• Published 24th Jan 2012
  • 31,722 Views, 615 Comments

Hasbro Units Inc.: User Guides and Manuals - Timpeni



A unit always comes with a manual, and this one is no exception!

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PRINCESS LUNA

PRINCESS LUNA: User Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You've just purchased a PRINCESS LUNA unit of your very own! For your safety and the protection of your sanity, we have provided this manual to ensure you are fully aware of the risks and the functions of this unit to be able to fully enjoy our product by squeezing every last drop of wonderful out of it!

WARNING: This unit has a tendency to:
Be violent
Declare eternal night
Speak in Middle English
Tick off PRINCESS CELESTIA units from time to time
Reading of this guide will lower the chances of any of the above happening. (Except the Middle English part. We can't do anything about that. It's in her basic programming.)

Name: Her casual name is Luna, though she prefers Princess Luna unless you are exceptionally close to her. She also responds to Regent of the Night, though constant repetition of that title will make her a narcissist.

Age: She took her driving test on a dinosaur. A moon dinosaur.

Place of Manufacture: The Moon

Height: Around an average male's height

Weight: Exactly 500 kilograms, the normal weight for a pony her size. However, if she eats too much she will gain weight but not care much, stating 'trans-dimensional planetary movement' is very good exercise.

Length: Longer then normal mares but not as long as our PRINCESS CELESTIA unit.

Your PRINCESS LUNA unit comes with the following accessories:

One (1) black crown

One (1) moon bib

One (1) Nightmare Moon outfit

Ten (10) bottles of moonshine (Not meant for human consumption, unless you want to get arrested. Order from us if you require more.)

WARNING: Do not point out how her moon bib 'looks like it's designed for fillies'. Your PRINCESS LUNA unit may become violent if so, and have a distinct chance of going into Infuriated mode.

Programming

Your PRINCESS LUNA unit is capable of doing the following:

The Boss: She can't be a tyrant like our PRINCESS CELESTIA unit, but she can be bossy! Imagine if you're assigned to a group project for school, and your teammates are a bunch of douchebags who will surely leave all the work to you. Simply set PRINCESS LUNA loose on them with the promise of friendship and 'you're doing the right thing', and they'll be a-working in no time! (WARNING: Both physical or psychological damage caused by our PRINCESS LUNA has to be taken responsibility of by the owner of the unit.)

Actress: With her Shakespearean English and wonderfully developed acting skills from centuries of mental trauma, backstabbing and fake love, your PRINCESS LUNA will be the perfect actress! Never mind that she has the body of a pony; have you ever heard of stage design before? Heck, any scriptwriter with good sense will take pleasure in somehow throwing a talking pony into a sacred, already-perfect play!

Rebel: Your country is being taken over by a crappy president? Student council turning into the high school equivalent of the US Congress? No fear! Your PRINCESS LUNA has tons of experience on rebelling from way back during her Nightmare Moon days! All you need to do is explain why rebelling is needed; if she approves, leave the publicity, riots and eventual succession to her! If she doesn't approve, just bribe her with cake. However, this may make your unit go into Nightmare Moon mode if she is left doing this for too long.

Drinker: Your PRINCESS LUNA loves moonshine to bits, ever since she made it many eons ago. This had made her extremely alcohol-tolerant and she can definitely win any drinking contest, no matter the drink (though moonshine is preferred. Preferred very, very much.)

Removal of your PRINCESS LUNA unit from Packaging

While our PRINCESS LUNA unit is one of rational judgement, there are some things that will get on her nerves, especially if the delivery man says that the package had encountered bad traffic while it was being delivered. To avoid instant death or loss of body parts, we have tested and proven that the following methods will successfully remove your unit from her packaging!

1. Fill a wine glass with moonshine and let the smell swill towards the box, or clink it on another wine glass. It is advised to hide behind a strong object whilst doing it, as there will be a 90% chance of flying wood splinters as your PRINCESS LUNA unit scrambles out of the box to get it. Once she breaks out, she will chug down the moonshine, though it is recommended to keep it away from your unit to avoid getting your unit drunk. Your unit will apologize for her behavior and introduce herself to you. Recommended.

2. Get a PRINCESS CELESTIA unit in Motherly mode (default) to coax your unit out of the box. It will normally work well in all modes except Nightmare Moon mode. If your value your house and your life, it is advised not to use this method if there is even the slightest chance your unit is in Nightmare Moon mode. Also, if used when the PRINCESS LUNA unit is in Lunaughty mode, you might want to reprogram your unit quickly if you are not in the pairing.

3. Say 'TO THE MOON!' in the best PRINCESS CELESTIA voice you can manage, preferably sounding like you are in Trollestia mode. Your PRINCESS LUNA unit will start shaking so hard the box will start to fall apart. You can remove the lid, and your PRINCESS LUNA unit will be overjoyed you are not in fact a PRINCESS CELESTIA unit. You can then proceed to introduce yourself. Recommended. (Just don't tell your PRINCESS LUNA unit you said that, or she might go into Infuriated mode. This unit isn't exactly the brightest bulb we've manufactured, just wise.)

4. Get your TWILIGHT SPARKLE unit in FRIEEEEEEEENDSHIIIIIIP mode (default) to coax your unit out of the box. Works the same way with Method 2, except your unit may end up destroying your TWILIGHT SPARKLE unit if in Nightmare Moon mode instead of just wrecking the place.

Reprogramming

After unpacking your PRINCESS LUNA unit, you can reprogram her into any of the following modes:

Awkward (Default)

Trusting (Default)

Infuriated

Nightmare Moon

Philosophical/Emo

Lunaughty

Your PRINCESS LUNA unit is more easily reverted back to her default modes, Awkward and Trusting, than most other units. In her default modes, she is uncomfortable with new technology and rather socially retarded, but eager to learn and gain new friendships, trusting others to help her if she is in need. She also has an attachment to nostalgic objects and moonshine.

In Infuriated mode, which is triggered whenever you hurt a unit close to her or say a snide comment, she will become violent and revert back to her Royal Canterlot voice, screaming at you and possibly bucking you out of the window before ransacking your house for moonshine. A single cup of moonshine can revert her back to her default modes, and she will apologize for behaving so foalishly. She may potentially damage priceless family artifact or break into the neighbor's house to look for moonshine in this mode.

Your PRINCESS LUNA may also go into Nightmare Moon mode, which is attained when your unit is in Infuriated mode for too long or is too rebellious for extended periods of time, eventually snapping or developing her own 'revolutionary ideas'. Your PRINCESS LUNA unit is extremely hostile to PRINCESS CELESTIA units in this mode. Your unit may not necessarily want to cause eternal night, but she might have equally batshit insane ideas.

Philosophical/Emo is unlocked by you telling your PRINCESS LUNA unit that no, she doesn't actually raise the moon, and that she is in fact a robot with no magical talents whatsoever, and that her cutie mark is obsolete. She will immediately start thinking in deep, philosophical terms, contemplating her existence while chugging down bottles of stolen moonshine. She does not cause any injuries or damages in this state, but she may end up causing a filthy stinking mess all over your house whenever she pukes from being too drunk. This is reversed by leaving your PRINCESS LUNA unit with an Encouraging TWILIGHT SPARKLE unit.

Lunaughty mode is activated when your unit is drunk, or when the mating season comes around. She will start using her Royal Canterlot voice to broadcast her availability and command all lesser males, pony or human, to elope with her. This mode can be deactivated by either knocking out your unit, resetting her CLOCK programming or locking her up in a dark room till she satisfies herself with her hoof.

Your PRINCESS LUNA unit does not currently have any overly destructive end-of-the-world modes which have been locked, and we do not plan to change that unless a large amount of people send us money.

Relationships with Other Units

PRINCESS CELESTIA: Your unit shares a love-hate relationship with her sister. While your PRINCESS LUNA unit loves the PRINCESS CELESTIA unit for sparing her and caring for her despite what she has done, she despises the PRINCESS CELESTIA unit for being overly popular and having a tendency to switch to Trollestia mode in the most unneeded of times. Other then that, your unit gets along very well with the PRINCESS CELESTIA unit, and the chance of romance is highest with this unit.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE: The TWILIGHT SPARKLE unit is very close to your unit, as she was the first to approach your PRINCESS LUNA unit to be friends. They get along very well, though the TWILIGHT SPARKLE unit does not approve of your unit's drinking habits. There is a moderate chance of romance with this unit.

MANE SIX PACK: Your unit gets along well with the entire Mane Six, and will approach them in a time of need.

Cleaning

Your PRINCESS LUNA may have slight problems using the shower/any piece of modern technology and prefers to bath in a clean pond. It is advised to provide an idiot-proof method for her to clean herself.

Rest

The PRINCESS LUNA unit is nocturnal and sleeps around dawn, awaking at dusk to 'raise the moon'. She believes sleep is very important and it is advised to only wake her up during her sleeping time if it is of absolute emergency. She may also fall asleep when she is too drunk on moonshine to wander the world of the conscious.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. My unit is demanding me for moonshine! What do I do?

A. Give her the moonshine. QUICKLY.

Q. My unit is in Philosophical/Emo mode without me telling her anything!

A. There is a possibility that she has discovered moonshine is now considered illegal. It is advised to tell her that the moonshine from our company is perfectly legal, while making sure not to mention it is legal because she is a robot and not a sentient being.

Troubleshooting

Problem: Instead of the PRINCESS LUNA unit, you received a small filly with light blue hair and no cutie mark. She is unable to talk in English and stares at the moon a lot. She also loves the PRINCESS CELESTIA unit, clinging onto her.

Solution: Oops! We sent you a FILLY PRINCESS LUNA unit. She is only able to talk in Moonwhinny and still has not been able to raise the moon. We can send you a replacement if so.

Problem: Your unit is starting to brew moonshine and sell it illegally.

Solution: Uh-oh! As you can see, your unit's alcohol habit causes many, many problems. It is advised to stop her or make her kick her habit before you are arrested by authorities.

End Notes

If treated with proper respect and given friendship, your PRINCESS LUNA unit will surely bring light to your life! We wish you the best of luck with your unit!

Comments ( 202 )

...sounds legit, i want one.

Oh, how I missed these so. I'll take 2 Lunas by the way.

I thought these weren't supposed to be posted anymore?:rainbowhuh: oh well *reads anyway*:rainbowwild:

647729

Aaaah but this was posted before that rule came. So maybe its okay cause of that. Maybe. I don't know.

As tempting as this is, I cannot condone an alcoholic pony in my household

Not even Berry Punch :ajbemused:

647729
Just not by anyone else. Timpeni made it when it was allowed and they can't really stop it if it wasn't a rule before.

I'm hoping the next will be Princess Celestia. I can only guess at her different modes. Poor dim Robo Luna.

I thought user manuals were banned for not being stories... >_>

Apart from a few spelling errors, this was a highly enjoyable chapter to read at 2 in the morning:

"trans dimensional" (needs a hyphen)
"Simply set PRINCESS LUNA loss" ("loss" should be "loose")
"awaking at dusk to 'rise the moon" ("rise" should be "raise")
"unable to talk in English and stars at the moon a lot" ("stars" should be "stares")
"not been able to rise the moon" ("rise" should be "raise")

:twilightblush::twilightsheepish:

You might want to change the story from its current Completed status to Incomplete

647791
Thanks! :D I'll get to correcting that right away! (Oops, I set it to Completed? Derp :derpyderp1:)

647789
But they said they weren't accepting new stories, and this is a new chapter... :scootangel:

Is timpeni still doing these? I really want to see more of this.

647853

It's funny, because they featured this. :rainbowhuh:

647856
Eeyup! :D I'll be doing a lot within the next month, because it's the school holidays here~

647789 The ban isn't retroactive for previous stories.

647861
Excellent, excellent.

I would welcome Lunaughty mode very much.

Oh Gawd it's back! YES! :yay:

647861
Lucky you. I stil have THREE EXAMS LEFT!!! AAAAGGGHHH!!!!:flutterrage:
Ah well. They're spread through June.

647858
I just hope it doesn't capture too much unwanted attention. Erp. :twilightoops:

I thought this was stopped?
:pinkiegasp: Oh well its feautred so it musnt be

HEY! I remember reading this a few weeks ago... after clicking the example link saying no manuals are allowed to be published... :twilightoops:

Oh well! funny and interesting though! If only such things existed!

1) If I supply Luna with Applejack (the booze) instead of Moonshine, is that considered cannibalism? :philosoraptor:
2) Will she go into philosophic/emo mode if she is told or finds out that she is a character in a show ment to amuse little girls?
3) Will she go into philosophic/emo mode after destroying another unit and seeing that the insides are oil, servos, and metal rather than blood, muscle, and bone?
4) Can Filly Luna earn her cutie mark?
5) Will she get out of Lunaughty mode if we satisfy her ourselves or will that cause her to stay in that mode?
6) Will she give us pony rides and allow us to put a riding saddle on her?
7) How good is she for home security?
8) Will she respond to "Woona"?

Those are all of my questions, glad to see these come back with a vengence starting with Luna:twilightsmile:

647861
Yep.:derpytongue2:
It seems great minds think alike here, because the next one for the FIW manuals was going to be princess molestia (FIW Luna).

648090
1) Nope. Booze is booze, and it is tasty booze. Says Luna.
2) She'll be amused, watch it, and then become emo. It's really never been tested before.
3) Do not worry. The units have their eyes re-programmed to see oil and metal branded with out company tags as blood and flesh. Of course, this may cause problems if they see our delivery truck after a car crash.
4) FILLY PRINCESS LUNA comes with a free stick-on cutie mark. It can be applied after she 'raised the moon' and will stay on unless you burn the unit. Be sure to apply carefully so it does not fold and the pressure on her flank can be excused as you 'examining her cutie mark'.
5) It depends on how good you are at... satisfying.
6) Sorry, pony rides to children only. She likes children. ...In the motherly way.
7) Very good. Just tell her that she would be paid with cake/moonshine if she kept evil people out of the house.
8) No, she'll just look at you weirdly. She isn't given a pet name and our PRINCESS CELESTIA unit has an excellent command of English.

Excellent! sadanduseless.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/681.jpg
This stuff's hilarious. Wish these were real though, then I'd have a reason to build an underground arena for purposes of otherwise dubious legality.

647789

Honestly, this is one of the few things that really makes me burst out laughing every time.

I can see why he'd not want any more, but this one is freaking hilarious.

God, How I've missed this series! Can't wait for more :twilightsmile:

Oh good, this is still around. I lost track of it and thought it was gone. :D

Princess Luna manual... But... But... They said they would not accept any more of these :S Dafuq?:twilightoops:

Epic fic, I saw this before, but I was "meh"
I was wrong.

This is certainly amusing, wonder when the next chapter/manual will come out?

Can I make a fic based on this?

Oh yeah, a new unit for my collection. Now for my questions.

1) is it all right to use a Pinkie Pie unit to get her out of the box?
2) How would she respond to "do you like bananas"?
3) Moon pies, could they be used as a stable diet for the Luna unit

Like others, I was worried that this wouldn't ever receive an update because of the rule addition, but I'm glad that the thought of "grandfathering in" seems to be the case! I like these a lot.

take my money
and...
send...
me...
LUNA!!!

OMG IT UPDATED.:rainbowkiss:

You should write a fic about somone being chosen to test all the units out. All at once. Because I would read the sh!t out of that. Just saying.

Anyway, so glad to see this updated (I did read the blog entry) and good job :pinkiehappy:

Success stories:
My Luna unit sat down to watch the Discovery Channel, only to discover that the Moon rose by itself. After a few days of inner reflection and sorrow, Luna decided to do something new with her life. Every night, My Luna don's the alter-ego of 'Batmare' and goes out fighting evil and evil doers.

While I was worried about her at first, she came to me asking if I knew any 'Evil Doers' that needed to be fought. As luck would have it, I have a fairly long list of people who I feel deserve a kick to the head. My neighbors dog hasn't been doing his business on my front lawn anymore these days.

I love my sweet little Luna, but I feel she needs a sidekick as 'Batmare'. Who would you recommend I get to aid her?

Okay, I didn't like the whole 'Lunaughty' and 'Drinker' things, but I ordered anyway. But when I opened the box, this came out.
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/260/b/8/mlp_fim_luna_woona_by_atticus83-d4a5exi.png

She's a filly, pre nightmare moon, AND she has her cutie mark. Oh, and she doesn't have 'Lunaughty' and 'Drinker' (Duh, she's like a preteen.) and instead, comes with.'Fangirl' mode.

Best. Model. Ever.

Yay, these are back. Can't wait for more. Nice work, Timpani. :ajsmug:

Yes! Can't wait for more!
Who will you do next?
648508 They're references to other successful stories on here (I think)
Lunaughty is the sequel to the famous Molestia story, by the same author (I think its StreakTheFox).
And drinker, well, I think its a reference to Drop of Moonshine by Pen Stroke, who also wrote Past Sins.

648731 still, I didnt like it. But now I have Woona. :woona:

Oh Dear god i want them all!
Take all my money NAO!
NAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
:pinkiehappy:

Random questions:

1: If I use opening method 4 and it turns out that my model is in Nightmare Moon mode, but the other mane 6 models are around as well, would the the Twilight model still be destroyed or would the Mane 6 react in time?


2: Do the Cutie Mark Crusaders have models based off the fandom versions of them? (Such as a bone-fiend Applebloom from "Story of the Blanks", a Sweetie Belle that is obviously a robot like in "Friendship is Witchcraft", or the grown-up Scootaloo from "The End of Ponies")

Heres a blank check, now make a locked Luna mode!

This story is why I think the no manual rule is stupid.

I want one now!

Very funny. :rainbowlaugh:

647791 You missed one:

"...slight problems using the shower/any piece of modern technology and prefers to bath in a clean pond."

Should be bathe

Other than that, I haven't minded my Luna unit from enjoying the finer things in life. I do however, have a simple problem: she's lost her infatuation with moonshine and has taken to stealing wine from various stores late at night. She'll still drink moonshine under the delusion that she thinks it makes me think she's sexier. I would like an answer to this ASAP, the spirit is willing but the body is squishy...

648475 I'm sure your Rainbow Dash unit would go along with it. You do have a Rainbow Dash unit right?

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