Chrysalis failed. The hive was attacked, destroyed completely. She barely escaped with her life. Luckily, another life escaped with her. Maybe this little hatchling can show her what it truly means to love.
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Mild swearing, some mildly graphic description.
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** This story was written when I was 15, and the quality and content reflect that. Please be aware that my position on topics contained within may have changed in the time between publishing and now, and I apologize for any offensive material that I may have condoned in my younger years. **
Chapters (1)
Buh, what about 13 Reasons?
WHICH ONE IS CANON NOW?!
1854004
THORAX I HAVE MULTIPLE CANONS
DO YOU EVEN SEE WHAT I POST
So the guards killed everyone, hid the evidence and Celestia fell for it perfectly.
I'm not going to lie, I'd love to see them all hung.
Yes, but they tend to be sad, so I run away screaming.
1854036 Hear hear!
1854041
Well I'll admit I do a lot for villains;
Chrysalis
Hive Mind - returned to a regular Changeling and outcast
13 Reasons - Executed
Sin - Died for her hatchling
Discord
Autumn - evil/redeemed
Chaos Drain - downright bloodthirsty
Sombra
Hahaha you won't know what hit you.
Fuck man...the feels...
1854051
I've seen the picture with Sombra and Floam Sombra, I'm preparing.
1854100
It gon' be gud. Prepare your mature filters.
1854091
Yes, let the feels flow through you.
1854036 I really doubt that they wouldnt do anything like that no matter how much theyd want without orders. remember Discord's words, I dont turn ponies to stone
Hmm... seems familiar, but only the name, Sin... Never the less, I liked the story.
Damn, that was really fucking depressing. Now I want a sequel to this.
Not sure if you hate changelings so much you make them suffer... or ponies and making them the monsters.
i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/026/futuramafry.jpg
1856203
Perhaps familiar through anothers' story, A Changeling Named Sin?
1856207
I would write a sequel if I had any idea what'd happen.
1856382
I do what I must to manipulate the feels. It just happens to be Changelings lately.
1857606 Perhaps, but I wouldn't know. I've yet to enjoy reading that one.
1857682
I tried reading it, but it was kind of jumpy. To me, at least. Tenses swapped, scenes changed; it just seemed disorganized.
1857696 Perhaps through the chaos, there was hidden purpose. They say in a tornado, the best place you can be in is the middle, but it's getting there that's the challenge.
1857682
1857778
Not sure if both playing along or if Ice hasn't noticed.
1859678
Hasn't noticed what?
I have no idea what's going on help
Review, as requested:
Technically, this is good. The descriptions are creative and vivid, the scenarios are dramatic, the transitions are good, there isn't much that could be cut anywhere.
The intent of the story, though, failed with me. It made me dislike Chrysalis even more. I might be the wrong person to review this, because I think I'm more bloodthirsty than you. My reaction to Celestia wasn't, "Why was she so cold towards Chrysalis?" but, "She didn't tell her guards to hunt down and kill all the changelings? What is she, crazy?"
The flashback to earlier times when Chrysalis was soft on prisoners and on her workers was inconsistent with Chrysalis-the-total-bitch in the show. You'd have to work really hard to convince me that she had that kind of softness in her. When Chrysalis is angry at Celestia, I thought at first you were trying to show that Chrysalis was going crazy with sorrow, not that Celestia had in fact done anything except show extreme restraint. Then, later, in the castle, Chrysalis gets indignant at having her home destroyed just for, you know, trying to kill everypony; and I had the feeling you didn't think she was crazy and wanted us to feel sorry for her. Chrysalis calls the changelings outcasts, but they're not outcasts. They're predators. She tried to eat everyone in Canterlot, then comes back, not sorry at all, is indignant that the Equestrians continued the war she started, and at--not being given free medical care? And that bit with her recalling or imagining Celestia turning away starving ponies from her gates--that's total alternate-universe stuff there. I can't wrap my head around it. I felt like this was Changeling propaganda written to take in people who hadn't seen the show episode.
What you're trying to do is very difficult, especially at a short length. It can be done, but only if you, the author, admit that Chrysalis is an evil monster, and either show that she realizes she's been a monster and repents, or show us that she was forced by fate to become what she is and that that fate is tragic, or really get inside the life of changelings and show how everything seems reasonable from their perspective. John Gardner's book Grendel is a great example of how to do this.
1889508
Although I agree with most of what you said, I think our general views towards Changelings are widely different, mostly in the way they feed. My canon involves the ponies being used, but in the best circumstances; relocation through false messages and things of that nature. Example; a mare is told her new job needs her to take a trip to someplace else, her husband stays behind, and the Changelings fool them both through the missing pony 'appearing' in the situations at hand. From what I can gather by your comment, you see Changelings as pure predators, which I know is shared by a multitude of fans, and that they are fully functioning when they simply are.
And on the point of comparing to the show; Chrysalis was not a total bitch. She tried to take over Canterlot, yes, but if her kind had been starving, that would have seemed like her only hope. All her other major actions could be taken as self-defense, or elimination of possible threats. In her disguise, nopony saw through it, remember? Only Twilight, who could have been disillusioned by childhood innocence anyway, noticed a difference between her and her foalsitter. When Twilight challenged her, she moved Twilight to keep her out of the way - didn't harm her - and carried on. Had she been a total bitch, everyone would have seen through her disguise and she would have failed.
On the fact of the ponies at the gate; I'm heavily influenced by Les Miserables at the moment, so I'm just going to shove a small portion of the blame onto that. The rest of the blame, however, is fully mine, as my personal ideals on the Princesses lie in the fact that there is no way two ponies could possibly talk to everypony in Equestria who needs them. Plus, have you ever seen a poor pony in Canterlot?
Thank you for taking the time to read and critique my work, however, and I will try to incorporate your notes into my next story.
Have a happy new year!
1889695 Thanks for not getting mad. Re. her being a bitch, I wasn't talking about what she did, but about her manner. She didn't just get Chrysalis and Twilight out of the way because it was necessary; she enjoyed making them suffer and taunting them. She acted coldly, haughtily, and rudely to everypony at every opportunity throughout the story. The writers were maybe being lazy when they did all that, but, they did it and we're stuck with it.
1889783
I don't get mad at good criticism, not like it changes anything.
And that's very true - I think you meant to write Cadence, so I'll go with that - but once again, on a change of perspective, put her in association with Discord. He ruined basically everypony's lives, and yet he had a few moments that were foreboding enough to change his general attitude from downright-evil [see Sombra, "GRR CRYSTALS RAWR SLAVES"] to methodical and almost mischievous. (If you can't tell, I'm so excited for the next episode, I can hardly wait.) Now, if you look at his actions as necessary for his success, which they were, they align with Chrysalis's entrapment of the two mares.
If she could break them, and keep them from pursuing the matter - Cadence with escaping, Twilight with... basically the same thing - then being a bitch makes sense. She certainly did distract them, as the pretty pink Princess was basically sobbing in a corner, and Twilight was so angry she would have probably made the cave fall in, given a bit more time. And for everypony else; well, they were mostly
Ponyville hillbilliesfrom a small town in the middle of nowhere, and she was getting married, as well as being royalty, which kinda gives her a higher status than the ponies making stuff work.And to be honest, brides can get really bitchy.
I love this story, but I also hate it; I love how emotional and well written it is, portraying Chrysalis' desperation and eventual surrender, but...
I hate the tragic ending, it burns my feels and hurts in ways I have not felt for a long, long time.
If you wrote another like this with a happy ending and a future? I'd be all over that like a fat kid on a cupcake.
For now, you have my thumbs-up and fave, you heartstring tugging beast.
2205550
I may add an epilogue in the future, not sure though.
1889508
Maybe the countries in the world of MLP have something like the Geneva convention. in that case Chrysalis is rightfully angry: it is illegal to fire on the enemy if they are retreating, not to mention fire-bombing a civilian city (the fact that there was no one there doesn't matter, as the equestrians wouldn't know that). as for the health care, you are required to take care of POWs as you would your own troops.
That was sad.
I am sad now. The entirety of the Changelings dead? Noes!!!
Good story. Sad, but well done.
THe royal gaurd are assholes, only Comet Burst is awsome
Very well written. Good job.
(Edit) What is this? A tear? Damon mate only one story other than this has made me shed a tear.
Well then, that was interestingly awesome. One of the best fan fics I read, like changelings then, LOVE them now.
Great story. I am very sad for poor foal.
I feel like there was a lot of backstory I was missing. You suggested a lot of things, but never really explained them fully. We're expected to pity, or feel something for, Chrysalis, but you didn't show us why. You gave us glimpses, but that was it. As Bad Horse said, the changelings, by all appearances, instigated the war. The attack on their city was entirely justified. The story here gave inklings that maybe something else was up, but it stopped at inklings. There was nothing solid, nothing concrete that made me feel any sort of anything toward Chrysalis. Ultimately, it felt like half a story. On its own, its decent enough, but it feels inadequate and very much incomplete.
A good fic, although it is short. I would have liked to see an extended version with more buildup and whatnot.
2207453 DO IT
Fuck My Little Dashie!!! They talk about how sad it was! Well, if My Little Dashie was sad, than this is so depressing that it makes you want to cut your arm off from the constant slashing. Didn't cry when I read My Little Dashie, this made me use all of my will power just not to let a tear out.....I failed.
Everyone should be helped.
No matter how evil they are
No matter how much they deserve it
Everyone has a heart
Everyone deserves a chance to be forgiven
Now that's a sad story.
Obviously, the Guards cleaned up the murder site after they slaughtered the changeling race; probably dumped all the bodies in a mass grave that was hidden.
Celestia... her actions can only be described as monstrous in this. She didn't even try checking things out before leaving Chrysalis and the poor hatchling to die. She could have asked Luna to check Chrysalis' mind via the same method as she uses for dreams. She didn't. and not only that, she deliberately condemned the changeling race to death. Her actions were demonic.
Words do not begin to describe the rage I feel. I am fighting to hold back feelings worse than anger.
Wow, I mean, fuck Celestia tho. I say break her ribs