- Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen March 16th
RyujinDeath
What up fellow ponies and creatures! I go by RyujinDeath, your neighborhood Dragon at your service. I like to hang with friends, gaming like League of Legends and such. Anyone want to friend me?
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W-wha...?
Those are some nice conflicting tags you got there. I've never seen a romantic, dark, comedic adventure before. Good job!
Well since I'm seeing a lot of people not liking this story I might fix it up or make another chapter to make it good.
Prettty good so far. I'm looking forward to the next chapter
The way you built this up..... why didn't you explain why she couldn't get pregnant? That's just bad writing. It would have been better to just say:
They had visited the hospital earlier that week. The doctor had said she would not be able to bare any foals due to an unfortunate genetic defect.
Meanwhile in Equestria, there were two ponies that had been married for four years and they had tried to make a baby ever since their unification, but sadly couldn't. This was unfortunate for the married couple, as they felt they were missing something in their lives. The names they held was that of Night Rider and Light Rider. Night Rider, a unicorn stallion with a dark blue coat and a black mane and tail. Not only was his tail long, but so was his mane, and they was almost touching the ground. His mane would be usually seen hanging over the side of his head and his cutie mark depicting a Yang symbol, while his eyes could be seen almost burning red. Light Rider, a pegasus mare with a white colored coat and her mane and tail of the color blonde, and her eyes are the color emerald green. Her mane and tail was long as Night Rider's and styled in such a way that it was flowing gently around her and covering her right eye. Her stature was smaller than Night Rider, and she reached just up to his chin. Her cutie mark reflected that of her spouse, a Yin symbol.
Alright. This has plenty of... possibilities. And potential. Three things. You didn't explain everything very well, There were PLENTY of grammar and spelling problems, as well as not enough backstory. And, the first chapter ends abruptly. This is a good concept, but executed very poorly. Pm me if you want advice. I've read and written enough that I could help you out. I could even be your prereader/editor, if you want me to. Don't just quit like that. And one other thing, the tags are weird. You'll probably want to change that, too.
1955149
I know I know I'm planning on redoing it, so it could be better there. I was trying to make it seem when people read it, it would put up many question until throughout the story they'll find out about the main character on how he came to the world.
... I like this i want more
i don't even care about grammar, grammar can go buck itself
1960088
I can't understand the hate sure it's not the most detailed story in the world but it sets a good ground dosn't demonize Sasuke to much, its comparable with canon and sets up whats going to happen fairly well.
1952413
He might have just mashed them together, planning to have very specific scenes with those tones. But surely that can't be it, with this absolute masterpiece, nothing would be as flawed as that.
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/c0.42.851.315/p851x315/484214_324341820973277_1914609945_n.jpg
1960717
Im going to say it. give us more or put the story on hiatus/cancelled. be honest with your readers.
now on to read the story and pester you till you give us more.
Finished the story chap 1. mother. of. god. GIVE ME MORE BEFORE I KILL CELESTIA.
2877907
I'm on it right now anyway
I fucking hate you you worthless piece of shit
3014156
Oh? Why is that?
not to good but not terrible i still want there to be updates though
3014156
HHHHHEEEEYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i don't give a fuck who you think you are that was uncalled for!!! god damn it what the fucks wrong with you!!
i mean seriously the story might not be the best, but it's defiantly not the worst.
god damn it i hate people like you, you fucking prick!...
3014291
Because you're a giant fucking faggot
3014365
I don't know what I did to you, but if you don't like my story then stop reading.
3014701
I never read your story faggot
3014832
I didn't read it and I never fucking said I did you fucking bitch
3014930
Damn!
3014930
Will- "You're still a faggot, and when I say faggot I mean a derogatory term for homosexual. Also fuck you."
3015122
-First off, for DarknessDragon78,
I would like to say that your work of fiction amuses me and I shall proceed to fallow it. I thank you for allowing this piece of fiction, despite its minor flaws, to exist.
-
-Secondly, for Douginthetrench
You, my good sir, have restored my faith in complete strangers who have next to no impact on the life that I lead. I believe I shall move you from 'stranger' to 'acquaintance' in my mental ordering of people I have come across on the internet. You have shown yourself to be a truly proper Fanfiction reviewer and I now must insist you turn your attention towards my own work of fiction and tell me how it could be improved. Or not.
Sincerely,
JBGrim
3015034
you need shot... in the face... with a shotgun... just sayin
Knighty? We have a troll by the name of willrulz11 could you please ban or at least block him?
3024145 Pm or comment doesn't matter my friend. I thank you for honoring my request.
3026571 That is very much appreciated and I welcome you to PM whenever you feel. Ideas are always welcome.
.
And once more I find myself having a conversation on someone else's story that has nothing to do with the story that houses said conversation
My apologies.
3024071 3023048 3015034
You three are new here, aren't you?
3026770
You countertrolled. I can respect that.
3026883
Meh. Average internet speech.
3026932>>3026897>>3026617
I don't mind about it bros!
It gives me good advices from others in these comments when talking about others stories, so I can better myself while making my chapters and more stories that come in mind.
3027441 Thank you for understanding, you are wise to use it to better yourself
3029447
No problem
3014291 The guy made a group called "Humanity sucks", and I think that his answer to that.
Well it's an interesting idea but you have some words and sentences that ruins the story a little, also you said that it was 21 years since he was born then in the flashback you said that 5 years ago he was 10
see the problem? also after the flashback you repeat a paragraph. all in all you should find someone to edit and proofread you story that may help a lot. Good luck and looking forward to see what happens next.
3308323
I know, I just put it that way to see how everyone look at it and saying what their opinions on it as well. So, when I get the chance I'm going to edit a bit.
Woo New chapter and can't wait for more
this story is boss more plz
4240715
a small repeat in the paragraph after the first flashback
very interesting, will watch from the shadows.
2927360 He killed celly. you failed.
4249453
yes than you get sush a reaction on a story that just stopped writing why
i like it too but i want more chapters plz
Next!
Svtory is great but need more plz
plz make the next chapter i can't wait
More no stoping
It seems that this story will not continue?