When Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle decide they aren't contributing enough to the weekly picnic their friends have, they take matters into their own hooves for better or worse.
Watch as two hapless cooks brave the dark frontier known only as The Kitchen!
Wonder at their ability to craft semi-edible dishes!
Be amazed as this somehow sprawls into a grand adventure spanning Equestria... and beyond!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hi! Just want to pop into the comments as I tend to not use author's notes (although I might should revisit that in the future) and wanted to thank everyone in advance for any comments and/or suggestions! Let me know if the grammar or formatting is wonky! I think I managed to do everything correctly!
Cheers!
Quite the enjoyable story you have here, certainly not worth the 4 thumbs down, but you can't win everyone over. I have the feeling that this will be a long story, so who knows how useful any tips or suggestions will be later down the road, but I'll make some anyway.
I would turn down RD's attitude a bit, specifically in the beginning with Fluttershy. Sure, she's hungry and cranky and all of her friends seem to be ganging up on her, but it felt a little odd that she would feel like the kindest friend is an enemy. That's a very minor gripe and didn't really bother me while reading, just thought I'd throw it out there.
Another thing that could get boring really fast is the kitchen-catching-on-fire jokes. You had Twi burn two meals: the daisy salad and the oats. Then you had RD burn down a whole kitchen twice. The image can be cause for a light chuckle here and there, but it can also be boring. I guess you should spice it up with the comedy for later chapters. Pun intended.
Regardless of those little suggestions, you have caught my attention with this fic, and I would be more than willing to give you a fav. I want to see how this ends.
A TwiDAsh comedy/romance fics ?
But yes kind sir I want to read it.
I can't wait to see what the ROCK is cooking.
Ah shit wrong forum
Good luck.
Cédric
This was a really good fanfiction! I love how I fealt like I was watching an episode while reading it! Fanfics just got 20% cooler!
1875941 You've actually hit on the first topic of the next chapter which as yet is untitled in regards to RD's annoyance! I thought about putting it at the end of this chapter, but it fits better at the start of another chapter.
Thanks to you all for the kind words! I hope to live up to them. It is unashamedly TwiDash and one other surprise pairing that won't show up until quite a bit later. I realize shipping isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it is mine!
Also corrected a few minor grammar issues. Seriously, how did I miss "amd" for "and?"
1876376
wait wait wait!!! Did you just say other pairing ?
Could his be a sub Rarijack romance( since is a main Twidash ) ?
OH please say yes.
If no too bad, I will still read for the Twidash.
Cédric
Kitchen shenanigans with (hopefully) Twidash? Count me in.
Twidash? Check.
Twidash with a plot I've yet to see? Check.
Kitchen full of batter and food coloring? Make it happen
Oh man, with the attitude these two have I can only imagine what's going to happen once they start attempting to cook... hilarity will ensue (I assume)
Seems like a pretty good start. Let's see where it goes.
This looks good, tracking.
No chance of anything edible being produced. Likely just order out and pretend they made it.
Should have had Chapter 2 finished at this point but managed to contract strep throat on the morning of New Year's Eve. That'll learn me. Am working on Chapter 2 now.
Thank you for your patience and apologies for the delay.
....I expect great things from you, young Padawan...
... This can only end well.
One month? Promises of adventure outside of Equestria? Kitchen calamities?
Oh I am SO following this.
Strep throat aka Hell Plague 2013 seems to be receding. Chapter 2 work commencing...
later in the story we should find out how twilight set the sandwich on fire
i look forward to reading in near foreseeable future
Why do I suddenly have the image of the tree burning down in spite of the fireproof spells?
static1.fjcdn.com/comments/Homer+_68ff6eb8bed2d6dc7aff9592ac49c069.jpg
And here is the delayed second chapter! Hopefully I will face less delays after this point! As always commentary and criticism is appreciated!
And an internet cookie for the first person who points out what went wrong with the bread!
Kneaded it too much I'd guess
Too much arcane energy in the cook would be mine. I've seen this used as a running gag for high level mage types not to be able to cook at all because their own energy alters the food.
So working in some Twidash? Normally not my cup of tea but this story is too interesting. I love reading characters trying to cook and the mistakes that happen.
2041902
That's a good guess and so is yours, In Umbra Luna Est! Not quite though! Don't worry! If no one guesses, I'll start Chapter 3 with the reveal as minor as it is.
And yeah, this is TwiDash rom-com. Hope it remains interesting!
my heart, she is melting!
I'll guess that they forgot to add the yeast.
And possibly other things.
2041744 No yeast?
Anyway, loved the chapter.
*EDIT*
There is also the distinct possibility that she cooked a recipe for low altitudes, and they may live in a high altitude area. Oh she didn't add the water correctly to the recipe.
*Edit Edit*
Or that she didn't center the pan correctly... or that she didn't put the stove on convection, and the heat cooked them unevenly...
*EDIT OF ALL THE EDITS*
Or magic!
Bad bread texture could be a result of over-kneading, building up too much gluten to the point the bread has a terrible consistency. They also may have done something wrong with the yeast (provided it's a yeast bread and not a quick-rise). They said they followed the recipe, but they may not have woken the yeast up in warm/sugared water properly, or failed to let it rise correctly. Rising's very important for bread dough and it takes a bit of a practiced eye to know if it's risen enough before a punch-down.
Can you tell I enjoy baking bread? I've got a killer recipe for sour cream bread. One of the few yeast breads that calls for baking powder, only it's just there to neutralize acid so you're left with a normal tasting white bread that's the most moist, chewy bread in the world.
Diggin' the characterization, diggin' the Twidash, diggin' this. Keep it up! I was worried I might only ever get a single chapter.
2042202
Unfortunately, a series of circumstances delayed me. First the holiday season hit and I had to travel to visit family smack in the middle of nowhere. Let's put it this way. Their best internet connection is 28K... on a good day. Then I got a miserable flu/strep throat. Then I moved. Then the new semester started and I work at a university. So it was stupid. Chapter 3 shouldn't take nearly as long.
And yes I can tell you like to bake! I've never made a sour cream bread, but I have a killer white chocolate bread.
The best hint I can provide is the "proof" is in the chapter.
2042222
Haha! Well, proofing can either mean the wake up process where you add yeast to warm/sugared water and give it a few minutes to start bubbling, just to make sure it's still good, or it can be the final rise before baking. I'd guess your hint is in reference to the latter, as the former would have not risen at all due to some dead yeast. So, If the punched it down, separated it into rolls, and then popped it all in the oven without the final rise they're gonna be left with some floury rocks.
2042261
Precisely!
I just learned a lot of new things about bread from reading these comments.
ponycraft.net/wp-content/forum-image-uploads/williamcll/2012/02/106869-now_kiss-rainbow_dash-shipping-twilight_sparkle.jpg
2042202>>2042222
Learning about bread making in a romance story featuring colourful horses, I'm cool with this.
That was adorable.
This chapter was awesome,
, MOAR please 
.
Here's Chapter 3! Hopefully, I can keep a good pace from now on with future chapters!
Done!
*Walks off*
2053101
I apologize if I've somehow offended you.
And here I thought I was getting diabetes from this story's cuteness.
Also, making caramel seriously sucks.
2053115 Offended? Nah. But I've read enough "I'm pregnant!" and Alcoholic/ heavy drinking Dash fics to get sick of them. Like, Really sick of them. The breaking point was the fic where Dash got Drunk, then slept with Trixie. Then proceeded to get pregnant, somehow.
But your writing style is good. You had my complete and utter interest until that point. However, I would ask that you do not change it. You are the author, and others will enjoy the change of pace. However, I am sadly not one of them.
And sorry for the theatrics. I was simply reminded of a clip from Family guy, and decided to reenact it. It was meant in humor.
Either way, I wish you the best of luck with your fan fic!
What do you mean by "extended athletic activity"? I'd imagine her life was atheltic enough by now (considering the Sonic Rainboom, the competitions she's been in and her day to day life) that if it were dangerous for her, she'd already be dead or dying.
I gotta admit the change of pace came out of the left field but I'll wait and see what you do with this before I form an opinion. What came before was very entertaining and while this adds a level of seriousness I didn't expect coming in, I don't see why this couldn't make for a good tale all around.
...I have to admit,i did not see that coming.
... Didn't see that coming.
Continue!
Wow... that got serious quickly.
I like it though. Rainbow Dash's reaction to the possibility of pregnancy was really well done.
2053146
It's a condition where sometimes there's a triggering event, such as a few night's with a bit too much alcohol, and to be honest it's somethign that affects me personally and was dormant until a similar incident in my life. It's not a death sentence or anything. It's just a thing that took a few days to consider and then adjustments had to be made. It's a bit of a spoiler I suppose, but the tone is meant to be optimism and overcoming what feels like being told that your life is irreparably going to be worse. I feel really bad as I didn't intend to fool anyone.
Edit: ... And I totally forgot to address the athletic competition part. Apologies!
As far as competitions, it used to be really difficult, but monitoring equipment is much better now and you can self-administer during breaks.
well that was unexpected anyway looking forward to moar!
2053185
No worries, it was just odd. Several people in my family actually have diabetes and I know it can be handled just fine, it's just that I never actually stopped to ask how exactly they found out they had it.
All in all, thanks for the life lesson :P It's something to consider, mostly because I may have a propensity for it myself.
wat.
I hope this doesn't sound rude, but are you just pulling stuff out of your ass? I like the way you write, and your originality is certainly... unique, but this last chapter screams "I just write what comes to me, LOL, let's give RD diabetes!"
I'm sorry, I hope that didn't hurt, I just thought maybe you'd like to know what some of your readers are thinking, so that you can improve. Apart from the seemingly random plot line, the story is good: prose, sentence structure, grammar, characterization (for the most part), all solid, but man, you have either got to work on your foreshadowing, or you need to stop giving in to the random whims of your imagination.
And how, praytell, is diabetes limited to pegasi? The disease is a malfunction of the pancreas and I'm pretty sure that if pegasi have them, then earth ponies and unicorns also have them...
2053208
Depending on type, it can be triggered in various ways. There's also a great deal of genetic predisposition.
2053219
It's limited because they're magic ponies and I didn't want to have to focus solely on this given how many sweets the characters tend to eat in the show.