• Member Since 19th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Dec 27th, 2019

Crosis


T

Tonight, on a very special episode of My Little Pony…

Spike may have finally found someone who can reveal the identity of his parents. But when that someone is Discord, has our little dragon bitten off more than he can chew?

~-Spike jumped up from the couch in excitement. "Then you've actually met them!?"

Somehow, Discord's grin managed to stretch even wider. "Ohhhhhh yes. In fact, I've known your father since the day we were born! And your mother… well let's just say she and I are intimately acquainted…"-~

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 148 )

Bwuahahaha XD

Nicely done, especially with the poetry bit at the end.

I read this on fanfiction net.
Very funny story.

“And then you shove it right up her…”

:ajbemused: My dad told me the exact same thing about him and my mom.

that.....was......AWESOME!

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache: as always my firend

This needs to be featured.

Spike's kinda lucky, I never got "The Talk" I found out about it in Kindergarten when I found a skin mag.

I gotta side with Discord, Spike had the right to know the truth. That he is the bastard son of Celestia and Discord. :rainbowlaugh: By the end of it you realize that Discord is already the better parent for listening, actually teaching Spike things (albeit with no sense of tact) and being honest with him.

Loved that ending.

Please do a sequel. :pinkiehappy:

Oh~Discrod you got some splaining to do~!

Ah, that was glorious! Well done sir! The poetry slam especially was hilarious enough to almost break a rib!

it definitely works: :trollestia:

Celestia (mommy) has to take care of Spike, she is the ultimate nurturer--sorry, Fluttershy, but Celestia has the trump of actually being his mother, whereas you are at the very most, a good friend. :fluttershbad: ; while Discord (daddy) has to be the definite man here and tell Spike the truth without the fluff and candy. Just like saltwater taffy.

Spike has to have the greatest and most eccentric parents ever!! Who else can say that he's royalty, immortal (or at least long-lived), and basically a god as well?!

Of course, this means that just like Discord just candidly told Spike in musical song that he and Celestia (as dragons) had crazy sex on her throne w/o protection many centuries ago and that she was pregnant with Spike---there has to be a bit of a continuation where Celestia mares up (or is that alicorn up?) and tells Spike the truth. And then more shenanigans arise. :rainbowlaugh:

Seriously, Discord's flashbacks really needs a pic or two--who else would love to see Celestia in her dragoness form, or even better, Celestia pregnant?!

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:Oh my none existent my stomach. Great fic dude.:moustache:

Good sir, thy poetry of the day, was enough to give me a mighty bray.

Seriously though, f*cking GENIUS!

I can't even....
There's just... I can't

You win.

That... that made me laugh a little too hard, especially the poetry. We all know bitches females love poetry :ajsmug:

:raritystarry: That was awesome! :rainbowkiss:

Loved that story! Even if it was a little hard to imagine the 3 of them in this light. It was hilarious! I like Dislestia too, and there were really funny moments in this whole story. I really loved the Star Trek and Star Wars jokes, and of course Spike's reaction to learning about the birds and bees, and that the smoke figures had personalities, and the poem thing at the end, and just watching Discord be his charming self :trollestia:

So yeah! Great story! :twilightsmile::scootangel::pinkiehappy:

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the only B word you should call dem hoes is beautiful. bitches love beautiful.

The only way this would have been more perfect is if Discord Was his Mother and Celestia his father.

:pinkiesmile:

it is discord after all

:pinkiecrazy:

Okay, so so far we have cousin Cadance, and daddy Discord...

Now we need some embarrassing/awkward/funny bonding conversations from the rest of the family, BlueBlood and Luna...

The tricky thing about writing a fic like this is that the reader already knows, or correctly suspects, the bombshell. The author has their work cut out making the journey fun and interesting enough for the reader to follow it all the way to the destination.

The TNG reference was epic. I would've completely cracked up if there hadn't been people nearby. And to hell with Artoo Detoo. Spike is Luke Skywalker.

I lost my ability to breath a few times during this story. LOVE IT! Shame it's marked 'Complete' though. :rainbowlaugh:

Dat poetry... You sir win. At life. Now, try reading it aloud in an imitation of Discord and laugh when you finish. Great story, and I'd love a sequel. Like, maybe Celestia digging herself out of the mess Discord got her into.

Insta Fave!

That was one of the BEST WRITTEN FICS I have read in a while! Seriously, references, comedy, storytelling just epic! You have earned yourself another follower!:pinkiehappy:

oh dear god that was awesome! :rainbowlaugh: Discord is the best dad ever :pinkiecrazy:
will there be more? an epilogue maybe? :trollestia:

This...oh holy shit that was fucking hilarious...I declare it Fiction of the Year! :rainbowlaugh:

MOAR!!!!!!:flutterrage::pinkiecrazy::twilightangry2:

:twilightsheepish:: And that's how baby dragons are made.

I already know where this is going before even reading it.

Or do I...

Kinda managed to figure this out before reading.
:derpytongue2:

I get stoned for a couple centuries

I see what you did there :rainbowlaugh:

As a huge Spike fan, I always enjoy reading about his family. I have honestly never seen the Discord/Celestia father/mother thing before. That it was wrapped up in such a tight narrative with great timing, genuinely funny gags, and excellent characterization just makes it all the better. You write Spike so well! This earns you a watch.

I thoroughly enjoy this. Great job! :twilightsmile:

SEQUEL PLES. Honestly, this is just the beginning! We need to see the consequences!

3144168

Knowing discord, he's probably gonna get stoned again for a couple of more centuries :rainbowlaugh:

This was absolutely hilarious! You got Discord's personality perfectly. I shudder to imagine what Celestia's going to do to him...

Eh. Good story, Very humorous, but I hate the theory of Celestia being Spike's Mom, and I hate having Discord be the dad even more.

I mean, seriously. So, no favorite, but It's still a good story.

I don't even need to read the story. I can already see exactly where this is going.

...still gonna read it anyways.

Well, now that the cat is out of the bag, the dragon out of the shell? Oh never mind.
PLEASE. Sequel or epilog when Spike comes to and Celestia is sitting there . His first words? “Mom?”

I still manage how the hell does Discord still win, even though when defeat is so inevitable.

Also, dat Celestia rage. :flutterrage: + :trollestia:

Great fic!

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:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:.....***bows****

Princess!!! I didn't know you were here...:rainbowderp: I just can't help it, I had to ask, and apparently Discord was willing to tell the truth---surprisingly since it is Discord!!

..........please don't banish me, or put me in jail, or put me in jail in the place you banish me too. I couldn't stand a day...:fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

“Why, I told him the truth, how he sprung from your loins! A masterpiece formed when our hips were conjoined.”

Never before has the birthing process been so beautifully stated. Bravo! Bravo, I say! Encore!

3143428 a hoof of argon rendering of this story would be AMAZING!!!!!

This even made me uncomfortable. :twilightoops: But it was still funny as hell.

“Ksssh… chuhhhh… ksssh… chuhhhh… Spike! I am your melodramatic, tediously overused plot device!”

“NOOOOOOOO!”

Funniest line of the whole fic.:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

But with all seriousness, I always liked to imagine that the product of Discord and Celestia bumping naughties would look like this:
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/081/0/3/pony_request_160___alicorn_rainbow_dash_by_ah_darnit-d5yuddz.png
She's the perfect combination of the parents' two personalities. It was a great idea! :yay: But then, my headcanon was forever proven wrong when this guy showed up:
fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/040/b/b/rainbow_dash_and_her_dad_by_jerick-d5uee2r.png

Yyyyeah, there's no way that guy can't be her dad. It's like having green eyes; their mane color is too similar for those two not to be directly related.:ajsleepy:

But this fic isn't about Princess Dashie, secret hornless alicorn. The spotlight belongs to Spike, the best royal background pony ever!
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/332/8/6/i_really_really_really_wasn__t_prepared_for_this__by_texasuberalles-d5mg9mt.jpg

“Ksssh… chuhhhh… ksssh… chuhhhh… Spike! I am your melodramatic, tediously overused plot device!”

Discord you glorious motherfucker.:rainbowlaugh:

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