In the depths of Equestria's archives there is a song. A song of a legendary hero, who would keep evil at bay, and rout even the most fiercest foe. This hero was said to have the blood of dragons flowing in his veins and a heart filled with fire, who could command the world with his voice. Not much is known about this song or it's origin, but when a curious purple unicorn discovers it, she decides to put on a performance for her closest friends and her beloved mentor. Little does she know the power and significance of this song. For better or for worse, this is the Ballad of the Dovakhiin.
Note: Please read, rate and comment. Struggling writer trying to improve. I do not own Skyrim, MLP FIM, or this awesome story image.
Chapters (9)
Good job dude!
And that's saying something as I'm not in the best mood right now.
just one word can describe this awesomeness. awesome. make more
More! More!!!!!!!! this is so good! im speaking for all of us that MILDLY enjoyed it so far.
Hmm... You know, this is the first "Human" story I've ever given a chance. I presume she's going to Mundus, given the floating and the flash of light, though I'll admit that when I first saw the title, I thought it was about Twilight being dovahkiin. It was an enjoyable first chapter, though I can't give a very in-depth review just yet.
I can say that you have a good grasp of characterization, though there are a couple parts where you make minor run-ons. For example, during your description of the celebration, you write "...resembled more of a birthday party, complete with balloons, streamers, and even party games of which Celestia herself was blindfolded..."
Now, while that sentence hardly has anything wrong with the basic mechanics (you do tend to insert "of" in places it doesn't need to be in), it does have some troubles with flow. For instance, "it more resembled a birthday party" would probably have better flow than "resembled more of a birthday party", which, while technically not wrong, is somewhat awkward in regards to modern syntax. To fix the run-on issue, you could divide the long sentence into two.
After dividing it, your sentence could go from this:
"Instead the scene in the main hall resembled more of a birthday party, complete with balloons, streamers and even party games of which Princess Celestia herself was blindfolded, carrying a bat between her teeth swinging at a paper banana hanging from one of the balconies."
To this:
"Instead, the scene in the main hall more resembled a birthday party, complete with balloons, streamers, and even party games. Celestia herself was blindfolded and carrying a bat between her teeth, which she was swinging at a paper banana hanging from one of the balconies."
Whew. Maybe I got a little long-winded there... hope that helped. Now that we're done with,,, mechanics
... let's get on to how I liked this prologue 
You're, as I said, good on characterization, your writing is good and solid (and you'll refine it as you go on), and, most important of all, I enjoyed this. Never forget, the most important part is that people enjoy reading your story, and that you enjoy writing it. I look forward to the next chapter, and thank you for the fun read.
Oh god i listened to the song while reading. Even my nipples had goosebumps!
1931242 Thank you very much for the helpful comment. Now that I look at it, I do tend use "of" unnecessarily.
I would have never caught that if I looked at it on my own. I made the necessary changes. Thanks!
1931314
Aw, shucks. Tweren't nothin'. Sorry it got a little long-winded. I totally suck at getting my point across quickly.
Run, Spike! RUN!
1931403
In all honesty, what is there for Dovahkiin to fucking *DO* in Equestria, other than cause an international incident?
you got my attention at the song both English and Dovah. i will love to see the next chapter
1932244 I would have him cause an international incident.
What's the dov at the end even say?
Very solid writing. count me in!
1933741 In Dragon:
As translated:
For a reference this is the song from the E3 Trailer
1934210
People take way too much time out of their day to learn a language of fictional, immortal ass-kicking dragons.
1934293 OR I use the immaculate and all knowing power of google to wind up here: MAGIC
I... I love it. Despite a few run-ons and capitalization errors, it's great. I hope Twilight goes to Mundus instead of the Dovahkiin coming to Equestria. Dovahkiin will be the Nord in the iron armor in the E3 video and things, right? Oh Luna I really hope you make his name Olaf...
Let us see... DOVAKIIN! Great chapter, hope to see more soon, keep goin and stay golden^^
P.S. When will this story take place?
If human twilight in mundas:
You could put twilight in as a powerful conjoration/alteration mage trying to get in to the college of winterhold, maybe becoming the master mage instad of tolfdir (arch-mage will still be the dragonborn) and have her help the dragonborn after he/she defends twilight against the angry trolls outside labarinthian. just a suggestion and somthing to go on. maybe have twilight cast lighting stom as her way of saying 'LET ME THE FUCK IN FARAULDA!"
If pony twilight in Mundas:
)
powerful retoration mage and dedicated chapel healer in solitude? dragonborn suspects her to be part deadra? (i never realy thought this part out
Welp I can see a potential sh
-storm inbound from the return of the dragon born to a peace filled place sooo... 
1934347
I knew there was something like that on the interwebs, I just couldn't find it for the life of me.
Wait... Doctor Whooves tag?
Huh? What will he have to do with anything?
1937876 Minimal. I assure you.
My heart, she bleeds for more
I was going to make something similar but you, good sir have done this better than I could ever. Have a stache
Im going to be waiting for the next chapter now, this is great.
Now this is cool. Tracked.
1939604
Aww, I was hoping for a double crossover...
Chapter 01 is about %80 Done. Gotta do heavy editing and cleanup.
AWWWWWWW YEAHHHHHH
So The Dovahkiin's a Redguard? How come we never see any of them as an Imperial anywhere anyways?
Wooo, Balgruuf all up in this bitch!
It's said Redguard, not Red Guard. Giving you a heads up so no Skyrim nerd rages about it later.
Deer meat = Venison.
1962457 Thanks for the catch. ;)
You more than have my attention.
I forgot to say one last thing, MOAR!
I wonder what would happen if spike was sent to skyrim...would that make him dragon born, or born a dragon?
Hmmmm wonder what race twilight is?
1962443
I think I remember one involving a Imperial called The Equestrian Bloodmoon though it has been a while since I've read so I could be wrong.
I'm glad this didn't have a Nord Dragonborn since almost every MLP/Skyrim crossover I've read seems to have the Dragonborn as one. A minor complaint involving Twlight seeing a Khajiit inside of Whiterun. Khajiit aren't allowed in any of major hold cities due to the sterotype of them being nothing more then thiefs and skooma dealers.
1962443 Rainbows of ice and fire in the sky has an imperial battlemage as dragonborn.
WE ARE BUT MAGGOTS, WROTHING IN THE FILTH OF OUR OWN CORRUPTION. Oh Heimskier you are such a stereo type
So is twilight the dragon born or not is my question. It seems a bit much to drag her to skyrim if she isn't needed for such an important role, though I shudder to think of what revolutions she'll force into their libraries, printing, and magic systems no matter what.
1962658That fic has a nord dovahkiin also the imperial is just a random hero he made up.
A few word failures such as: site (sight) Red Guard (Redguard) Draug`r (draugr) but other than that and a few spelling mistakes, its pretty damn good.
Cheers
1962604I'm going to assume Imperial or Nord.
And I sincerely want to see more of this in the near future.
1963109
Most likelyTwlight is probably going to be a Breton since out of all the human races they're more slanted towards magic.
There are so many possibilities with this story because there are literally hundreds of quests in the world of Skyrim. No doubt Twilight is not going to work very well around violence when the time of a dragon attack and the death tolls that come with it. Questions, though, author: If you're really going into this story, will you work around the civil war as well? And what of Twilight? I'm willing to bet you have plans for her in the College of Winterhold, yes? And will...the other ponies follow her in suit? So many questions, so little time for answers. I just hope you update consistently.