Hundreds of years in the future, Equestria has become a literal power bar, supplying safe energy to all neigh-bouring countries and to its' own citizens. Of course, like any deal, there are two parts to it. The normal pony simply received bright nights and some extra energy on the side. And then you can become a Wired. Being Wired has some great bonuses; you never have to pay for energy and you get as much as you want, as well as moving up into the Skyline Sector in Canterlot. Your ID is in your coding, and you're granted instant access to any place you're old enough to enter.
But being a Wired has one simple, drastic drawback. At any given time, you can lose control.
The Wireds are named that because they are Wired into the defenses of Equestria. If there is a threat, the electric nodes in any Wired's neck teleport them into the throes of conflict. A Wired is, in essence, a tool for Equestria's survival.
Equestria's going to need them pretty soon.
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** This story was written when I was 15, and the quality and content reflect that. Please be aware that my position on topics contained within may have changed in the time between publishing and now, and I apologize for any offensive material that I may have condoned in my younger years. **
Sounds like a crossover...
Is this a crossover over with something, because it sounds like it is.
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If it is, it certainly wasn't intended.
(Joke) Alt. Title: I'm So Wired (Of Darkventure Fictions)
I think this is the only crossover to not only be potential unintentional, but to also not crossover with anything,.. A "notover", if you will.
2037403 I still have the movie 'In Time' in my head, no worries!
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I've decided since so many people think it's a crossover all of my story elements must be aligned and decent. It might as well be compliments.
Although, I'm hoping to try and customize it as the story continues... which may or may not make it more not-over-y.
Anyways, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy it in the future!
Did you make the cover art, or a friend/acquaintance?
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Me, I do most of my own art. The vector on I Wasn't Prepared for This is temporary until I have the real cover completed.
Hmm, I'm liking the premise, and Nox is best.
Ohai. Finally got around to reading this story.
The only real issue I had with it was that I was quite disoriented. No matter how many times I went back and re-read a section, I couldn't seem to pluck it out. I had no clue who was doing what why and it got a bit frustrating. I actually had to put it down, and take a break from trying to read it. Bad sign. You definitely don't want that.
I felt like a lot of what the 'wiring' looked like was left to the reader's imagination. Actually, now that I think about it, I felt like a great many things were a bit underdescribed. My imagination, which has recently been fried by a fairly rough cold, was unable to manufacture enough information to generate any sort of mental picture while I was reading. I just needed more physical description of the setting and characters. When I write, I insert myself in the setting from a vantage point, where I could see the characters, but unless they're looking for me they won't see me, and describe the setting as seen from said vantage point.
Now, the art of story writing is taking the mental images you have in your head, turning them into words, and making the reader have a mental image as close to yours as is physically possible. At this point, I have almost no idea what I'm supposed to be seeing. Give me moar descriptions so I can see what's going on.
All in all, not bad. I give you a 4.5 out of 6. I'll read onward to see where this goes. You definitely have my interest. Have a Big Macintosh.
<3 DarqFox
I am officially confused. I have no clue what's going on where or why. So before I skeddadle, I'll say my peace, and hope you can improve with it.
It skipped around in these two chapters I managed to read far too much. The big problem was that it skipped around from scene to scene too quickly, and doesn't quite give me enough background and description to know what the hell is happening. I honestly do believe that the story is very well written, and I am interested in what is going on because the concept and writing is quite good, but I just can't wrap my head around the setting.
My suggestion: Go back and add more details. Where are all of these characters? What do they look like? What are they like? WHERE ARE THEY? The main thing that threw me was the fact that I had no idea what the scenery looked like, or where they were, or what they were doing there. My advice is to go back and add all of the details that I don't seem to be able to find. Those skip around sections should EACH have AT LEAST 400-600 more words of descriptional details that tell us readers what we're supposed to be seeing in our heads.
Story writing is the art of taking an image in your mind, and using words to paint as similar an image to yours as possible into your readers' minds.
<3 DarqFox
P.S. I really was intrigued by the concept of this story. Perhaps with some editing I'll come read more. :3
Props for the concept. Have a moustache.
Haven't read this story in a long time, and am so confused.
Love this story
Cool can't wait for more chapters!
If there were a bit more background, this would make a good read. As it is, I'm having trouble associating certain characters with mental images as they rush by. I can't see them. Your handle over dialogue and action is pretty good. I'm not getting anything character-wise, though. As far as I'm aware, this world is empty. Not even the name Ponyville helps, not when it's so obviously and completely different.
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I'll try to improve on that in a little while, but there's one scene I have to get through first.
wow no comments
I have no idea what's going on.
And that's perfectly fine with me.
nice....
2472341 I honestly don't have much of an idea about what's happening either, but It's still fun to read.
Hmm... I think Crystal is the Crystal Heart.
I'm hoping for a quick update of this great story.
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Updates on Mondays!
This... This is freaking amazing. Bravo, my good sir. (Or madame, I'm not sure which)
UPDATE
Me: *Comments in a story that hasn't been commented into nor updated since 2013* Nye heh heh heh!