• Member Since 1st Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Aug 12th, 2020


The following statement is true; the preceding statement is false.


The classic "getting sent to Equestria" fantasy has always appealed to me, I mean, come on. How cool would that be? Well, I always wanted to find out for myself, but I never thought I'd get the chance. Cue a creepy old dude in a funky suit, and I soon get my wish. Totally awesome, right? Well, for the most part. But somethings were out of my control. Turns out, while still pretty great, Equestria isn't the same as the one on the show. The characters are all pretty much the same, but with some slight differences. And the worst part, is that I'm not the character I wanted to be turned into.

I get some time to adjust to my new situation, I make some new friends and some unlikely allies, and I get confronted by absurd threat after absurd threat, culminating in a epic showdown of Good vs Evil. And that's pretty awesome...

I still wish I wasn't a filly now, though...

( Book one in the "Pony Life Challenge" universe. Directly inspired by the awesomeness of "The Ballad of Echo the Diamond Dog" by Rust. GO READ THE AWESOME! )


Chapters (6)
Comments ( 101 )

Is the old man with the weird suit...... DISCORD?!?!

3926485 But it's always Discord, I hope you will use something more original...
PS: Looking forward to the next chapter!

3926603 Indeed, I've noticed that trend too... And thanks you! I am working on the next chapter as we speak :scootangel:

I have no idea why, but I actually REALLY want to read this. :applejackconfused:

I'm just wondering if you know what blitz means. I mean, fruit and a military maneuver? Don't get me wrong I love the story so far but the name sort off mystified me.

3926746 Kiwi Blitz is a character I played in a table-top roleplaying game a while back, when it was decided there was too many unicorns and earth ponies in the group. The GM said "We need a Rainbow Dash' character, and I was the one to oblige. She was a bright green color(like the flesh of a kiwi) and rushed headlong into combat with speed and ferocity (similar to the blitzkrieg maneuver), and so I named her Kiwi Blitz.

This story's Kiwi Blitz is an alternate version of that one, but I liked the name and so I kept it. :twilightsmile:

He wasn't even slightly upset that Discord turned him into the wrong OC? :rainbowhuh: I mean, he was looking forward to the watermelons and everything! What's up with that?

Otherwise a sillyawesome chapter :rainbowkiss: Discord is terrible at incognito.

Well...that escalated quickly....:derpyderp1::derpyderp2::rainbowhuh::rainbowderp::facehoof:

So what's the basis on new chapters? Weekly? Every other day? DAILY??? Please say it's the last one :D


Actually, 'blitz' is 'lightning' in German. 'Blitzkrieg' is the maneuver, translating to 'lightning war'.

3930003 I wish I could update daily, but alas real life keeps me pretty busy. I will be updating every couple of days or so, basically I plan to post a chapter 3 times a week. :pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile:

I swear, one of these days I'm gonna write myself a checklist how to behave when I meet a random weird dude that says he can take me to Equestria. :twilightoops:
I'll outline all the rules and request as much info as I can, so I won't be fooled by him. :facehoof:

3930168 yah but the term blitz in english is for the maneuver... I think. :twilightsheepish: Blitz in german does mean lightning but in english using the term is referring to a military manouver. Also if you read the authors reasoning for naming her it does make sense. but oh well. i'm not going to claim to be some kind of military expert.


A military maneuver that was thought up by Germans. Blitzkrieg was a German tactic from WWII that was based around the Germans' superior mechanized forces (tanks, etc) to such devastating effect that it became firmly rooted in their enemies' vocabularies as well. To blitz something now means to hit it fast and hard, and the term is derived from the word blitzkrieg. Before that, people didn't really use blitz when speaking English, nor was it in any military vocabulary.

Famous last words.

It's funny "Green filly, sister of Rainbow Dash" seems like a terrible character design. But while it's self indulgent to be Rainbow's sister, it also gives Rainbow Dash an incredibly valuable gift: a family. You get to have her as a sister, but she also gets to have you, instead of having nobody at all.

Scootaloo is going to totally kick your ass, Kiwi.

I really enjoyed that!
Keep it coming pal! :pinkiehappy:

3930833 das cool, I'll take it, lol I can even imagine doing a chapter every day with 2000+ words each lol

Comment posted by bronygamer198 deleted Feb 16th, 2014

“We're at the end of our summer break, so Kiwi Blitz can start the new semester right with the other kids and not miss anything. We're scheduled to open up the week before the Summer Sun Festival.”

The Summer Sun Festival is on the Summer Solstice (Midsummer's day - generally between June 20th and 22nd in the Northern hemisphere), so they're going back to school on or about the equivalent of June 14th, but it's after their Summer break? I know seasons work differently in Equestria, but that still doesn't sound quite right.

My biggest dream is to be turned into a mare and be lesbian in the land of colorful ponies. With Luna or Twilight. Or both.

Great, can't wait for more! :rainbowwild:

You seem to have difficulty with some spelling... 'one's turn into 'on's and vice versa, your 'here's and 'her's as well. In any case I'm interested I your fic. I'd like to see more, I would ask however that you try to read your chapters over an additional time for me. The incorrect wording can be somewhat jarring when I'm absolutely enjoying your writing.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.

3956973 Thank you, that is good advice. I will definitely strive to do so from now on, especially since I can't stand the thought of that happening in my work :raritydespair:

I'm glad you are enjoying the story and I promise the next chapter shall be flawless, darling! :raritystarry:

I find myself waiting for everything to start going horribly wrong. There are just so many ways.
1) Discord being evil in general
2) Pinkiephilia
3) Dash's sister is deeeeead
4) EoH are missing
5) Bronyitis is contagious
6) Sunflash remarried
7) Snails falls in love
8) Kiwi can't add/read/write/history/science.

Instantly, my mind went back to the episode were the mane six explained how they got their cutie-marks. I remembered the Rainbow Dash foal in the flashback, sitting on this stallions shoulders.

The episode with that flashback is actually Games Ponies Play, not Cutie Mark Chronicles.

Now that's what I call genre savvy. Now she just has to wear an ugly dress, be mean to a bunny, and summon the Wonderbolts.


"i-i-i-is what I was GOING to do but I am REALLY not" :flutterrage: "...please don't kill me..."

Thank you for taking my advice, unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a decline in mistakes. It is alright, I'll try to draw up a list of all the ones I saw as I was reading when I get the time. Sorry to hear about your dad.

I'd like to note that most of your errors seem like they may be caused by an autocorrect feature, 'they' instead of 'the' and 'do' instead of 'so'. I can very much understand how you would miss those.

The only way I'd be ok with being turned into a mare is if I were a futa.

3985594 Oh dear, that's discouraging. I thought I had fixed all the mistakes, but apparently I'm not very good at spotting them... :raritycry:

Perhaps it would be in my best interest to get a proofreader? :duck:

Ermahgersh dis chapter ish sho epics 'n' stuff and I LOVE IT

A Proofreader would be a very good idea regardless, no writer can catch all of the mistakes they make. Another suggestion I would make is to simply read it out loud when you are checking over it. typically we glaze over our mistakes when we read our own writing but when you actually hear it out loud you can catch some of those glaring errors that you didn't notice.
In any case, take my advice or don't, I will continue to read as your ideas and narrative are both very interesting to me.

Meh, that comes after. What are magical spells for? :pinkiehappy:

Love it! Especially the bit with pinkie! :pinkiehappy: :heart:

I love fics like this that don't bog down the narrative with the same tired trops of wanting to get back home (even though some of them have down right horrible lives in the human world), the internal struggle of wether loving a pony is bestiality or not, missing meat, etc etc.

Also as I've been reading this I've been thinking ""I could see myself handling all this just like the main character except maybe for the fact that I was a filly" not because I'm sexist or have something against fillyfooling but simpley for the fact that "the heat" and its stregth haven't been establist yet. Not saying it should come into play in this fic but it would be something I would be very worried about if I were in his shoes.

I was not to sure what to think when I started this story when it was only one chapter, but now I am very glad I have stuck around. Even if you ended it here on chapter 4 it would have been worth the read for that Pinkie scene. :rainbowlaugh: Can't wait to see where you are taking this!

Wow, just when I was thinking about this fic it updates! Well, I'm sorry to say you still have your similar word problem. Once I dig myself out of my homework backlog I'll see about sending you that list I promised way back two chapters ago. In any case, keep it up!

d through a smoke bomb at her hooves, vanishing into the crowd.

Interesting chapter. Two new plot points! No wait, three!

I wonder if Kiwi isn't supposed to know how to read in er, "canon" or not? She doesn't seem too young, but I don't know if it takes foals longer to learn that funny pictographic unicorn script. She's got a unique situation here, in that even if she isn't embarassed about being illiterate and immediately wants to learn how to read, she still can't let anyone know she can't read, because she doesn't know if the old Kiwi knew how. It could totally blow her cover! The first rule of accidental possession is hold off on telling people about it as long as possible, so when they inevitably think to blast you to oblivion to save Dash's little sister, they'll have come to love you and be unable to go through with your psychic murder. They'll say "Why didn't you tell us sooner?!" and you could answer "Because now you have emotional ties so you can't take the easy solution of eradicating me," but instead you'll answer "I was just so scared you would hate me!" and they'll go aww and you'll be totally safe.

When you can't read anything because the letters keep escaping, that means that you are in a dream, because the right hemisphere of the brain (responsible for reading) is inactive during sleep.

I think that either "Kiwi"'s arrival changed something to let goblins exist again or... possibly Discord did something?

I am also very confused by the part that is in italics, what the hay was that frankencat stuff?

Great another cliche HIE where the character have to fight evil make friend of have a girlfriend...

Actually when Blitz is a verb it can mean: Processing (food) in an electric mixing machine.
(gotta love that google):raritywink:

4106334 In the military base
Commander: Alright let's blitz these f*****
Soldier: Alright i'll get the mixer

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