• Member Since 13th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Sunday

Gig


Meh.

T

In this lightless world, the line between good and evil is not as clear as it used to be. I am no hero.
My name is Spring, and I am a bounty hunter in the Equestrian Wasteland.


Alternate link: Google Docs
Prior knowledge of Fallout: Equestria is recommended but not necessary.
Disclaimer: This story has nothing to do with Fifty Shades of Grey.

WDTP: S3E12\NC

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 134 )

A the official Noakwolf of the group I welcome you to the FoE community! And as such, I wish you good luck on your story. And from the first chapter I read it seems to be pretty interesting. I hope that you'll be able to post more chapters in the future. :twilightsmile:

- Noakwolf

Gig

2274793

Well thank you!
The third chapter is as of now on my proofreader's desk, and the fourth is on its way.
I may not keep up this pace in the future, but I will still try to post a chapter per week.

I had read only prologue, but I already likes it. :trixieshiftright:
Because of straight mare protagonist, ofcourse! :twilightsheepish:

Is it a trope that you can't have a good Fallout: Equestria character without letting them get addicted to something? (Mint-Als, Med-X, drugs, etc.)
Aside from that, I like the straightforward and logical approach that Spring takes to her situations.

Heh, well, stories like that usually have one big problem. Empathy to protagonist. She is not some 'average non-hero wastelander', she is ruthless mercenary. And more than that, she belive in her morals, and for her caps excuse everything. Foal killing, or 'towns blowing up' nowhere near normal moral for 'civilian' wastelanders. Spring do not know it, or you do not know it, I dunno. But mercenaries like her, is almost as much loved as slavers. I hope you will bring some Good or Evil shit here. I am, honestly, do not know how it's possible with so confident protagonist like her. She is is not doubting in herself, how I see, instead she prefer to spread her belives.
Readers are different. I am, for example, do not care really about plot. Do not give a fuck, actually. Characters, they are important, everything else is background. Well, someones, maybe, really care about keys or something. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
Oh! She had tragedy childhood! Now I am sympathize her, and.. NO.
You want story to looks seriously? Story must be intresting to read first of all. As I said she is straight mare, and some scenes are really fun, so I will continue to read anyway. But I am not hide I am not like her. At least now. And I am not like how you trying to force readers to like her as she is.
Also, that ghoul's story. It's would be better if you will not trying to make story not friendly to another FoE side stories. 'I saw how all changelings blowing up' or some shit like that. It's doing nothing good for story. I don't even say that ghoul is unbelievable like fuck. He lived before the war. He is soldier. But he acting like some fuckin crazy raider.
And overdoing. Blow up town, is just exactly that. Scenas must get some emotional reaction from reader. Killing filly scene makes reader :rainbowderp:. 'Hey we blowed town' makes :facehoof:.
You are not first to write something like that, not even second. I would like to see where it goes. I am happy to see people write FoE stories. :twilightsmile:

Gig

2283979

Oh, well, I'm not asking you to like the characters. Not really - my pitch revolves about the idea that everypony in the Wasteland isn't the Stable Dweller, nor completely nuts.
But yeah, both Sunburn and Spring behave like raiders at time. But they aren't raiders: they just don't give a damn about the others.
The 'blow up the whole down' part is a bit overplayed by Spring. She's totally unreliable as a narrator. In fact, Sunburn just leveled the building, but this kind of explosion is LOUD AS HELL. Had the town been blown up, they wouldn't have left just like that. But it's true I failed to empathize this point.
Spring didn't have a 'tragic childhood' though. It's an average Wasteland childhood. Had she been enslaved, raped, tortured, or whatever, yeah you'd be right - but she simply lost her parents in a raid. Compare with Zenith or Calamity in FOE, and with Rampage or P21 in Project Horizon. That's a tragic backstory. Spring's average.

But otherwise you're right, and I'll try to keep your comment in mind for the future.

Feeling the aftereffect of Mint-Als, hitting on the married man, ordering an expensive salad, and destroying force fields.
It's just another day in the life of Spring. :pinkiesmile:

Chapter 3 are damn awesome, dude! Keep writting like that, and I will be your bitch. :twilightsheepish:

Gig

2334204

You are right for the overall poor quality of the first chapters. I am aware I should make a lot of modifications to improve them, but I lack the courage to put them back on my desk as of now. I'll try to do it ASAP though.
I am disturbed, however, by your lack of understanding of Spring's psychology.
To be clear, yes, she kills people without even the slightest trace of regrets. With today's standards, she'd be a criminal, a psychopaths waiting to be locked up in some asyleum.
But it is Fallout - the 'neutral' karma actually involves being a dick. I tried, in the game, to have a 'neutral' character, and even with somebody behaving like Spring (stealing everything, killing people I don't like, etc.) I somehow end up with a 'Good' karma...
Yet, I agree with the fact she IS behaving like a raider, in the end. But she doesn't know it, yet. I cannot say much without spoiling parts of the story yet to come, but she'll come to realize she had crossed the line between 'normal' and 'asshole'.

On a last note: my previous project (not in English, and not on the FiM fandom) featured an anti-hero, borderline gary-suish (it stayed in-universe still), who behaved like a dick. Yet, somehow people liked the story because of the way it was narrated, so I believe Spring's personality isn't the problem - it's more the way I narrate in this story. Understand it is my first serious work in English ever, and I had never played with the first person even in my mothertongue. A diminished quality was to be expected, alas...

2338576
-How you narrate first person story... Yes, it's a issue. I am not have problem with her psycholgy. I know one thing, nobody nor raider, nor slaver, nor fuckin sadist-psychopath can't not have emotional reaction at all. It's impossible. You like it or you not like it. Positive or negative, not nothing at all. So, eah, narrating..
-People likes good written stories. And anti-hero protagonist is most hard to make type. It just give you special audience. This audience is small to compare to the entire audience, but it's present in any fandom or comunity, so yes, here is people who like it too, if you like to write stories that way, write it. Simply, I want you to be aware of these things, because people who may not like it will not write here. I'm doing it for them, so that you can understand them.
As I said ch3 is briliant, so go on. :twilightsmile:
-I shortened that stupid wall of text, so it does not scare people. Changed to something positive. :scootangel:
-And, please.. Not say me about how Fallout game "insert any game mechanic shit here, except VATS" works. It's fuckin poison to any story actually. Orient story's morale issues on fucking game's mechanic is just ridiculous. Need to focus on real human morality, and not otherwise.

Now it's awesome. Spring doing great. :pinkiecrazy:
Liberty Shield.. Well.. It's not looks like she shot him in head, and this is Tenpony Tower. So, he can easily be alive. You left cliffhanger here on purpose? Or you not thought about it? Tendrils of dark smoke? :rainbowhuh:
Also, it's not too much drugs for one time? :rainbowlaugh:
Great chapter.

Gig

2455419

You'll have the answers to all those questions in the next chapter. Those are actually already written and ready to go - I'm just not done with what follows.

The 'tendrils of smoke' are, err, the best description I found for a physiological phenomenon appearing when you're dead drunk, high, in semi-awake state, etc. : your brain doesn't process all you see, leaving you seeing black 'holes' and visual hallucinations.

... yeah, she definitively shouldn't use so much drugs.

2455652
Okay. I know this shit. But for me it's always looks like "blur shit". Not really black. :scootangel:

Yay! Good chapter! Quite unbelievable that Tenpony guards will try to kill her in wasteland. And Meredian is.. unexpected character.
Keep it up. :pinkiehappy:

That's awesome chapter! Her carma are so good now! Ahahah. Hm contract on 500k? Suicide. But could be fun. Honestly do not know how she could accept it. She is too ok with head for that.

Gig

2605125

(I was writing a lenghty answer, and then a !$& misplaced shortcut closed my window)

Technically, the contract isn't suicide. Spring proved it was possible, after all. The security in Tenpony is nothing compared to the real deal you'd find nowadays (no ID check, you can bring your weapons...). The only problem is that you have to sneak ammunition in - that is, if you're not using a blade or something. And if you're hoping to earn 500k with the mission, you can afford to spend a few thousands caps to bride somepony, or find another way in.
Trouble is, it's still very dangerous. It's worth the half million reward.

About the guards: while it is not said in the story, those two ponies were colleagues and friends of Liberty Shield. Along with other ponies, they took a week off to track and kill the pony who shot their friend. Alas for them, they expected to find the wounded, drug-high unexperienced, unarmored, unarmed short mare they had seen running out of Tenpony. Spring didn't exactly shine by her professionalism back then, but in the meantime she had her gear and her mind back. They simply were no match.

Awesome! You have underground complex now. What you gonna do with it?)

Gig

2880140

There's so much to do with that kind of places~

Fuck! Damn good chapter! I love all this engineering shit that you put here! Need more of it.

Gig

2954503

You do? Well you won't be disappointed because I love sciency stuff and Saios ain't gonna shut up anytime soon ^^

Unless you explain that goul-killing flash or show him actually doing something or talking to someone, I will be forced to assume Meridian is a prolonged hallucination of Springs.

Not that that's a bad thing...

Gig

3003885
Thank you for taking some time to comment the story!

Well, what can I say, Meridian is even less into social interactions than Spring :twilightblush:

Ohh a new type of Alicorn I like it :yay:

So Meridian is real after all.

Or he's a delusion Spring shares with the alicorns. That hive mind stuff is tricky...

Gig

3049888

Who knows? :rainbowhuh:

3047890

Well, technically Evey is not a 'new' type of alicorn. See, from what I understood of the way artificial alicorns are created in FoE, the IMP (aka 'taint') turns anypony who get into contact into an alicorn which template is given by the recipe.
The alicorns from the Unity have multiple templates - in fact, they have one per pony assimilated, though Trixie, Twilight Sparkle and the twins (Gestalt & Mosaic I believe) are the dominant personalities.
The C-subjects from Stable 87 were based on Celestia's DNA. Once they broke free, they joined the Unity and mutated into something more like the master templates (blue, purple, green). They specialized in wings with three different abilities.
Evey on the other end is a L-sample, therefore based on Luna's DNA. Since she got shunned by the Unity (and grew to hate them herself), she never joined the Goddess' army and therefore never got exposed to the master templates. She retained her 'original' mutated form.
Furthermore, since she has no one to share her mind with, she did not specialize. Her spells are varied, yet weaker than their specialized counterparts.

YaY Alicorn! :yay: Fuck, story becomes 20% cooler now! :pinkiehappy: Luna's tits.... :twilightsheepish:

Okay, finally got around to reading (even though it was only the prologue at the time of this writing). College is just not kind to time-management, and Engineering just wants to make sure I have no time for anything fun. But okay, enough of my griping and excuses and on to the review!

I really like the idea for the story that the prologue hints at. No worries, I fully intend to read on, just wanted to get some thoughts out. What I did notice in the prologue, grammar and spelling-wise (Since this was one of the reasons I came to this from that one forum thread) was that you have almost every-thing spot-on. There are a few tense uses and minor grammar mistakes that stick out, but nothing bad enough that is really jarring. For being non-native english speaking, you've done a terrific job with this!

But okay, on to more reading. I'll prob drop a comment on any chapter that I feel really deserves a comment, or whenever I get caught up to where you are still writing (in the next month, minimum)

Gig

3134383

Thank you for taking on your time for commenting!
The prologue and the first two chapters had not been proofread. Well, they are, but the version on the site is still 'raw'. I need to update it. :twilightblush:

3134804
gotcha, I'll be sure to leave another comment on the third chapter then, since it isn't 'raw'. :pinkiehappy:

So she's going into a vr machine? Liked this chapter :yay:

I hope this simulation gets over with soon.

Gig

3309069

It is done. Spring gets back to reality with the next chapter.
Why are you saying that, though? Did it feel out of place? I'll admit it wasn't really relevant to the plot itself.

Fuck my ass and call me a filly! This chapter blows my fuckin stupid brain. I like it. Keep it up.

Gig

3360894

Well, now that's an upgrade in our relationship~

Anyway, the next chapter is already written and should be uploaded (eventually) - as soon as my proofreader reads his mail and finds the time to read it.
(Hint: it may takes a while :twilightblush:)

Now I'm not only confused about whether Saios can hear Meridian, but whether Meridian can hear Saios. If he could hear Saios over Springs intercom that would be evidence of him being a hallucination, but all we have now is him getting uneasy about Springs volume.
The worst thing is that once Evey gets further into Springs mind, she might start to project him to other ponies as well.

"Saios didn’t seem to know what to make of the Earth pony’s lack of marksmare skills."
That right there...

Oh, and I have a new prediction. Spring's contract is to kill DJ Pon3. We'll see how long you can string that out before I have a definitive answer.

Gig

3451144

You sure have a lot of... interesting theories about the story's twists! I reckon I should be extra careful to the words I use in the future when I write about Meridian, before you start a lobby to prove his non-existence :derpyderp1:

Meredian easily can be imagined character.. He just saying so little and not bring attention to himself that I almost forgot he exist with all this SUPER LONG BORING CONVERSATIONS WITH SAIOS. :ajsmug:
GGood chapters! I like it! I forgot how her suit looks like, but I imagine her in latex sexy suit with high-tech stuff on it. Really helps to read all this shit. :twilightsheepish:

Gig

3582271

Yeah, since Spring is always connected to Saios through the suit they spend their time talking. Don't forget Meridian is kind of a loner too. Besides, he isn't all too happy to help Spring breaking into Tenpony to murder somepony, so yeah there's that too.

As for her suit, you can see it on the story cover. Spring is the second character from the left. While it's not exactly what I had in mind they are similar.
The real suit would be a tad more bulky, with more plating and enough space to put the retractable claws along the forelegs. The collar can roll up to meet with the muzzle piece (gas mask...), which can be in turned sealed along the lower edge of the goggles (picture a ski mask...).
As said in chapter ten, the rest of the headgear is missing, so the horn, the ears and the rear of the cranium is unprotected.
Furthermore, the suit's color is adaptive. It is black and white when the camouflage is off. When turned on, it blends with the background. It doesn't make it invisible, just less noticeable.

Too bad I can't draw to save my life ><'

Ver very well made! Props man, good job, I hope to read more!

Gig

3597946

Thank you!
I finished writing the next chapter yesterday evening. I am currently waiting on my proofreader, it should be set online within a week!

[commences slow clap] You magnificent bastard you did it again. [stops slow clap] I have to admit, that I have been reading this story from the beginning, and I did not have high hopes for it when it begun. I expected it to end, slow down to a horrendously slow pace or stop entirely after ten or so chapters. When non of the formentioned happened, I am ashamed to admit, my hopes soared (for only fools hope). As the story progressed even further, I finally admitted to myself, that although I don't usually play favorites, I liked "Shades od gray" a lot, enough for "janekfan's Fo:E Top Ten Non-canon Fanfics" (yes, such a thing exists and is official). The very idea behind this chapter (you made it pretty clear it would be a contract for Homage) however, thretened (in my opinion) to break the entire story, because, as we all know, non-canon characters meeting non canon ones ofthe results in one giant mess and "loss of immersion". You however, kind sir/madam, managed not only to avoid doing that, but handled it very well, keeping Spring's interaction with Homage to a minimum AND managing for it to make sense. Not only that, but the chapter as a whole was thoroughly enjoyable, and I am happy to announce that "Shades of gray" just jumped from 7 to 5.
Keep up the great work!
Sining off
- janekfan-
PS: ~Woohoo! Achievement unlocked: keep your spelling and grammar mistakes to a minimum. ~ Also be so kind as to excuse my mistakes, I'm not used to writing from a mobile device.

I just realised how long that comment is. Very sorry for that.
Also: F I R S T B I T C H E S !

3652423

I like how you made a first comment post as your second comment.

I also really like this chapter.

3654164 Well, to be fair I just said first on my second comment because I at the time of writing my comment I hadn't refreshed the page and wasn't sure whether someone posted before me or not.

Gig

3652411

Well thank you good sir!
I hear you when you say the first chapters do not do the rest of the story any justice. To be perfectly honest, I have grown to dislike the first chapters. They feel rushed and poorly paced. Then again, Shades of Grey is my first English fic ever...

Don't worry, I am not one to have my OCs interact with canon (as in 'FoE canon') characters. This chapter was an exception of some sort. I am glad to see you believe I handled it well enough.

(I don't mind long winded comments BTW)

(And WTF I got a 'first' on my story oO')

3654164

Glad you liked it!
But you got no points for predicting this chapter's twist :derpytongue2:. The quest name was a dead giveaway ^^

Great chapter!

Hmm... It takes place one and half years after LP. Isn't Red eye dead? Where is NCR? Free alicorns? Feels sometimes as some alternative shit. And i not like alternative shit.

Good work.

Gig

3780299

Ah, no, the story takes place during the FoE timeline. LittlePip is still wandering the Wastelands, she is already dating Homage, and is actually on her way to Fillydelphia for the first time. Red Eyes is still at the height of his power, the alicorns are still controlled by the Goddess (well, Evey excepted) and Gawd has not founded the NCR yet.
I am aware I experienced a few issues in the time scale in earlier chapters... Someday I'll go back and fix them. Eventually.

I like this prologue, it's short, yet shows a lot about the main character's personality and your writing skill. I hope I see chrystal again in this story, as well.

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