Pony
Twilight Sparkle had seen odder days. There was that time with the dragons who were allergic to sawdust. There was the ten days in which she had gone to an odd wasteland filled with irradiated monsters. There was the day Fluttershy accidentally ingested a shape changing potion and had taken the form of an elder god. And not too long ago, there was the time Lyra and Bon Bon were fired from the Sperm Bank for trying to smuggle out a copiously large amount of semen.
This day wasn’t the oddest day Twilight Sparkle had faced, but it sure was high up there on the list.
It all started off when Spike was heading down to the basement to check on the older books they stored down there.
“We have a basement?” Spike had asked when Twilight tasked him with getting the books.
“Yes, Spike. It’s underneath a trapdoor that’s under the oven,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes at the dragon as though this was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Why were you looking under the oven in the first place?” Spike asked the unicron.
Twilight laughed in an offhoof manner, and patted Spike on the head condescendingly. “Some things you just wouldn’t understand, Spike.”
Spike gave Twilight a cold look, then headed into the kitchen, moved the oven out of the way, and found out that there was indeed a dusty trapdoor. Prying it open, he began the descent into the dark basement.
The stairs creaked as Spike’s feet fell upon each step. It set the mood for a very creepy trip down into the previously unknown basement. Spike’s heart began to pound as he reached the bottom of the steps. Reaching for the candleholder, he breathed the wax lighting device into life.
Spike wasn’t alone in the basement, however.
“HOLY-!”
Staring down at him was the scariest thing Spike had ever seen. It was thin, bipedal, bald, and had green skin. Its large eyes had red irises, and they seemed to be off slightly. Not as off as Derpy’s eyes, but far more unsettling. It had fingers like Spike, but merely possessed three of the appendages, and no thumbs. The fingers were long and sickly, with black, bristly hair on the knuckles. Its head seemed to be perched on the shoulders with no neck, and he was slightly hunched. All in all, it scared Spike shitless.
Spike stared in absolute horror at the skinny character. He was too terrified to move at all, and became somehow even more terrified when this hideous monster reached up its grotesque figures and began to stroke the dragon’s face tenderly.
“Hello, dear chap,” the creature said in a high pitched, soft version of a Trottingham accent. “Your face is giving my salad fingers the most pleasurable of textures...”
Spike felt as though he were being thoroughly molested.
The monster closed his eyes, and smiled contently, all while stroking Spike. “Yes... yes, Darion Banisly, your face is truly divine!”
Spike wanted to scream, but couldn’t. His mouth was frozen shut in fear.
“I wonder what you taste like, Darion?” The figure bent over, its mouth slightly open, a small red tongue flicking out, ready to do its job.
This time, Spike did scream. He screamed at the top of his lungs, and ran as quickly as he could up the stairs, dropping the candle on the floor, forsaking it for the light from above. Once Spike left the basement, he slammed the trapdoor shut, moved the over over it, and began to pant heavily.
The creature soon followed, but not before stepping on the candle. The flame went out as he did so, and the creature was confused momentarily.
“So, you’ve come again, have you not? Placez la pierre dans la cheminée!” Then, he walked up the steps, determined to get back to “Darion Banisly.”
Twilight noticed the dragon, exasperated, covered in dust, and bookless. “Spike, what’s gotten into you? Where are the books I sent you to get?”
Spike heaved and wheezed, pointing to the oven. “Scary... monster... molested... me...”
Twilight gave Spike a skeptical look. “Molesters? We sprayed for those, Spike! There wasn’t anything down there, you were just imagining-” The oven slid aside, and the trapdoor opened. “Things?”
The figure walked out into the kitchen, much to Spike’s horror, and Twilight’s curiosity. The green being looked around the kitchen, before inquiring “Do you have any rusty spoons? The feeling of rusty spoons on my salad fingers is simply-” the creature sighed lustily. “Oragsmic...”
Twilight decided to be as polite as possible. It wasn’t every day a new thing showed up in your basement to study. “Well, I’m not sure if you have any-”
The creature’s eyes widened, and its face fell into one of horror when Twilight began to speak. “What’s wrong?” asked the mare, but the creature began to back into a corner.
“Please! Stop your mouth words! Stop them right this instant, Mary Ann Crawford, or else you will get no tea tonight before bed!”
Twilight deduced that this poor creature was insane. She would have to do much to console it.
“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you...” Twilight tried to approach the being, but the visitor threw his arms around his head as though to shield himself from Twilight.
“Come no closer, ruffian! I’ve got no use for the likes of you, and if my little brother weren’t fighting in the Great War, he would be mighty furious at you right now!” The green creature waved Twilight away, all while continuing to cower in the corner.
Spike grabbed Twilight, and led her to the main room of the library. There, he confronted her about the matter of the odd creature in their kitchen. “Twilight, we can’t let that ‘thing’ be around us! What if it’s dangerous?”
Twilight gave Spike a look of contempt. “Look, we don’t know what this is! We can’t just assume it’s dangerous, come on Spike! What has it done to you?”
“It stroked my face...” Spike shuddered, receiving flashbacks to moments prior.
Twilight rolled her eyes at the dragon. “So what? I do that all the time!”
“Right! But you have nice hooves, not hideous... I want to call them fingers, but I’m not quite sure what they are!” Twilight shook his head at Spike.
“Well, I’m going to study this poor thing. Who knows? I might learn something from it! Then I can report to Princess Celestia on it!” The purple mare trotted back into the kitchen to go and confront the being, but the kitchen was empty.
Twilight’s face turned to one of shock. “Oh no! Where’d he go? I need to observe it! Quick, I’ll have to get my observation journal, then find him right away!”
Meanwhile, the creature had traveled to just outside the Library by going out of one of the windows. He was gazing down at a candy wrapper somepony had carelessly left in the street. Tears were forming at the corners of his eyes.
“It’s... so beautiful...”
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Why'd I write this? Well, because Salad Fingers is awesome, and no one wrote this crossover yet. So there.
Me gusta mucho.
What a shame
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT0FLVzv13bZMAFKbWkaNY3fwB7fsitxjNpd82fCbFSV_Q_HDLSuw
[srcsm]I like it when the good fanfics come out[/srcsm]
1488317 Was it that bad?
1488335 I'm sorry, but yes. Yes it is.
1488346 WELL SHIT THEN.
Was it my actual writing or the subject matter?
RUSTY SPOONS!
RUSTY SPOOOOOONS!
Creepy Memories are over taking me right now. Salad Fingers in EQUESTRIA! He is my favorite fighter in newgrounds rumbles. :3
I'll give it a read. But only because I loved the Smosh and ponies crossover. ;3
AND RUSTY SPOONS.
1488352 The former. I don't judge a story by its subject.
A story's subject only makes me go through the story with/without preconceptions and prejudices. But overall it matters little if the author manages to grab my attention.
But anywho: Commendable attitude, dear author. I daresay that you are of a rare breed. Keep practicing and you most certainly will improve. And remember: Writing is not SRS BSNSS.
(Even though there are those who think it is)
((It'll be so fucking wonderful when MLP:FiM ends and they cry over the memories of their now-useless stories, tenderly stroking their groins. Just hoping that their real member could measure up to their e-member))
1488382 How did my writing turn you off, so to say?
1488392 Simply put: The narrative is too fast (not rushed, mind you) and there is almost zero room for character emotion to be conveyed. That and, when it is shown, it isn't. It's told.
But I will keep reading this. Imagining what SF will do to the ponies is almost orgasmic.
I don't even have to read this to thumb it down and not feel bad.
1488474 Well, whatever you like. Or in this case, don't like.
1488567 You're a few months late
1488580 Why thank you! Most people are downvoting due to the fact that they were scared by Salad Fingers.
Oh god not Salad Fingers! Nightmarish memories... Returning...
Anyways, another... Random story with lots of face molestation and... Salad Fingers... Now, I'm just going to go prepare some explosive traps around the perimeter of my house if you don't mind!
1488696 And it's not even over! Chapter two, and three, and four, and five, and six, and seven, and eight, and nine and so on are still yet to be written!
1488785 So, one chapter for each episode I presume?
1488807 Probably. But they won't be copypastaed.
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS! A SALAD FINGERS FIC! NOW TOOO REAAAD!
1488986 I knew you'd love this
1489016
You fucking psychic! THIS IS ORGASMIC!
Salad fingers is creepy.
1485293 And it should have stayed without a crossover. Now I'm not sleeping tonight, and it's already 10:51.
1489025 Aw, thank you.
1489884 NOPE.AVI
1490539 I was wide awake until 1:00. Then I finally STARTED to get sleepy.
I had to read this one first. I haven't seen anything about Salad Fingers in such a long time. It was funny, I laughed a lot. I loved when Twilight said "We sprayed for those." I lost it, not like I hadn't already by that point, but that clinched it. I loved it. Such a pleasure for the tips.
Oh god XD I love this!
AWWWWWWWWW, HELL YEAH! SALAD FINGERS!
I demand a Chapter Two! 
Hey! Looks like he updates as often as the real Salad Fingers!
2396723
Ahaha!
2396851
Glad you got a laugh out of it, I didn't mean to sound like a jerk, just trying to be funny. :)
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Oh hell yes, I frigging LOVE Salad Fingers. A new episode just came out btw, after over 2 years.
3538120 FUCKING YES
This was a miss with me. As one who gives no fucks to popular trends [most of the time], I had to look up salad fingers. After I watch it eventually, I will read this again and see what I think then. <----Liar
Also, this was the first time I ever used the 'gives no fucks' line. I will not use this again for years.
Looking at this from a 'I have no idea about anything' view. I think a monster story living in Twi's house would be cool. Crack but never shatter.
-Reader Out-
4302864 aight
yeah, this was a bump in my writing. Wasn't too fond of it.
4303386 Excellent story
When it will be finished?
5242958 probably never
5244135 That's too bad. Oh well I hope you like this video
5246801 oh my
5246867 What do you think about that video?
5247053 pretty decent editing
kinda clever
it was nice
5248003 I think the MLP FIM staff are fans of Salad Fingers
5248611 they may or may not be
David Firth is one of the internet's most influential animators though
I love that guy
5248994 Don't be too surprised if Salad Fingers makes an actual cameo appearance in Season 5 of MLP FIM since Slenderman already made a cameo appearance in Pinkie Apple Pie
5250306 that was a photoshopped hoax
you know that, right?
5250764 No he was actually there . Slenderman being in Gravity Falls was the hoax but he was in MLP FIM. I saw him with my very own eyes on tv
5250769 oh, sorry, got the two confused
anyway, I don't think that references to internet culture should be thrown in on MLP, simply because it ruins the immersion, and isn't really there for any other reason than people shouting like idiots and then circlejerking how "Savvy" the tv show is
salad fingers and MLP don't really go together, which is why I dropped this story. Animators might be fans of David Firth, they might not, but I think that Firth should stay seperate from ponies
the bizarre, creepy, and sometimes downright horrifying inclusion of the Firthian mind into ponies is up for the fans to do, not the show writers
keep in mind, they've got a target audience to attend to to, and it's not us
5250822 Maybe Slenderman is going to be the villain of Season 5. Have you seen the animatics of Season 5?