A Life Once Lived
The ground isn't comfortable.
I'm trying to stay away from the nagging thoughts in my mind of how long I've been lying here. My whole body feels cold, and the only thing keeping me from falling asleep is some burning desire to see her again first. I can only hope she gets here before-
-oh, thank Celestia, I can hear the door opening.
"Rainbow Dash? Rainbow Dash?" Her voice has a joyful, playful lilt to it, the way it always does when she comes home. However, this time, I can't respond to her cheery tone.
This is a game we played for a long time. I would hide before she came home, and when she arrived, I would giggle loudly until she found me. Today, I'm not giggling.
You know, she used to laugh at me for getting philosophical on rainy days. When I'd gotten to frail to fly in storms and lightning, when I sat at the window and watched the world go by, I would just... talk. About stuff I noticed, like Pinkie seeming lost, or Lyra and Bon Bon avoiding each other. Little things.
I wonder if she'd laugh at me now. If I started telling her how much I loved her. I don't know if she would or not. Maybe. But then I feel her footsteps on the wooden floor, and her warmth wraps around me, and I know she wouldn't.
"Dashie? Dashie, I called the hospital. They're coming."
I try to whisper a thank you, but only air escapes my mouth. She presses her hoof against it, closing it. It's probably good, I was finding it hard to stop exhaling.
"You're a tough pony, Rainbow Dash." A small speckle of warmth blossomed on my neck. Oh no. She's crying. "Be tough for just a while longer. For me."
I'll be strong for you, Twilight. I'll always be strong for you.
---
---
"Go Dashie!"
I hear her voice below me, carried up on silver-sprayed winds, and pull out of my spin. I have just enough time to see her smile and the flash of her purple eyes before the backdraft catches my feathers and I'm thrown up into the air again. The rainbow trail etched by my tail hovers, suspended and sparkling in the winter sun, and connects with my current path through a whirlwind of color.
I cheer, the knotted spectrum behind me designating the perfect outcome, and do a victory loop, soaring lower on the return and landing on the frosty grass with a short canter. Twilight, her mane glittering gently with captured snow, canters over, grinning and laughing.
"You'll be in the Wonderbolts in no time!"
"Heh, yeah." I try to act with my usual bravado, but her praise means more to me than ever flying on that team. I feel warm enough inside to melt the frost around me, maybe in all of Ponyville. "I guess I'll go to tryouts next time they're up."
She smiles, and the honesty and warmth imbued in it sparks a whole new blaze in my chest. "Yeah, you should. But for now, let's go to Sugarcube Corner and get some hot cocoa, it's cold out here."
We begin to trot back to town, and she doesn't protest when I lay a wing across her shivering back.
------
I really don't want to die. I love her too much to leave her.
Twilight... No words. I can't speak. Twilight, I love you.
I can almost feel the warmth of her breath on my forehead, and her gentle whisper of "I know."
------
"They aren't taking him away."
I frown, kicking a hoof as I fly. "He's not being taken, Twilight, he's-"
"He's my best friend!" She yells, standing up quickly enough to seriously tilt the carriage she's sitting in.
I flap hard, pulling the cart level again. I would have even if nopony was in it; the thing was lightweight, and a gift from Princess Celestia herself. Twilight mumbles an apology, sitting back down gently and glancing into the backseat to make sure my second-most precious cargo is still alright.
Well, maybe the most precious.
The unicorn filly is swaddled in blankets, flanked on both sides by two Royal Guards, and still fast asleep.
Twilight sighs, resting her chin on the metal at the front of the airborne chariot. "I just... I just don't want him to go."
"I know, Twilight. I know."
------
I'm being carried by magic of some sort. The world is a blur of noise and color and it hurts. I can't fold my ears back, or close my eyes the rest of the way, and it hurts.
"Don't worry, Rainbow Dash."
Her. She's still here.
The faint blue smudge of sky is replaced by stark white as I'm loaded into the hospital's cart.
"You'll be flying again soon."
------
"Twilight Sparkle, having Spike in your household was near impossible at the size he had become-"
"But he was my best friend!"
"His fire-breathing habits posed a danger to both you and the library-"
"I loved him!"
Twilight's yell silenced any rebuttal Princess Celestia may have had. The unicorn choked on her breath, tears running down her face.
"Y-you took away my brother, my family, my home, all for your stupid friendship reports!" She lifted her head, eyes gleaming with anger and sorrow. "The only thing I had left from my home was him! My little brother! And... and now you're taking him away."
She leaned back on her haunches, emotionally exhausted. Princess Celestia looked down at her, any emotion she felt hidden behind a royal facade.
"Twilight Sparkle, upon taking the position of my student, you knew full well the repercussions of your studies."
"I was a foal, Princess. I didn't know what it meant to be away from everything I loved."
She sounded like she had lost everything. Which, I guess, she had.
Twilight stood up, making a point of not looking at Celestia. I met her at the door, her foal wrapped around my wings. She hesitated at the door, however, and lifted her head.
Without turning around, she called back to her mentor. "Tell me when you learn what friendship is."
------
A warm hoof grazed my forelock, and my vision focused on a beautiful, awkward, purple egghead. "Good morning, Rainbow."
"...goh... morh... nen..." My own voice hurt me, daggers in my throat and tears in my eyes. No, no, the tears were hers.
"Oh, Rainbow. I'm so sorry I wasn't home sooner. I can't believe... I thought..."
I lifted a hoof shakily, seeing a series of blurry tubes arching from my skin. I press the tip of my hoof to her lips, but my shuddering must have scraped the rough edge against her chin. The tears begin running down her face.
"Rainbow... I thought you were dead. And... and I... I..."
I ran my hoof along her cheek, tears staining her pale fur a dark violet.
"I don't think I could have gone on living if you were."
------
"Spike's gone... and... I yelled at Celestia. I yelled at Celestia! What was wrong with me?"
I was going to tell her that it's because she was upset, but she was obviously not going to listen to reason. Of course, the situation wasn't really reasonable anyway.
She punched the cushion of the chariot, her breath hitching. "W-what's wrong with me?"
"It's simple." I responded calmly. "You lost someone you loved."
She didn't respond.
------
"What's wrong with her?"
Twilight. Oh Twilight, I love you.
"I'm afraid it's a degenerative bone disorder."
Be quiet. I want to her my Twilight.
"I-is there anything we can do?"
I love you.
"I'm afraid not."
I love you.
------
Two months had passed, and Twilight had finally come out to see a show.
Her arcane wings glittered along her sides, her horn making her stand out even more. Not like I cared, I loved her.
The announcer began talking, and I started my slow lope.
"Easy strides, trainee! You aren't chained to the ground, you're flying against it!"
I open my wings, feeling the air currents building in my wake.
"Now lift your chin, become the wind. Wind doesn't make resistance, wind defies it."
My feathers tingle with energy, with life, and I spread them further.
"Now, fly!"
My wings beat once, and I'm in the air. Clouds shrink away, cowering from my speed. Ponies cheer as my wingponies follow my lead, a 'v' of Pegasi in their Element. I flick my tail and loop backwards, the others flying higher and splitting apart like fireworks.
I shut my wings.
That day, I realized my potential. The sky opened up in front of me...
...and slammed back down as my wings folded in.
The air rushed against my mane, peeling away at my fur and skin, stinging its' needles into my eyes. The roaring of my fall hushed suddenly, the air going silver as it bent with me.
Thanks, Spitfire.
The Rainboom was one of my best, the circle of light blocking out the sky. I soared back towards the stadium, twirling into a tornado-like cone until my rainbow trail died out.
The first thing I noticed above the roar of the crowd was Twilight cantering across the clouds, frowning. Frowning, and crying.
She wrapped her hooves around my neck, leaning heavily into my chest.
I couldn't hear very well, the ring of deafness dulling my senses. But I still know what she said.
"I thought I was going to lose you."
And all I could say was, "I'd never leave."
------
"Rainbow?"
Yes?
"I don't know if you can hear me."
I can hear you. Oh, my eyes are closed. I wonder why they won't open. Odd.
"But... you're getting worse."
I can't get worse. I'm Rainbow Dash. I wasn't even bad to begin with.
"You can barely move. You just slept for a few hours, and it was noon when you fell asleep."
Of course. I always nap. Exhaustion is for the weak.
"You... you're dying, Rainbow."
What?
"You have bone degeneration. Your wing was the first symptom you showed, but nopony payed attention to it."
Of course, I'm a Pegasus. We do stupid things and get hurt.
"And then when you fell... it's because your bones can't hold you up anymore."
Maybe bones are for the weak too. Yeah.
'Cause Rainbow Dash isn't weak.
------
I remember that crash. I really regret calling Twilight an egghead and all, she's nice. I just tease her because I like her. I finished all of the Daring Do books she had during my second visit.
Yeah, there were two.
The first one, I crashed in front of Pinkie Pie and Rarity, and broke my wing. And then read books.
But it took forever and a day until I could fly again. I was lucky; the day I was tossed out of the hospital - literally, they aren't gentle - a huuuge storm was rolling in! And you know what storms are great for?
Flying.
I was up in that thing like it was my mom's warm hugs - free and tame and completely mine.
Yeah, so of course, I hadn't kept in touch with the weather team, and free and tame went very quickly to wild and slightly rabid. Second fall, broke both wings. Went through with the whole thing, all over again.
------
"I should have seen the signs when the doctor said your wings seemed oddly fragile."
No, you shouldn't. Cities on the ground aren't made for Pegasi. Doctors on the ground don't know what to look for.
"It's just... I don't... you're going to die, Rainbow, and there's nothing I can do. Nothing! I'm useless."
"Yuh... you'reh no... not useless..."
I felt her shift, felt the sadness in her eyes as she looked at my face. I tried my hardest to smile.
"Yuh... you have a foal... who... who loves you. An'... an' you have me."
"Oh, Rainbow." She hugged me again, and I found I couldn't hug her back.
------
That low-down conniving stallion.
Pokey Pierce, I think?
Didn't matter.
My precious egghead made a mistake on a date, and he took advantage of her awkwardness. And now, she was four months into foal.
I had taken up extra shifts on the weather patrol. Pinkie Pie started a fundraiser. Rarity sold a line of dresses devoted to Twilight. Applejack gave up a month of income. Fluttershy began collecting medical supplies for the care of the foal.
I could only hope it was enough.
And I was damn tired of going out to the market for pickles and chocolate.
------
"Yeah. I guess Millennia-"
I still can't believe you gave that poor filly that name. She will never forgive you.
"-Twinkle does depend on me."
She does.
"I just couldn't lose you."
I know.
"I just..."
I love you too.
------
"Millie, time for school!"
"Coming, Rainbow!"
The filly trotted up, her lavender coat shiny and clean, her wild silver-and-purple hair pushed back by a violet headband - courtesy of our Canterlotian fashionista - and her golden eyes positively glittering. Her saddlebags sagged taught on their straps, and I gave her a questioning look.
"It's Show'n'tell today, Miss Rainbow!" Millennia replied with a grin. "I brought all my favourite books!"
I read a few of the exposed covers. "Are those all of the books from your room?"
"Yes, Miss Rainbow!"
I laughed and shook my head. "I'm leaving with Millie, okay Twilight?"
"Yes!" She stuck her head out of the kitchen, a tired smile on her face. As Millie trotted outside happily, Twilight's smile fell. "I never realized how much Spike helped around the library."
"How 'bout we go see him this weekend? We can bring Millie."
"That'd be great, Rainbow."
"Don't tire yourself out with cleaning!" I called to her vanishing face, and then followed her foal outside.
------
"Rainbow, I have to tell you something."
Who is that? I don't know who it is. Where's the voice coming from? I can't see.
"You've just woken up from a coma, Rainbow."
What's a coma? Is it bad? It hurts to think.
"You've been on life support for a month."
Life. Yeah, I had one of those, didn't I? I don't remember.
"And... we've decided it's time to let you go."
Who's we? Is that another voice?
"All of us. Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy... and me. Twilight Sparkle."
Are those other voices? No, this voice called herself Twilight Sparkle. I wonder what a Twilight Sparkle is.
"So, Rainbow... this is goodbye."
Rainbow? Is Rainbow me? What am I?
"I love you."
Something touches me, warm and loving, but I don't know what it is. It sounds like a kiss.
I wonder what a kiss is.
I love you.
------
The wind blew softly over the three creatures on the hill.
One was a purple Unicorn, eyes wet with sadness.
One was a dragon, huge and hulking, reduced to muffle sobs.
One was a Unicorn filly, leaning against her mother.
"Momma?"
Twilight looked down at her daughter. "Mm?"
"Why did Miss Rainbow have to go?"
Twilight sighed. "Well, Millie, Rainbow Dash was a very special pony. She was very loyal to me and to you, and she was the best flyer in all of Equestria." The pony sighed. "But even the most special of ponies have to go to Heaven someday. Rainbow Dash just had to go earlier than the rest."
Millennia was quiet for a few moments, before tapping her mother's leg again. "Momma, why was Miss Rainbow so special?"
Spike knelt down, a claw resting across Twilight's shoulders in the closest he could get to an embrace.
Twilight smiled, a tear running down her face. "She was special because I loved her."
I love you too.
