- Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen March 16th
RyujinDeath
What up fellow ponies and creatures! I go by RyujinDeath, your neighborhood Dragon at your service. I like to hang with friends, gaming like League of Legends and such. Anyone want to friend me?
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operation: SHITSTORM initiated
2035782
lol
Sounds like you need an editor. You're switching tenses:
even in your description.
The idea is fairly original, so that's good.
Next chapter. NOW
2036241
I know, I just don't know who would edit this really.
DAYUM MAH NIGGAH! i wanted to see a fanfic about a hunter XD they are sooo awesome, even the scarabs are lekgolo, but there is like millions of them under the scarab's armor
2038161
I know right XD
2037187 i feel your pain, but im not Dark Eldar so i dont like it, i need an editor too, the fourth paragraph is different from the rest, you say the hunter has vians running down it's arms and is carrying an assault cannon, that would work for a space marian terminator but not a covenant hunter
2039775
I understand what you are saying.
I might end up asking for someone that loves halo to help me out with it.
This fic has potential but you have to throw the halo lore out the window.
I don't know how much you know about halo but it seems that you have several facts wrong about hunters so I will comment informatively but respectfully. If I am wrong about your knowledge on the subject I apologize.
Hunters or lekgolo as they are actually named are infact a community of worm like beings that have been put into a shell which is the hunter. They also can be put into a scarab which is a huge mobile troop carrier/heavy artillery vehicles
The reason hunters almost always appear in pair is because when one community of worms grows too large it is placed into another shell and they share a bond.
It may be prudent to change all of nosa's I's to we's as it really is a community talking not just one intellect
2040605
null
Oh I know all about halo really. I'm just doing my own thing making up about the hunters, and the name I got it from is in that link above.
And I know their worms I just wanted to make it sound like one person that's why I put 'i' instead of 'we'.
I'm sorry but this would be an ok premises if it wasnt written with such casual disregard for the English langue.
Very interesting fic (sorry if my english not is understandable) , this would be the First one with a hunter or Mgalekgolo(lekgolo is the worm) as protagonist
I have a great knowing of halo Universe if You Want to ask I be glad to help you
Continúe soon
2041565
Ah okay, I'm glad for someone like you to help me out with the next chapter.
Awesome work You just forgot a word here or there but this is by far the best Halo crossover fic I've seen. I salute you good sir!
Awesome work You just forgot a word here or there but this is by far the best Halo crossover fic I've seen. I salute you good sir!
Why did it post twice
I only clicked the thing once? Stupid computer
please tell me that nosa won't be the current, or ex-genocidal covenant member thats just a dues ex machina waiting to happen
2059401
Oh in later chapters there's gonna be covenant's coming in
2059417 no offense to you but i personally hate when its a covenant invasion
also was nosa a member of the covenant and does this take place during the covenant-human war or after
2059470
I know how you feel about that. I hate it sometimes, but there's gotta be some action in it lol. Though Nosa is not a member of the covenant, but back then he used to be before he met Celestia and Luna, and this plot takes place after the covenant-human war. Even though there are gonna be some covenant still hating on the humans.
2059500 but is he some kind of fanatical forerunner worshipper, and has he killed humans in the past. This is important to me because in the war humans were the victims and nosa would have been a genocidal bastard
2059520
This how I'm putting it. Back then he didn't like the covenant killing off the humans, but he had no choice then to follow orders or else they'll named him as a traitor. He regrets for killing the humans that he faced, but now since he's in Equestria he made a vow to himself to protect these innocent ponies from danger.
They dont live THAT long. they just reproduce faster then normal species inside that armor. As long as they are feeded however. Now theirs scarabs and harvesters with the same reproductive process
2059583
Oh?
I kind of want the humans and the hunters not to kill each other. Would be a interesting thing to see happen. Otherwise perfect story so far keep up the good work.
2059651
Thanks
2059536 a redemption story huh. it has potential but you are walking a tight rope
2059795
I know what you mean. Right now I'm doing it to see how good it is to other people. If it's bad, then I'm going to make it good in later chapters. If it's good, then I'm going to make it better in later chapters.
Although this is completely out of character as well
2059984
mmhhmm
2060167
probably his teammate died,
2059536
it would have been awesome if a spartan or an ODST came with the marines, but still it is awesome
2060884
I was thinking of bringing a spartan in this as well. Probably in the near chapter.
2060907
spartan lV or lll? i dont think that you will bring a spartan ll, MC is the only one left
2060920
Maybe III since they are more experience and such.
2060946
ey if you want; i can give you an advice if you are going to make another halo crossover after this one
2061105
PM me about it.
OH please don't let the hunter kill the humand and the vice versa. If I read it right this story is after the war in halo and I woud like to see what woud be the reaction of the hunter woud be after learns what happend wiht the war.
So, wait a second... how long after the Human-Covenant war has it been?
The story suggests that Nosa was around during the reign of Discord, which is around five hundred years in the past. If the two universes are in sync, then it would be impossible for Nosa to know about the humans unless he made contact with a Forerunner artifact. And if he found out through an artifact, he must also know that the humans are the Reclaimers, and not truly his enemy. (Possibly even the key to his "ascension")
The Prophets were the only ones who knew about the humans before the war began, and it was because the Humans could possibly usurp their power using their privileges as the new holders of the Forerunner Mantle of Responsibility that the war began at all.
I suppose a plausible explanation would be that Nosa found an artifact containing a log of the Didact's on what the Humans did during the Human-Forerunner war, and decided that they would be a threat to the Covenant. Even so, the San 'Shyuum (The Prophets) were staunch allies of the Humans at that time, so he would most likely be conflicted as to whether or not he should shoot the humans, or say hi.
All in all, I'd say the general plot ideas are solid, but there are just a bunch of holes where there need to be perfectly plausible explanations as to why things happen. Dialogue is iffy at times, and some of the words Nosa uses wouldn't really be appropriate for him as an Mgalekgolo. Perhaps he's just gotten used to the ponies' way of life. That could explain his use of the word "I", as well. The Mgalekgolo are a hive mind, so I'd say they'd probably think and say things differently than a normal person would. Keep this in mind, and you'll be able to write Nosa better.
Anyway, this story is an interesting concept and I'd like to see how it plays out. Before long, I think you might need a proofreader/editor to give you advice and clean up any errors.
Have fun writing!
2069942
Like I said to the others who asked about how Nosa became in Equestria. He used be in the covenant with his brother, and that takes place around the covenant-human war before he went into Equestria. So, when his brother, the squad, and him were sent out on a mission. They were suppose to find an artifact, but when they arrived humans were there before them. Know this Nosa doesn't like killing humans, but having no choice to follow orders and defend himself. Anyway I'm not going to say the rest since it would spoil the story, and I already know about the worms inside the armor always saying "we" instead of "i". Though I just went out of character, and made him say "i" like he's just one being instead of bunch of worms.
2070013
Ah, that clears up quite a bit.
2070020
Cool chapter nice to see that the humans and hunter are at a stalemate............AND FIRST
2096762 Nice to see they didn't violently murder each other. Great chapter
Overall, good writing and ideas, but your spelling and grammar make the story hard to understand. Please continue though.
My good author, this story intrigues me greatly, and has not disappointed me quite yet, but I believe you may be unaware to what hunters exactly are. Basically, they're a whole shitload of maggots that move in synchronization.
By now you probably got this correction multiple times over, but one more doesn't hurt right?
I hope you do not mind if I point out all the errors I sighted. I hope you don't mind using "Find on Page"
Error detected: wide eyes of hearing me talking
"of" should be "after", past tense because of hearing. Also, "talking" should just be "talk" for the same prior reason.
Double Error: She probably thought I was
You refered to both Luna and Celestia in the previous sentence. You're going to need to replace "She" with a more specific point of referance, if awkwardness is what you seek to avoid.
Oh boy, this is gonna take awhile. I'll wait till I'm not on a device that makes typing a pain. It's not unreadable, and the story itself is intriguing enough to make up for it, but definite improvements can be made.
2244066
I know there are bunch of worms, but I wanted to make it OOC like. My thought was to make the hunter as one person basically.