This is my first fan fiction ever, so please, if you're going to be a douchebag: just shut up. Anyway, what happens when the mane six revive a cyborg super-soldier to help defeat Nightmare Moon? Lets find out.
Chapters (8)
- Member Since 26th Jan, 2013
- offline last seen Apr 24th, 2016
SabreXio
Hi, name's SabreXio. If you read any of my stories, I would really appreciate a rating and/or comment as they really give me purpose to write. Thanks
SabreXio
Joined 26th Jan, 2013 ·
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Hmmm... N-no. No. Needs hell of a lot more work. Only a 1000 words, not to mention that "super-soldiers and ponies" thing is sore from overuse...
No more fucking super-soldiers, please. But hey, at least he's not a black and red alicorn super-soldier! Bonus points to you for that.
2031423
oh dont worry work shall be done.
the first two or three will be shorter but they will become longer.
The mist of Nigthmare Moon.
2061815
CONGRATULATIONS
You just earned 10 points
2062481 cool....NOW WHERE IS MY COOKIE?!?!?!!?!?!? Btw can't waite for more how will this end up I read a lot of AiE and supersolder/army man/etc storyes but if they are good I like to read them so I trck this and fawed it.
2062833
here, have a 'stache 
My plan was to have a series of this kind of thing with the same character.
And I neversaid anything about a cookie
Super robot idea is overused. Still, it is a good one.
"your"
My going to be a douchebag? What?
There are some spelling errors, more grammar errors, and countless punctuation errors. I couldn't even make it all the way through the second chapter, let alone finish the story. I could give you examples of the errors, but I've learned that many writers just don't care to make any changes to stories that are more than a few weeks old.
Ohhhhkay, I felt the need to spell that wrong for one major reason that I suspect will continue to saturate your story but if it doesn't I must ask you to reassure me before I continue reading.
Instead of properly introducing the thought of your character's consciousness being shared with the computer, you felt the need to introduce it using these (). Now I am all for the use of those when done responsibly but just like when you see a 7 year old reaching for daddy's unattended shot glass, you get nervous the first time you see it.
Put simply, I would like you to reassure me that this fic uses them sparingly before I continue reading this. Can you do that honestly?
3557756
Yes, I can say that I don't use that very often. I honestly have no idea why I did write it that way.
Alright, now I have only just barely finished the first chapter and though I know you get this commonly, I offer this advice for you.
If you are going to write a fic, do not distort the rules of the universe you are in. When you write a fic in another universe, Friendship is Magic for example, you have to play within the set rules of the universe. This means that if you learn how to do it, you can learn new ways to play with established facts to make a character that can be of some use against evil without forcing the unbelievable.
One of the biggest things about this character that has earned the ire of your fellow writers is tinkering with the elements of harmony. I'm sure you have heard enough of this but I bring it up on another principle. The principal being is that it lets you shoehorn your character into every single story in the cannon thus far, thus giving you endless stories from the series to rewrite as your own. That doesn't let you stretch your writing abilities. It is the same fall back as movie makers remaking everything in sight. Easy way to make money without any real effort.
I ask as your fellow writer to try writing something completely original. Something that doesn't take the spotlight. There are many great tales that never get told and most ponies don't know about. Try writing one of those. It can be as grand or little as you like but try to stay as far away from the cannon plot as possible without breaking the rules the universe has set in place. Just some helpful advice.
Your Fellow Writer,
Blackchibisan
3559066
That really gives me a lot to think about.
How would you recommend I proceed? Complete rewrite? Minor modifications? Scrap the whole thing? I'm at a complete loss.
3559279
Just as I had to think of what to do with A Nopony in Ponyville, I would say leave it as a sort of landmark. A symbol of where you started and try and move forward with a new story or a modified continuation. I personally believe that no matter how bad it is, you always have to hold onto it. Look back on it when you have improved as a reminder. No matter how much flak you get on your later stories, feel free to compare it to what you have written here and smile at how far you have come. There will always be people who are needlessly harsh but there will always be people who want to help you improve as a writer. Feel free to give feedback yourself to anybody you feel can improve.
I try to take specific criticism to the content or style of my stories as a point to move forward on. If you want to critique my work, I would be interested in what you have to say. Nopony's Hero is still in progress so please don't treat it like it's finished. ^_^
I will keep an eye on your work as much as I can and try and help you out as much as I can.