first. The rest (to me at least, you and everyone else are free to interpret as you will) was more just her usual byplay with Twilight, but adding in the city she grew up in and the ponies who helped make her who she is today.

Okay, I want to see Twi meet Dash's parents.

It's Tradition

when i see this, i can't help but think this:

Holy snaps, ZOMG. That was great.

6866350 fun fact: EVERYONE in the world is within 50th cousins of each other. :pinkiegasp:

Meaning that you can pick anyone in the world, trace their family tree back 50 generations, and see that you two share a common ancestor within that time. :eeyup:

The comedy tag wasn't exaggerated.

Nothing to say that hasn't already been said, but this was adorable.

Reincarnation Romance?

Absolutely wonderful. Flawless.

I sense a sequel!! :pinkiehappy:

SEQUEL :flutterrage: ... please :fluttershyouch:

I don't even ship Twidash, but I still found this story very enjoyable. It's very interesting, and had me wondering as much as Twilight about the tradition. Overall, it's a very sweet, well-written story.

Great job! :pinkiehappy:

It's fluffy fics like this that make the world go round.

Have a like and a fav.

That was simply adorable... totally hoped it was leading up to that! Woo-hoo, go Dashie!

Cute. Still, it's another story that just ships characters without an introduction or any build-up.. so slight negative in my book. I want somepony to bash rainbow over the head about 'natural born' bs. Twilight has wings and can fly, so she's part pegasus, period. Doesn't matter how it happened really. I'm never really sure whether my headcanon makes Luna+Celestia natural born or not to be honest.

Seriously though, there's a lot of windup for this tradition and the end kinda falls flat somehow. It could use a bit more, like maybe a cut to the past to show Hurricane and Clover for the reader's benefit? Or perhaps a bit more touring of the city. The scene at the pizza shop doesn't really contribute much besides some characters and a little backstory.

I do hope you write the implied story with Twilight meeting Rainbow's parents, though.

6869867 Um... the entire thing about the tradition was for pegasi to bring up their non-pegasi lovers to share what they loved about Cloudsdale. Twilight is not a natural born pegasus—she was born a unicorn, ascended to an alicorn, which does not change what she was born as. That's why the tradition applies in the context of this fic. It does not matter (to Rainbow, at least) that she sprouted wings, she is still not one of them. At all. Full stop.

Also,if you would kindly explain to me what a cut to the past would've contributed to the story, I'd much appreciate it. Because, frankly, I fail to see how it would've added anything. In fact, I feel it would've taken a lot away.

The whole thing is for pegasi to show their lovers around town, introduce them to a few ponies important to them, and then tell the story and make the same offer. The focus of this story is Twilight and Rainbow as they take part in the tradition. A random, out of place flashback would've done absolutely nothing for this other than clutter it up and jerk the story's focus around.

As for your preference on showing them getting together, that's your thing, dude. I'm not gonna say you're wrong at all, in fact, I have a friend who thought it couldn't be done properly. It's more important (to me, anyway) to show how they interact in the relationship than it is to check off some boxes in the "how to ship" guidebook. If you like watching them get together, that's perfectly fine. Doesn't mean it has to be done in every fic, though.

6869983
I don't see it as "check off some boxes in the "how to ship" guidebook.". I just find that it strains the credibility of a story. Certain characters are kind of hard to imagine just falling into each others hooves as it were (let alone mare-mare relationships). It helps a lot to have details of the backstory to explain how it happened. You know, rather than just rushing to the 'it happened and they're totally smitten' stage.

I don't feel that a cut to the past would have any more negative effect than the interaction with Dash's "second family" which feels shallow and trite without any back story. However, I think it would have better explained this tradition. Although I suppose inventing some OCs or something might have been equally good. I don't see why you shouldn't foreshadow what Dash is up to for the reader and sort of prime the reaction a bit. Frankly a good piece of back story would be explaining why Rainbow Dash is so attached to this tradition. It seems like exactly the sort of thing that would have faded away in the 'modern era' if you will. Especially if ones takes the view of some fanfic writers who place Commander Hurricane back at least as long as Luna was banished (1000 years) and sometimes even more.

Jondor #50 · Jan 25th, 2016 · · 1 ·

6870347

If you don't like shipfics (and/or don't want to catch "the gay" [in which case, you need to grow the fuck up]), then why bother clicking at all? Romance + Twi + Dash = TwiDash. You knew what you were getting into.

Not every shipfic has to be a "getting together" story. Since this one specifically takes place well into their relationship, trying to show them getting together in the first place would have wasted time and effort as well as diluting the focus of the story.

As for foreshadowing, what other outcome do you get from Rainbow taking her girlfriend home to meet her "parents" (not really, but the symbology is there) as part of an old tradition? Hell, being carried up to Cloudsdale could be argued to be symbolic of our tradition of carrying one's spouse over the threshold. Since the whole story is written from Twi's perspective, any hints specifically to the readers would have been completely jarring and would have made for very poor literature.

Login or register to comment