• Member Since 13th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Silver Hoof


I used to write. Depression killed that for years. I might get back to it someday.

T

Rarity learns that she has a very rare form of cancer, horn cancer, just three days before her twenty-sixth birthday. She spends her dying moments with Spike, and then, moments before her death, Spike reveals to her his greatest, and worst, secret. (Not the crush, she's always known about that.) P.S. Fancypants is a doctor in this story, and it gives explanation. Rated teen for some language.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 51 )

There is nothing written yet because i want to see what you all think of the idea.
Yes Rarity, you have horn cancer:raritydespair::raritycry:

1126019 keep it up. This story is sad but good.

There's only one answer! Elements of Harmony the cancer to the moon!

1168627 Actually, that's not the solution. Stay tuned to find out what it is.:twilightsmile:

1167879 This story has an ending that is both sad and happy. I've also got a sequel in mind already.

Please, please write more! :pinkiehappy:

1190861 Your wish is my command.

Okay you Asked so here is my honest opinion. I only saw a few things, The story was wonderful the things I saw were all punctuation. Loved the story you need to write more as I hated having to stop. [I realize this takes time as I write also]

First very small thing.

THe air around her was thick and foggy. She stood on a hill, trying to make out some event in the distance. Slowly, the fog cleared, and Rarity saw it.

capital TH thought i would tell you. :]


Next.

Your Dialogue's punctuation could use a tiny bit of more "Excited" feel.
"Dont use commas so much for long pauses"

Like this sentance should be.

"R... R... Rarity, what's wrong?" he stammered, "Are you being foreclosed on?"

"R... R... Rarity, what's wrong?" He stammered. "Are you being foreclosed on?"



Now Example of one I wanted to point out.

"I wish we could," he said, "But in every case, chemotherapy hasn't ever worked. I guess what I am trying to say is... You're dying, Rarity. At the very best, you have a month left."

That could be. "One thing i forgot 'He said' is a sentance of it's own and it should be capitalized and punctuated.[this goes for all terms of He/she - said/cried/Yelled Etc."

"I wish we could..." He said. "But in every case, chemotherapy hasn't ever worked. I guess what I am trying to say is... You're dying, Rarity. At the very best, you have a month left."

Or a different example of the same situation.

"I know, Sweetie Belle," Rarity whispered, nodding. "I know."

To

"I know, Sweetie Belle..." Rarity whispered, nodding. "I know."

You shouldn't end a Quote with a comma. It is a full sentance that a character in the story said.

Very small fixes here and there on your "long pauses" but i LOVED this story. You really do need to write more. :pinkiehappy:

That was sad, but really good. I noticed that your description of Apple Bloom's special talent was similar to mine. That was intentional, wasn't it? That made me smile.

Keep it up, okay? I want to know Spike's secret.

1206697 Yes, it was intentional. I do a few tributes to authors of stories that I loved. And Inner Demons is my favorite. I'm about to read the last chapter.

1260812 Yes... It was the best I could come up with.

You're not gonna finish this, are you? That makes me all:raritycry: :raritydespair: after reading what has been written.

1599200 Yes. Will finish eventually.

wow, not since I read Past Sins has a story made me look into myself and want to change for the better, I hope to see this amazing story updated...that is....if you want to...:fluttershysad:

1613462 Y- you are comparing this, a story with only 28 likes, to Past Sins, a story with 1000+ likes? Thank you!:pinkiesad2:

Yes I am, and your story is not coming up short, when I read your story, I could feel Rarity's heart breaking when the doc told her about the cancer, not to mention you didn't forget about sweetie belle and how she looks up to Rarity, and how rarity is trying to make sweetie belle's happy in her final days...a story is good, not by how many likes it get, but from how much of an impact it has on it's readers, if I had to choose from 1000 likes, but they just though it was good, to 1 like, but knowing that the story fundamentally touched the reader's heart and made them appreciate all the good in their lives, I'd have to choose the 1.
but I hope you keep on writing!:twilightsmile:

can't wait to see how the next chapter goes. although i'm surprised that twilight and the others didn't scold spike for saying such a vulgar word at aj. update

can't wait to see how the next chapter goes. although i'm surprised that twilight and the others didn't scold spike for saying such a vulgar word at aj. update as soon as u can

1678647 Ch. 2 is a work in progress. It's one of the few stories I write on paper before posting here.

There's no way Twilight hatched Spike when he was fifteen, more like four. I'd be willing to give you ten for the sake of the story, but fifteen is just ridiculous. Still good though, but no way in hell.

1681008

the ten-year-old dragon

I'll be twenty-six!

Twilight and Rarity were fillies when Spike was hatched, younger than the CMC according to Applejack. In other words, there's no way in hell that Twilight hatched Spike at fifteen. Logically, she'd of been around four since that's the age you start kindergarten and Twilight mentions Celestia sending her back to Magic Kindergarten. For the sake of the story's attempt to make the age thing a problem, ten would be reasonable, but not fifteen.

1682031 Twilight is younger than Rarity, the youngest of the Mane Six in my opinion. However, I do see now that even if that is the case, Spike should be older. I have 2 theories as to how old spike is. first tho, how old do you think he should be for the story to work. Twi is 21 in this story. I will tell u my 2 theories of Spike's age after.

1682344 If Twi is 21 Spike would be 18-16 depending on when their birthdays fall. If the age thing is supposed to be a legitimate problem 16 would be the most reasonable. I find it unlikely Rarity is five years Twi's senior though; I could see three at most. I'm basing this off the fact they were the same size in Cutie Mark Chronicles, where Fluttershy and Dash were lankier and Shy is apparently a year older than Pinkie.

1682436 The way I see it, AJ and Rarity are tied for oldest, then Flutters, then Pinkie, Dash, and Twilight for last. I may be changing the ages of all of them.

1682501 Dash and Shy would be about the same in my book and the oldest of the 6 considering their history and the fact both were about the same height during the filly episode. AJ would probably trail them and then Pinkie, Twi, and Rarity could go either way. Although honestly, I don't think there's more than a three year difference between the youngest and oldest, and I personally would say two.

1682582 Ages will be modified when i have time.

Are you going to finish this story?

1739940 Yes. I have other things complicating it all right now tho.

1744779 I have about 5 other stories in the works, as well as daily life.

1746765 Why don't you focus on this one and get back to the other 5 later?

1746779 My brain doesn't work that way. An idea pops in, I start on it, about 16 minutes later, WHAM! new idea. Start on that one, BAM! another new one. And then, WHAMO! back to the first one. I need to get my shit in order......

1746848 I'm trying. Don't rush me. I came to this site because I was under the impression that I could write on my own schedule, and without any deadlines. I don't write well under pressure.

1746862 Look, this fic is giving me trouble, and I really want to finish it, but it's one of the few that I write on paper before actually putting it on the site, and I'm stuck right now. It may take a while. I apologize for the delay. I just need to work some personal things out first.

1682660
Not to hurt you or anything, but I would have to agree with Path on the age thing with Spike, the Mane 6, and the CMCs, and the main thing that connects all that would be the Sonic Rainboom (the first one). All of the main 6 got their cutie marks at the same time thanks to RD, and Spike was magically hatched because of it (Twilight's reaction to the Sonic Rainboom was an unprecendended burst of magical energy released). Sure it never showed that none of the CMCs were there when all that happened, showing that they possibly weren't born yet....

Again it's just my personal opinion...:pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile:

1780280 False. MLP S1 EP1: Spike says that he was hatched from a purple and green egg. The Rainboom episodes egg was just purple. That dragon wasn't Spike. Seriously. Look it up.

1785023
Whoops :facehoof::facehoof: my bad.

Hey wait a minute...that is a bit of a minute error. Why couldn't it be Spike? I have seen that episode several times, and the baby dragon that shows up when Twilight hatched that egg has to be Spike, all the images of him as an infant would show it. Yes, he does say that he came from a purple and green egg, but maybe his recollection may be slightly off.

Of course, I could possibly be wrong. I don't want to start any flame wars, forgive me? :fluttercry:

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