After Octavia dies, Vinyl Scratch is heartbroken until help comes from a changeling...surely, she thinks, a counterfeit Octavia is better then no Octavia at all?
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 2nd Jan, 2012
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Diamond Sparkle
I am pleased I joined here and hope to rp on YM with someone.
Diamond Sparkle
Joined 2nd Jan, 2012 ·
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Please update soon?
its beautiful for what you have and i cant wait to read more. 
This is pretty interesting. I am curious how this plays out.
Interesting Concept. Can't wait to see more. ^^
Seems kind of rushed and a little off. The concept was okay, but the execution wasn't that great. Not quite bad enough to warrant a downvote, but it definitely needs some editing.
4268047 My ideas are better then my stories in some cases. I wonder what you would write if you had got that idea instead of me?
4268663 I'm not blaming you or anything. Writing is hard. I just think you probably need an editor or proofreader. I'd offer to do it, but I don't really have the time.
4268663
4268668
There are a few editors groups you could find.
Interesting thing there about the love stomachs. That might prove problematic later on for Octyling. XD
Cool concept with the two stomach chambers for changelings. At this rate of feeding, this changeling isn't going anywhere. XD
Interesting and fun story. Paragraph spacing and missed quotations could use a bit fixing, but nothing major to ruin the flow of the story.
4268047
A neat concept you have here Diamond Sparkle, and one I look forward to reading more of in the future. I would agree with deli73 in saying that the story did feel a little rushed and "off" so far. Octavia is barely in the ground when the changeling comes in to replace her, and the whole arrangement between the two is a little quick to form I feel. To me, and I'm not sure if deli73 would agree, what felt "off" about the story was Vinyl's dialogue.
For instance:
The first part is good, Vinyl would be a bit concerned about herself, but I don't think Vinyl is the type of mare to jump to the conclusion that this might be a larger plot to "undermine Equestria". Especially if this story is set before the invasion.
The last part seems off to me again, 'deny you my love'? Really? That line sounds like something from a cheesy romance novel.
This was good, this sounds like the Vinyl one would expect.
Of course, one's take on Vinyl's character is subjective, your Vinyl may (and seems to) be different than the general fandom's version of her. If you are going for a more stereotypical version of Vinyl, you may want to read some other Vinyl and Octavia fics and get a sense for how those authors write Vinyl's dialogue.
With the upcoming chapters it would be great to see a slower pace to the story, with changeling Octavia having to learn 'Taviness' and Vinyl teaching her. There's a lot of potential for character and even relationship building here between the two, and a bit of conflict (Changeling Octavia shouldn't pick up on everything and be perfect right away, to Vinyl's frustration). You've also got the opportunity for worldbuilding, with the Changeling telling Vinyl more about their species either in conversation (like you have been doing) or letting details slip (perhaps during a heated conversation).
If you are looking for an editor, you could check out this group: Editors-R-Us
I really loved this, and look forward to more ❤️