• Member Since 24th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 23rd, 2019

Lucky Strife

Comments ( 27 )

I'd say this one is better than your last. The sex scenes seem more...fleshed out and descriptive. Also, I like your choice of fetishes. :derpytongue2:

You did better with the climax, it carried a lot more, mmm, not really sure what to describe it as...empathy? It conveyed the fact that they reached climax through body language, sounds and overall "feeling". However, I still feel that it was a bit lacking in the cum department, although the problem is very minor this time. It feels pretty boring to pretty much just read "he shot his seed into her". At this point, though, I wouldn't argue against this just being an opinion thing.

Caramel let out a deep, guttural groan as he slammed into the filly one last time, feeling her juices splashing out and smashing into his hips as her hips squeezed down so tight onto him that he was about to swear it was going to be ripped off.

I dunno, maybe you like it, but if it was unintentional I'd say be careful about avoiding things that imply...mutilation. Also it reads awkwardly when you say "his hips as her hips squeezed" not only does the, "hips as her hips" sound a little strange, but hips don't really..."squeeze". You could replace that with "tight, youthful muscles". Also, "so tight onto him that he was about to swear it was going to be", try actually speaking this phrase. It doesn't really flow very well off the tongue, it kind of just tumbles out of the mouth like if you were vomiting alphabet soup.

Caramel let out a deep, guttural groan as he slammed into the filly one last time, feeling her juices splashing out and smashing into his hips as her tight, youthful muscles clamped down on his member with their velvety soft vice grip.

This would still convey just how hard she was having orgasm while still making it sound pleasant. Or, at the very least, not unpleasant...

One last thing, I don't know just how into musk you are, but I think it could have gone further. It wasn't bad, it certainly delivered on the expectation of musk play. If you attempt it again you could make them really get into it, there's not need to abandon the concept of olfactory pleasure just because they start having sex. You could draw out the sniffing scenes by maybe one more paragraph, just really driving it home that they bury themselves in there, and just inhale harder than a coke fiend. There's lots of mixed scents to be had when having raunchy, sweaty sex, too. You could draw attention to them simply gasping for air, desperate to smell more of their mixed, post-farm work odors as they fuck themselves silly. And of course, they're equines, they have fur, and fur likes to get matted down with fluids and smells. Also their manes; the mane tugging was a really nice touch, I like rough sex, and their manes are also a great location for their particular scents.

I really liked this one, and true to the purpose of porn, I just had to rub one out to it. I can't wait to read more from you! :pinkiehappy:

Ah... I do enjoy myself a good foalcon story. It's an unappreciated art... :scootangel::moustache:

i have a feeling your next story will include sweetie belle and fancy pants although there already a story like that

You have done Scoots and Applebloom.

Do Sweetie Belle now. Please.

3390794 he is i know it, and the stallion would most likely be fancypants

Not too bad, there were a couple portions where you contradicted yourself. And AB has a very heavy speech impediment, which you kept on flipflopping on. You could have gone on with a bit of bulging and such.

With more practice you'll get better. You really should inquire about getting editors.

3391036Oh abides, you and your fetishes. That's why i think you're a fantastic author. Please keep up your orgasm inducing clopfiction for all to fap to.
P.s. belly bulging should always end with cum inflation.

lolz there not people XD fuckin grammar also i love the word "Cunny"

This story...all my wat.

Nice work! I especially liked the willing objectification.

I personally prefer the characters to show more depth, but, for what it is, I suppose this fic accomplished its goal.

Try avoiding "love tunnel" or "pleasure ooze" instead, try naming the tunnel like parts of the vagina.


This was good, I have to admit it:pinkiehappy:

I feel unclean that I even READ this :pinkiesick:
I ain't even a clopper, I was just curious.
But to be honest, this was well written :pinkiesmile:
Too well written, unfortunately :pinkiesick:

That's how they get you. First it's a little girls' show, then it's cute fan art, then fan fiction, and the next thing you know, you're selling your car to buy a real pony to dress it up like Cher and video tape it eating bacon while you snort a line of pixie stix off your own elbow and I don't remember where I was going with that but at least we have pubescent horse porn.

So thanks for that.

I feel i have to mention that Caramel is a member of the Apple family, he`s Bloom`s cousin i think, though a more distant one. I dont know whether youll bother to fix it but the fic seems great to me so far anyway, iits just a minor annoyance to see it glazed over is all.


Caramel is a member of the Apple family

It is never once in the series stated--either implicitly or explicitly--that Caramel is in any way related to the Apple family.

4915539 when applejack introduces all the apples to twilight in the first episode she mentions Caramel Apple.

Applejack: Now, why don't I introduce y'all to the Apple family?
Twilight Sparkle: Thanks, but I really need to hurry--
Applejack: This here's Apple Fritter. Apple Bumpkin. Red Gala. Red Delicious, Golden Delicious, Caramel Apple, Apple Strudel, Apple Tart, Baked Apples, Apple Brioche, Apple Cinnamon Crisp... [deep breath] Big McIntosh, Apple Bloom and Granny Smith. Up'n'attem, Granny Smith, we got guests.

Im also fairly sure he was at the reunion though i`m not sure.

This is the Caramel Apple she was referring to. I'm sorry if I came off sounding snippy or snarky, that was not at all my intention.

4915653 A Mare with the same name.... damn, i never caught that. Well thanks for correcting me i guess. Id better remove this fic from the incest group then.

Edit: ... Damn... it seems i cannot...

Author, you have given me perhaps the greatest inspiration I've ever had for Ask Fapplebloom.

Thank you. I really needed this.

(also fantastic fic! :3)

I enjoyed reading this way too much :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache:

This was so incredibly hot and I love Apple Bloom's flirty, filthy personality in this. Awesome job! :heart:

i'm like, the fak? :derpyderp1: great story though.

Damn fine ride. I guess this filly makes sure she has her fill of stallions ones she is of age to have a herd/ being part of it.

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