• Member Since 21st Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen March 9th

canonkiller


<- this horse is gay and there's nothing you can do about it

E
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Twilight is the Princess of the Stars, but there's something about them that Celestia neglected to mention. Celestia rules over the ponies, Luna over the batponies, Cadence over the crystal ponies, and Twilight will now discover that her subjects are nothing other than star ponies.

And when one falls into her library, she realizes that her job is a lot harder than she thought.

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** This story was written when I was 16, and the quality and content reflect that. Please be aware that my position on topics contained within may have changed in the time between publishing and now, and I apologize for any offensive material that I may have condoned in my younger years. **

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 82 )

Please give us more. This made me :yay:

Please, continue. This is an interesting concept. I think I like it. We will see if it is worth a like later down the line. So keep up the good work.

Interesting. Would like to see the situation develop.

This has potential. Definitely a good start.

4289453
Im just...watching her eyes continually.

Interesting start. I can't wait for more.

:twilightangry2:"Celesia! Why didn't you tell me I had subjects?!"

:trollestia:"Opps. I forgot."

:facehoof:

Looks very interesting, I'll keep my eye on it.:twilightsmile:

~TheEmpressEclipse~

This is good and I'm looking forward to more, but using 'they/their' in place of 'her/she' is really distracting.

Weeell... This is interesting! I will definitely continue to read this.

4289869 they/they're/their is a correct form when the gender of the subject is unknown or ambiguous.

Nice start! Keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

4289959 Correct or not, it was distracting for me

4289959
4290022

It is correct; it'll be revealed in the next chapter as to why no definite pronouns were used.

Writing tip: Using they might work when describing a certain group in general, but for a singular, tangible character, it doesn't work at all. If we're not sure about the gender, just call it an "it."

4290726

Singular they is the use of they, or its inflected forms, such as them or their, to refer to a single person or an antecedent that is singular in form.

It typically occurs with an antecedent of indeterminate gender, as in sentences such as:

"Everyone returned to their seats."[1]
"Somebody left their umbrella in the office. Would they please collect it."[2]
"If a person doesn't want to go on living, they are often very difficult to help.[2]
"The patient should be told at the outset how much they will be required to pay."[3]
"But a journalist should not be forced to reveal their sources."[3]
The term may also be applied to similar use of derived words such as themself or themselves.

A reason for its use is that English has no dedicated singular personal pronoun of indeterminate gender. In some cases, its use can be explained by notional agreement because words like "everyone", though singular in form, are plural in meaning. One reason for its increased use may be the movement to gender-inclusive language in the twentieth century, but it has been used by respected writers for centuries.
source

Writing tip: Don't knock it 'til you research it.

Its an interesting idea with a lot of potential, It will be interesting to see how well it is executed.

4290769 Okay, admittedly, I could have phrased that better. Trust me, I'm well aware of this particular use; my English teachers all but condemned it. But with your examples, you only prove my intended point. In those sentences, the subjects were unseen, generalized, unknown. We had no indication as to any exact person. With this "starpony," however, it is identified. We can see it (insomuch as a reader can "see" anything). We aren't talking about a character who is only hypothetical, but someone that Twilight and Co. are interacting with directly. This is what I was trying to say, and I apologize if I wasn't clear on that.

This is to say nothing against the story itself, I assure you. :twilightsmile: The concept is great; it's just the grammar that could use some work.

4291214

Well, the starpony isn't an 'it'. It seems like a term for... an animal. They is still used for a single person of indeterminate gender, which the starpony is. I'd just rather not say 'the starpony' every time I had to specify them.

4291414 I guess I just assumed that Twilight was smart enough to recognize gender by body type (which, let's face it, would look at least similar to other ponies), so that might have been the problem for me. Heck, you even refer to it as a "she" at least 3 times. You can't really say the starpony's gender is unknown when the narration is giving us the answer.

4292133

Ah, shit, did I? I've already got the rest of the story planned out, so I must have slipped up. That was unintentional, and I apologize for the mix-up.

I look forward too the next chapter. I find this very intriguing. :twilightsmile:

It feels like the story is moving a little too quickly, but it's still rather nice. Looking forward to the next chapter :twilightsmile:

I'm really enjoying this story so far. I like the set up of the stars being actual ponies. I'm interested to see how Twilight deals with this and how it may affect her. Maybe we can see some other star ponies meet with the Mane Six, or even see what happens if you get an MLP villain involved.

Overall, the story is really interested. I can't wait to see more.

-W.S.

Interesting idea, but I think it would make more sense if star ponies were unicornlike.:applejackunsure:
After all it is world of harmony so everything should be balanced. In this story it looks like that:
Bat pony=Pegasus
Crystal pony=Earth pony
Star pony=Pegasus :derpyderp1:
Not to mention that star ponies are very magical beings so it would only made sense that they are unicorns.
Still I like story very much, keep it up. :twilightsmile:

4293847 But they also live in the sky, so wings also make sense.

You always seem to come up with the most interesting concepts. Sphinxes, night mares (thanks again for letting me use the concept. People love it :twilightsmile:), and now star ponies. Heck, even your version of kirrin are unique. I can't wait for more (of this, and your other stories).

4294070
In sky? :rainbowhuh: I thought stars live in 'space' that is Astral Plane from chapter two. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Man! When I read your premise, I couldn't help but double over because I was literally writing about star ponies too! Although, my approach was going to be the star ponies being found through some type of 'research' instead of being, you know, under Twilight.

Now I'm going to see how this story plays out instead and finish up my other fic I was working on.

4292133
Consider that humans (a patriarchal society) use 'he' to refer to most forms of non-gendered entities in English. Given that English contains virtually no non-gendered pronouns, it's practically a given. If the ponies are a matriarchal society (they are, their leaders are female) then 'she' is probably the default pronoun when spoken in English.

4294098 :facehoof: You go through the sky to get to space. Besides, this world obviously doesn't follow the same rules as ours. The stars might very well be in the sky. Space might not even exist for all we know. Ice is good at building fantasy worlds, so you can bet it's going to be something different.

It starts off well enough. I'm curious about these ponies and look forward to seeing you flush them out.

The chapters are short, which is nice. I look forward to quick updates though. Very curious as to where this story will go. It seems that it might be a tale of politics and power changes.

I rather like it nice job!

4291414 seems like the term for an animal.
Oh the irony...

Interesting idea. Solid writing style.

I find the pacing hard to deal with, it's a bit wooden in some places, rushed in others.
Your narration is a bit fluffy. Cut this down by 15%. First thing I'd ditch is that phone conversation. She takes the time to call, and have a conversation with the agent. I felt like the strike happened a few hours ago, but then I learn paper is still fluttering in the air. I think you wanted a frantic feel to this chapter, a phone call spoils that.

Over all, this feels like a really good first draft. If you're interested in a style editor, PM me.

"Like, the spaghetti not being included makes sense, "

Noodle Incedent detected

"This is the Astral Plain, which is the method..."

Minor typo, Plain in this context should be plane.

"I am Antares, leader of the Scorpius starponies."

So I take it you are a fan of Tales of a wondering Non-brony?

Gotta wonder how that extends to, say, White Dwarves, Neutron Stars, and Black Holes.

I saw it in the popular box and thought "This sounds really interesting" and the boom it was Ice.

Luna pointed out, chugging from a pot of coffee.

This is my awake face

The entirety of the mare's body glowed like the moon on its' brightest night, every pinprick of light in her mane its' own supernova.

You shouldn't be using apostrophes with "its" in this case. The only time an apostrophe is used is when you are abbreviating the words "it is".

Welp...putting this on my reading list!

Comment posted by nukestar deleted Apr 30th, 2014

Isn't Antares red not "pale yellow"?

"The ruler of your people?" Twilight replied, her ears pricked. "Who are you?"

The better question would be "What are people?" :trollestia:

Twilight is the Princess of the Stars

Lol no. Not by a longshot.

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