I don't know why I can't get up. I used to play this game every night when she got home. She would laugh, I would get up, and we would go make a snack. But we're both crying this time, her hooves in my mane, and I can't get up. I can just think, about all those days it took for me to get here, all my days of racing in the rain.
--------------------------------
** This story was written when I was 15, and the quality and content reflect that. Please be aware that my position on topics contained within may have changed in the time between publishing and now, and I apologize for any offensive material that I may have condoned in my younger years. **
Chapters (1)
One downvote right off the bat.
Edit: Read story, and upvoted.
1805895
I really wish people who downvoted would comment why, It'd be a lot more helpful.
1805973
You speak as if the person who downvoted wanted to be helpful. ...or in fact read the fic.
1805996
But still.
I should stop reading sad things. It takes a long time to clean tears out of the cracks between the keys on your keyboard. Great work. Upvoted~
1806090
Psh, tears evaporate in a few hours
And thank you!
i1300.photobucket.com/albums/ag83/TrollestiaSubject/Discorded/Spike%20is%20Orphan/640px-Rainbow_Dash_being_daww_S2E16.png
Well, the whole style of the fic is quite fragmented.
Also there isn´t much drama, its just the hammer of destiny banging down on two innocent Ponies.
Like a forge... it´s loud, it´s distracting but it´s it doesn´t pull me into the narration.
Spike doesn´t get to say a single word, and during the whole seperation scene Celestia acts as a force of nature, rather then a benevolent mentor you could interact with.
It adds to the feeling of unfairness, but just like the uncurable illness allways appears to be constructed to exactly that purpose. In my opinion it would be much more stirring if they struggled and lost, not just got flattened on an anvil.
To further force feelings on the reader there is the love between Twilight an Dash wich is just a given fact that is repeated... rather often. It too serves a purpose, blatantly so.
The story could benefit from some more subtlety.
1806249
Thank you, I will try to improve on that in future stories, I appreciate both the advice you gave and the time it must have taken to write it.
1806090 i know how you feel
Beautiful, just beautiful. These are the stories I live for thank you
1807175
You're very welcome.
Just can't get enought of rainbow dieing. That does make me evil does it?
Beautiful.
You should read this if you have not already, I miss you
Edit: I just found it in your faves list. Ayone else who reads this comment should still go give it a read.
Man, that picture at the end was a twist of the knife.
'Twas a good story. Sad. You really pulled that off.
But I do feel like ... like there was no payoff to the flashbacks? There was one where RD was taking Millie to school and then it all ended. I'm not so sure what you were going for with that.
i dunno whether I like this, or despise it. Both for the same reason. This story actually made me heave a few sobs, which, I don't believe any story out of the few hundred have made me do (there may have been one or two, but that would literally be the most.) Had I read this almost exactly 24 hours ago, I could've said this was the first in a long time to make me even so much as tear up, but Wizard's story got to me (or rather I to it) first. Regardless, TwiDash is my favorite ship, and as such I typically avoid fic's that would have one or the other die in it. I knew what I was getting into, but I didn't expect the emotional impact it had on me.
This story got to me on a higher level because the way Dash died, losing her memories along with her sense of time and most, if not all of her other senses, while being in a coma....not being able to say her last words... I wouldn't be able to handle anything like this IRL.
Thank you for the story, and sorry for the ramble.
Thought of this story when I heard this song and thought it fit pretty damn good.
GOD DAMN IT TFW YOU REREAD AND ITS SADDER THE SECOND TIME
why do bronies keep giving RD fatal diseases i swear between you and Thyrai Im going crazy
Gonna be real honest here...aside from the busted links, this holds up damn well. I would have bragged for years if I had written something like this at freakin' fifteen.
I am curious PRECISELY what you are apologizing for in the description. I down voted for two separate moral reasons, but I don't want to.distort your answer to my question by explaining further before you answer... or at all if you don't care any more.