• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 23rd, 2015

Storied Pony

Comments ( 85 )

Liked it? Disliked it? Want it to burn in the fires of Tartarus?

Either way, feel free to pick it apart and criticise it. Everything from the prose to the spelling/grammar is ripe for the picking.

I regretfully didn't get anyone to pre-read it before I uploaded it, so I'll be grateful for anyone who do take the time to check it for me.

Also: My apologies to whoever had to pre-read and, possibly, approve this story.

This is...horrifying...

I like it.

I have a feeling that I'm going to pony hell...
Anyone else aboard the train?

I liked it, not normally into the foalcon, but it seemed written well to me, nothing I noticed to be wrong and I would consider myself to be a grammar nazi so you did well in my book! Have some mustaches! :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

It was sexy, and I liked it

Max #6 · Dec 5th, 2012 · · ·

Basically my reaction.. Not sure if want

i see anal and sweetie bell, IM IN!

It's pretty good, a few spelling mistakes here and there but otherwise, not bad.


Already a head of you

I enjoyed your writing style immesly, very descriptive and easy to read without getting bored. At first glance I found just a single error here-

to that blunt horn of hers as he hear her little whimper

Other than that good fic.
A good statutory rapey fic:twilightsmile:

What is it with brony rule 34 artists/writers and anal? :rainbowhuh:

1740876 I think a better question is: What's up with Rule 34 in general?:rainbowhuh:


To read or not to read...that is the question...

that was...strange...eeyup!

This is the first clop fic I've ever read. . .This thing was hilarious, I couldn't help but laugh:rainbowlaugh:, seriously, this thing was hilarious

omg... shameful boner... My mind is exploded with disturbing thoughts and sexual fantasies... I-I need to go take a shower... And bleach my brain *begins sobbing*:pinkiesick:


Uhh de-ummmmm. Yeah, I really don't know.... Quick! Pinkie, escape!

That was very meh. All I'm going to say. No story. No foreplay. Just right into it, although the sex wasn't bad in the slightest. So once again a generous meh. Had you gone the extra mile and set some setting, some scenario, maybe a little humor, then this could have been an epic piece of foalcon, but for me the experience was just: here's my ticket, I looked at the thing, I got the hell out. There was no spectacle. Just the thing. Which in all honesty is lame. Also, if you're going to do foalcon, then be a little more mindful of the character's character. Sure Sweetie is a little curious, but what would actually compel her to ask that question senselessly? There should have been some thought narration, some internal dialogue, just something that didn't make it five hundred words of lazy fellatio build up.And the dialogue, it looks like you just went through as many hentai doujins as you could have and ripped pillow talk straight from them without even considering some actual interaction between the characters. A little more thought here guy. It seems as though this story was written for shock value as opposed to love of the characters. I have to say, as a fellow foalcon writer, I was rather disappointed. Bring your A-game next time, and keep this weak stuff off my court, because I know you can do better than that.

Your Antagonist

kinda of want....

and then I kind of don't...

I blame the fact that it had anal in it. Don't care much for doing it in the backdoor

Not bad. Now you gotta have Fancy Pants come back to Ponyville and fuck Scootaloo and Applebloom up the ass as well.

>Sweetie Belle x Anypony

You have my attention. Please proceed.

Over all a good plot a few spelling and grammar mistakes (hahaha sweetie ball)
P.s maybe you can read my story called my day in ponyvile

Dislike. Not into Pedophilia :fluttershyouch:


I'm not sure if my opinion of Fancypants will be horribly shattered after this or not. A question to leave 'till the morning I suppose.

I know I am... May as well enjoy myself, No?

1740642 I got my ticket just waiting for it to reach my station.

A stunning 85% approval rating? Who'd have imagined that? And here I thought this would get down-voted within minutes!

To those I don't quote below: Thank you for your comments! I'm glad that you had fun with the story, and no, I don't mean that in a dirty way!

That's fine. If you keep your eyes open, you might find where I'm taking suggestions for stories, then maybe you'd get to choose something more to your tastes ;).

I'd love it if you could point them out to me! The spelling errors that is.

Could you explain that one in more detail? Have I missed a comma or something? I'm afraid I can't see it :).

In this case, the exact prompt for the story was: "Write about Sweetie Belle, from third person, foal (obviously,) consensual anal."
Of course, your point still stands. I do enjoy writing about anal anyway, but if the request had been for "the other hole", then that's what you'd have received.

It's porn. Guys and girls use it to get off on. It's really that simple ;).

Read it! If nothing else, you'll know what to avoid in the future xD.

Best poni, best plot, best butt!

That's what we call "denial"! xD

Awesome, thanks for the detailed criticism.

This story was written as a request and is actually longer than it was intended to be. The plan was to have it only 1000-3000 words long, but it kinda grew. The entire oral part is there because I needed some way to quickly justify Fancy getting away with putting it up her butt, so to speak. It was never intended to be anything else than a quick "practice clop" story. Kinda like the sister story "Blueberry Muffin".

Mind you, another problem is that I didn't have anyone pre-read it, or point out flaws while it was in progress. It's hard to judge those things on my own, I'll gladly admit that. I'll also admit that I have no real handle on the characters. I tried to make Fancy "posh" and Sweetie "like a kid", but not much more. Did re-watch one of the CMC episodes though, just to get a clearer image of her. She came across to me as the kind of kid that has no trouble at all with blurting out whatever is on her mind at the moment, and in this case, it helped me achieve my goal quicker, so I went with it, haha.

Back door is best door! ... Or something!

Maybe. If it'll happen, it's going to be quite a while until I get to it. I have at least two more stories scheduled before I can take any new requests. Maybe a third one, haven't fully decided on that one yet.

Feel free to point them out to me!

Hint: Don't read stories tagged as "Foalcon". Or read it and then give an unbiased criticism regarding story structure and the elements to it, that's the mature way to do it, even if you don't like the topic :).

No, that's the next story, not this one!

That's... Hilarious xD.

...he had never imagined the seamstress daughter to be such a fun little girl.

...Don't you mean "Little Sister" SP?

Oh man, that is a good catch!


1740642 I'm game, I have to bring Satan some souls anyway, the Month is over so he'll be upset if I dont hurry. :pinkiehappy:

Sorry my bad,
Hear should be in the past tense. :scootangel:


I'll take your word for it! Changed.

I am a huge Sweetie Bell fan. The only thing that urks me is Sweetie Spike fanfics. I just cannot see the compatibility between the two. Anypony else, ANYpony else will do better in my mind. That's why i like this story: because not only is it a new pair of ponies, it was posted, in it's completeness, it flowed at a pace i could handle. I sipped that shit like tea with my pinkie out, like sophistication. Thanks for the read. Please do more like this!

Hi :scootangel:
I get where you're coming from. I always thought the s/sb thing was more of a poke at Spikes obviouse Edipus desires towards :twilightsmile:Twilight being further displaced away from :duck:Rarity and towards a more achievable and socially acceptable :unsuresweetie:Sweetybell.

This assessment adds a somewhat sad or even dark aspect to Spikes motives. But from a Freudian perspective it does make some sense. :pinkiesmile:

But then again, most theripists dismiss alot of Freud ideas as over sexualized, though in a sciance as soft as psyce I hardly think ones own personal denial of perfectly understandable urges on the part of the student is anything but over application of modetn libralism. "forget a hundred years of study! Lets just teach our kids sign language so they feel no modivation to develop the languege centers of their brains! Who cares that from a nurological standpoint this is crippling! Nope!":facehoof: Sorry, but there are probably more new age quacks entering that feild than holistic medicine.:trollestia:

Your point contains a very deep insight though.

Wow, i don't usually rant like that. Oh well. Have a good one everypony.
Oh and author, still love the story:twilightsmile:

yes we shall all go hand in hand troting ower way to hell
(by the way thats the hand i clop with)

this was a damn good fan fic and I toruto hebiki love it
you must write more darling

It's Sweetie Belle. Not bell.

i give this story 4 :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache: out of five

I've had enough experience with anal to know that no amount of lube can make the first time not hurt... especially when there's a large discrepancy of size... that kind of pressure hurts both parties. idealized anal aside good fic


Yepp, you're right!

But since the request was consensual anal with a filly, I had to take some "creative liberties" with it. Which is pretty common with clop overall I guess.

Well, I surprisingly liked this one! Didn't love it, but it was good for what it was, even if had no reassurance that Sweetie Belle (which is her given name) had nothing to fear from Fancy Pants, given that he was a stranger to her at the time. Or explaining after all was said and done, that it was something best kept between them, even if there are no intentions to let anything like that slip (except to her Crusaders, apparently). :twilightoops: Just some minor nitpicks, even if understand this was a request and wasn't properly edited, etc. But it was good, even if did have more than a few errors, but not really up for pointing those out, even if I usually make a habit of trying to do so. :twilightblush: Scenes were kinda steamy and can understand why Fancy would do it up the butt (not just cause of the request, but cause she's a filly), even though seemed to establish cheating on his beloved, but again: request, I know. :twilightsheepish:

Anyway, enough of my ranting, probably shouldn't have made this to begin with. :facehoof: Maybe I'll check out some of your other works sometime, if catch my interest (aside from Blueberry Muffin, have that and before just it now, this one too on Read It Later as well)!


Well, I'm glad to hear that you liked it!

I fixed Sweeties name. A minor issue, but better to have it done, eh?

As for Sweetie trusting Fancy... Well, the easy explanation there is that she's a kid. She hadn't been given a reason Not to trust him. He was a stranger, but it wasn't like she was entrusting him with anything "secret" or "important", at least not in her own view of it, so she didn't really need his trust. What little trust she did need, was when he decided to take her in the butt, but since he had already made her feel nice, and he was honest about the discomfort, there was enough trust to continue. (That, and she wanted to prove that she was a big girl! Can't forget that bit.)

But yeah, I deliberately kept the end of it short. You can just assume they talked a bit about it. At that point, I just wanted it to be done and over with :). Feel free to point out any errors I made when you have the time for it.

And actually, Fancy Pants wasn't part of the request. I just thought he'd have a good opportunity to be alone with Sweetie, and went with it. Technically, I've only established that he's sleeping with Fleur, and he is rich, so she might just be a gold digger :D.

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