I was hoping for a more...... detailed epilogue, but good anyway.

Hey, at least it was something. :)

K.

1681787 Tonight your ass will be visited by three ghosts, My foot, My other foot, And a ghost!

1682564 wat

1684384 (For makeing such a kickass thing)

1686293 YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

1688123 !!!HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAEY

1688454>>1688123
Alright, alright. Down steroid pony.
On another note. While the epilogue did seem a touch too short it was a good idea. I'd honestly enjoy a spin off that showed what happened to Diamond Tiara within the changeling hive during her exile.

Why is this rated mature? Besides a little face-sucking, the was nothing explicit or violent in the entire story. I saw no reason for a mature rating here.

1693763 Better to overrate then underrate and get in trouble or get one's story refused. If you really want, I'll alter it.

Pretty good story. But a really short epilogue.. Overall, good story

That ended suddenly

1694647
It's not really a matter of want here, really I was just curious. If you feel safer setting the age rating higher, then that is your thing. There is no reason to changes on my account.

Sorry, but this story is bad. Really bad. Why-It-Is-Even-On-This-Site level bad.

First of all, I don't know what was thinking one guy who has written at one point that one chapter is slow. Every chapter is fast. Its speed is so fast, that all character's personalities, and plot were shortened to nothingness due to relativistic length contraction. Everything is happening so fast that it's confusing, and whole thing looks more like a plan of events, or summary. Not a story which should be submitted here.

But even plan feels stupid. There is many OOC, especially Princess Celestia, who refuses to search for Silver Spoon for totally moronic reasons.
Dialogues are stiff, and out of place many times. Grammar/spelling/etc. is also not that good.

Example of this I remembered most is:

"Pegusus, you have to report to the reservoir. We need every possible pegusas in the area so we can create a thousand wing-power tornado to  siphon the water up to Cloudsdale. We need our water too as much as everypony." Looking at the source of the voice, it was Rainbow Dash, sitting on a nearby cloud.

Rainbow Dash calling somepony a pegasus I mean "pegusus". Do you call strangers "Hey, human!"?

I'm biased and every changeling story gets an extra points from me but this is just bad, there is nothing to redeem every bad thing in this.

Well, I liked some of the ideas contained in this "story." But like one of the comments below, I also think that this was not so much a story, but an outline for a story. Things happened too fast, without any buildup, or time for characters' views to change. "We should take her to the changeling hive." Next chapter: "Okay, let's go to the changeling hive." Just about everything in this story needs to be expanded upon.

Every character in the story is OOC. From Twilight being all "Oh, bits, yay, here you go, bye!" to Princess Celestia not being worried about a foalnapped filly. Sure, Celestia's reasoning is sound. I accept that she would come to that decision. But I do not accept that Silver Spoon's parents would accept that decision so quickly. None of the characters acted as if any action had any meaningful consequences for them. Really, characters did not have an emotional reaction to anything (ironic in a story focusing on changelings).

You also need an editor. I won't say that the problem was specifically grammar, or spelling, or punctuation, but rather the story just seemed riddled with simple typos.

In short: I liked this outline for a story. I'd like to read the actual completed narrative some day.

Still harsh ten years.

This is the first mature story I've ever read on this site. Mature stories don't have much of an appeal factor for me. I notice that they often don't just contain explicit content, but rather focus the entire story around it. This story actually surprised me with how little explicit content it had. There was a focus on love, but almost nothing related to sex. There was a bit of gore, but no more than a T-rated story I read a few months ago. Even the language wasn't obscene, as there was only some minor swearing here and there. In that respect, this was the best mature story I've ever read.

Taking a look at the story's content, we have Diamond finding an injured changeling, and they fall in love. Then conflict arises in the form of Silver Spoon and the focus shifts to a kidnapping plot. Then, the rest of the story is essentially a "changelings are misunderstood" plot, and we end on a...happy note?

As many others have said already, the story could use some expansion. Silver Spoon's "blackmail" amounted to making Diamond spend some time with the CMC. The reason that she needed to be replaced was that she was making Diamond do humiliating and possibly illegal things. However, Diamond herself admitted that she actually enjoyed spending time with the CMC. It would seem to me that a better example of what Silver Spoon was making Diamond do would be worth adding to provide better reasoning for why she wanted her replaced.

I didn't understand Silver Spoon's needless hypercompetence. She locked her doors and windows so the changeling couldn't get in her house, walked around with friends so she couldn't get ambushed, and had a backup plan for when she got captured. Ignoring how she knew that the changeling wouldn't just fang her even if somepony was watching, I still don't understand. If she thought she was in danger, couldn't she have just told someone about the changeling? The entire conflict was caused because she had the knowledge that could get rid of the changeling if she told someone about it. Why would she willingly continue keeping the secret if she actually believed she would be replaced? So she could keep her blackmailing ticket? What good would it do if she was captured? In that same respect, Diamond didn't seem to really be suffering much from everyone finding out about her being a "fillyfooler". The CMC didn't even say anything about it when she approached them. I think there could have been a smoother flow of events if the blackmailing reached something of an apex that made Diamond reach her breaking point and tell the changeling to replace her. At the same time, Silver could have thought she was in danger and told someone about the changeling. I could see several different paths to go from there, especially if the CMC got involved.

The role of the CMC in this story struck me as odd. Diamond started to enjoy spending time with them and helped Sweetie Belle instantly get her cutie mark, but then we never see or hear from them again. We don't even know if Apple Bloom or Scootaloo ever got theirs. Most importantly, the fact that Diamond made friends with them was made completely irrelevant since she would be spending the next ten years in the Changeling Hive. If you were to rework in this story in the future, I'd definitely suggest tying up their role.

I actually liked your changeling dating service idea. Ignoring the legal objections, it almost seemed like an ideal setup given the changeling's alleged harmless feeding techniques. Though, much like Twilight, I'm not quite sure why Chrysalis is so hungry for money considering she doesn't seem to have much to purchase.

As a few others have said, the more technical aspects could use some refinement. I wish I could say it wasn't that noticeable, but it was pretty consistent throughout the story. Aside from that, characters just sort of jump between ideas without any real transition. Things just seem to happen without much reason, and a lot of details feel wholly unresolved. Did Silver ever forgive Diamond? Did Diamond and Chilek's love last? How was Diamond treated when she came back from exile? Why did Celestia exile a filly? Unresolved plot points are something of a sore spot for me. They make the story itself feel like an incomplete jigsaw puzzle.

I'd call this story half of a strawberry granola bar. It didn't taste bad, but it lacked enough substance for me to really enjoy it, and it wasn't exactly my favorite flavor. I'm afraid I do have to direct my thumb toward the ground due to the pacing, grammar, and lack of a satisfying conclusion, but I wish you the best in both improving this story and growing as an author. Make the most.

Very well done and planed out. I ecpect so much good from you my fellow changeling.

I thumbs up this one. It has its flaws but it's an intriguing idea with a hell of a hook for an opener. I would love to see you come back to this for your coup de grâce

Why does this have the sex tag? There wasn't any. Or the mature rating for that matter, this is at most teen.

decent story but went too fast to make complete sense. This could be made to be an excellent story but there are too many holes in this writhing, along with unanswered questions, to be considered anything higher than plain readable. I honestly think you could adjust this story and I guarantee most that disliked it at first would change their mind.

Also the sex tag wasn't necessary. Heck I'll even go as far as the mature tag wasn't necessary but everyone has their own ideas for the two tags.

10 years for accessory to a kidnapping, harboring an enemy of the state and borderline treason is getting off rather lightly.

I guess Silver Spoon never did forgive DT?