With a name like Schadenfreude and a special talent for either finding or setting off all those little nuances or annoying ticks that just drive ponies mad, you'd think he'd spend most of his time in prison. On the contrary.

He's Prince Blueblood's butler.

Actually, he does get thrown in the dungeon a lot.

Here's just one of those instances.

(New cover art by the fantastic TodayIWriteFanfics!)

"Zecora? As the Mayor of Ponyville, I owe you an apology."

A double entry in the May 2024 Pairings Contest and the Dialogue-Only Contest.

It shouldn't have been a big deal. Celestia was kidnapped or knocked out or just generally made to seem powerless by whatever idiot with ill intent decided to show up on a nearly weekly basis. As the mighty and immortal Sun Princess, she could escape at any time, but she was happy to play these little games. The daring rescues and bloodless battles gave her ponies such a sense of confidence and purpose!
But this one didn't go as planned. One small, stupid mistake got her thrown to the twisted reaches of the world-prison, Tartarus. Now alone, unarmed, and barely more than mortal, Celestia wakes in a living landscape where everything has every reason to hate her.
And, far worse, she has accidentally picked up a passenger.

Sidenote: This a repost (I tried to go through official channels, I promise!) of a story I wrote long, long ago on an account I foolishly deleted. Back in those days, Tartarus hadn't shown up in an actual episode yet. It's not exactly an alternate universe situation, but it has nothing to do with the canon portrayal of the place.

Super amazing cover art by Cold In Gardez.

She was stuck at the top of a broken Marris wheel when the stallion in the next gondola over started talking to her. With nothing else to do, she talked back. Once the wheel got fixed, they agreed to keep talking. Now, they wander around around the carnival, conversing about nothing in particular. Growing up, griffons, mortality, stars, rigged carnival games, alicornhood, whatever crosses their minds. It's a great way for them to get to know each other.

But they only have until the carnival closes. After that, they'll need to go their separate ways. Even if they don't want to.

Inspired by Before Sunrise.

Those are the rules of burglary, as far as Warded Lock is concerned. She follows them religiously. They’re good rules. They’ve served her well. She’s made a lot of money following those rules. She hasn’t been caught yet.

But one wealth-redistribution excursion yields a mere pittance in stolen loot. Lock knows there’s more valuables deeper in the house, where her rules say she’s not supposed to go. She could get to them, if only she was willing to bend those rules. So she does and goes deeper into the house than she ought.

Then Lock stumbles on a horrifying secret.

The job is instantly derailed.

And everything goes straight to Tartarus.

Has an audio drama created by My name is R.

This story is a sequel to Tantabus Communication Protocol

What started with laziness and a tiny slip-up in arcane intelligence creation has blossomed into its own being. With Luna's blessing, the second Tantabus is free to flit around the dreamscape as it pleases, unburdened by oversight. And what pleases it is making good dreams. Who couldn't be happy by making others happy?

As the Tantabus settles into its life, its horizons keep expanding, forever revealing more of the world and of ponies. There's always new things to learn. New dreams to spice up. New nightmares to beat down. New ponies to help. New ponies to annoy.

Don't tell Luna about that last part.

Cover art by Harwick.

Trying to patrol the dreams of every pony in Equestria can be stressful. To ease her burden, Luna retools the Tantabus to turn nightmares into good dreams instead of vice versa. Aware of her mistakes from last time, she tests it out thoroughly, making sure there are no unexpected behaviors. And as far as she can tell, there are none.

Except that it's started calling her "Mom".

Faced with the prospect of possibly creating life, Luna seeks out Twilight's advice and assistance. With a little luck, they can get this all sorted out before the sun rises.

Beyond Equestria, the lands to the north are hostile and unforgiving. Ponies eke out a subsistence in uncontrollable weather, separated by mile after frigid mile of snow and mountains. A land where only the hardiest survive is no place for civilization.

Yet civilization encroaches from time to time. When a colossal bounty is placed on the head of a unicorn deep in the arts of necromancy, a motley crew of bounty hunters assembles and gives chase. It’s too good a chance to pass up. They’ll bring her to justice, no matter what stands in their way. Not her dark magic. Not the inhospitable environment.

And certainly not each other.

Other entries in this series:

• Hinterlands
• Urban Wilds
• Death Valley

This story is a sequel to Hinterlands

Two years ago, bounty hunter Bitterroot turned a lich and her necromancer apprentice over to the authorities. Now, that apprentice, Amanita, has been released on good behavior. She has no more interest in necromancy. In fact, she asked Bitterroot to turn her in all those moons ago and helped capture her master. With nowhere for Amanita to go, Bitterroot takes her in until she can get her hooves under herself.

But all isn’t well in Canterlot. A killer is stalking the streets, striking with impunity and leaving no trace. The Royal Guard is befuddled. Bitterroot’s investigations have yielded nothing. And night is turning into a time of dread. Something needs to be done. If only the dead could speak. If only there was a moral necromancer around.

Amanita doesn’t want to admit it, but the part of her past she hates the most might be the most useful part right now. Just because ponies are dying doesn’t mean they need to stay that way. What she buried needs to be dug up again.

Her demons are rearing their ugly heads. It’s time to face them.

Reading the preceding story will provide some context for this, but isn't required. Cover art is modified from this image. Other entries in this series:

• Hinterlands
• Urban Wilds
• Death Valley

This story is a sequel to Urban Wilds

Amanita. Quiet. Awkwardly self-conscious. Necromancer. Reformed. Newly hired by the Royal Guard and the apple of its eye. How could she not be? She’s a peerless expert when it comes to necromancy. But only because she’s the only pony with any knowledge of necromancy beyond the basics, she tells herself. She needs to be more than just a static source of knowledge; she also needs to apply that knowledge, to expand her mind. She can’t live her whole life in a lab. She needs experience out in the field.

Which is how she finds herself assigned to a ley purification team. There’s something wrong with a ley line. It’s not immediately dangerous, but if left alone, it could corrupt the land, killing crops and creating monsters. Amanita is part of a small crew that will head to the line’s source, the small mining town of Tratonmane, to identify and correct the problem. Fortunately, ley purification is a well-known science. It’ll be easy.

At least, that’s the idea. Far to the north, swathed in frost and snow, walled in by vertiginous mountains, Tratonmane is as isolated as can be. Miners and subsistence farmers eke out a living in what little land they have. Ravenous wolves stalk the forest at its border. Whispers abound at the team’s arrival. Tratonmane has existed outside the Crown’s influence for centuries and many of the townsfolk don’t appreciate it sticking its nose in now. Especially since no town lasts for that long without getting a few skeletons in its closets. Amanita and her team will have to navigate hostile environments — personal and terrestrial alike — if they want to get to the bottom of this.

For if they don’t, heads will roll. Perhaps literally.

Nothing a necromancer can’t fix.

Updates TuThS. Reading earlier stories will provide some context for this, but isn't required. Other entries in this series:

• Hinterlands
• Urban Wilds
• Death Valley