Celestia has just resolved the Changeling attack, and receives a letter from a former student of hers... one she had thought was long gone, and she had long since... almost forgotten.
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** This story was written when I was 14-15, and the quality and content reflect that. Please be aware that my position on topics contained within may have changed in the time between publishing and now, and I apologize for any offensive material that I may have condoned in my younger years. **
Chapters (13)
....
This is really good.
The story's really nice, and I hope to see more.
FEATURE BOX, AND AWAY!
:D
Congrats you got me hooked.
Very interesting looking forward to the following chapters.
Nifty! *tracked*
Sky? Oh, he's a Changeling. Or, he is now ??? care to explain this.
Intriguing. The setup so far seems like it could turn out either extremely well or extremely badly, depending on how you handle this, but I'll reserve judgement for now. Either way, I'll be interested to see where you take this idea.
826855
*mystical hand waving* All will be revealed in time...
827524 I see
So Luna is now making changelings huh
829282
Sorry, but cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/9258526.jpg
Crysalis was a pony once, she got somehow turned into a changeling and others can too, so now this Sky turned into one too somehow.
Ooh, intriguing!
Interesting development...
Getting really interesting.
907480
907510
I might have the next chapter up by tonight, but there's a storm coming in, so I might lose my internet.
907554 Wow, I'm jealous. Usually it takes a week to a month for me to pound out a new chapter.
907554
Good luck then, will be interesting to see Celestia teaching a Changeling student
907568
Inspiration I guess
Again: jealous. Anyway, now to read...
I'm sorry, but I'm at the part where Celestia, The changeling, and the kid are in the examination room, and I have no idea what's going on. You might want to rework that section, as I can't tell the Celestia from the flashback and the Celestia who's dreaming the memories apart.
909540
I tried putting Celestia's memories/POV in fancy italics, and whenever Celestia/Shimmer sees Fancy Italic Celestia, she's referred to as 'the Princess', while Celestia/Shimmer is called 'Celestia'. Does that help? (Honestly, I tried a bunch of different ways to make it work) Also, if Celestia says something to Shimmer, the fancy italics are cut off.
909540
I have no idea what's going on either
909585
I'll try to fix it.
Oh my god I'm so confused.
just a suggestion... perhaps you could try writing the flashback/memory scenes in the first person, from 'magic shimmer's point of view?
that way, you would not have to refer to the 'viewer' by name at all. it would be much easier to follow, and it would also better convey the feeling of 'watching events unfold through someone else's eyes.'
just calling shimmer 'celestia' while writing in the third person doesn't really do that very well. I understand your intention-- to show that celestia is the one experiencing the memory-- but to the reader, it just ends up being confusing. especially since past-celestia is actually showing up in the memories now.
the italic bits where you do refer to shimmer by her actual name do not help. if you wrote ALL of it like that, then it would be quite easy to follow, but when you switch back and forth it just makes the story even more confusing.
add the fact that we're dealing with disguised changelings, which by their very nature are confusing, and things just become impossible to follow.
you should consider either writing ALL of this in the 'italics' format (that is, never refer to shimmer as 'celestia'. just call her by her name.) or in the first person.
all that said... I like this fic quite a bit. it's an original idea, and interesting (if a bit OOC on celestia's part). I just hope you can work out a more coherent system, cause I want to see where this goes
910799
Okay, I'll try that. Sorry about all the confusion, everyone!
Congratz you made me almost cry
in a good way
959164
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png Only almost?!
(Glad you like it
)
yay
update
1038612
There was enough of a gap (mostly from me going AAAAAAAATHISSHOULDN'TBEINTHESAMECHAPTER) that I inserted Griffons. (Which may or may not become important to the later plot
the implications...
I can honestly say that I really can't wait for the next chapter, this story is wonderful.
I hope Celestia can work through what's going on, she really needs this...
1074253
This is honestly the hardest I have ever worked on a story. Autumn (that story that never happened) just kept going, with what I now believe was simply me testing the limits of what I could create while remaining in the genre. Hive Mind was almost a fan story for Changelings and my attempt to see what "Human in Equestria" stories could become. All my little one-shots are just that, practice stories within 2000 words. I may just scrap all of my other 'planned' stories into The Motivation Archive and work on impulse, like this one.
It's not my most popular story, definitely, and I'm happy that it fits in it's little niche on my page. But I'm writing for my own pleasure, and if this story makes you happy too, then it's a bonus.
TL;DR: Expect more emotionally layered stories in the future. I'm pretty sure what the next one will be, so I'll give you a clue: monochromatic.
1074579
alrigt, seems legit.
Getting more and more interesting , everyone knows what the orb does , everyone except Celestia i guess?
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1087445
Im going to hazard a guess, and say that the orb slowly turns Celestia into the next changeling queen.
1089578
Of course not! I'm outta here...
There must always be a Lich King... err Changeling Queen?
1087445
You want me to believe that Trolluna err... Luna picked the only (or one of the few?) changelings to watch over Tia , the brother of the former Queen (or part of her) and she had no idea about anything while he as a simple warrior/whatever knows more then they.
Ill believe it when the story ends in Celestias transformation compete and she putting Luna six feet under and make Sky impersonate her
Whatever really happens will be interesting :P
1090807
You would know today if my computer wasn't stuck in lala land and I didn't suck at typing on an ipod.
ooh....celestia the changeling
cool
Queen Celestialess
Hmm, i doubt Luna, Shimmer, Celestia and sky all explored the ruins together so i guess its mixing together in Celestias head, she is getting more control over the body even if its a memory?
Cant wait for more.
1161060
Or the memory is getting more control over her And not together; Celestia and Luna once, Shimmer and Sky once. There's nothing else to do in Ponyville really.
1162527
Well if shes turning into a changeling its both way at the same time? the memories turning into her memories and her being able to understand/control/whatever them better?
I know this is a strange thing to ask, but does this have a tragic ending?
If you don't want to spoil anything that's completely fine, it's just tragedy makes the Thorax depressed. So far it has been heading down that road.
1196978
Possibly yes, possibly no. In all honesty, I have no idea. I'm writing this chapter by chapter, even I don't know what's going to happen.
1197208
Fair enough, I have three stories going at the moment
Don't tell anyone I said this, but there is no ending. I'm just going to throw myself overboard one day.
1197694
I have a bunch of stories that I just changed to cancelled/on hiatus because I really have no motivation to finish them.
1199669
Eeeyup, I know all of that feel.