• Member Since 22nd Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

CoolBreeze


Reader and attempted writer, an ordinary pegasus~

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When John is thrust into the world of Equestria, filled with colourful, talking ponies and surrounded by magic, he's at a loss to understand what is happening. And as his memories of the past get hazier by the day, he wonders if he really ever came from another world at all.
Through it all, he meets an orange pegasus, who shares a similar pain to himself, and he dedicates his time to showing her that there is hope even when it seems like the weight of the world will crush you.

This is a story of two blank flanks who find their place in the grand scheme of things, a story of friendship, loyalty, discovery and healing. This is John's story and he wants to share it with you.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 83 )

Good, now. DON'T BUCK THIS UP

1525778
Hahaha, I'll try my best to not screw it up. I've been thinking about writing this for a good week now.

Great job cant w8 fer more! :twilightsmile:

Good start! Looking forward to more :pinkiehappy:

Well written. impeccable English. The pacing is good, and the overarching narrative and story is really well done too.

But I have one gripe with the entire thing, and it's pretty major:

The conversations are extremely unnatural.

One does not simply start pouring one's emotions out over a random stranger, even though the "memories" are hazy. Hell, that rarely even happens with people you trust.

I'm no pony-expert, but people usually tend to keep emotions bottled up. Few are those who openly wear their hearts on their sleeves.

Think about it,
Would you start telling a stranger about how sad you are that your parents died in an accident and how you used to wonder why you didn't die with them etc. etc?
Would you give someone you've known for 5 minutes a textbook, emotional, inspirational speech?

Not even with people you trust and have known for a long time does that happen. Life is not a Shakespear play.
There are few emotion-pouring moments, and there are fewer "speeches".
Over the ages, people have found ways to convey emotions in more...non-impacty ways.
For example: Trying to lighten them up with jokes, skirting around their edges, and lessening them with nonchalance etc. etc.

Right now it's like a machine gun. Peppering away with hollow-point, emotion-bullets.

This is the only critique i can give, So i'm sorry i dwelt so long on it. it's just that i really want to hammer it in. Everything else is so darn good, it'd be a shame to see it dragged down by this.

Favoriting it and eagerly awaiting more chapters.


-- The Emperor Protects

1529875
Firstly, thank you so much for taking the time to read and more importantly, point out a large flaw that I hadn't even considered.

Please be aware that I am replying from my mobile so my grammar and spelling may be amiss for the moment.

I want to start by saying that, I speak English as a first language and so I would hope it is impeccable, I am also a man of high end vocabulary and a mini thesaurus. I pride myself in my writing skill actually, its a shame that my handwriting looks awful, haha.

And I know that this is nothing but an excuse, but I suffer the same issue that my fictional character John does. I often find myself telling.complete strangers my harsh past, I come from a dysfunctional family and I find I have a lot of empathy and/or sympathy for many others who may be having it hard too. I guess its just a quirk from my personality and behaviours.

At any rate, I really appreciate your blunt review, without people like you, fiction would never be as good as it is and I hope you will stick around to point out things in Future chapters so that I can make this a fantastic story.

Regards, James.

1530514

I'm glad you could take my criticism so gracefully. It speaks volume about your character. I'm usually pretty blunt when it comes to criticism, and in more than a few instances, I've gotten nothing but angry retorts back.

Keep on writing. As I said, that was the only thing I could really criticize. The story is really solid and I'm looking forward to more chapters. :)

1532465
I'm working on Chapter 2 now, I was contemplating two things today, the first one was whether or not I should go back and 'fix' chapter 1, or use the flaw as a point of some long running joke in the story that can be used to John's advantage? Hah.

Now... I have to find some more inspirational and emotional Scootaloo themed songs.

Anybody, or anypony, who is interested in talking to me can add me on skype: james.ogden74 for some IM chatting, in regards to anything. I'm branching out and looking for some new brony friends who read fan fictions that I can chat with from time to time, as opposed to my small, concentrated group of friends who are anti-brony.
And yes, if you want to ask questions or discuss Finding Faith with me, feel free to bring it up.

I hope to see some of you on Skype sometime :) and do not fret, chapter 2 is on it's way, I just want to make sure it's excellent.

I like it, looking forward to reading more as it updates.

1562247
I'm a little behind schedule ( one chapter a week ) but chapter 2 is nearly done so keep an eye out.

1570824 The ex-Cutie Mark Crusaders are approximately the age of a 16 year old human being, they're old enough now to look after themselves, but they aren't really adults yet. John is roughly the size of your average female pony in their adulthood, give or take an inch or two, he's no Big Mac.

Ah. That makes things far less awkward

1570967
Yeah hahahaha, John isn't some child molester. She's old enough to be hanging out with him and not making it weird. I guess it wasn't clear enough from the hints at her height or anything *shrugs*

1571010
Sorry, I'm as unobservant as all fahk. :derpytongue2:

1571015
That's fine :) I like talking to readers about my stuff.

Niccccce, a really good read this one. ^^ But I hunger...FOR MORE!

1571574

Wonderful! I LOVE paragraphs!

1571583
I know right? They're the best thing since sliced bread was invented!

Well well... 52 favorites and 512 views! Thank you so much everyone!
I promise that I am still working on this! I have some important life issues up and about at the moment however so I haven't really had a chance to knuckle down and have been managing to get in a paragraph here or another there when I can, and I've been caught up in my programming project which is experience a huge amount of problems with the ported code for Linux...

1570940 I just found this story so some questions... How old is John? Weren't Lyra and Bon-Bon already mares when Scootaloo was a filly (if that is who the cream colored one and the one on the bench?)

1617812 John, I imagine (I left out a specific number on purpose) as to be about roughly twenty years old. Yes those were Lyra and Bon Bon and yes, they were mares, and still are :P

Update
Finding Faith - Chapter 1 has been updated.

I guess you left something, when John met with AJ and Big Mac...
In one paragraph he tell her, he don't have money, in the next he already know Mac's name, and he start pushing the crates.

This is such a cute story! MOAR! :flutterrage:

2619344
Good eagle eye there sir. You are close to the mark, I didn't forget something, it seems that when FiMFiction copied the Google Drive document across, the vast expanses of space and time gobbled up two whole paragraphs! How preposterous!
I have since rectified the issue, thank you kindly for your support in reporting the issue.

Good sir, that was beautiful. Also, your birthday is two days after mine :D

Can't wait to see where this is going. Keep up the good work! :yay:

2712016 I'm glad you thought so :-)
Haha small world, eh?

2712068 It's... going somewhere, I think... Atleast I hope it is...

Kidding, it's got a plot XD

No you dirty ponies... not that kind of plot... Get your heads out of the gutter.

2712919 YES MY GOOD SIR, YOU SHALL HAVE SOME MOAR VERY SOON!

I gotta say I'm loving this fic not only do we have a human turn pony without a clear memory of who he is but we have scoots and her problems, the pinkie pie alien hunt and whatever twi's emergency is. This is getting more interest by the moment.

2721128 I know right? Sometimes I amaze myself with my own story telling, you know you do a good job when you enjoy re-reading your own stuff.
But yes... mysteries all around, well not so much Scoots, we know her problem is low self-esteem and delusions,

2721142 as long as john doesn't turn into a savoir of equestia by cheering up scoots and finding his and her super uber awesome cutie marks to beat the big bad I'll be happy

2721157 I didn't want to spoil anything but John isn't a Gary Stu :P There's no antagonist per-se but... eh cutie marks. I digress!

Oh and uh... the cutie mark I have planned for John isn't super uber awesome cool or anything, but it does represent him very well. I'll not say anything about Scoots.

2721247awesome. And I do not envy you coming up with scoots mark

2721316 No, I don't think anyone or anypony envies me the task. It will be troublesome...

I'd love to stay up and chat but it's nearly 3 AM here, and I'm finding it hard to work on the story when my eyes are barely focusing, heh. Maybe I'll have chapter 6 done tomorrow and up.

2721326 wierd its 3am here just as I'm typing this. I'll be waiting will baited breath for the next chapter

MOAR! :flutterrage: Oh man, Scootaloo is probably sitting there in the clubhouse going Da Fuq?!

2730740 Hahaha, I'm working on it. I overslept yesterday so I have to do an all nighter to make sure I get up for work in time today... it's 3 Am here and I'm working on Finding Faith.

o.O Geeze, I didn't mean that soon... get some sleepy. 2730762

Ahhh another great chapter mate.

2731055 Glad you think so :)

2730768 Sleep? What's this sleep thing I keep hearing about? Sorry, I'm so revved up on coffee, sugar and madness that I can't think straight.

Love when I find a good story from an under rated author.
Continue! :twilightsmile:

2741173 Awww... shucks, thanks for that! Compliments go a long way to making me write more often :P

He does pony art: Jenny Jen Not sure if he takes pony commissions though. I hope we get more Scootaloo soon!

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